Those who are childfree

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by yorkiedallas

For myself, I would honestly say the main reason is I just do not like children. I see the responsibility of raising children for 18 plus years as a horrible nightmare of never ending work, struggle, sacrifice, boredom and overall entrapment. In my heart of hearts, I see it little better than a prison sentence.

I just have no interest in children, motherhood or the work of raising a child.

On a more global level, I have deep concerns about the world we live in today and where we are headed in the next half century. I am worried about issues such as income inequality, the erosion of our democracy into an oligarchy, the apathy of the general public, the devaluation of higher education, the degradation of our eco-system and the overall quality of life for future generations. Other than advances in technology, I don't really think anything is better for today's youth then when I was a kid in the 1990's.

I remember my friends and I growing up, would just run all over the neighborhood and amuse ourselves, knowing to be home before dark. In today's world, I would never think of letting packs of kids out without an adult.

So for me, the choice was really very simple. My only regret is that I didn't raise all hell at twenty and demand to get my tubes tied then. My doctors said I was too young, and didn't know what I wanted. Turns out they were wrong. I would have saved myself so much stress, money and medical problems if I had not had to mess around with all of the assorted birth control methods I have subjected my body to all of these years. If I was the same woman back then as I am today, there is no way I would have taken no for an answer. I would have gone to every doctor in the state until I found one to do as I asked.

Wow! Add your reasons to mine... I fear for our future generations. I really do. Our country is already more populated than our food supply. In order to feed everyone they are making 'fake' food, GMOs, etc... and I think there is going to be HUGE issues. Not to mention, when I watch the news, I feel the apathy of the public and it seems people are getting more self-involved, mean, violent or entitled. I fear 20 years from now for myself, never mind if I had kids, I'd be terrified!

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by celstu1

Wow! Add your reasons to mine... I fear for our future generations. I really do. Our country is already more populated than our food supply. In order to feed everyone they are making 'fake' food, GMOs, etc... and I think there is going to be HUGE issues. Not to mention, when I watch the news, I feel the apathy of the public and it seems people are getting more self-involved, mean, violent or entitled. I fear 20 years from now for myself, never mind if I had kids, I'd be terrified!

I totally hear you and yokiedallas on this too - I think things are spinning out of control in such a way where it just boggles the mind. And people are just becoming more and more isolated, it seems, as technology advances. The apathy is awful...and I too feel some of that apathy in terms of feeling so helpless to change anything.

[DBlain]

I am child free and love it. Most people including myself thought I would have a bunch of kiddies since I LOVED and still love kids. But by the time I got married at 35 my lifestyle had changed and my husband was never that fond of kids. I also don't think without lots of medical help I would have gotten pregnant anyway. I am glad adoption works well for many people but raising an adopted child can present problems unique to that situation. If you want a closed adoption it is almost impossible to find a newborn white baby, so my sister choose to adopt a one year old girl from China. While I know many adoptions from other countries go well, this one has been rocky from the start. A difficult distant baby turned into an EXTREMELY difficult teen, she has emotional issues, anger issues, bonding issues and so forth. She also has always been uncomfortable with the fact that she looks Asian while her parents do not. Because of her personality it is hard for us in the family to be very close to her and like it or not the truth is my family especially my parents just do not feel the same about her as if my sister gave birth to her.

[dinolover]

I am 24 and whenever I tell anyone I don't really see children in my future they shrug me off and tell me that will change in a few years. I was raised as the smallest child in my entire family. Till this day I am the smallest because none of my cousins or family members have kids. I was raised around adults and my grandparents to the point that I never liked other kids much, I never liked to play with toys or color my childhood activities was helping my grandma cook, sew, and clean. I always attribute that to my hesitation around children.

Whenever a friend is passing around her baby I quickly try to leave or only hold the baby for a second and pass it to the next person. I always feel odd because I am very maternal over my friends and family. Most of my family considers me the matriarch of the family because I am the center that keeps everyone together. I still can't imagine myself with children, I see what other people need to go through the exhaustion, the money, the hard work, and much more and I just look at that and think, it's not what I want.

Whenever I have told anyone how I feel they call me selfish. I hate that selfish has such a negative connotation. What is wrong with trying to make yourself happy and doing what makes you happy. A lot of my friends are now starting to have children and they all said the same thing before about how great it was going to be and how happy they were and now a few years after their child is born they look tired and they have all expressed that they had no clue how difficult it was going to be. Right now I have plenty of money and time to travel, eat at nice places, have a great time, help my family, and have alone time just watching TV and I love it.

