Those who are childfree

[Cha Cha]

Originally Posted by CouversMom

I am definitely finding this thread interesting.

It is very sad to me when women have children young and do not get a chance to figure out who they are first. I know a lot of women my age who got married young, had babies and are now divorced single mothers without an education. I think it is important for people to do what they need for themselves before they start bringing others into this world.

When I was a little girl all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a mom. The mom I never had. Funny that THAT is not a "real" profession, LOL, yet it's one of the hardest and most important jobs there is as echoed throughout this thread. I think it's very responsible when people to recognize that and don't give in to society's pressures. The attitudes of our youth might look quite differently if people took having kids more seriously, like a "real" job. I did go to school, but still married young and started my family young. I consider the job I did raising my girls a dream fulfilling accomplishment. I'm not raising grandkids, I'm still married to the original guy (26 years), and I am still young enough (mid 40's) to do anything "childfree" I wish to do at my age. To us, it is our friends our age with young kids that are tied down while we have our freedom (except for those silly dogs again). LOL... Just another side to this discussion.

[horsnaround]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

When I was a little girl all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a mom. The mom I never had. Funny that THAT is not a "real" profession, LOL, yet it's one of the hardest and most important jobs there is as echoed throughout this thread. I think it's very responsible when people to recognize that and don't give in to society's pressures. The attitudes of our youth might look quite differently if people took having kids more seriously, like a "real" job. I did go to school, but still married young and started my family young. I consider the job I did raising my girls a dream fulfilling accomplishment. I'm not raising grandkids, I'm still married to the original guy (26 years), and I am still young enough (mid 40's) to do anything "childfree" I wish to do at my age. To us, it is our friends our age with young kids that are tied down while we have our freedom (except for those silly dogs again). LOL... Just another side to this discussion.

Well said I to Married young kids raised. And now love being a grandma And still have time to enjoy life. It is a huge job raising a family and not for everyone. But for me was the perfect choice

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

When I was a little girl all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a mom. The mom I never had. Funny that THAT is not a "real" profession, LOL, yet it's one of the hardest and most important jobs there is as echoed throughout this thread. I think it's very responsible when people to recognize that and don't give in to society's pressures. The attitudes of our youth might look quite differently if people took having kids more seriously, like a "real" job. I did go to school, but still married young and started my family young. I consider the job I did raising my girls a dream fulfilling accomplishment. I'm not raising grandkids, I'm still married to the original guy (26 years), and I am still young enough (mid 40's) to do anything "childfree" I wish to do at my age. To us, it is our friends our age with young kids that are tied down while we have our freedom (except for those silly dogs again). LOL... Just another side to this discussion.

I honestly and wholeheartedly believe that being a Mom is one of THE hardest, most demanding, and most selfless jobs in the entire world...x10! I'm not even a skin-kid Mom, yet I completely know this/feel this. I honestly think it would've just been too much for me - that I couldn't have handled it in the way I would've hoped I could. It's just *such* a big job. And I also really think that no matter how much most hubbies help out, it's almost always the Mom who is the nucleus and bears the most of the responsibilities (and I think it's the same w/ fur kids too - I'm the one, by far, who is way more responsible for the dogs and their health etc as compared to my hubby.

You sound like you are such an awesome Mom! I wish I'd had a Mom like you growing up . I feel like I missed out on soooo much love and so much foundation and so much self esteem with the parents I was dealt in life. Your kids are sure lucky.

[GracieJane]

These posts have been so heartfelt-their transparency has both warmed and broken my heart. Kudos to parents who parent difficult children whether they are born to them or adopted. Warm hugs to those of you who did not receive adequate parenting. Love to all who wish for children but deal with infertility. Thanks to all who love your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, students. . . and those who chose to do other things that enrich our society and lives in other ways. Each one is precious.

[DBlain]

Originally Posted by Suzette girl

There was actually something very telling in your previous post.
Why did your sister want a closed adoption? These days, if an adoptive wants a closed adoption, it is usually a sign of insecurity and fear. That insecurity and fear may have affected her parenting and not allowed her daughter to be herself.

