I want to scream

[DerbyLayne]

Originally Posted by BridgettesMomma

I
He said now "I'm not kidding no more, or I'm moving out!"

How on earth do you have space for this? Do you live on a Farm?

[Lorrainelola]

So from what you say your hubby has had things that he has wanted and yes ok material things are a bit different to a living thing but you obviously really want your yorkie to cuddle and I can understand that. I think that is what you need to tell him that your heart aches for a yorkie and he has had things in the past that you haven't been in agreement with. My first husband never let me have anything and I was bullied and belittled. I am now married to a wonderful man since August who has shown me that life is worth living and was happy for me to have the dog i had always wanted. I sincerely hope that your husband realises how important it is to you. If you are happy its going to make his life happier! Lots of love x

[Lorrainelola]

Originally Posted by Jennxling

How about insurance? do u have pet insurance for them? i have two and the insurance is already expensive for one, so let me know if you do. I am also considering adopting a maltipoo...yorkies are ADDICTIVE. I got one in sept and another last week and I still like to browse online to see yorkies for sale I just love these little furballs TO DEATH! haha

Yes all 3 dogs are insured and I think it is about £30.00 per month or was that just for the 2 before we got the yorkie. Oh I'm not sure now. Per insruance doesn't seem to be too bad in England but so many things are not covered so you still have vets bills to pay for example if they need antibiotics for something or when we get Alfie neutered. In America do you pay monthly but still have to pay just to see the vet?

[joeys mom]

Originally Posted by Lorrainelola

So from what you say your hubby has had things that he has wanted and yes ok material things are a bit different to a living thing but you obviously really want your yorkie to cuddle and I can understand that. I think that is what you need to tell him that your heart aches for a yorkie and he has had things in the past that you haven't been in agreement with. My first husband never let me have anything and I was bullied and belittled. I am now married to a wonderful man since August who has shown me that life is worth living and was happy for me to have the dog i had always wanted. I sincerely hope that your husband realises how important it is to you. If you are happy its going to make his life happier! Lots of love x

Congrats!!!!! Sounds like you sent the other DH to the pound!!!!! Mabey her husband should take note!!!!!!!! Just trying to be cute !!!!!It is so frustrating trying to neg. with some males because they don't have the nurturing instints women have. If this process related to pigskin, then we could communicate with them. Thats why Joey wears a football charm, hoodie and plays with a football toy. Keeps hubby interested in playing with him more! HEEHEE

[Cha Cha]

Originally Posted by yorkielover916

Yes I do keep pushing, and I do it lightheartedly, I have been asking for a yorkie, not just another dog for the past 2 yrs. so he has had plenty of time to warm up to the idea of getting another puppy. I know that its an expensive long term life commitment that is why I want him to be on the same page w/ me about getting this puppy, but for him paying for a dog is the thing, remember we were given our dogs, we didnt pay for them. Now that I will be receiving a settlement I have the money to get the puppy, this is money we wouldn't have had, and if I wasnt getting this money I would still be saving for my pup. He feels like we could spend the money on something else and not a dog. I feel that since this money has come to me and b/c I got hurt I should be able to spend this money how I want. but I am smart enough to realize that this puppy is a commitment and that he should be in agreement w/ me. Until then I am going to keep asking him its not fair that when he wants something weather its a projector for his game room or a new surround sound for the living room that I don't tell him we cant afford it, even though I know we cant, he still gets what he wants. and no those things are not living things but they can be just as expensive.

It sounds to me like you and your husband have other issues you need to work on before you get another dog. If you had worked to save for the puppy all along with him knowing it, and now that you have the money he was changing his mind, I would be upset. But, obviously for what ever reason, you have come into a sum of money and you want to use this money to pay for a dog. He obviously has other ideas for this money. You feel since you were the one injured it is your money??? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? This opens the door for many future arguments over money. Do you share your bills mutually, or other income mutually? If so, then the way this money is spent, even if it was you that got injured (sorry about that btw) should be decided upon mutually or there will be resentments for a long time to come. Ok, you wanted honesty, and I speak from experience. Work out your real issues first.

