Can i ask a question..... - Page 5 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

ytsirk27 · 02-09-2006, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Zoe

I just re-read some of your past posts and I wanted to point out that there is a distinct difference between "Love" and "Obsession". When you love someone, you respect them. You care about their feelings and dreams and needs. You care MORE about them than you do yourself, and if being without you will make them happiest, then that is what you want for them too!! Obsession is completely different. You don't think you can live without the other person, so you say insane things to get them to stay, make them feel guilty or hopeless, or to make them feel that there is no getting rid of you, so why even try?! Like when he said these things..... "you won't ever leave me..I wont allow it", "You'll have to burn me out like a cockroach" and "I'll kill myself if you do". Um, that is a little creepy. In other words he's saying "even though leaving me may make YOU happy, you might as well forget about it, because I'm not going anywhere. If anything it will just make your life worse because I will kill myself, and then you will have to explain to the kids that their daddy killed himself all because of YOU". The fact of the matter is.... you CAN leave him. You do need to take caution though with the threats that he has given. You need to sit down and really decide what you want to do. If you want to leave him, then you need to come up with a plan and not turn back. Make up your mind, and if you decide for sure to go then don't talk to him about it. Don't give him the opportunity to make you feel guilty. Maybe you should talk to a professional psychologist to get ideas of the best way to go about it. One time my Mom wanted to leave my step-dad and her counselor suggested starting a secret "runaway fund" for herself. You are a strong woman and you can do what is best for you and your family. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself, or manipulate you any longer.

Thank You SO Much!!

Latuya · 02-09-2006, 12:28 PM

I do know how your feeling! I went though that not too long ago. We have been married now for 14 years and there for a while I think we just lost or just lost sight of whole love thing. I know he loved me but sometimes I feel he loved the "family thing" a bit more. He adores the kids and feels that the family bond is very important. I feel it's because he grew up without a dad and he does not want to miss a thing in his childresn lives. Which totally understandable.

It started about 5 years ago. He was working nights, I was working days and we really didn't see much of eachother. And when we did get to spend time with one another, I felt that there was nothing there anymore. Besides the kids I felt we had nothing between us. I was so scared that I had just fallen out of love with him. I brought it to his attention and we talked and talked and talked and talked some more. We put some effort in this relationship and both came to the understanding that with everything that was going on at the time, us working different hours, me being upset to come home to a dirty house after working 8 hours, us not spending anytime with eachother besides as a family doing family things with the kids and never actually alone.

I ended up leaving for a weekend and was so ready to come home and have the talk,,,,, I was so ready to ask for a seperation. it was the best thing I ever did! It was when we had the talk and insted of asking for the seperation and my thinking it's what he wanted to, It was the the other way around. He realized how I was feeling and knew I was not happy. We still have our ups and downs but I no longer doubt our love. He has been there through the toughest times in my life. He is my best friend and although I want to kill him at times he is there for me and I no longer have any doubt about our relationship. I stopped working, he started working days and he made more time for "us". We do go out on dates at least once a month NO KIDS!!!! Have you done this? We go dancing, movies, dinner, the beach for dinner and walk.

I do think you need to get away. You need time to think. Don't let him make you feel like a bad mother! You need to find yourself and think things through most of all you need to talk to him. If at that time you still feel the way you do, then you need to deside what to do. I do know that if you are unhappy it will not work. And sooner or later the kids will pick up on it. It is better to be true to yourself and not put up an act for the kids sake. My oldesr daughter seen me cry countless times and I know she was very worried at the time. Not too long ago she brought up the sub, she asked me if that her dad hadent changed and paid more attion to do I think we would still be together. I hate that had to see me like that. And I just reinsure her that I am very happy with my life and not only am I'm happy, I know I am still in love! I do wish you the best!

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 08:39 AM

Well i think I'm the dumbest person ever.. he was talking about his cousin and his wife this morning and their problems...going on like there both selfish and blah blah blah... and than he just kept on going on and on about women that are unhappy just leave and think of themselves only ant what not and than he looked at me point blank and said are you happy baby? I wanted to scream NO! but i didnt. I said yeah but I couldnt look at him and he just looked at me and said ok. im so stupid and i shouldnt even be on here whining but i am.

