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Originally Posted by DBlain  Sometimes I wonder why I even bother posting an honest reply since so often people jump to their own conclusions and misread what is typed.
First off to pass judgement and to be accurate in your assement you would have to have lived in my sister's home for the past 15 years which obviously you have not. Secondly your situation like every situation is different from each other, so you can not compare one to the other. I am glad your adoption went well. Are you the same race as your adoptive parents? If not then you really have NO knowledge of what it is to grow up looking nothing like your parents, of knowing every time you introduce someone to your mom they know right off the bat your are adopted. Some kids are not bothered by this but some like my niece are. Also you make a comparison between your mother and my mother which is not the same since my mother is the grandmother, not the child's mother, BIG difference especially since my mother had to watch years of turmoil in my sister's home. NO where in my post did I say my sister has done nothing but support and love her child. If you only knew how much she has done and how she lost so much of her life and money loving and trying to find the daughter the help she needs you would be ashamed by your comments. Since she was a toddler she was in early intervention, speech therapy, peer counseling, horse back riding, art class, family therapy, my sister quit a $100,000 plus job to stay at home to see if that would be better for her daughter. Now she is getting divorced mostly because her and her husband have been at odds over the daughter. My sister now hardly has any money of her own so for a period of time had to move back to my parents home, but when her daughter would come to stay the temper tantrums, the screaming, the door slamming and so forth got to much for my 85 year old parents to live with so for the sake of their health I asked my sister to move back into her own home. So because my family, which means my parents (the grandparents) my aunt and uncle and my cousin have watched my sister from a distance sort of go through the ringer trying to be a good parent we all can't help but wonder a little and sometimes to each other what it would have been like had no adoption taken place, my sister has never said this and we have not said it to her, but we are only human and can not help but wonder. |
Correct, I am not totally aware of your situation or story. But I can see from your reply that you really and truly do not understand for on second what it is like to be an adopted child. I never said that this was an issue with your sister. IMO it's an issue with the rest of your family and their inability to be accepting of this poor child who has very real emotions regarding her adoption. Race has nothing to do with an adopted child feeling different. I look nothing like my sisters that I grew up with and my entire life or getting that shocked look when telling the 5' 6" blonde Lithuanian girls that were Homecoming Queens and all the boys were falling over and I was the 5' 11" chubby girls with the long dark curly hairs who at parties relative would try to guess my nationality. I didn't look anything like my adopted mom, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.....I NEVER had one single person that anyone said that I looked like.....obviously you having birth sister and I'm guessing here that you resemble your mom and your sister. It wasn't until I was a mom for the first time that I had someone finally "look" like me. My oldest son and believe me it was an amazing feeling to have people come up to me to tell e how much he looks like me. Then I had 2 more children and they looked like me too. So Yeah....I get it what if feels like to not know.
From the minute that I was brought home from the orphanage at 4 months old my parents told we every single day that I was special because I was very wanted and loved. They picked ME from all of the other babies. My cousins, grandmother and aunts and uncles wrapped my in love and acceptance. Even when I was an evil bitchy teenager I was told how special I was and embraced in their love. It didn't matter that I looked nothing like any other member of my family. I have 2 younger sister and we always had to explain how it was possible for my sister Jackie to be only 8 months younger that me. But it was never ever a big deal. I was ever ashamed that I was the adopted sister. We loved being the same age for a few months. When my sister Vickie turned 47 this year we were 47, 48, and 49 for a few short months. Then we are 47 and 49 and 49 for a few more until I turn 50 in December. We thought it was fantastic and everyone would be wondering how.....