[Kirby]

Originally Posted by yorkielover916

Now that I will be receiving a settlement I have the money to get the puppy, this is money we wouldn't have had, and if I wasnt getting this money I would still be saving for my pup. He feels like we could spend the money on something else and not a dog. I feel that since this money has come to me and b/c I got hurt I should be able to spend this money how I want. but I am smart enough to realize that this puppy is a commitment and that he should be in agreement w/ me. Until then I am going to keep asking him its not fair that when he wants something weather its a projector for his game room or a new surround sound for the living room that I don't tell him we cant afford it, even though I know we cant, he still gets what he wants. and no those things are not living things but they can be just as expensive.

To me, this changes everything. My husband and I were in a serious accident a year ago. Michael was hurt worse than me. He just received his settlement. I told him that he could use 1% of it for anything he wanted and then we'll invest the rest. It's been a hard year and he deserves to treat himself to something fun. I'm with you, sister. Your husband is not being fair in my book. I don't think you're in the wrong OR acting like a spoiled brat. I got Sydney because of our accident. She's been therapeutic. My therapist recommended a puppy, which is more work than a grown dog and helps me take my mind off of things.

[yorkielover916]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

It sounds to me like you and your husband have other issues you need to work on before you get another dog. If you had worked to save for the puppy all along with him knowing it, and now that you have the money he was changing his mind, I would be upset. But, obviously for what ever reason, you have come into a sum of money and you want to use this money to pay for a dog. He obviously has other ideas for this money. You feel since you were the one injured it is your money??? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? This opens the door for many future arguments over money. Do you share your bills mutually, or other income mutually? If so, then the way this money is spent, even if it was you that got injured (sorry about that btw) should be decided upon mutually or there will be resentments for a long time to come. Ok, you wanted honesty, and I speak from experience. Work out your real issues first.

this money isnt a large amount, it its however money we would not have had if not for the accident, him and I have very different views on how money should be spent. he has asked me if we could get things I have never in the 8yrs that we have been together and the 3 that we have been married told him no. he has always complained about how I always get the things I want, my dad would send me money sometimes to buy stuff. He sent me $1,200 for a camera that I wanted to start my photography busness, my husband didnt want me to get the camera, this was my birthday present btw, he got upset b/c I bought my camera. he got over it, but that money that was sent to me was spacifficaly for that. he ALWAYS says that he never gets what he wants, he has gotten his 61" hd tv, his projector, he will be getting a screen for it soon. I don't ever tell him no, or disagree w/ him on things. He told me no I couldnt get a Coach purse, so when I got my retirement money from my old job I bought me my coach purse AND his projector, I usually end up getting him what he wants...

[DerbyLayne]

From what you've told us now from your last post- this is some double standards going on here in the household HOWEVER, As Dr. Phil says- you teach people how to treat you. Obviously you've been together this long, and this has been going on for quite some time. He gets what he wants, and you spend other money that comes in on what you want, AND what he wants. Where does his money go? who's hold most of the financial weight in the house?

I'm still on the issue that the dog is a seperate issue altogether, and there are obviously other things going on besides him just saying no to a dog BUT...

Just to let you know, my husband is Mr Finance. If it weren't him for him, I'd be in debt up to my eyeballs. I entered the relationship with visa bills totally out of control, and he helped me control it. He does the banking, but we do it online and I am right there for it. He has a better idea how to save, so I let him. I gave him the control, and I let him take my debit/credit card to put in the safe when I don't need it. We have a joint savings account where we need both signatures to take money out, and then we have our own accounts, plus random accounts. Every time we get paid there is a bills account, a student loan payment account, and we divide the money up accordingly so that what we have left in our personal account is to spend how we see fit! and we pay the bills from the according accounts.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I guess I am to let you know that even if I personally don't handle the finances, I do know what is going on and i do get to spend my money (or save it for something special if I want). Any "money on the side" that I get (birthdays, babysitting whatever) is mine.

i think before you get this dog, you two need to sit down and look at your finances because it seems to me the issue is money here. Not just a dog, but the overall dynamic of who gets what and how much it is, and how unfair things seem to be in your perspective...

Is it fair that he gets to say how your birthday money is spent? Hell no, UNLESS you aren't contributing anything to finances of the house than maybe you need to step it up and when extra money comes in- help out the household. As far as I'm concerned, a $1200 camera is not a NECESSITY, and maybe there was other thing that needed to come first too.

BUT! if you aren't getting any "fun" things like clothes, toys, etc- then there's a far bigger problem here...

control.

Get couples counselling if you need it.