I think part of it was that i have my youngest here and 4 DC kids so I knew that if I said No he would want to talk about now and wouldnt drop it and than he'd get mad and start packing his stuff and yelling and being an a$$. This is what kind of person I am. I am nurturing and eventhough ppl take advantage I try my best to help and please them/. We only have one vehicle and I just got it with my income tax money. Jeff had a truyck but it's a long story so I said that when I get my school money at the end of this month that id buy him a truck...and if I made him leave he wouldnt have a vehicle right now. The bad thing is if i did tell him to leave I would still givehim like $1000. to get one because I feel bad!!!!! Am i just messed up in the head or just stupid????

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 09:50 AM

anybody?????

Princess Zoe · 02-10-2006, 10:48 AM

Awwww...... You are such a good person. You don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or have them go without. When was the last time you thought about your own feelings though, or about what you are going without or having to deal with? Sometimes when you are with someone who is controlling and manipulative, you lose sight of who you are and what YOU want and what would make YOU happy. Heck, you even lose sight of the fact that you are a good person, who is WORTH being happy!! When you told him "yes" when he asked you if you were happy, but didn't look at him, that is the saddest mental picture to me. It makes me feel that he has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to stick up for yourself because you are afraid. Think about what is best for YOU. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings.... and if he would have packed his things and left.... would that have been such a bad thing?

Ponyup · 02-10-2006, 10:52 AM

your not stupid. You are a sweet caring person and those kinda people get taken advantage of a lot. I seriously think you guys need to have a talk. I would suggest sending the kids to a sitters or something so that don't hear. especially if he's gonna be an ass. You have to stand up for yourself and stop letting him take advantage of you and treat you like s**t.

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ponyup

your not stupid. You are a sweet caring person and those kinda people get taken advantage of a lot. I seriously think you guys need to have a talk. I would suggest sending the kids to a sitters or something so that don't hear. especially if he's gonna be an ass. You have to stand up for yourself and stop letting him take advantage of you and treat you like s**t.

I know!!

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess Zoe

Awwww...... You are such a good person. You don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or have them go without. When was the last time you thought about your own feelings though, or about what you are going without or having to deal with? Sometimes when you are with someone who is controlling and manipulative, you lose sight of who you are and what YOU want and what would make YOU happy. Heck, you even lose sight of the fact that you are a good person, who is WORTH being happy!! When you told him "yes" when he asked you if you were happy, but didn't look at him, that is the saddest mental picture to me. It makes me feel that he has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to stick up for yourself because you are afraid. Think about what is best for YOU. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings.... and if he would have packed his things and left.... would that have been such a bad thing?

I want to split but him having nothing makes me feel bad.....

Thank You for your kind words!!

yorkieangel · 02-10-2006, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ytsirk27

Well i think I'm the dumbest person ever.. he was talking about his cousin and his wife this morning and their problems...going on like there both selfish and blah blah blah... and than he just kept on going on and on about women that are unhappy just leave and think of themselves only ant what not and than he looked at me point blank and said are you happy baby? I wanted to scream NO! but i didnt. I said yeah but I couldnt look at him and he just looked at me and said ok. im so stupid and i shouldnt even be on here whining but i am.

I think part of it was that i have my youngest here and 4 DC kids so I knew that if I said No he would want to talk about now and wouldnt drop it and than he'd get mad and start packing his stuff and yelling and being an a$$. This is what kind of person I am. I am nurturing and eventhough ppl take advantage I try my best to help and please them/. We only have one vehicle and I just got it with my income tax money. Jeff had a truyck but it's a long story so I said that when I get my school money at the end of this month that id buy him a truck...and if I made him leave he wouldnt have a vehicle right now. The bad thing is if i did tell him to leave I would still givehim like $1000. to get one because I feel bad!!!!! Am i just messed up in the head or just stupid????

OH MY GOSHHHHH ... THINK GIRL

And by the way... if he had packed his bags and left you think he would have sent you a check for $1000 to buy you something??????

