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08-31-2008, 09:31 PM | #1 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Havre de Grace, MD USA
Posts: 102
| What are you doing to help you get through your grief I lost my beloved little Teddy in April and am having such a hard time without him. I have loved all my animals but never have I had a bond like the one I had with him. I just adored him, I would have done anything to save him. I have done a few things that are helping me with my grief and I was wondering if anyone else has found anything helpful. First of all I printed every picture I had of him and made a special album with poems and other momentos. I also took all his pictures and made a movie with music that I chose. I have spent so many hours on the movie making sure it was perfect. I thankfully have Teddy's ashes but they were in a plain wooden urn. I found a person on ebay who makes custom wooden urns with pictures engraved on black marble and whatever sayings you want to put on there so now his urn is so special. She also made me a necklace that has his picture engraved on a black heart stone that I am going to hang in my car. I have had numerous pictures of him made that I hung up all over the house. Some days they are what gets me through and some days it hurts too much to look at them. I also have a lock of his hair in a locket that I wear all the time. Are there any things that have helped you to deal with your grief? I am so sorry for everyone's loss. |
Welcome Guest! | |
09-01-2008, 06:30 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
| I am so sorry for your loss. When I lost my 17 year old cat a couple of years ago, I was devastated. I went to rainbowsbridge.com. There they have a wonderful support group. There is no charge to join. If you want to donate, you can create a virtual memorial for your fur baby. It really helped me to be able to go there and visit him. It's just a darn hard process that takes a lot of time to work through. You never forget them, who would want to? Here is the link to my Sampson at Rainbows Bridge if you want to see an example. Sampson's Rainbow Residency at RainbowsBridge.com Take care.
__________________ Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls. |
09-01-2008, 07:08 AM | #3 |
Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa
Posts: 12,552
| I am sorry that you are having such a hard tiem. What I'm going to say is not meant to be mean, but just my thoughts I think that instead of trying to let go, that you are trying to hold on. My advice is to put all of the memorbilia away. It will be a hard day and you will cry but it's time to let go and move on. Having all of those reminders is just making it worse. Sure you want to remember him but right now you need some closure (I hate that word). When you are stronger then you can get a picture or two back out to give you fond memories. But right now they are just keeping you from moving forward. Do you have children or other pets? If so you need to focus on them. If not, it might be time to start looking for another yorkie. Just the looking can get your focus on moving ahead and not living in the past. May the Lord help you through this difficult time. |
09-01-2008, 08:55 AM | #4 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: arizona
Posts: 77
| God Will Bring A Blessing Out Of Each Sad Day I believe that grieving is a very individual and personal process. We are all so different and unique in so many ways. We lead different lives , and have different upbringings. there are so many circumstances that shape each individual , determining how they will respond to the loss of one they love.. If you add to this, the differing circumstances that bring about the losses in our lives, it is understandable that each of us will have to find our own way to go through the grief process. The most important factor is this....When we lose a loved one, we are in pain. Our pain can be so excruciating that it is often just too difficult to think reasonably or try to use any rationalization in an effort to get through it. My husband died at 43 yrs old from a massive heart attack. There were no warning signs. It was completely unexpected. One moment he was there telling me to get ready , he was taking us out to dinner to a new resturant and the next moment he was gone. we had been high school sweethearts and married for 20 yrs. We have two children 19 & 11 at the time. I went to pieces. I grieved , I cried, I spent hours doing picture collages on my walls, I handmade the urn which held Jimmy's ashes, I wrote poems, I drew his portrait (several times) , I also cared for my daughter who was 11 yrs old and thank The Lord my son stepped up and "grew up" very quickly to help me with so many details. Yes time goes on...this is probably the greatest blessing. I have healed from Jimmy's death. I still miss him every day. i have since moved and no longer have