Quote:
Originally Posted by Suzette girl  There was actually something very telling in your previous post.
Why did your sister want a closed adoption? These days, if an adoptive wants a closed adoption, it is usually a sign of insecurity and fear. That insecurity and fear may have affected her parenting and not allowed her daughter to be herself.
Just a thought. |
my sister like many others including myself if I had wanted to adopt would prefer a closed one for many reasons, primarily so she would be free to parent without interference. I am also sure fear might have come into play, fear that an open adoption would make it easier to loose a child down the road a bit, fear that a birth mom or birth family could turn into a future stalker like situation. Which is something that happened to childhood friend's cousin. For months the family of the 7 year old girl noticed a young woman showing up a lot, walking by their house when the kids were coming home from school, at the playground and in stores near their house, turns out it was the birth mother who had been forced into adoption by her parents, ( I am 59 so this was over 40 years ago, I know times have changed) This situation with the birth mother was very unsetteling for the adoptive parents and very confusing to the little girl, we did not know them well and I don't remember the outcome but I can remember it being talked about. I think the fear of loosing an adoptive child is very real for most parents and some just naturally feel safer the more distance there is from the birth parents.
On another note one my good friends did an open adoption of a boy who was 7 years old, he was from an addicted mother and a father in prison. The family was from somewhere like OR or UT, we live in MI, things went really well for many years, she really changed this boy's life and is one of the most nurturing people you would ever want to meet. There had been minimum contact from the birth family until the age of about 14. I believe it started with contact from other siblings that were back with the mom, texts lead to phone calls, phone calls lead to visits which my friend at the time thought was a good idea. Well there were reasons the mother lost custody of her kids, honestly she was messed up and so were some of the older kids. They made my friend's son feel guilty, he was so conflicted and felt all sorts of mixed up emotions. He started having trouble in school, he started doing drugs, he was a smart boy that played baseball, but because of his troubles he was cut from the team, he did not finish school, he has been in drug rehab 2 times and has been bouncing from job to job, he is now 19 and my girlfriend feels he is turning the corner, but he now refuses to take calls from his family. One can never say for sure if contact with his family was the root of all his problems, but my friend who knows her son better than anyone feels it was. There are reasons why people either give up a child or are forced to give up a child for adoption often those reasons do not make for good parenting skills, so I for one would rather the birth family not be part of the child's life until they are of the age they are mature enough to make that decision on their own.
When I post my opinions on YT I normally do it from experiences I have been involved in, I am sorry if they are not all the polly anna feel good moments you are looking for. There are many many adoptions that work out wonderful and I am glad for that, because these kids do deserve a loving family. There are also kids that should have been placed up for adoption that were not, like the girl I mentored for 4 years, who's unfit grandmother is raising her, but heck that is another story.......................