Dino & Bucket are my babies and enough work for me. I am not sure if my views will change in the future but as of right now its how I feel and honestly I don't feel like I am missing out.

[Nancy1999]

Originally Posted by dinolover

I am 24 and whenever I tell anyone I don't really see children in my future they shrug me off and tell me that will change in a few years. I was raised as the smallest child in my entire family. Till this day I am the smallest because none of my cousins or family members have kids. I was raised around adults and my grandparents to the point that I never liked other kids much, I never liked to play with toys or color my childhood activities was helping my grandma cook, sew, and clean. I always attribute that to my hesitation around children.

Whenever a friend is passing around her baby I quickly try to leave or only hold the baby for a second and pass it to the next person. I always feel odd because I am very maternal over my friends and family. Most of my family considers me the matriarch of the family because I am the center that keeps everyone together. I still can't imagine myself with children, I see what other people need to go through the exhaustion, the money, the hard work, and much more and I just look at that and think, it's not what I want.

Whenever I have told anyone how I feel they call me selfish. I hate that selfish has such a negative connotation. What is wrong with trying to make yourself happy and doing what makes you happy. A lot of my friends are now starting to have children and they all said the same thing before about how great it was going to be and how happy they were and now a few years after their child is born they look tired and they have all expressed that they had no clue how difficult it was going to be. Right now I have plenty of money and time to travel, eat at nice places, have a great time, help my family, and have alone time just watching TV and I love it.

Dino & Bucket are my babies and enough work for me. I am not sure if my views will change in the future but as of right now its how I feel and honestly I don't feel like I am missing out.

Personally, I believe we are all responsible for our own happiness and you should do what fulfills you and gives your life meaning, as long as you aren't harming others. I think it's selfish when people give way to pressure and have children for the wrong reasons. Children being raised in homes where they are not cherished is wrong. I believe every child should be loved and treated as well as a Yorkietalk member treats his or her Yorkie. What a wonderful world that would be! Good for you for being your own person, you're not selfish, you are responsible!

[gemy]

Great Post Nancy.

Just like some folks should never be dog owners, some folks just should not be parents.

[Britster]

Originally Posted by gemy

Great Post Nancy.

Just like some folks should never be dog owners, some folks just should not be parents.

Absolutely

I honestly cringe when I see people my age with babies. I know, stuff happens, and it does seem like majority of them are good parents but I just can't help but be narcissistic about the whole thing. I get it, some people are just naturally more maternal, but god you have got your whole life ahead of you. I don't know. I just cringe at the idea of even having a baby right now in my life.

I have yet to be around a marriage (except maybe one) that has lasted when you get married before 21 and start popping out babies. I'm sure they exist but I am in a world surrounded by broken families and marriages and honestly? it's no fun... then you have a bunch of miserable single 30 and 40-some year olds that have kids to think about. A lot of my moms friends were all good moms back when I was young, in the 90's, and then they separate, etc, and begin going thru their 'selfish' phase in their 30s and 40s when their children need them.

My dad isn't in a happy marriage, (his 2nd) but he's got a son with her, what is he going to do at this point? He hates Maryland but he doesn't want to leave as long as I'm here, and my brother is in school here. He has a business that he hates that he began when he was 18 with his brother. He's kind of 'stuck' here for all intensive purposes. I meet a lot of folks like this and honestly the idea of being stuck anywhere doesn't appeal to me. I WANT to be able to move whenever/wherever I want, if it comes up, I don't want to have to find babysitters if I need to do something.

Too much work lol. Again maybe I will change my mind, who knows. But for now this is how I feel.

[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by DBlain

I am child free and love it. Most people including myself thought I would have a bunch of kiddies since I LOVED and still love kids. But by the time I got married at 35 my lifestyle had changed and my husband was never that fond of kids. I also don't think without lots of medical help I would have gotten pregnant anyway. I am glad adoption works well for many people but raising an adopted child can present problems unique to that situation. If you want a closed adoption it is almost impossible to find a newborn white baby, so my sister choose to adopt a one year old girl from China. While I know many adoptions from other countries go well, this one has been rocky from the start. A difficult distant baby turned into an EXTREMELY difficult teen, she has emotional issues, anger issues, bonding issues and so forth. She also has always been uncomfortable with the fact that she looks Asian while her parents do not. Because of her personality it is hard for us in the family to be very close to her and like it or not the truth is my family especially my parents just do not feel the same about her as if my sister gave birth to her.

