Omg I Need To Vent !!!!!!!! Omg !!!

[ssmiles1980A]

Originally Posted by JiggityJig

I know that when you tell us how sad you are, or that you feel guilty, etc, you are just telling us what you FEEL, not what you KNOW.

Like, obviously you KNEW it was an accident, and that these things happen, and that your boyfriend was just as sad as you....but you still couldn't help FEELING mad at him, or wishing you'd been more careful, or whatever.

And you KNOW that you are not alone in this kind of tragedy happening to you, but it still FEELS like a horror. Right?

So I know we all keep telling you not to feel guilty, because you don't HAVE to, etc...and I'm sure you understand that....but I also understand that it HELPS you just to talk through your feelings, even the ones that you know might not be the most rational . Is this right?

I'm just trying to understand how you feel. When we say, "don't feel guilty", or, "it was an accident", please don't feel like we are trying to tell you not to post about those things anymore. I think we understand that you are just working through your grief, and everything you are thinking and feeling is NORMAL. And it's HEALTHY that you're talking about it. I hope your boyfriend is able to talk to someone about it too....my heart really goes out to him, and how horrible he must feel.



I really like this. You will never forget Ella, and the brief time she was in your life, and the horribly sad way she left it. But the things you are going through now CAN end up being positive...making you a stronger person in the end.

There is a saying that grief stretches out your heart, and leaves you with a greater capacity for love and happiness in the future. I really believe that, and I hope you eventually find it to be true in your own life.

everything you said was 100 % RIGHT !!!! Thank you, just thank you so much for the support . everything you said exactly is what i feel .... i know it was an accident, i really do know that, and i love Will with all my heart and soul, he has been the one person in my life always there for me, if it wasnt for him i couldnt have ever gotton through my dads funeral and death, he has been my heart and my best friend, i dont have a relationship with my mother sadly to say, but its for the best and Will and my yorkies and his mother have been my family, but right this second im just mad at him, i hate being mad at him, i just right this second feel that my emotions are all over the place, i know it will take time for me to sort them all out, everyhour seems to be different, one second i feel just "ok " and im not crying and the next i just cant seem to stop crying, my heart just phycially is broken, i just miss her so much, i miss everything about her, right before the accident will gave her a bath and she smelled soooo goood, and then i gave her 2 small pieces of cheese, god i just miss that little girl with all my heart ,i want so bad for this horrible pain to go away .....everyday my pain gets worse ...we are having her cremated and i think will is going to bury her in the backyard and he mentioned getting flowers, with all of this still going on how can i ever get over this ?? cremated ??? my poor baby girl ....she will just be ashes ... she was so beautiful and now she is just gone ...it just hurts so badly ...the guilt right now is just so hard to overcome, i know it wasnt his fault and i still blame him i know it wasnt my fault but i blame myself a million times more , i just want my baby girl to rest in peace, and maybe she cant do that knowing all the pain and suffering we are doing and what im doing to will, i feel so bad, i feel like a horrible person, its just my pain is so much right now, all i think about is ella, and i want my mind off of her so bad, and then i feel bad for saying that ...... i cant walk downstairs, its just too painful to do so since thats where the accident took place, i dont think i will ever be able to go downstairs again .....okay i think im blabbing away here ..i will stop
thank you for letting me vent !!!

[Marcellacml]

don't stop its good for you to express what your feeling just let it all out..

[ssmiles1980A]

Originally Posted by Piccolo's mom

Dear Aubrey and Will,
I am too sad to express my sorrow. No words can bring her back..But I want to offer you something. I know that another baby will never replace Ella and I don't mean that. I was thinking of buying another yorkie to keep Piccolo company and I have reserved money for a new baby. Instead, I would like to send it you, whenever you are ready to welcome a new puppy. If you have a paypal account I will use it. Please, let me know.
And again, it's not a replacement. I lost my dog, too, and still think of him all the time. I love Piccolo to pieces but Teddy is always in my heart. I swore of dogs after Teddy died because I was sick for months after his death and didn't want to go through this again. I took me a long time to get another puppy but I am very happy I did.
So, please, take my offer and cherish the memory of Ella at the same time.