Just a thought.

my sister like many others including myself if I had wanted to adopt would prefer a closed one for many reasons, primarily so she would be free to parent without interference. I am also sure fear might have come into play, fear that an open adoption would make it easier to loose a child down the road a bit, fear that a birth mom or birth family could turn into a future stalker like situation. Which is something that happened to childhood friend's cousin. For months the family of the 7 year old girl noticed a young woman showing up a lot, walking by their house when the kids were coming home from school, at the playground and in stores near their house, turns out it was the birth mother who had been forced into adoption by her parents, ( I am 59 so this was over 40 years ago, I know times have changed) This situation with the birth mother was very unsetteling for the adoptive parents and very confusing to the little girl, we did not know them well and I don't remember the outcome but I can remember it being talked about. I think the fear of loosing an adoptive child is very real for most parents and some just naturally feel safer the more distance there is from the birth parents.

On another note one my good friends did an open adoption of a boy who was 7 years old, he was from an addicted mother and a father in prison. The family was from somewhere like OR or UT, we live in MI, things went really well for many years, she really changed this boy's life and is one of the most nurturing people you would ever want to meet. There had been minimum contact from the birth family until the age of about 14. I believe it started with contact from other siblings that were back with the mom, texts lead to phone calls, phone calls lead to visits which my friend at the time thought was a good idea. Well there were reasons the mother lost custody of her kids, honestly she was messed up and so were some of the older kids. They made my friend's son feel guilty, he was so conflicted and felt all sorts of mixed up emotions. He started having trouble in school, he started doing drugs, he was a smart boy that played baseball, but because of his troubles he was cut from the team, he did not finish school, he has been in drug rehab 2 times and has been bouncing from job to job, he is now 19 and my girlfriend feels he is turning the corner, but he now refuses to take calls from his family. One can never say for sure if contact with his family was the root of all his problems, but my friend who knows her son better than anyone feels it was. There are reasons why people either give up a child or are forced to give up a child for adoption often those reasons do not make for good parenting skills, so I for one would rather the birth family not be part of the child's life until they are of the age they are mature enough to make that decision on their own.

When I post my opinions on YT I normally do it from experiences I have been involved in, I am sorry if they are not all the polly anna feel good moments you are looking for. There are many many adoptions that work out wonderful and I am glad for that, because these kids do deserve a loving family. There are also kids that should have been placed up for adoption that were not, like the girl I mentored for 4 years, who's unfit grandmother is raising her, but heck that is another story.......................

[DBlain]

Originally Posted by Oddsock

I think your posts could be very triggering for any adoptee. It certainly was for me. My Post traumatic issues have flaired, flash backs, nightmares, waking up crying etc. I've written post after post in response and deleted them due to this being a dog forum and not an adoption one.

I am sorry if I have upset you, it was not my intention, I only post from my experiences or those that I have been close to. I have no idea of your background but I would have to believe it's different from ours' because no two adoptions are exactly alike. I don't know if this is of any comfort but no matter what has gone on between my sister and her daughter she loves her unconditionally and is constantly trying to help her.

[gemy]

This has been a difficult thread for many, and I too applaud the depth of honesty that has been shared here.


My hubby was orphaned at 9yrs old, and up until that time, was raised by a single Mom. Within the first 4months of her death, he was exposed to, and tried to be placed in two different homes...neither worked out....for reasons that are his to share.


His young life was filled with challenges and that has left indelible marks on him - some he does not see. Some he does. He never found a home to adopt him. Luckily for him he was a very bright lad and earned a place at Herseys School.


I have learned much from this thread, like many here on YT. Hearing viewpoints, seeing re-actions, and feeling the pain that has come through on many posts here, has brought tears to my own heart.

[Maximo]

Originally Posted by CouversMom

I am definitely finding this thread interesting.

I am 27, have been married for 6 years and am child free We have not had the desire to have children yet, and I don't know if we will. I am so focused on myself right now, teaching full time, finishing up my Master's and thinking about my Doctorate that I could not imagine having a child right now.

It is very sad to me when women have children young and do not get a chance to figure out who they are first. I know a lot of women my age who got married young, had babies and are now divorced single mothers without an education. I think it is important for people to do what they need for themselves before they start bringing others into this world.

My husband jokes that we are waiting until we are ready and for the 'perfect time' to have kids and that never happens for anyone. We joke that we are going to wake up one day at 50 and realize we forgot to have children I wish more people realize how big a decision having children is and would think more about it before committing to it.

Has anyone here seen Idiocracy? lol

I love Idiocracy. Makes me laugh and cry.

