Those who are childfree
 

What made you decide not to have children?

Lol this will be interesting!
For me, I just didn't see myself as a mother.
I love my pets and my freedom.
I admire those who are energetic enough to raise kids and put their own needs second to do so, but I wanted my life to be about me and my happiness together with my husband and after all this time I've never regretted it.

I feel the same way. I've never given much thought into having children, and if I did it was to maybe adopt instead of having one of my own. I absolutely adore children and I enjoy babysitting my nephew he makes me very happy, but at the end of the day I can always give him back to his mom ;) All the money I save from not having children I get to use on myself, my fiancé, and Teddy. I'm also not limited to making plans or spontaneously going out of town to travel. I like having my freedom :)

Please don't be offended, but a child you adopt is "your own." :love::love::love: My husband and I received the great gift of our son over 30 years ago, and two years ago he and his wife brought our grandson from the same country. We are not once, but twice blessed. The girls who were born to us later are no more "ours" than their brother, and while we are anxiously waiting for the birth of our son's second child, he is no more our grandchild than his brother from Asia.

As one who considers her children the greatest earthly blessing, I have great respect for those who know that parenting is not what they are called to do. As much as I love my family, I know that I often failed to be the best parent (or sometimes even a good one). Kudos to those who know that other things are their gifts! I am incredibly impressed by you!

I love your post. From a very early age, I had positive feelings about adoption. I knew that if I ever had children, I wanted to adopt them.

One of my grade school friends found out she was adopted and was so upset. I told her that it was very cool that her awesome parents chose her.

I ended up not getting married and not adopting. I'm very happy to be an aunt to 4 nephews.

Every now and again there is a post that makes me spontaneously cry...this is one of them, thanks for sharing, your amazing!

I don't have any kids yet but I too am leaning towards adoption. Working at an animal shelter and seeing dogs as children has just made me feel like not 'breeding' and adopting a child who needs a home instead. I want a slightly older kid but DH wants an infant, we will see what happens I guess.

Can't wait to see what you decide and what a wonderful refreshing post.

We never had kids. We have been together since 1988, and are quite happy. We never tried to prevent pregnancy, but I always laugh that God knows what he is doing when we didn't ever get pregnant. Now, I can't even imagine how different our lives would have been if we did have any. At one point, we decided that we are quite happy as is, but if we ever felt the need to have a child, we would adopt. (or as my dh would say "we will go to Guatemala and pick one up"). We never got that urge, and now are happy to be unencumbered to travel or sleep all day or have nothing in the refrigerator that is healthy. :)

I was also very moved by your post, so beautiful. I am very pleased to be a mother myself but totally value the decision to stay childless and see some great benefits to that as well.

I'm not maternal. I never craved or desired to have a baby and raise it. I knew at a young age I didn't want to become a mom. Being a mom was not for me.

I'm not anti-children. I like kids, but I never desired to have one and raise it.

Perhaps I'm missing a gene. :)

I am married. My husband and I have been together for 20 years.

We do half-jokingly refer to our yorkie Tatiana as our only child. The funny part is that some of our nieces and nephews seriously considers Tatiana as their cousin!

Sometimes it is not a decision you make, but life makes for you. I remember when I was growing up I never thought much about having or not having children.


Then I got involved with a divorced man with children, he wanted no more children and that was fine with me for a long time. Then I don't know maybe a biological clock switched on, and I thought maybe I should have children. Long story a bit shorter, I had some testing done, and well it would be very difficult for me to successfully bring a child to term. So I set that idea aside.


I think adopting a young child would be great, there are many children over the world that need good homes.


In our day and age, kudos to everyone who makes informed and measured choices. Have children, adopt, don't have children.

I'm missing that gene too :D and I've always said I don't have a maternal bone in my body. I usually run away when Mothers are passing around their new babies. ;) If it doesn't have 4 legs and fur, I'm not raising it!

Me and hubs just never had that burning desire to have kids, and I've always pretty much felt that way. I feel that unless you REALLY want kids, you may want to think about not having them. Some people think/feel "well, you get married and you have kids, of course!" -- I don't believe in that kind of thinking.

Like others have said, I LOVE my independence and the freedom of not having another little person depending upon me. I absolutely love being a fur Mom and wouldn't trade it for anything. We've never regretted not having kids. I'm now 46, btw...no regrets.

That is one of the problems some adoptees have. They are often told how lucky they are, how blessed, how grateful they should be. No one says this to a child who's parents have died, and they then have to be raised by someone else. Yet to the child the loss can be similar. The difference is how the child is allowed to feel about it.

As for being chosen, that can work when the child is young, but later they realize, that for many adoptive parents, especially those who want a baby, they in fact don't chose much, they get what's available.
I've been one of those children wheeled out to the prospective parents, as an older child(5 yrs old) , then told I'm the one, they just knew it as soon as they saw (my blonde hair, blue eyes)me, 'meant to be' then watch them slink off ,when they were told of my heart condition. Then watch as they pick another child that they 'just know was meant to be'. Those left went back on the shelf till the next parent pick. Gross.

Also some adoptees are not allowed to have their own name or to even know it. Not allowed their own medical details and in some cases they have to guess their nationality/race. No one else is treated like this, then told to be grateful about it. This is mostly true in the States than in Europe. There are American's who can die for their country but are not allowed their birth details. (this is changing in some states, but the adoptee still has to go to court for their own details)

It's wonderful that there are people willing to adopt, it's just how it's done that is an issue. Here in the UK, I have issues with the birth cert. It would be more honest if it gave the true birth parents then had an add on with the adoption details. Instead of the pretence that the adoptive parent were the first. They maybe the best but they are not biological. All parents should be listed.

I'd be rich if I'd been paid for every stranger or new Dr, new teacher who upon meeting me (after my adoptive parents had met with them) informed me how 'lucky' I was, as soon as they'd met me, before even saying hi.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread, but there are so many misconceptions about adoption. ..and forums full of adoptees who even when from happy adoptive homes (who LOVE their adoptive parents), are not happy about adoption or don't feel they can say how they really feel, due to how society sees adoption.

Those who chose not to have children, due to how they want to live their lives, are wise.:thumbup: It's a pity more don't think before having children, when they don't want them or can't cope with them. This applies to those who adopt for the wrong reason too..ie to keep a marriage going that's failing or to be seen as some martyr / saviour.

I've even read a blog from a adoptive mother who adopted to 'own' that child and had high expectation from that child in gratitude and pay back. She expected that child to lick her boots..it was so outrageous adoptive parents where horrified.

Abused adoptees have it even harder, they are dismissed as ungrateful adoptees or adoptees with adoptee issues, which they of course have.

Thumbs up to those who chose not to have children, when they know they aren't up for it or don't want too for whatever reason.:thumbup: