Can i ask a question.....

[chachi]

Originally Posted by mustangbee

A person can not act happy. It shows if your not. You really need to be happy in life. When was the last time you and your Husband went on a date? A date can be just a walk in the park, out to dinner, just about anywhere. It's a time for a husband & wife to be together without the kids.
If you can't tell him how you feel. I would write him a note, he needs to know. At one point you felt in love, now you either have to get it back, or move on so you can be happy. I know it's hard, my Sisters have been there. Their life didn't end, their children were fine. They became happy, and that's whats important.
I have been married for 25 years next month, we have five children. My Husband is my best friend, I think it's because we always talk. We still go on dates, and I'm sure we always will.
Try to write down the things you want out of life. What makes you happy, and what makes you sad, then read it and take it from there. It's what one of my Sisters did. She said she would have never known how she really felt, if she didn't write it down. She's super happy now, and you can be too.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

This is great advice and My husband and I have did this when we were in a rut.

[ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by chachi

This is great advice and My husband and I have did this when we were in a rut.

been there done that...dont work..all he says is it cannot happen..you can not fall out of love with somebody and that im just selfish and thinking of myself!!!!!!!!! I am probably one of the less selfish ppl ever.....as you can see from my last two posts!!! I dont know what to do now.....

[hunniebunnie]

can you pack a bag and stay at a relative's or friend's tonight? just to show him you meant what you said?

[ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by hunniebunnie

can you pack a bag and stay at a relative's or friend's tonight? just to show him you meant what you said?

well i have 2 children and I run a dc out of my home. so if anybody needs to go it's him!!!!!

[hunniebunnie]

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

well i have 2 children and I run a dc out of my home. so if anybody needs to go it's him!!!!!

i'm not sure what's a "dc". but maybe it's best for you and the kids to stay elsewhere next weekend. i agree, he should be the one to go. but if he's pig-headed, there's no sense in staying there to be stubborn along with him. he can stay home alone for a couple days and figure out how are you suppose to "work on it" if you "don't talk about it."

[ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by hunniebunnie

i'm not sure what's a "dc". but maybe it's best for you and the kids to stay elsewhere next weekend. i agree, he should be the one to go. but if he's pig-headed, there's no sense in staying there to be stubborn along with him. he can stay home alone for a couple days and figure out how are you suppose to "work on it" if you "don't talk about it."

DC..is daycare. My problem is I dont want to work on it ...i just want him gone...

[hunniebunnie]

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

DC..is daycare. My problem is I dont want to work on it ...i just want him gone...

ah... daycare, got it.

i would recommend that you speak to a counselor, not with him, but on your own to be sure you are absolutely certain about not wanting to work on it anymore, and not just saying that now because you're totally frustrated with him.

if you are absolutely certain, then talk to a legal advisor and start the process of a legal separation and get information regarding your options if a divorce were to proceed. imho, it's best to start the process now, while you are still sane and reasonable, rather than to wait until the both of you are frustrated and angry at each other beyond the desire to be civil.

it's also good for you to understand your legal options and financial obligations. if you are the primary breadwinner, unless you had a prenup, you may have to pay him alimony. etc etc.

[YorkieShadow]

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

DC..is daycare. My problem is I dont want to work on it ...i just want him gone...

If you feel you are so unhappy and that it wont work any more and theres nothing left to sit down and talk about then maybe you should separate. I really don't know. I have been with the same man sense I was 17 and I'm 45 now........ He is a real sweet man. and I think everyone has their ups and downs. I'm so glad we stayed together ..... I know he is the one I want to grow old with.
My daughter had a B/F for three years...... she started feeling like you do and She walked out one day. Her B/F cried in my arms ....He told me how much he loved my daughter and how much it hurt him not only to lose her but to lose us. I told him we loved him too. But the jealousness was to much but he was a very sweet man ........but was so very jealous that it made her life miscible.........She left him and he also said he would kill him self.........He didn't and 6 months later she realized she loved him it was the jealousie she hated. They got back together and talked it all out and He has changed so much he is now her dream man. Before he would jump on another man that would say hi to her. Now he smiles and walks on. Me and her talked the other day ...And she told me she was so glad she left him because it really did change him. My self I didnt think it would. But I have seen the difference and I have told him how proud we are of him. he knew he would lose her for ever if he didnt change and she can even talk to her old school guy friends with out him standing over her.

[cheryl000]

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!!

