How Come No One Told Me?

[chachi]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

Some dogs do love crates. I believe I posted that previously in this thread. Crates should be a nice place for them, not a place they dread.
This all has nothing to do with the whys and why nots of crating. From my reading of the OP, I see someone very frustrated with her yorkie. I hope and pray that things do work out...especially for that little yorkie.
I see this thread as someone who posted for some reason...I am not clear on what that reason really was.
All I know is that everyone voiced different opinions which is how it should be. BUT, over and over again I see people saying that an opinion that they do not like is negative. Telling someone how you see things is not negative.
This stuff of going on and on and on about how people are so mean reminds me of the mother who, when a child does something wrong, says "wait until your dad gets home". There begins a lifetime of manipulation. If people on YT would simply voice their opinions and stop trying to "befriend" someone by saying only what they want to hear it would be much more productive. This business of saying...look how nice I am and how mean so and so is is not helpful in my opinion.
Why not just voice an opinion and stand behind it?
Don't go telling people you are afraid to post a question! If you are afraid, that tells me you don't want the truth...you want to hear what you want to hear!

I agree with you I dont think we should tell people what they want to hear. I also dont like when people come on and post about what they view as someone being negative. However I dont think everyone thats posted has Read all of the posts and especially the ops responses based on the opinion they gave. I think after she posted that the responses made her cry we could be a little more compassionate and I noticed alot of the responses did soften a bit

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

That is why we learn the Yorkie shuffle! Seriously, I found myself sort of scooting around without completely picking my feet up when the puppies were all scampering around.

That is also why so many YT members seek you out as a breeder! Not only beautiful puppies, but puppies that have been cuddled, loved and socialized with care.

oh i know that dance so well haha, i don't like to crate her when i'm home, unless i really really can't look at her at all, she's always in the kitchen underfoot, I LOVE IT, hence the reason i wanted a yorkie, i WANT HER AROUND ME, i love having that shadow all over the house with me, i love that tail wagging and happy to see me or hear my voice personality...every morning she's up with DH in the L room and as soon as i get out of bed and come down the hall to get a towel and shower she meets me at the baby gate tail wagging and super excited to see me...my good morning girl!!

[RachelandSadie]

I just had to step in, i've stayed away from this because i kept seeing it over and over and just knew it was turning for the worst.

I dare say, once upon a time not so long ago I sounded exactly like the OP here. I know how she must be feeling and i know that she's frustrated with her situation. I can understand a need to vent, i did that and took some heat for it. I cannot believe how i must have come across to all of you. Looking back, if i did sound the exact same way to you all as the OP does here, i can see why you would have gotten after me. I was feeling threatened and attacked and hurt back then and taking things far too personally and letting the slight little snips in comments make me fuming mad and upset. Now that we're past all that and i've stuck it out on YT and didn't walk away from it, i've learned that those of you on here i thought would be my worst enemies are now my biggest supporters and help...i've made so many good friends that i love and trust...we have learned enough about each other after some time and patience to be friends and to help each other back and forth.

OP, it just takes time. you have to learn to not let comments offend you, don't go looking for the negative in every comment. when you get upset and feel attacked, it's easy to keep assuming all comments are going to attack you when most of them actually weren't trying to, you are just looking for it now. does that make sense?? you have to ignore the truly hurtful ones, and the ones that are sorta in the middle, you have to learn to stop taking it the wrong way and looking for the snippy parts. sometimes you read too much into a comment and take it totally wrong (BEEN THERE DONE THAT)

just stick it out, we're all here to help, most of us, even those with very strong convictions and opinions are only offering what worked for us, we don't care that much if you use our advice or if you like what we have to say or not, we really don't care if you agree with us, we're just trying to help, trying to share how we've done things and what worked for us.

i will repost the one post that made the most sense to me on my own troubles with YT in the beginning. someone on here asked where TOY was, well here she is in Spirit!!!

hope this makes you feel better....ask me anything you want about crate training a puppy and anything you want about learning to make friends and get along better on here, i've been through the process, came out on top, and i think (tell me if i'm wrong YT) i have gained the respect of others on here and made lots of lasting friendships!!

here's my thread much like your current one: Fussy Puppy

here's toy:

Rachel, I'm going to jump right in here and meddle, I think.

I have read your threads from the very beginning and at once even got caught up in the drama. I am in a bit of an observer mode right now so while I am in that mode, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you. You may take them in the spirit in which I am giving them or you may spurn them...regardless, I hope it will give you a bit more insight into those who are responding to you.