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

It sounds to me like you and your husband have other issues you need to work on before you get another dog. If you had worked to save for the puppy all along with him knowing it, and now that you have the money he was changing his mind, I would be upset. But, obviously for what ever reason, you have come into a sum of money and you want to use this money to pay for a dog. He obviously has other ideas for this money. You feel since you were the one injured it is your money??? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? This opens the door for many future arguments over money. Do you share your bills mutually, or other income mutually? If so, then the way this money is spent, even if it was you that got injured (sorry about that btw) should be decided upon mutually or there will be resentments for a long time to come. Ok, you wanted honesty, and I speak from experience. Work out your real issues first.

I think this deserves repeating.

[Adi-and-Missy]

I say try this :

[Lorrainelola]

This thread is getting more and more upsetting. How can the husband justify his 61" tv and stop you getting something you want, and as for the camera, that money was given to you to buy the camera. I would have probably throttled him with the neck strap of it!!!! As I said in a previous post I was bullied and controlled by my 1st husband. It went on for 16years and by the end if he said white was black I would have believed him. The turning point for me was when I was diagnosed with type1 diabetes and didn't get any help or support from him even when I was rushed into hospital. That day I thought if I can cope with this on my own I can cope with anything. Financially things were tight for me when I bought my own place and then my life turned totally around when I met my new husband. We talk about everything and sometimes he gets his way and sometimes I get mine.
well thats my life story for you. You had the accident then the compensation money is yours and he should be man enough to accept that. And it sounds as though he was a bit jealous of when you were given the money for your camera.
I had better get off my soap box now, sorry. x

[Cha Cha]

Originally Posted by Lorrainelola

This thread is getting more and more upsetting. How can the husband justify his 61" tv and stop you getting something you want, and as for the camera, that money was given to you to buy the camera. I would have probably throttled him with the neck strap of it!!!! As I said in a previous post I was bullied and controlled by my 1st husband. It went on for 16years and by the end if he said white was black I would have believed him. The turning point for me was when I was diagnosed with type1 diabetes and didn't get any help or support from him even when I was rushed into hospital. That day I thought if I can cope with this on my own I can cope with anything. Financially things were tight for me when I bought my own place and then my life turned totally around when I met my new husband. We talk about everything and sometimes he gets his way and sometimes I get mine.
well thats my life story for you. You had the accident then the compensation money is yours and he should be man enough to accept that. And it sounds as though he was a bit jealous of when you were given the money for your camera.
I had better get off my soap box now, sorry. x

You are absolutely right! I commend you for getting out of a bad relationship. I just want to make clear, that I think she should absolutely have the dog if that is what she wants, and I do think her husband is being a selfish control freak. My problem is this. When their selfish little problems escalates, and someone gets angry, it is one thing to put a hole in the middle of a tv. It is completely different to kick the dog. You know the ol's saying, hit 'em where it hurts? And, if they don't work on their relationship what happens when the relationship fails. There will be three dogs that someone will have to decide what to do with then instead of just two.

[Lorrainelola]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

You are absolutely right! I commend you for getting out of a bad relationship. I just want to make clear, that I think she should absolutely have the dog if that is what she wants, and I do think her husband is being a selfish control freak. My problem is this. When their selfish little problems escalates, and someone gets angry, it is one thing to put a hole in the middle of a tv. It is completely different to kick the dog. You know the ol's saying, hit 'em where it hurts? And, if they don't work on their relationship what happens when the relationship fails. There will be three dogs that someone will have to decide what to do with then instead of just two.

I also think that she should have the dog. I for one will never be controlled or told what or what not to do ever again and my new husband knows that. I was totally honest and told him everything that went on in the 1st marriage. Lukcily he is a complete opposite to my 1st husband and I use the term husband loosly because a 'husband' wouldn't do some of the things he did. Life is too short and if getting a loving puppy makes her happy then she should get it. I do her husband doesn't see some of these posts lol.