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkieangel

OH MY GOSHHHHH ... THINK GIRL

And by the way... if he had packed his bags and left you think he would have sent you a check for $1000 to buy you something??????

no.......i know i was dumb but he is a big ass when hes mad and i thought with the kids here that wouldnt be a good idea considering i run a dc...

Im just that way. I dont want to be with him but feel bad cause i have a car and he doesnt yet...

i know i know!!

yorkieangel · 02-10-2006, 01:14 PM

OH... not faulting you for keeping quiet with all the kids thee just saying the car thing was ....well let's just say not right

ytsirk27 · 02-10-2006, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkieangel

OH... not faulting you for keeping quiet with all the kids thee just saying the car thing was ....well let's just say not right

I know!!!!! Im Eeyore at times......

yorkieangel · 02-10-2006, 01:16 PM

mustangbee · 02-10-2006, 01:21 PM

A person can not act happy. It shows if your not. You really need to be happy in life. When was the last time you and your Husband went on a date? A date can be just a walk in the park, out to dinner, just about anywhere. It's a time for a husband & wife to be together without the kids.
If you can't tell him how you feel. I would write him a note, he needs to know. At one point you felt in love, now you either have to get it back, or move on so you can be happy. I know it's hard, my Sisters have been there. Their life didn't end, their children were fine. They became happy, and that's whats important.
I have been married for 25 years next month, we have five children. My Husband is my best friend, I think it's because we always talk. We still go on dates, and I'm sure we always will.
Try to write down the things you want out of life. What makes you happy, and what makes you sad, then read it and take it from there. It's what one of my Sisters did. She said she would have never known how she really felt, if she didn't write it down. She's super happy now, and you can be too.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

ytsirk27 · 02-12-2006, 09:01 AM

Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!"

. I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!!

02-09-2006, 12:28 PM	#62
Latuya YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA Posts: 3,243	I do know how your feeling! I went though that not too long ago. We have been married now for 14 years and there for a while I think we just lost or just lost sight of whole love thing. I know he loved me but sometimes I feel he loved the "family thing" a bit more. He adores the kids and feels that the family bond is very important. I feel it's because he grew up without a dad and he does not want to miss a thing in his childresn lives. Which totally understandable. It started about 5 years ago. He was working nights, I was working days and we really didn't see much of eachother. And when we did get to spend time with one another, I felt that there was nothing there anymore. Besides the kids I felt we had nothing between us. I was so scared that I had just fallen out of love with him. I brought it to his attention and we talked and talked and talked and talked some more. We put some effort in this relationship and both came to the understanding that with everything that was going on at the time, us working different hours, me being upset to come home to a dirty house after working 8 hours, us not spending anytime with eachother besides as a family doing family things with the kids and never actually alone. I ended up leaving for a weekend and was so ready to come home and have the talk,,,,, I was so ready to ask for a seperation. it was the best thing I ever did! It was when we had the talk and insted of asking for the seperation and my thinking it's what he wanted to, It was the the other way around. He realized how I was feeling and knew I was not happy. We still have our ups and downs but I no longer doubt our love. He has been there through the toughest times in my life. He is my best friend and although I want to kill him at times he is there for me and I no longer have any doubt about our relationship. I stopped working, he started working days and he made more time for "us". We do go out on dates at least once a month NO KIDS!!!! Have you done this? We go dancing, movies, dinner, the beach for dinner and walk. I do think you need to get away. You need time to think. Don't let him make you feel like a bad mother! You need to find yourself and think things through most of all you need to talk to him. If at that time you still feel the way you do, then you need to deside what to do. I do know that if you are unhappy it will not work. And sooner or later the kids will pick up on it. It is better to be true to yourself and not put up an act for the kids sake. My oldesr daughter seen me cry countless times and I know she was very worried at the time. Not too long ago she brought up the sub, she asked me if that her dad hadent changed and paid more attion to do I think we would still be together. I hate that had to see me like that. And I just reinsure her that I am very happy with my life and not only am I'm happy, I know I am still in love! I do wish you the best! __________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page