my home looking like a shrine for Jimmy, however, his pictures are out and about. I can talk easily about him and and laugh at a funny memory. I have not re-married, however, there is no specific reason for this. My children are grown, it has been 8 yrs. I have many times seen the Blessings from God which have come from this experience. I do know that the love I have for my precious Yorkie and also my Leipshen (mini Schnauzer) is as deep and consuming as the love I have for my human family. I do not feel the need to explain or apologize for this. Everyone has the right to love as they wish. My precious furbabies are all that I have with me daily. I sometimes will break into tears at the thought of when I lose them. The pain is exactly the same. I love YT , the compassionate, understanding people here are a blessing to me. This site is not "only" about Yorkies , it is a blessed coming together of God's most caring people, reaching out and offering anything they can to a broken heart, or to laugh and share the wonderful things of our lives also. Every reply is a gift of caring. I know that when the day comes , that I must face the great pain of losing one of my furbabies...I will come directly to all of you here..and I will receive comfort. So this has been long...I will close by saying that WHATEVER one must do to make them feel better is good. To try and forget, or let go too soon, will only cause feelings of guilt to emerge later, although it hurts, it is good to work through the pain. Don't try to be too strong, allow yourself to mourn and also celebrate the precious one you lost. REMEMBER ...YOU "WILL" SEE THEM AGAIN1 Patti |
09-01-2008, 08:20 PM | #5 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Jersey Shore
Posts: 3,370
| I'm sorry about your baby. Thursday my Jersey was dead two weeks. This is the second time in a year for me. Newman passed last year. He was gone a year August 7. He was 10 yrs. old. He had cancer. Jersey my boys got for me last Mother's Day to help heal my heart. We lost Jersey at 17 months due to an abnormalty in the brain and liver problems. I'm not sure what to say about how to ge through it. I don't think there are any answers to that. Time. Just a lot of time. I know for me when Newman passed I needed his pictures and I needed to have his ashes home with me. With Jersey I find it hard to look at her picture. I almost want to forget in hopes of not feeling the pain anymore. Again I'm really sorry about your baby but I do know what you are going through and feeling. I hope that we can both get over this. I feel for everyone that has gone through this or who is going through it. Elaine |
09-01-2008, 08:24 PM | #6 | |
Little Pink Houses Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Burbank, California USA
Posts: 1,031
| Quote:
I sometimes imagine Jezebel is at the groomers, and I have to pick her up soon. Its my way of coping. I pray you find your peace | |
09-01-2008, 09:29 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: MD
Posts: 10,908
| So sorry that you are having to go thru this. I lost both of my cats within a year of each other. They were sisters from the same litter and would have been 14. I was absolutely devastated and continued to be so for a very long time. To make things worse, each time my husband had to go out of town for business so I was dealing with my grief-alone. With R, my first cat, I cried and cried and cried some more. When I got her ashes back, it sort of helped...each morning I would say good morning (I would do that everyday when she was alive) and hold the box with her ashes close to my heart. It probably sounds very strange, but I almost felt her nuzzling my heart. It was as though I could feel that she was okay...at peace and rest, out of pain. When I lost her sister, I was lost again. She had been my queenie and she knew it. What got me thru was that my hubby told me that she waited until she was sure we had someone else to take care of us--Hot Rod. She was always letting her sister get all the attention but when she wanted some loving her sister would relinquish my lap over. It still hurts very much but I choose to cherish the joy they brought throughout their short lives. I smile everday when I look at a couple of my most favorite pictures of them. It is okay to cry...don't try to stop it. Let it out and then choose to remember the joy you shared with your little one and smile as much as you cry...she brought you happiness too-don't let that be forgotten. Hugs.
__________________ www.kissecollar.com Soft Cone Collars for Post-surgery and much more! 10% (non-food) - Discount code YT10 |
09-02-2008, 03:42 AM | #8 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member | When Trace died...we put away all his things. Within a month or so...I got another baby, Ramsey. She wasn't to replace Trace but she did occupy my mind, made me laugh, and made me love again. {{hugs}} It is so very hard.
