From what you've told us now from your last post- this is some double standards going on here in the household HOWEVER, As Dr. Phil says- you teach people how to treat you. Obviously you've been together this long, and this has been going on for quite some time. He gets what he wants, and you spend other money that comes in on what you want, AND what he wants. Where does his money go? who's hold most of the financial weight in the house?
I'm still on the issue that the dog is a seperate issue altogether, and there are obviously other things going on besides him just saying no to a dog BUT...
Just to let you know, my husband is Mr Finance. If it weren't him for him, I'd be in debt up to my eyeballs. I entered the relationship with visa bills totally out of control, and he helped me control it. He does the banking, but we do it online and I am right there for it. He has a better idea how to save, so I let him. I gave him the control, and I let him take my debit/credit card to put in the safe when I don't need it. We have a joint savings account where we need both signatures to take money out, and then we have our own accounts, plus random accounts. Every time we get paid there is a bills account, a student loan payment account, and we divide the money up accordingly so that what we have left in our personal account is to spend how we see fit! and we pay the bills from the according accounts.
I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I guess I am to let you know that even if I personally don't handle the finances, I do know what is going on and i do get to spend my money (or save it for something special if I want). Any "money on the side" that I get (birthdays, babysitting whatever) is mine.
i think before you get this dog, you two need to sit down and look at your finances because it seems to me the issue is money here. Not just a dog, but the overall dynamic of who gets what and how much it is, and how unfair things seem to be in your perspective...
Is it fair that he gets to say how your birthday money is spent? Hell no, UNLESS you aren't contributing anything to finances of the house than maybe you need to step it up and when extra money comes in- help out the household. As far as I'm concerned, a $1200 camera is not a NECESSITY, and maybe there was other thing that needed to come first too.
BUT! if you aren't getting any "fun" things like clothes, toys, etc- then there's a far bigger problem here...
control.
Get couples counselling if you need it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cha Cha  It sounds to me like you and your husband have other issues you need to work on before you get another dog. If you had worked to save for the puppy all along with him knowing it, and now that you have the money he was changing his mind, I would be upset. But, obviously for what ever reason, you have come into a sum of money and you want to use this money to pay for a dog. He obviously has other ideas for this money. You feel since you were the one injured it is your money??? How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? This opens the door for many future arguments over money. Do you share your bills mutually, or other income mutually? If so, then the way this money is spent, even if it was you that got injured (sorry about that btw) should be decided upon mutually or there will be resentments for a long time to come. Ok, you wanted honesty, and I speak from experience. Work out your real issues first. |
I think this deserves repeating.