What a sad situation for this poor child to be face with. Why don't you send your sister's child right over here to me and I will show her what love and acceptance is since she is not receiving this from your family. To say that she is a teenager with a bad attitude and that is why you and your parents feel differently is just beyond my comprehension. When you open your home and life to a child through adoption you need to open your heart as well. How sad for this poor child.

I am an adopted child and THANK GOD this was not true for me. Not only that but after searching for my birth mother for my entire life I was able to find her in May 2012. She is now part of my life and I was appointed her Legal Guardian in Jan. 2013. My mom who raised me was fully supportive of my decision to petition the courts for guardianship. Obviously, my mother was far more capable than yours to not only accept me as her child but also to accept my birth mother as part of my life now as well.

[CouversMom]

I am definitely finding this thread interesting.

I am 27, have been married for 6 years and am child free We have not had the desire to have children yet, and I don't know if we will. I am so focused on myself right now, teaching full time, finishing up my Master's and thinking about my Doctorate that I could not imagine having a child right now.

It is very sad to me when women have children young and do not get a chance to figure out who they are first. I know a lot of women my age who got married young, had babies and are now divorced single mothers without an education. I think it is important for people to do what they need for themselves before they start bringing others into this world.

My husband jokes that we are waiting until we are ready and for the 'perfect time' to have kids and that never happens for anyone. We joke that we are going to wake up one day at 50 and realize we forgot to have children I wish more people realize how big a decision having children is and would think more about it before committing to it.

Has anyone here seen Idiocracy? lol

[Potter]

I have been married for quite a while, about 9 years. When I was a kid, I have always wanted kids but as I get older and the more I experienced, I am not dead set on it anymore.

I have had health issues and major surgery and I don't think I will be able to have kids without medical interventions anyways and even if I do get pregnant, there will be higher risk during pregnancy so I leave it up to God, if it happens, it happens if it doesn't, I am okay too. I love kids but I am also fine without kids.

[Britster]

Originally Posted by megansmomma

What a sad situation for this poor child to be face with. Why don't you send your sister's child right over here to me and I will show her what love and acceptance is since she is not receiving this from your family. To say that she is a teenager with a bad attitude and that is why you and your parents feel differently is just beyond my comprehension. When you open your home and life to a child through adoption you need to open your heart as well. How sad for this poor child.

I am an adopted child and THANK GOD this was not true for me. Not only that but after searching for my birth mother for my entire life I was able to find her in May 2012. She is now part of my life and I was appointed her Legal Guardian in Jan. 2013. My mom who raised me was fully supportive of my decision to petition the courts for guardianship. Obviously, my mother was far more capable than yours to not only accept me as her child but also to accept my birth mother as part of my life now as well.

I found that story very sad too.

I worked at a daycare and we had a few parents who had adopted children. I think one of the reason adoption would appeal to me in the future is after seeing those kids blossom and I had a real connection with a few of the kids.

One of them came in and didn't know any English, was so stand off-ish, and just scared. After only a few months, you could see the love grow for his adoptive mother and he began being more comfortable with everything and I loved to see him giggle.

I am sure adopting is no easy feat- but heck, neither is having "your own" child! You honestly NEVER know what you are going to end up with lol. I've seen parents have 2 kids and both end up completely different despite the same upbringing.

[DBlain]

Originally Posted by megansmomma

What a sad situation for this poor child to be face with. Why don't you send your sister's child right over here to me and I will show her what love and acceptance is since she is not receiving this from your family. To say that she is a teenager with a bad attitude and that is why you and your parents feel differently is just beyond my comprehension. When you open your home and life to a child through adoption you need to open your heart as well. How sad for this poor child.

I am an adopted child and THANK GOD this was not true for me. Not only that but after searching for my birth mother for my entire life I was able to find her in May 2012. She is now part of my life and I was appointed her Legal Guardian in Jan. 2013. My mom who raised me was fully supportive of my decision to petition the courts for guardianship. Obviously, my mother was far more capable than yours to not only accept me as her child but also to accept my birth mother as part of my life now as well.