__________________ Deb, Reese, Reggie, Frazier, Libby, Sidney, & Bodie Trace & Ramsey who watch over us www.biewersbythebay.com |
09-02-2008, 03:53 AM | #9 | |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: upstate ny
Posts: 5,847
| Quote:
Patti - What a wonderful story. It's sad but at the same time kinda uplifting. I agree with everything you have said. And to the OP We all grieve in different ways. I can't offer some quick fix as I really believe it is something we each need to work thru in our own way. I write in journals, I talk about it with others until they are probably sick of hearing about it and I just allow myself to feel sad. I pray alot too. Someday, it will be easier for you but the pain never completly goes away, you just sort of learn to live with it and in spite of it. Hugs! Theresa | |
09-02-2008, 04:45 AM | #10 | |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | Quote:
I'm sorry for your loss....It sounds like he was very very loved. If you send me a picture of him - I'll be happy to make you some address labels with his picture...I have a special one just for those who went to Rainbow Bridge - you can see them here Designs by Villette if you scroll down and click labels
__________________ Last edited by red98vett; 09-02-2008 at 04:47 AM. | |
09-02-2008, 05:51 AM | #11 | |
I love my baby girls! Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,718
| I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my little Peanut on January 2 of this year. It was so cold that day and the wind was blowing. He ran when I let him out to potty and was hit by a car. I still see him laying there in the road, his hair blowing. I couldn't believe it, it didn't seem real. I took a step toward him and turned back and then turned toward him again and then back. When I heard another car coming, I ran into the road screaming and fell to my knees! I still didn't believe it, I was in shock. A woman stopped and asked me if this was my pet and I couldn't talk to her I just screamed, until my neighbor came out and called my son down. They picked him up and put him in a box and carried him home. I sat on the couch w/ my face in my hands rocking back and forth. I was scared to open my eyes. It made it too real. I grieved for months, I cried for days on end. I brought my Golden Retriever in the house and she hates being in the house. She and I sat in the kitchen and I just hugged her and cried. She knew why I was sad and I believe she was sad too. She was with me when I found my Peanut in the road. Finally knowing how grief stricken I was, my Dad put a deposit down on little yorkie for me that wasn't even born yet. At first I didn't want her, but here we are 8 months later to the day and I have two little girls, Abby and Daisy. They are the light of my life! I still miss my Peanut with all my heart and would give almost anything to have him back. I think about him playing with my girls, I think about my son walking in the door and Peanut running to him and my son saying "Yes Peanut, Yes!" and how excited he got...he was the dearest sweetest little boy. He touched my heart in ways I can't explain and I learned so much from him. I've had dogs all my life, but I had never bonded w/ one before like I did Peanut, and now my girls. I have more pictures of Peanut in my livingroom than I do my grandkids! Here's a poem I found right after Peanut died that touched me. I was questioning God and how he could give me such a precious gift and take it from me so quickly. This helped ease the pain a bit. But in answer to your question. I would say, Abby helped me with my grief. Looking forward to her coming home and preparing for her, really helped me get through it. Quote:
After Peanut was gone, I prayed while I cried myself to sleep at night and asked the Lord to please let Peanut know how much I loved him and how sorry I was that I let him down, that I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I promised that if I were ever lucky enough to have another little dog that I would care for it and protect it with my life, just as I had and would my children. I also prayed that if there was a dog that needed me, that it would find me. And they did. 9 days after Abby came home, I got a call out of the blue about Daisy and she has been a God send for me, my husband and son I know I was meant to be with Abby and Daisy and Peanut was sent here to teach me things that nobody else could. I just wish he could have stayed longer. In memory of Peanut, I'd like to raise awareness about animal abuse and neglect. I do what I can each and everyday and I hope to do more and more. Thank You for letting me share. It helps to just type this all out. I hope something I said or shared will help in some way. God Bless.