I don't know your age but I daresay I am quite a bit older than you...perhaps even old enough to be.....well, I do hope that is stretching it a bit! Your youth is apparent to me in your postings, through what you say, how you say it, and the energy you exert. (You may not understand that until you are in your own middle age years...LOL)

Have you ever talked to someone who never listened? What I mean is a person who is formulating how they are going to respond and what they are going to say before you ever finish your thought? They never really hear what you say because they are too busy already putting up defensive barriers. I fear that you are quite often doing that in your reading and posting.

You have some had some great wisdom shared with you from folks here who have so much experience with dogs and puppies and Yorkies in particular. I feel confident in telling you that because I am not one of those wise ones. I have only had my Yorkie puppy for a few months now and still have so much more to learn.

However, I do a couple of things when I post for advice and help. I learned this quite early in my postings before I bought my Yorkie because one of my first posts included weight of the puppy I hoped to get. I wasn't really seeking information then but boy did I get some "learning." I realized that there was so much I didn't know regardless of my education and degrees. There is such a vast difference in "book learning" and experience. In many instances, experience trumps and in my opinion, raising dogs is one of them.

I learned from my first few "painful" postings that I needed to think and rethink, read and reread before I hit the "submit" button to post especially when I was responding to or reacting to someone else's post. In most instances I remember to do that. Ever so often though, emotion overcomes my intelligence and I spout off before I think it through. Without exception, I always end up regretting it.

You need to step back and take a deep breath and try to read responses to your posts without being so defensive. These people wish you no harm. If it appears to you that they are always on your puppy's side, let me assure you that they are ALWAYS on the side of the puppy. (It reminds me a bit of when I married. My mother told my husband that she wanted him to know that whenever he and I argued, she would be on HIS side. It was meant as a joke but there was an underlying truth to it. What she really meant was she didn't want me running to her with complaints, etc.)

That's a bit where everyone is coming from, I think. They tried to council you and share their experiences but as almost everyone of us has done, you followed your own heart. That point is moot now because it is a "done" deal or as I liked to tell my students, you can't unscramble eggs.

However, you move on from this point. You will find people willing and eager to advise and help you but they will want to do it to help the puppy. They are the puppy's advocate, not yours. They speak for the one who cannot speak for herself...your Sadie. If you stop and think about it, would you want any less from a forum about Yorkies?

Many of these folks rescue abused Yorkies and help authorities close puppy mills and such. When you seek their advice by posting questions choose your words carefully. Regardless of your intent or what you meant to say, when you use words such as "evil" in reference to a Yorkie, you will have opened a floodgate of responses. They don't know you except through your words so you must carefully pose your questions or voice your thoughts.

They are not targeting you in a mean or rude or offensive manner intentionally. However, they are responding to what YOU write. For the most part these are wonderful people who have a genuine real interest in the welfare of your Yorkie, little Sadie. They are human adults though and being such are not perfect. You have to realize that when they offer their "told you so" rhetoric, they are responding much as parents to a child. It's just human nature, I think, to remind people that you did warn them about a potential problem.

Just try to remember that, give them that point much as you would your parents, and move on. If you've ever heard the expression, "Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater," you'll understand what I am suggesting. There is much to be learned and gained from the experience of the wise ones here. Don't fail to listen just because you first have to allow them the "told you so." If you can allow yourself to let down that defensive barrier, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at your interactions on the board.

I have been.

Good luck!!

[rebeccag]

Originally Posted by RachelandSadie

some of us that work 8-12 hours a day make much better yorkie parents than some of those that don't work at all, just had to say it

That's nice. Some like to give it but actually request not to get it

[weeloves06]

Wow you said that so nicely but firm on what we all were trying to Tell Rache. I stopped answering her postings because she always had another way and would not listen. Now she is giving advise to others with new babies, in all my experience of breeding for years, I never had a buyer that was not willing to listen, these are small babies, they don't need to beaanything more then what they are, awesome animals God gave us for the pleasure of the joy they bring us. Bless you for your well put comments, and hopefully Rache will just listen for awhile and learn, like we all had to do in the beginning of being a yorkie owner.

Rachel please don't take this as anything more then another way to learn. Let your yorkie be her own self and she will give you so much pleasure.