My parents married and started having children fairly young, early 20s. If my mom had not died, I'm pretty sure they would still be married. However, my mom did put her law school and other career ambitions aside for us kids. Dad often says he should have stayed home and sent my mother to work. Every situation is unique.

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

When I was a little girl all I wanted to do when I grew up was be a mom. The mom I never had. Funny that THAT is not a "real" profession, LOL, yet it's one of the hardest and most important jobs there is as echoed throughout this thread. I think it's very responsible when people to recognize that and don't give in to society's pressures. The attitudes of our youth might look quite differently if people took having kids more seriously, like a "real" job. I did go to school, but still married young and started my family young. I consider the job I did raising my girls a dream fulfilling accomplishment. I'm not raising grandkids, I'm still married to the original guy (26 years), and I am still young enough (mid 40's) to do anything "childfree" I wish to do at my age. To us, it is our friends our age with young kids that are tied down while we have our freedom (except for those silly dogs again). LOL... Just another side to this discussion.

Being a mom is definitely a REAL profession. One of the reasons I was scared of the idea is that I know I would be overprotective. I would be a bad mom in that regard.

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

I honestly and wholeheartedly believe that being a Mom is one of THE hardest, most demanding, and most selfless jobs in the entire world...x10! I'm not even a skin-kid Mom, yet I completely know this/feel this. I honestly think it would've just been too much for me - that I couldn't have handled it in the way I would've hoped I could. It's just *such* a big job. And I also really think that no matter how much most hubbies help out, it's almost always the Mom who is the nucleus and bears the most of the responsibilities (and I think it's the same w/ fur kids too - I'm the one, by far, who is way more responsible for the dogs and their health etc as compared to my hubby.

You sound like you are such an awesome Mom! I wish I'd had a Mom like you growing up . I feel like I missed out on soooo much love and so much foundation and so much self esteem with the parents I was dealt in life. Your kids are sure lucky.

My mom was a great parent, but my dad was more motherly. I suppose it was a good thing since mom passed at such an early age. Dad is probably the way he is because he was raised alone by his mother, a truly great woman.

[lynzy420]

Originally Posted by Oddsock

I think your posts could be very triggering for any adoptee. It certainly was for me. My Post traumatic issues have flaired, flash backs, nightmares, waking up crying etc. I've written post after post in response and deleted them due to this being a dog forum and not an adoption one.

((((((((((((OddSock)))))))))))) I'm in tears for your pain. Please check your pm's.

[Maximo]

Originally Posted by Britster

I am sure adopting is no easy feat- but heck, neither is having "your own" child! You honestly NEVER know what you are going to end up with lol. I've seen parents have 2 kids and both end up completely different despite the same upbringing.

This! My older brother was a very difficult growing up -- he will say it himself. It is hard to believe we were raised by the same parents in the same house. Too many people were eager to lay fault with my parents, probably because they listened and my brother was a brick wall. It definitely was not a lack of love or trying and tons of sacrifice on my parents' part.

My brother grew up to be a good person and father, thankfully.

[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by DBlain

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother posting an honest reply since so often people jump to their own conclusions and misread what is typed.
First off to pass judgement and to be accurate in your assement you would have to have lived in my sister's home for the past 15 years which obviously you have not. Secondly your situation like every situation is different from each other, so you can not compare one to the other. I am glad your adoption went well. Are you the same race as your adoptive parents? If not then you really have NO knowledge of what it is to grow up looking nothing like your parents, of knowing every time you introduce someone to your mom they know right off the bat your are adopted. Some kids are not bothered by this but some like my niece are. Also you make a comparison between your mother and my mother which is not the same since my mother is the grandmother, not the child's mother, BIG difference especially since my mother had to watch years of turmoil in my sister's home. NO where in my post did I say my sister has done nothing but support and love her child. If you only knew how much she has done and how she lost so much of her life and money loving and trying to find the daughter the help she needs you would be ashamed by your comments. Since she was a toddler she was in early intervention, speech therapy, peer counseling, horse back riding, art class, family therapy, my sister quit a $100,000 plus job to stay at home to see if that would be better for her daughter. Now she is getting divorced mostly because her and her husband have been at odds over the daughter. My sister now hardly has any money of her own so for a period of time had to move back to my parents home, but when her daughter would come to stay the temper tantrums, the screaming, the door slamming and so forth got to much for my 85 year old parents to live with so for the sake of their health I asked my sister to move back into her own home. So because my family, which means my parents (the grandparents) my aunt and uncle and my cousin have watched my sister from a distance sort of go through the ringer trying to be a good parent we all can't help but wonder a little and sometimes to each other what it would have been like had no adoption taken place, my sister has never said this and we have not said it to her, but we are only human and can not help but wonder.