I am proud of you for finally telling him. But I think it was very disrespectful of him to belittle you and walk into the garage without talking about it. You need to express everything on your mind. If you have to do that by taking the kids to the babysitter, having a friend over for backup, writting a letter, or even a phone call you do what you have to do. He needs to know that you're serious. If things get ugly or if he won't leave then you might have to call the police. Everyday you are getting more and more angry that you're being held there. I remember hating my ex for that same reason, I didn't want to be with him anymore and he kept saying he wanted to kill himself. He will say anything to try to hold onto you. Stick to your guns and this time don't go back until YOU are sure you want to. It will be very hard on everyone to keep doing this. Good luck

[ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by cheryl000

I am proud of you for finally telling him. But I think it was very disrespectful of him to belittle you and walk into the garage without talking about it. You need to express everything on your mind. If you have to do that by taking the kids to the babysitter, having a friend over for backup, writting a letter, or even a phone call you do what you have to do. He needs to know that you're serious. If things get ugly or if he won't leave then you might have to call the police. Everyday you are getting more and more angry that you're being held there. I remember hating my ex for that same reason, I didn't want to be with him anymore and he kept saying he wanted to kill himself. He will say anything to try to hold onto you. Stick to your guns and this time don't go back until YOU are sure you want to. It will be very hard on everyone to keep doing this. Good luck

Thank You SO Much!!

[Bruce's_Mom]

Go to a lawyer, start the process of a legal separation or a divorce...He may not be responsive to your attempts at talking to him, but I am sure he would be much more responsive to being served with legal documents! In addition when if/you file you can file for what are called temporary orders, to determine things like support, who lives in the house, etc during the pendency of the divorce or separation, so that way you could obtain a court order forcing him out of ther home...If you think there is nothing that can be done to save your message I would just start the process rolling. The longer you wait the more difficult it will be on him.

[ytsirk27]

Well i know for sure I dont want to be here and it wont work.....I rather be in class last night which i was for awhile instead of staying here....I however got a really really bad migraine and had to come home!!! I think we will be talking seriously whether he wants to hear it or not!!!!

[bchgirl]

[QUOTE=ytsirk27] Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" : . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!! QUOTE]

He's avoiding the situation, not taking sides, but it'd probably be the LAST conversation I wanted to have were it me too. That said if you want out of limbo land, you're going to have to make that tough decision....work on it and do, or make the necessary arrangements. Personally I'd be the one moving out. I think (and this is only my opinion....so it may stink ) you prefer for him to move out, because then it doesn't require you to make a decision more or less. You're gonna have to do as they say.....poop or get off the pot.
Many of us have "been there done that"....unfortunately all the advice in the world can't make the decisions (nor the necessary arrangements) for you, hard as they may be.

Good luck, sweetie, and please don't read my post as sounding mean...cause I really didn't mean it that way

[ytsirk27]

[QUOTE=bchgirl]

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" : . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!! QUOTE]

He's avoiding the situation, not taking sides, but it'd probably be the LAST conversation I wanted to have were it me too. That said if you want out of limbo land, you're going to have to make that tough decision....work on it and do, or make the necessary arrangements. Personally I'd be the one moving out. I think (and this is only my opinion....so it may stink ) you prefer for him to move out, because then it doesn't require you to make a decision more or less. You're gonna have to do as they say.....poop or get off the pot.
Many of us have "been there done that"....unfortunately all the advice in the world can't make the decisions (nor the necessary arrangements) for you, hard as they may be.

Good luck, sweetie, and please don't read my post as sounding mean...cause I really didn't mean it that way

I understand what your saying but I paid for this house and i have 2 kids and all their stuff that i gotta get settled. It easier for him to take his clothes right now and just go until I figure out if im keeping this house or not. I am not trying to be difficult or hateful but he has somewhere to go and I dont besides having to pay the payment on this house pretty much since we have had it I, yes me, should beable to stay in it until i figure out what im doing. not only besides that, I workl out of my house doing daycare if i leave now...so does my income!

[BabyFidgette]

[QUOTE=ytsirk27]

Originally Posted by bchgirl

I understand what your saying but I paid for this house and i have 2 kids and all their stuff that i gotta get settled. It easier for him to take his clothes right now and just go until I figure out if im keeping this house or not. I am not trying to be difficult or hateful but he has somewhere to go and I dont besides having to pay the payment on this house pretty much since we have had it I, yes me, should beable to stay in it until i figure out what im doing. not only besides that, I workl out of my house doing daycare if i leave now...so does my income!

I just noticed you're my age. I hope everything works out for you. Just remember, we woman are strong and stick together.