Those who are childfree

[SirTeddykins]

Originally Posted by SirTeddykins

I guess single child mom's are not in line with this post but I thought I'd contribute because I feel like I don't really have a child anymore apart from Teddy, the cat and my husband.

To clarify this part, yes I know I am a mother, but not to a young child.


She'll obviously always be my baby

[Oddsock]

Originally Posted by DBlain

I am sorry if I have upset you, it was not my intention, I only post from my experiences or those that I have been close to. I have no idea of your background but I would have to believe it's different from ours' because no two adoptions are exactly alike. I don't know if this is of any comfort but no matter what has gone on between my sister and her daughter she loves her unconditionally and is constantly trying to help her.

I've not compared my background, as it doesn't even fit the normal (if there is such a thing) adoption.

But have issues with so much you post, but there is no point airing it, so best to leave it be. Thank you for the apology I realize it wasn't your intention. We all post from our experience or from how we believe we see the experience of those around us.

[Oddsock]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

((((((((((((OddSock)))))))))))) I'm in tears for your pain. Please check your pm's.

Thanks for the hugs and for your pm's. Still triggered, but dealing with it. Will take your advice today.


Thank you those who pm'd. This is such a lovely site.



................off to look for the other sock..

[Oddsock]

Originally Posted by dinolover

I am 24 and whenever I tell anyone I don't really see children in my future they shrug me off and tell me that will change in a few years. I was raised as the smallest child in my entire family. Till this day I am the smallest because none of my cousins or family members have kids. I was raised around adults and my grandparents to the point that I never liked other kids much, I never liked to play with toys or color my childhood activities was helping my grandma cook, sew, and clean. I always attribute that to my hesitation around children.

Whenever a friend is passing around her baby I quickly try to leave or only hold the baby for a second and pass it to the next person. I always feel odd because I am very maternal over my friends and family. Most of my family considers me the matriarch of the family because I am the center that keeps everyone together. I still can't imagine myself with children, I see what other people need to go through the exhaustion, the money, the hard work, and much more and I just look at that and think, it's not what I want.

Whenever I have told anyone how I feel they call me selfish. I hate that selfish has such a negative connotation. What is wrong with trying to make yourself happy and doing what makes you happy. A lot of my friends are now starting to have children and they all said the same thing before about how great it was going to be and how happy they were and now a few years after their child is born they look tired and they have all expressed that they had no clue how difficult it was going to be. Right now I have plenty of money and time to travel, eat at nice places, have a great time, help my family, and have alone time just watching TV and I love it.

Dino & Bucket are my babies and enough work for me. I am not sure if my views will change in the future but as of right now its how I feel and honestly I don't feel like I am missing out.

Knowing what you want isn't selfish. Putting it on others would be..ie those who pressure women into having children. Women in some ways have never had it so good, they have choices and control that was denied in the past.

[Oddsock]

Originally Posted by Maximo

This! My older brother was a very difficult growing up -- he will say it himself. It is hard to believe we were raised by the same parents in the same house. Too many people were eager to lay fault with my parents, probably because they listened and my brother was a brick wall. It definitely was not a lack of love or trying and tons of sacrifice on my parents' part.

My brother grew up to be a good person and father, thankfully.

Glad he turned out all right in the end. Totally agree, kids can be so different, in looks, in temperament, skills etc. It isn't always the parents fault, when a child goes astray.

[SirTeddykins]

Hi DBlain,


As I pm'd you, I just thought you should know that someone else (namely, me) understands that you were coming from a good place when you posted your understanding of your sisters experience with adoption. I respected the honesty and the forthrightness with which you chose to share your perspective.


It seems, from what you wrote, that your sister and her daughter are struggling with attachment disorder. My personal experience with friends, and psychological research, has empirically shown that adopted children have a larger propensity towards attachment disorder, when compared to other children, and this disorder has a significantly detrimental affect on the development of a child's emotions and behavior which also has ramifications throughout adulthood. As a result of the emotional and behaviorial implications, attachment disorder is known to be difficult for the child as well as the family. Although families can learn to support their child through counselling and education, there is no guarantee that the disorder can be overcome. Working through it can cause polarization on the part of the immediate family, marriage troubles, sibling issues as well as isolation from extended family due to a lack of understanding and the stress which comes along with trying to support the parents in addition to the child.


Parenthood, which unquestionably includes adoption, is hard. As I mentioned earlier, my understanding of the challenges parenthood presents is why I choose to not have another child.


Parenthood is also emotive and sometimes it is difficult for others to separate their experiences from those of someone else.


I know you were not trying to insult anyone and I know that others know it, too.


You are a great person as is everyone else on this forum


If anyone wants any literature re: research loosely mentioned above, please let me know.

[Wylie's Mom]

Just want to make a quick comment regarding the off-topic subject of adoption that has arisen in this thread.

Some of you have direct experience with adoption - either as someone who was adopted, someone who did the adopting, or someone who has a family member who was involved in adoption. This clearly has the potential to be a very sensitive subject on all sides, and that is understandable. I think we should be *very* careful to be respectful and accepting of all types of experiences with adoption, whether the experience has been positive or negative. It takes courage to post with brutal honesty about some subjects, and I think some people have been very courageous in their sharing here. Just like in non-adoptive situations, family life is not always ideal - and tough things happen in all families. Let's try not to harshly judge those who are sharing their experiences because if we do, we miss out on the actual discussion that is taking place. It's okay to share your responses in terms of how another's post made you feel (positive or negative), but let's try not to qualify another's life or family experience as either negative or positive or flawed. Please allow all to have their truthful experiences. Thank you .

[ChibiLuv]

I think having a difficult child can happen to anyone. My parents are awesome, they are loving and supportive and look how awesome I turned out yet my brother, raised by those same people has been very difficult. He is hard to talk to, he is stand-offish at best and has gotten in serious trouble (has a record). He has addiction issues and has Not been an easy kid to raise. When you decide to be a parent, by conceiving or by adopting you are rolling a dice. Anything can happen. Being a parent is a huge responsibility that should be taken more seriously. So many people who have no idea just have a kid because it is the thing to do. It's refreshing to see how many of you are making the choice to think about it, to plan, to weigh the pros and cons. Although I might want a kid what if I end up with one like my bother? Could I handle that? If I never have kids I don't feel like I would be sad, my life is full. I have a loving family, a great Husband and 2 little furry babies that are the light of my life. I am going to see where life takes me but believe me when I say if or when we do decide on kids we will be ready for whatever life decides to throw us.