02-10-2006, 10:48 AM	#65
Princess Zoe YT Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Washington Posts: 251	Awwww...... You are such a good person. You don't want to hurt peoples feelings, or have them go without. When was the last time you thought about your own feelings though, or about what you are going without or having to deal with? Sometimes when you are with someone who is controlling and manipulative, you lose sight of who you are and what YOU want and what would make YOU happy. Heck, you even lose sight of the fact that you are a good person, who is WORTH being happy!! When you told him "yes" when he asked you if you were happy, but didn't look at him, that is the saddest mental picture to me. It makes me feel that he has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to stick up for yourself because you are afraid. Think about what is best for YOU. Don't be afraid of hurting his feelings.... and if he would have packed his things and left.... would that have been such a bad thing? __________________ Zoe and Pixie's Mommy Last edited by Princess Zoe; 02-10-2006 at 10:50 AM.

02-10-2006, 10:52 AM	#66
Ponyup YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Northern Indiana Posts: 1,252	your not stupid. You are a sweet caring person and those kinda people get taken advantage of a lot. I seriously think you guys need to have a talk. I would suggest sending the kids to a sitters or something so that don't hear. especially if he's gonna be an ass. You have to stand up for yourself and stop letting him take advantage of you and treat you like s**t. __________________ Ponyup Mom to LOGAN

02-10-2006, 01:14 PM	#71
yorkieangel Rescue Angel Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: md Posts: 1,530	OH... not faulting you for keeping quiet with all the kids thee just saying the car thing was ....well let's just say not right __________________ Yorkieangel

02-10-2006, 01:16 PM	#73
yorkieangel Rescue Angel Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: md Posts: 1,530	__________________ Yorkieangel

02-10-2006, 08:39 AM	#63
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	Well i think I'm the dumbest person ever.. he was talking about his cousin and his wife this morning and their problems...going on like there both selfish and blah blah blah... and than he just kept on going on and on about women that are unhappy just leave and think of themselves only ant what not and than he looked at me point blank and said are you happy baby? I wanted to scream NO! but i didnt. I said yeah but I couldnt look at him and he just looked at me and said ok. im so stupid and i shouldnt even be on here whining but i am. I think part of it was that i have my youngest here and 4 DC kids so I knew that if I said No he would want to talk about now and wouldnt drop it and than he'd get mad and start packing his stuff and yelling and being an a$$. This is what kind of person I am. I am nurturing and eventhough ppl take advantage I try my best to help and please them/. We only have one vehicle and I just got it with my income tax money. Jeff had a truyck but it's a long story so I said that when I get my school money at the end of this month that id buy him a truck...and if I made him leave he wouldnt have a vehicle right now. The bad thing is if i did tell him to leave I would still givehim like $1000. to get one because I feel bad!!!!! Am i just messed up in the head or just stupid????

02-10-2006, 09:50 AM	#64
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	anybody?????

02-10-2006, 01:21 PM	#74
mustangbee Donating YT 9000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: North Carolina :) Posts: 10,616	A person can not act happy. It shows if your not. You really need to be happy in life. When was the last time you and your Husband went on a date? A date can be just a walk in the park, out to dinner, just about anywhere. It's a time for a husband & wife to be together without the kids. If you can't tell him how you feel. I would write him a note, he needs to know. At one point you felt in love, now you either have to get it back, or move on so you can be happy. I know it's hard, my Sisters have been there. Their life didn't end, their children were fine. They became happy, and that's whats important. I have been married for 25 years next month, we have five children. My Husband is my best friend, I think it's because we always talk. We still go on dates, and I'm sure we always will. Try to write down the things you want out of life. What makes you happy, and what makes you sad, then read it and take it from there. It's what one of my Sisters did. She said she would have never known how she really felt, if she didn't write it down. She's super happy now, and you can be too. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. __________________ Friends are God's way of apologizing for our relatives. "Love & Support Our YT Members" Gina & Princess Member of the SSLS

02-12-2006, 09:01 AM	#75
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	Well I told him we need a long break possibly a forever break because Im not happy and dont feel any love for him...you know what he said???"yes you do baby, we can work on it, theres just alot of stress!!!" . I pointed out it's been this way for along time and he says "well, we'll work on it and I dont want to talk about it" and goes out to the damn garage!!