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother posting an honest reply since so often people jump to their own conclusions and misread what is typed.
First off to pass judgement and to be accurate in your assement you would have to have lived in my sister's home for the past 15 years which obviously you have not. Secondly your situation like every situation is different from each other, so you can not compare one to the other. I am glad your adoption went well. Are you the same race as your adoptive parents? If not then you really have NO knowledge of what it is to grow up looking nothing like your parents, of knowing every time you introduce someone to your mom they know right off the bat your are adopted. Some kids are not bothered by this but some like my niece are. Also you make a comparison between your mother and my mother which is not the same since my mother is the grandmother, not the child's mother, BIG difference especially since my mother had to watch years of turmoil in my sister's home. NO where in my post did I say my sister has done nothing but support and love her child. If you only knew how much she has done and how she lost so much of her life and money loving and trying to find the daughter the help she needs you would be ashamed by your comments. Since she was a toddler she was in early intervention, speech therapy, peer counseling, horse back riding, art class, family therapy, my sister quit a $100,000 plus job to stay at home to see if that would be better for her daughter. Now she is getting divorced mostly because her and her husband have been at odds over the daughter. My sister now hardly has any money of her own so for a period of time had to move back to my parents home, but when her daughter would come to stay the temper tantrums, the screaming, the door slamming and so forth got to much for my 85 year old parents to live with so for the sake of their health I asked my sister to move back into her own home. So because my family, which means my parents (the grandparents) my aunt and uncle and my cousin have watched my sister from a distance sort of go through the ringer trying to be a good parent we all can't help but wonder a little and sometimes to each other what it would have been like had no adoption taken place, my sister has never said this and we have not said it to her, but we are only human and can not help but wonder.

[DBlain]

Originally Posted by Britster

I found that story very sad too.

I worked at a daycare and we had a few parents who had adopted children. I think one of the reason adoption would appeal to me in the future is after seeing those kids blossom and I had a real connection with a few of the kids.

One of them came in and didn't know any English, was so stand off-ish, and just scared. After only a few months, you could see the love grow for his adoptive mother and he began being more comfortable with everything and I loved to see him giggle.

I am sure adopting is no easy feat- but heck, neither is having "your own" child! You honestly NEVER know what you are going to end up with lol. I've seen parents have 2 kids and both end up completely different despite the same upbringing.

That is exactly the type of relationship my sister was hoping for and why she adopted in the first place. We hoped all along and still hope that my niece would grow warmer and happier as she got older, so far that has not happened, none of the therapists have been able to pin point what exactly is causing her "issues" and it is true you can have all these same problems with natural children.

[Suzette girl]

Originally Posted by DBlain

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother posting an honest reply since so often people jump to their own conclusions and misread what is typed.
First off to pass judgement and to be accurate in your assement you would have to have lived in my sister's home for the past 15 years which obviously you have not. Secondly your situation like every situation is different from each other, so you can not compare one to the other. I am glad your adoption went well. Are you the same race as your adoptive parents? If not then you really have NO knowledge of what it is to grow up looking nothing like your parents, of knowing every time you introduce someone to your mom they know right off the bat your are adopted. Some kids are not bothered by this but some like my niece are. Also you make a comparison between your mother and my mother which is not the same since my mother is the grandmother, not the child's mother, BIG difference especially since my mother had to watch years of turmoil in my sister's home. NO where in my post did I say my sister has done nothing but support and love her child. If you only knew how much she has done and how she lost so much of her life and money loving and trying to find the daughter the help she needs you would be ashamed by your comments. Since she was a toddler she was in early intervention, speech therapy, peer counseling, horse back riding, art class, family therapy, my sister quit a $100,000 plus job to stay at home to see if that would be better for her daughter. Now she is getting divorced mostly because her and her husband have been at odds over the daughter. My sister now hardly has any money of her own so for a period of time had to move back to my parents home, but when her daughter would come to stay the temper tantrums, the screaming, the door slamming and so forth got to much for my 85 year old parents to live with so for the sake of their health I asked my sister to move back into her own home. So because my family, which means my parents (the grandparents) my aunt and uncle and my cousin have watched my sister from a distance sort of go through the ringer trying to be a good parent we all can't help but wonder a little and sometimes to each other what it would have been like had no adoption taken place, my sister has never said this and we have not said it to her, but we are only human and can not help but wonder.

There was actually something very telling in your previous post.

If you want a closed adoption it is almost impossible to find a newborn
white baby, so my sister choose to adopt a one year old girl from China.

Why did your sister want a closed adoption? These days, if an adoptive wants a closed adoption, it is usually a sign of insecurity and fear. That insecurity and fear may have affected her parenting and not allowed her daughter to be herself.

Just a thought.

[Oddsock]

Originally Posted by DBlain

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother posting an honest reply since so often people jump to their own conclusions and misread what is typed.

I think your posts could be very triggering for any adoptee. It certainly was for me. My Post traumatic issues have flaired, flash backs, nightmares, waking up crying etc. I've written post after post in response and deleted them due to this being a dog forum and not an adoption one.