Barb

Barb -WOW WHAT AN AMAZING PERSON YOU ARE FOR AN OFFER LIKE THAT ....you are truly special, its not something i could ever take, i dont deserve another little baby, your baby deserves a brother or sister, i dont know if i could ever replace ella, i think i would be a horrible person to ever accept an offer like this, ella would want YOU to get your little baby a brother or sister . Your offer is just so very kind, you have touched my heart deeply ....you all have . All these post make me just cry and cry, Thank you so much barb and to EVERYONE for all the love and support and friendship..it will never ever be forgotton, and ella is a lucky little girl to have so many people that think of her .

Thank you From the bottom of my heart

[JillandJack]

Aubrey,
Although your time with baby Ella was short, she has provided you with a lifetime of memory of her. She has touched so many hearts here on YT. We all loved her so much and all hurt so much for her.

Thoughts and prayers to you!

R.I.P. Baby Ella

[JiggityJig]

thank you for letting me vent !!!

I know it's hard to believe, but time IS going to dull the hurt, although it will never take away the memory of the joy and sorrow.

And this is just my opinion, because I've never personally had to deal with a tragedy of these proportions...but I don't think you CAN successfully move on without LETTING yourself feel all of this now. So I think it's good that you ARE.

My mother lost her twin sister, and a week later her father had a stroke, and she became his care-giver. She had to interrupt her own terrible grief, in order to be strong for another person. It took years for her to be able to recognize the number that that repression did on her, mentally and emotionally, and even physically.

I've known people who've lost their children, and that is something that I just cannot even fathom. How do you go through that, and not lose your sanity? But people do. The scars never go away, but when you get right down to it, WE ARE STRONG. People are strong. YOU are strong. You may not feel like it right now, and right now, it's OKAY to be weak. When the time comes to pick up the pieces and go on, you'll know it....but right now, everything you're feeling is natural.

I hope that your boyfriend understands that. I hope that this doesn't end up causing hard times between you two, because of all the raw emotions in the air. This is something else we will all be praying for you about.

[rachelsyorkie]

aubrey,
Looks like you have made some wonderful friends here. I hope we will see you back on soon w/pics of a new little one & all the cute stories that we all tell that make the rest of the world think we are crazy as &%$#.
But we're not.All animals are special, they love you unconditionally for so little in return. I think it takes a special person to own a yorkie in bliss. There are many here and you are one of them. Your friends here have made some beautiful offers to help you get thru this & When you have grieved & made a remeberance for Ella I hope you will take them up on it. Ella is still running around your feet happy & now she will have a new sibling to play with. I am so sad for you, but you are not alone & I see a light at the end of your tunnel. Let us know you are ok. And dont forget to warn your boyfriend that even though you will throw this in his face for the rest of his life (cause thats what us women do) that you still love him & the correct answer for him is "I know, I'm sorry & I love you" But we usually let stuff go after 10 years or so. There are some wonderful people on here. I am touched & so proud of all of you.

[IluvLucy]

Originally Posted by ssmiles1980A

Barb -WOW WHAT AN AMAZING PERSON YOU ARE FOR AN OFFER LIKE THAT ....you are truly special, its not something i could ever take, i dont deserve another little baby, your baby deserves a brother or sister, i dont know if i could ever replace ella, i think i would be a horrible person to ever accept an offer like this, ella would want YOU to get your little baby a brother or sister . Your offer is just so very kind, you have touched my heart deeply ....you all have . All these post make me just cry and cry, Thank you so much barb and to EVERYONE for all the love and support and friendship..it will never ever be forgotton, and ella is a lucky little girl to have so many people that think of her .

Thank you From the bottom of my heart

Please don't say you don't "deserve" another baby! Yes, you do! This was a horrible accident, but it WAS an accident. You are a WONDERFUL "Mommy" and there's another little puppy out there who NEEDS you and Will to make their little life complete. You have enough love in your heart for Ella and a new baby when the time is right for you. Ella will always be with you in your heart of hearts, but another baby will bring great joy to your life.

Hugs,
Kim

[Yano]

Dear we are so sad for your and your boyfriend's loss! Poor little sweetheart is now happy in heaven and sending kisses to both of you. I'm sure she forgives you and knows how much both of you love her! One day you all can play together again. We will send her and you prayers! I especially cried when I read that you gave her a bath and feed her some cheese! What a happy baby!