[HendrixandLucy]

Originally Posted by Lorrainelola

This thread is getting more and more upsetting. How can the husband justify his 61" tv and stop you getting something you want, and as for the camera, that money was given to you to buy the camera. I would have probably throttled him with the neck strap of it!!!! As I said in a previous post I was bullied and controlled by my 1st husband. It went on for 16years and by the end if he said white was black I would have believed him. The turning point for me was when I was diagnosed with type1 diabetes and didn't get any help or support from him even when I was rushed into hospital. That day I thought if I can cope with this on my own I can cope with anything. Financially things were tight for me when I bought my own place and then my life turned totally around when I met my new husband. We talk about everything and sometimes he gets his way and sometimes I get mine.
well thats my life story for you. You had the accident then the compensation money is yours and he should be man enough to accept that. And it sounds as though he was a bit jealous of when you were given the money for your camera.
I had better get off my soap box now, sorry. x

Here is the bottom line: When you are married (or in a commited relationship where you finacially depend on eachother) I don't care who has the money or where the money is coming from accident or not, every decission should be made together. And this of all decissions involves a lot of money and a it is a big huge commitment.
I am all about saying "oh just buy the puppy blah blah blah" but truthfully, when it comes down to it--- this is a huge and expensive decission that needs to be thought through and talked about and decided upon TOGETHER.

Somebody posted earlier that one of the most important things in a marriage is mutaul respect for one another. That means you need to respect him enough to talk this out and not go behind his back AND if he truly truly does not want the puppy than I really think that at this time you do need to respect that.
But from the other side- he also needs to respect your wishes and listen to you and hear you out.
Sounds to me like you two need to sit down and have a serious talk-- all jokes and puppy dog eyes put aside

I just got a puppy and I have a grown dog and my god they are so much work. Getting a new puppy is like deciding to have another baby.... it's not something that you just go and do.... like "whoops I just won't take my birth controll this month" If that sounds crazy to you then you should think about what you are saying when you want to go behind his back and just get the puppy---- ITS THE SAME SITUATION. Babies and puppies need care, shots, training, and the list goes on and on--- they are both little time sucks!

Anyways- I am sure you are much wiser and experienced than I am.... but I just wanted you to know my opinion since I hadn't really spoken out on this post truthfully

I really do hope that you guys can work it out.

[HendrixandLucy]

Originally Posted by Lorrainelola

This thread is getting more and more upsetting. How can the husband justify his 61" tv and stop you getting something you want, and as for the camera, that money was given to you to buy the camera. I would have probably throttled him with the neck strap of it!!!! As I said in a previous post I was bullied and controlled by my 1st husband. It went on for 16years and by the end if he said white was black I would have believed him. The turning point for me was when I was diagnosed with type1 diabetes and didn't get any help or support from him even when I was rushed into hospital. That day I thought if I can cope with this on my own I can cope with anything. Financially things were tight for me when I bought my own place and then my life turned totally around when I met my new husband. We talk about everything and sometimes he gets his way and sometimes I get mine.
well thats my life story for you. You had the accident then the compensation money is yours and he should be man enough to accept that. And it sounds as though he was a bit jealous of when you were given the money for your camera.
I had better get off my soap box now, sorry. x

Annnnn djust one more thing--- I do not care who has the money. I don't care if you work and your husband doesn't or whatever the situation may be...... if your husband lives in your house with you then he too is going to be affected by you getting the puppy so he needs to be part of this decission. Getting a new puppy is a lot more than the money and jsut paying for it upfront.

It doesn't sound to me like he is jealous that you got money or that he is not being manly--- it sounds to me like he doesn't think that you guys can financially take on another dog right now.

k I'm done now

[HendrixandLucy]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

You are absolutely right! I commend you for getting out of a bad relationship. I just want to make clear, that I think she should absolutely have the dog if that is what she wants, and I do think her husband is being a selfish control freak. My problem is this. When their selfish little problems escalates, and someone gets angry, it is one thing to put a hole in the middle of a tv. It is completely different to kick the dog. You know the ol's saying, hit 'em where it hurts? And, if they don't work on their relationship what happens when the relationship fails. There will be three dogs that someone will have to decide what to do with then instead of just two.

OMG how is her husband being a selfish controll freak?! That is just crazy!

Ok lets say you have 2 kids already and you want another one, but your husband does not.

Does that mean you are just going to go and get pregnant without his knowing. Like I said before--- you are just going to go and not take your birth controll and go behind is back and get pregnant so you can get your way?
That is absurd and SOOOOOO disrespectful!
A MARRIAGE IS A UNION OF LOVE AND MUTUAL RESPECT and these posts are completely hyppocritical!

ALL DECISSIONS need to be made together in a healthy marriage ESPECIALLY when there are large ammounts of money involved.