Correct, I am not totally aware of your situation or story. But I can see from your reply that you really and truly do not understand for on second what it is like to be an adopted child. I never said that this was an issue with your sister. IMO it's an issue with the rest of your family and their inability to be accepting of this poor child who has very real emotions regarding her adoption. Race has nothing to do with an adopted child feeling different. I look nothing like my sisters that I grew up with and my entire life or getting that shocked look when telling the 5' 6" blonde Lithuanian girls that were Homecoming Queens and all the boys were falling over and I was the 5' 11" chubby girls with the long dark curly hairs who at parties relative would try to guess my nationality. I didn't look anything like my adopted mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.....I NEVER had one single person that anyone said that I looked like.....obviously you having birth sister and I'm guessing here that you resemble your mom and your sister. It wasn't until I was a mom for the first time that I had someone finally "look" like me. My oldest son and believe me it was an amazing feeling to have people come up to me to tell e how much he looks like me. Then I had 2 more children and they looked like me too. So Yeah....I get it what if feels like to not know.
From the minute that I was brought home from the orphanage at 4 months old my parents told we every single day that I was special because I was very wanted and loved. They picked ME from all of the other babies. My cousins, grandmother and aunts and uncles wrapped my in love and acceptance. Even when I was an evil bitchy teenager I was told how special I was and embraced in their love. It didn't matter that I looked nothing like any other member of my family. I have 2 younger sister and we always had to explain how it was possible for my sister Jackie to be only 8 months younger that me. But it was never ever a big deal. I was ever ashamed that I was the adopted sister. We loved being the same age for a few months. When my sister Vickie turned 47 this year we were 47, 48, and 49 for a few short months. Then we are 47 and 49 and 49 for a few more until I turn 50 in December. We thought it was fantastic and everyone would be wondering how.....

[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by megansmomma

Correct, I am not totally aware of your situation or story. But I can see from your reply that you really and truly do not understand for on second what it is like to be an adopted child. I never said that this was an issue with your sister. IMO it's an issue with the rest of your family and their inability to be accepting of this poor child who has very real emotions regarding her adoption. Race has nothing to do with an adopted child feeling different. I look nothing like my sisters that I grew up with and my entire life or getting that shocked look when telling the 5' 6" blonde Lithuanian girls that were Homecoming Queens and all the boys were falling over and I was the 5' 11" chubby girls with the long dark curly hairs who at parties relative would try to guess my nationality. I didn't look anything like my adopted mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.....I NEVER had one single person that anyone said that I looked like.....obviously you having birth sister and I'm guessing here that you resemble your mom and your sister. It wasn't until I was a mom for the first time that I had someone finally "look" like me. My oldest son and believe me it was an amazing feeling to have people come up to me to tell e how much he looks like me. Then I had 2 more children and they looked like me too. So Yeah....I get it what if feels like to not know.
From the minute that I was brought home from the orphanage at 4 months old my parents told we every single day that I was special because I was very wanted and loved. They picked ME from all of the other babies. My cousins, grandmother and aunts and uncles wrapped my in love and acceptance. Even when I was an evil bitchy teenager I was told how special I was and embraced in their love. It didn't matter that I looked nothing like any other member of my family. I have 2 younger sister and we always had to explain how it was possible for my sister Jackie to be only 8 months younger that me. But it was never ever a big deal. I was ever ashamed that I was the adopted sister. We loved being the same age for a few months. When my sister Vickie turned 47 this year we were 47, 48, and 49 for a few short months. Then we are 47 and 49 and 49 for a few more until I turn 50 in December. We thought it was fantastic and everyone would be wondering how.....

It took me 47 years of looking and wondering where I was from, why I was given up, why I wasn't wanted and if there was someone out there someplace that looked like me. My adoption was a closed adoption through Catholic Charities. But I still looked and hope and prayed that I would some day be able to find my birth mom....."the princess living in a castle high on a hill". I was going to look for her until I found her. I would look for her all the time on the street, at the mall, in crowds just hoping to catch a glimpse of someone out there that even slightly resembled me.

