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Originally Posted by JiggityJig I know that when you tell us how sad you are, or that you feel guilty, etc, you are just telling us what you FEEL, not what you KNOW.
Like, obviously you KNEW it was an accident, and that these things happen, and that your boyfriend was just as sad as you....but you still couldn't help FEELING mad at him, or wishing you'd been more careful, or whatever.
And you KNOW that you are not alone in this kind of tragedy happening to you, but it still FEELS like a horror. Right?
So I know we all keep telling you not to feel guilty, because you don't HAVE to, etc...and I'm sure you understand that....but I also understand that it HELPS you just to talk through your feelings, even the ones that you know might not be the most rational . Is this right?
I'm just trying to understand how you feel. When we say, "don't feel guilty", or, "it was an accident", please don't feel like we are trying to tell you not to post about those things anymore. I think we understand that you are just working through your grief, and everything you are thinking and feeling is NORMAL. And it's HEALTHY that you're talking about it. I hope your boyfriend is able to talk to someone about it too....my heart really goes out to him, and how horrible he must feel.
I really like this. You will never forget Ella, and the brief time she was in your life, and the horribly sad way she left it. But the things you are going through now CAN end up being positive...making you a stronger person in the end.
There is a saying that grief stretches out your heart, and leaves you with a greater capacity for love and happiness in the future. I really believe that, and I hope you eventually find it to be true in your own life. |
everything you said was 100 % RIGHT !!!! Thank you, just thank you so much for the support . everything you said exactly is what i feel .... i know it was an accident, i really do know that, and i love Will with all my heart and soul, he has been the one person in my life always there for me, if it wasnt for him i couldnt have ever gotton through my dads funeral and death, he has been my heart and my best friend, i dont have a relationship with my mother sadly to say, but its for the best and Will and my yorkies and his mother have been my family, but right this second im just mad at him, i hate being mad at him, i just right this second feel that my emotions are all over the place, i know it will take time for me to sort them all out, everyhour seems to be different, one second i feel just "ok " and im not crying and the next i just cant seem to stop crying, my heart just phycially is broken, i just miss her so much, i miss everything about her, right before the accident will gave her a bath and she smelled soooo goood, and then i gave her 2 small pieces of cheese, god i just miss that little girl with all my heart ,i want so bad for this horrible pain to go away .....everyday my pain gets worse ...we are having her cremated and i think will is going to bury her in the backyard and he mentioned getting flowers, with all of this still going on how can i ever get over this ?? cremated ??? my poor baby girl ....she will just be ashes ... she was so beautiful and now she is just gone ...it just hurts so badly ...the guilt right now is just so hard to overcome, i know it wasnt his fault and i still blame him i know it wasnt my fault but i blame myself a million times more , i just want my baby girl to rest in peace, and maybe she cant do that knowing all the pain and suffering we are doing and what im doing to will, i feel so bad, i feel like a horrible person, its just my pain is so much right now, all i think about is ella, and i want my mind off of her so bad, and then i feel bad for saying that ...... i cant walk downstairs, its just too painful to do so since thats where the accident took place, i dont think i will ever be able to go downstairs again .....okay i think im blabbing away here ..i will stop
thank you for letting me vent !!!