We wanted to add that my husband and I read the posts and we are so touched by what all of you wrote! Once again what we thought is proved true-Yorkie owners are wonderful people, especially you all at Yorkie talk!

[shalynn65]

Oh my goodness..you sure do DESERVE another baby to love. What happened was a complete accident. You can not blame yourself or your BF. It was an Accident..nothing more or less. You did everything under the sun for little Ella. She could not have been more loved. Some other baby out there DESERVES the love that you have to give to it. Please do not rule out another baby boy or girl. The Yorkie family needs someone like you in it.
Hugs to you!! Hang in there, it will get better.

[LunasMomma]

Aubrey, I didn't think that I deserved Luna, either, when Starr died. But things just happend that are out of our control and that does NOT mean that we are bad people and don't deserve happiness! You and Will certainly DO deserve to have a new baby to love, when you're ready. Take some time to greive and you'll know when that time is In the meantime, try to be kind to yourself, okay?

Jig, everything you posted is SO smart and true, and really made me think. You hit the nail right on the head for me. What we "know" intellectually and what we "feel" are two different things, sometimes at polar opposites. Thank you for your wisdom

[yougetthesmiles]

Aubrey,
I know another yorkie will never replace Ella, and I know how deeply torn apart you are. I have been there and I can feel your pain.
I'm so so happy that I was able to get Lillie after losing Kloey, Lillie did not replace Kloey, but I will tell you she helped me out so much, she made me smile again. I was so gratefull to Denise517 and Jill (LittleBits Mom) for helping me get Lillie, without either of them, I would probaby still be sad and lost. My heart was so broken, I had never felt pain like that before. Kloey was my baby! She still lives on in my heart and soul and there is not a day that goes by that I dont look at her picture and remember all the good times I had with her. I have her picture right next to my bed, so every morning when I wake up, she is what I see and every night before I close my eyes, she is there.
Take your time, and when your ready, I know a new baby will be ready to have you as a wonderful mommy!

Hugs and more hugs to you sweetie!
Missy

[Doodlebug]

Aubrey, please don't feel like you don't deserve another little baby. You gave Ella so much love. There is another little Yorkie out there that needs love too. You will know when the time is right. Please feel free to update us on how YOU are doing. We care about you and want to help you heal. Please feel free to PM me ANY TIME you want to talk. It helps to have others there to help you thru. I know.

Excellent post from JiggityJig.

[tangobango]

Your loss is monumental. Of course you deserve another baby when you are ready. Remember this, this horrible feeling you have right now is because you have the capacity to totally love. Had you not had this wonderful joyous gift to love so deeply, you would not feel so devastated right now. You still have so much love to give. In time you will be able to love again because you deserve to love and be loved. You are a wonderful mom that has been through a devastating experience. Don't let it rob you of loving again. My prayers are with you.

[ARCHIE]

Aubrey you and Will have been through hell and back these last couple of days but you somehow have to force yourself to get busy again. Only time
will heal your pain and time can stand still if you let it. Don't let it. Try very
hard to move forward. Baby Ella would want you to. It was nobody's fault.
Accidents happened. You were a wonderful mommy to her and she will
love you forever you know that. Perhaps it would be better for you to
get another right away. Ella would want your pain to heal and for you and
Will to be happy again. We all know dogs give "unconditional love," always.
You have to make yourself happy again, do not feel guilty, she wants you
to be happy. If you can't be happy right now for yourself be happy for
her.
I am praying for you and Will to be strong and go on living your lives.
You need each other.

Sincerely,
Carol

[Julz]

Aubrey, I know you will know when the time is right....but NEVER think you don't deserve to love and be loved by another some day. Don't let the word "replace" ever enter your mind. Any living thing can never be "replaced". Ella will/can never be forgoten as she is a part of you now. You were not neglectful in any way. I, for one, as a breeder, would never hesitate to place a puppy in your care...and I'm sure a lot of others feel the same. Reading all that others have written to you and Will warms my heart. So many messages....so many prayers....so much empathy and concern....we all know it could happen to us any given second (and for many it already has). God bless and take care. Hugs to you and Will.