On May 11, 2012 I received a copy of my original birth certificate from the state of IL department of records. It held the secrets to my birth story and after 10 minutes of online searching I located my birth mom. She wasn't a princess at all. Instead, she was a 70 yr old woman that was very confused from dementia living with her son and his wife. She was literally a mess. The emotions that have feel me since that first phone call are beyond words and I am so thankful every day that now I have an ENTIRE FAMILY that I can now finally say that I look like.....it might not be a big deal to others but it is a huge deal to me. Not only do I have a birth mother that people stop to tell me that I look exactly like but I have sisters and brothers and aunts and uncles and cousin. I have a daughter that looks like the spitting image of her birth grandfather. It's even more than that because I like many of the same things as my birth mom. We have manorisms that are similar, we have the same favorite color, the same hand, fingers and toes. All things that I never had before with anyone. It was a piece of me that was missing. It was a hole in my being that by finding her and seeing her for the first time was filled.

Also filling that hole are more siblings that I would like to claim, want or need. I went from being the oldest of 3 sisters to being the middle child.
I now have children with cousins that look like them. My kids never had anyone expect each other that they resembled. To them it was not a big deal but to me it is HUGE! My kids now have cousins on their mom's side that look like, think like and even like the same things without ever growing up with them. The family tree is more like a bad country song and by Bio dad was a busy, busy man.

As for the race (she's Asian and doesn't fit) when I was adopted Catholic Charities asked my parents that very specific question. Would it bother them or their families if I was a different nationality from their families. It never crossed their mind for one second that I was anything expect part of their family or that I didn't look like everyone else.

It's been 2 1/2 years since I found my birth mom. She is now living in a nursing home with dementia/Alzheimer's and cannot be alone any longer. I am her legal guardian because the kids that she kept (2 before me and 2 after me) were not willing or able to care for her properly. My adoptive mom was fully supportive of my search because she knew now much it meant to me. When I talked to her about becoming Ginger's guardian she not only fully supported me but she was understanding of my deep seeded need to help. I believe that God brought me into her life at the time because she needed me.

There have been some friends that ask why I would want to help someone that cast me off as a newborn baby. Why I would want to help her when she was never there for me growing up and left me to be raised by strangers. But I know that what she did for me was out of love. How could I not show her that love back now when she needed it most. Even thought at this point in her disease she is not capable of fully expressing her love for me I can see it in her eyes. In the way that she hangs on my every word and her smile when I sit with her to visit. The fact that she cannot remember what day, month or year it is, Who our president it, how old she is, where is even lives BUT she know my name. Not the same that she gave me the day I was handed to the Nuns but the name that I was given by my adopted family. She held her baby in her heart for 47 years Rita Jane. Yet she always tells the nurses at the HN that she's mine. This is my daughter Jodi. For that alone I love her and accept her for all that she is now and in the past. Even if she is not able to share that past with me now. I will be there for her to show her that love back when she needs it the most.

So, Donna I am sorry that you feel I'm being too harsh with you when it comes to your sister's daughter but even when I was a bitchy teenager and too hard to handle my mom never gave up on me. It just really rubs me the wrong when when you repeatedly refer to her an anything expect your niece. That alone tells me how alienated she must feel. Since finding Ginger I have gained 1 full sister, 2 full brothers, 1 1/2 sister, 1 adopted sister, 4 1/2 brothers. I've become an aunt to 15 nieces and nephews, great aunt 2 times going on 3 by the end of the month as well as been accepted by aunts and uncles (some who didn't even know I existed) into their lives. Plus of course my 2 sister that I grew up with, my mom and all of my aunts, uncles, cousins etc that I grew up with. Unfortunately, my dad passed away when I was a teenager and my birth father passed away in 2005 and I was never able to meet him.

Recently, I moved Ginger to a NH closer to me and my cousin is the beautician that comes weekly to do hair for the residents. She is always so sweet to Ginger when she goes for her weekly shampoo and style. The sweetest thing that she told Ginger was (big lump in throat just thinking about it) was "thank you for giving us our Jodi". That is how you make a child feel like they belong.