__________________ Tammy, Mama to Abby Grace Daisy Mae RIP Peanut & Chloe, ABBY 's WINSTON Within the heart of every stray Lies the singular desire to be loved | |
09-02-2008, 01:36 PM | #12 |
MY HEART AND SOUL Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sacramento
Posts: 566
| I sure know how you feel. My heart goes out to you and everybody for their losses. My world came to a halt when Grizzley Bear left me on 10-10-07. I cry a lot and have did everything I can to make it a better world. I still have days when I am feeling the pressure of the loss and I take a day off. One being today. The hardest time for me has been the Holidays. Each one. I would always take him to his Grandparents house. I have his picture all over my home and at work. Even have a tattoo of him on my left shoulder as close to the my heart as I can get. For he is my Heart and Soul.I miss him. Sometimes I find myself getting lost in the memories.Getting those kisses and the smiles he would give, the greetings at the door, taking the long walks, giving the baths,playing for days, and most of all the bond we shared. It was so unconditional. The love. I know in my heart I will never have a bond like that again.Never took it for granted and wanted it to be 4ever. I thank the lord above for giving me the opportunity to have my little Grizzley Bear. I learned so much from that little guy. I agree with time. Time is either you friend or your enemy. I am in limbo still after almost 11 months. I do thank my family,friends and YT for sharing their babies from the bottom of my heart and for being there when I need comfort.I can honestly say without them. I can't imagine where I would be. I remember someone telling me to take baby steps and to remember how fortunate I was to be his Mom. I always keep that in the back of my mind. Teddy was blessed to have you. Hugs, Mary
__________________ A + = My Grizzley Bear 10/12/95 to 10/10/2007: |
09-02-2008, 10:22 PM | #13 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Havre de Grace, MD USA
Posts: 102
| Thank you all for your kind words. Melonie your tribute to Sampson was wonderful. Thank you for telling me about the site. Pattie, I cried reading about your loss. Your post helped me a lot, you have so much wisdom. I'm sorry everything you had to go through to get that wisdom. Elaine I am so sorry for your loss of Jersey and Newman. To have a loss so soon after losing Newman must be horrible. Indianagirl I am so sorry for your recent loss of Jezebel. I miss my baby so much too. Hot Rod's mom I lost one of my cats this past year too. I am so sorry you lost two so close together. I hope Hot Rod helps in your healing. Bchgirl I am so sorry for your loss of Trace and hope that Ramsey helps your heart heal. Theresa I am so sorry for your loss. I am going to try writing in a journal too. Villette I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope you find some healing. Tammy your little Peanut sounded very loved and I am so sorry for your loss. I am so happy you have Abby and Daisy now to bring you happiness again. I now have a little 6 month old puppy named Honey that is keeping me busy and hopefully will help me with my grief. Mary I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling losing your little Grizzley Bear. I hope everyone finds some peace and healing and thank you for helping me with your kindness. Ginger |
09-07-2008, 03:38 PM | #14 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Earlysville
Posts: 976
| That's exactly what I did when my 13-year old, Brutus died totally unexpectedly having blood drawn for a teeth cleaning! That was Feb 13, 2007, and I found Maxwell on March 17th, 2007. You don't forget, but having new laughs with a new love does help. I couldn't bear a house without a yorkie in it. |
09-07-2008, 08:44 PM | #15 |
Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: New York
Posts: 59
| Hi Ginger, I too loss my very beloved Dior in April. Its been a little over 4 months but the pain of losing him haven't lessen. I no longer going through the intense sorrow or what the doctor called "intense acute mourning" but nevertheless, there is not one day that goes by I don't think of my little angel. The good progress is, I moved pass of thinking how he passed but focus on the great memory he left behind. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to mourn for anyone you deeply loved. The feelings are very personal and not one person go through the same stage at the same time. I too question the same thing as you do... will this ever get easier? Will I be able to stop crying? Why did this happen to me? ... the list goes on forever. What i learned in these few months is we don't have to go through it alone. I think feeling alone is probably the worst feeling for me... like no one in the world can possibly understand what it felt like. That feeling weighted on my shoulder for a long time until I opened my heart and started to shared. I let others in to help me through the pain. I let God in to comfort me by opening my heart. You are doing all the great things to release your feeling and pain. Cry as much you want... its a way to release our sorrow. Keep ask for help when you needed and open your heart! In time... God will replace your sorrow/pain with joy and peace you can ever image. I am waiting... and I have full faith! I will be praying for you as well. You not only have your own strength to carry on... you have everyone here at YT too! Just imagine the wave of strength! |
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