[matese]

What a great society we live in today. Women have freedom of choice to decide whether to have children or not, freedom to choose to have children without a man in her life. Back in the days lol, when a gal got married it was EXPECTED of her to have children, even if the gal knew this was not what she wanted, but it was expected of her, many were not ment to raise a child, had no interest in that child and let the child know this. You were called "selfish" if you said no children for you because you wanted to explore this wonderful life you were given. What a great society we live in today where a woman can proudly raise her head and say, I have no maternal instinct and choose to not have children. Great thread.

[DBlain]

Jodi I am so happy for you, sounds like everything worked out great and you were able to get so many questions answered and now have two families. Unfortunately your situation is nothing like ours, my niece will never find her birth family, she does not know this but she was left on the side of a road in a basket, her true birthday is not even known, she is a very pretty girl, (and now a sexy looking teen) boys like her but girls not to much because she is distant and hard to connect with, that came from her DNA and perhaps her first year in the orphanage who knows, not even professionals. Through the years she has received lots and lots of praise and compliments from the family. It's not us that make her feel different like I said earlier some kids are not bothered by it but some are. Being Asian with white parents is not the same as being blond if your siblings and parents have brown hair. And since you or I are not in that situation we can not really know how she is feeling. From an early age we have bent over backwards complimenting her appearance yet I know she is still insecure, but then again so many teens are anyway. She has been bugging my sister for years to have plastic surgery on her eyes so they are less squinty (her words), when she had her yearbook photos taken she picked the ones that she said made her eyes look less like slits. We really don't think much about her appearance it has never bothered my family and honestly we think she is very pretty, so it's not even like she is getting an unsaid vibe from us. My sister has tried to embrace her heritage she takes her to an Asian mentoring group, they stay in contact with families that all went together to China to adopt and they only go if my niece wants to go they try not force it on her. Most of my nieces issues are probably not even from being adopted or being Asian, but that just compounds it, either way we love her but it is still hard for us to feel connected, because she does not let us in. This thread has made me think a lot about my relationship and my parents relationship with my niece and quite honestly I am now not sure if we would feel any different if she was my sister's birth child, it's more about how distant and removed she is, how you never know what she is thinking, how no matter what you do she is never happy, never engaging, it's always been one sided it's always myself or my parents trying to interact with her and eventually one feels like giving up. I live in MI and they live in NY, we see each other about 5 times a year I always have high hopes for connecting with her, have always planned special stuff for visits and for some reason or the other it never winds up fun. I know you are all probably thinking it's my fault, that I don't try or I can't relate to kids but I spent over 4 years mentoring a girl through the youth assistance program in our town, both her and her friends LOL thought I was cool and fun, they could hardly wait to come over here. I got involved in her school and helped in the classroom, honestly the kids loved me and I had a ball doing it. Everywhere I have ever lived I have always connected with neighborhood kids, they would come over to play and have ice cream that is why most that have known me for a long time have been very surprised that I did not have any. When my niece would visit I would have sleepovers, craft parties, kool aide stands, I would seek out kids in the neighborhood to set up play dates because I felt it was easier for her to interact with me when other kids where around. However it would wind up with me interacting with the other kids and not that much with my niece, but then when we were alone there was not much interaction either. I say this because I don't want you to think I have always been a bitchy distant aunt just expecting my niece to bow down to me, however I always wanted to be a fun cool aunt, I really could not wait to be an aunt. When I knew the adoption was going thru I bought this HUGE teddy bear and wrote her a letter hoping she would treasure it later in life telling her how much she was wanted and loved already and that I would always be there for her. I flew to NY right after she got home to surprise my sister at a shower her friends were giving her and to meet my niece, I did not want to wait for the christening that was planned several months later, she is also my God Daughter. So anywho thanks for listening, I honestly don't think I can type anymore on the subject because it is emotional so I am not sure if I will post again, thanks for listening and thanks to those of you who have messaged me words of understanding and shared some similar situations.

[SirTeddykins]

Being a mother of one is HARD so for all of the aforementioned reasons and reasons not mentioned yet, I chose to have "one and done".


Had I not been so young, I would not have had children at all. I knew from a young age that I loved children but did not want to be a mother. I hate obligation and restriction so I have no idea how I hold down a job, marriage or anything else..lol


Luckily, I have a teenager who loves me more than anything (apart from science - I guess that may be hereditary) but, even knowing how WELL things can turn out, I still wouldn't have another child.


I guess single child mom's are not in line with this post but I thought I'd contribute because I feel like I don't really have a child anymore apart from Teddy, the cat and my husband.