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by rebeccag

That's nice. Some like to give it but actually request not to get it

That wasn't a stab at anyone in particular, please don't take it that way if you did, i can't tell if the comment was directed at me or at the OP here, don't want to cause a rift, i was just making a comment not intended to hurt anyone really just in general there are good moms that work and bad moms that don't it really doesn't matter what your lifestyle schedule is, that doesn't always determine a person's ability to make a good yorkie mom.

hope that makes sense

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by RachelandSadie

I just had to step in, i've stayed away from this because i kept seeing it over and over and just knew it was turning for the worst.

I dare say, once upon a time not so long ago I sounded exactly like the OP here. I know how she must be feeling and i know that she's frustrated with her situation. I can understand a need to vent, i did that and took some heat for it. I cannot believe how i must have come across to all of you. Looking back, if i did sound the exact same way to you all as the OP does here, i can see why you would have gotten after me. I was feeling threatened and attacked and hurt back then and taking things far too personally and letting the slight little snips in comments make me fuming mad and upset. Now that we're past all that and i've stuck it out on YT and didn't walk away from it, i've learned that those of you on here i thought would be my worst enemies are now my biggest supporters and help...i've made so many good friends that i love and trust...we have learned enough about each other after some time and patience to be friends and to help each other back and forth.

OP, it just takes time. you have to learn to not let comments offend you, don't go looking for the negative in every comment. when you get upset and feel attacked, it's easy to keep assuming all comments are going to attack you when most of them actually weren't trying to, you are just looking for it now. does that make sense?? you have to ignore the truly hurtful ones, and the ones that are sorta in the middle, you have to learn to stop taking it the wrong way and looking for the snippy parts. sometimes you read too much into a comment and take it totally wrong (BEEN THERE DONE THAT)

just stick it out, we're all here to help, most of us, even those with very strong convictions and opinions are only offering what worked for us, we don't care that much if you use our advice or if you like what we have to say or not, we really don't care if you agree with us, we're just trying to help, trying to share how we've done things and what worked for us.

i will repost the one post that made the most sense to me on my own troubles with YT in the beginning. someone on here asked where TOY was, well here she is in Spirit!!!

hope this makes you feel better....ask me anything you want about crate training a puppy and anything you want about learning to make friends and get along better on here, i've been through the process, came out on top, and i think (tell me if i'm wrong YT) i have gained the respect of others on here and made lots of lasting friendships!!

here's my thread much like your current one: Fussy Puppy

here's toy:




Good luck!!

Rachel -- you have come a very long way in a very short time! Your post to the OP is amazing! You give a good honest opinion with lots of "I've been there" empathy. I really hope she is still reading this thread.

I was happy to add you to my "friends list" today!

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by weeloves06

Wow you said that so nicely but firm on what we all were trying to Tell Rache. I stopped answering her postings because she always had another way and would not listen. Now she is giving advise to others with new babies, in all my experience of breeding for years, I never had a buyer that was not willing to listen, these are small babies, they don't need to beaanything more then what they are, awesome animals God gave us for the pleasure of the joy they bring us. Bless you for your well put comments, and hopefully Rache will just listen for awhile and learn, like we all had to do in the beginning of being a yorkie owner.

Rachel please don't take this as anything more then another way to learn. Let your yorkie be her own self and she will give you so much pleasure.

I'm confused here, i am Rachel and I posted that comment that you are commenting on?????

were you addressing TOY in this post or me as the poster of the comment???

i have learned a lot, and i am making changes and yes trying to help others through my new experiences, i hope that's ok, i thought that was what we did at YT, i kinda felt like you were trying to say that you didn't like Rachel as in ME, when i'm the one who posted the post you were commenting on....

am i missing something and got this mixed up or were you unsure of who was posting above you????

sorry not trying to sound rude, just wondering who was addressed there, TOY or me the poster of the comment that I personally received from TOY

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

No one has been mean to anyone...and no one has said anything mean about anyone.
People are merely saying that the OP does not seem to want help.
Over and over again I see people on YT jump up and down saying someone is being mean when they are merely voicing an opinion. If people do not want advice/opinions, they should not ask!
If anyone had been so horrible to this OP, one of the moderators would have banned them! I am sure someone has reported someone in this thread!
It is so lame to me that this kind of stuff comes up all of the time. It just feeds into that enabling mode imo. Anyone ever hear of tough love? Seriously! You cannot just tell people they are right because that is what they want to hear! It is not helping anything.
These poor yorkies who end up with people who do not really want them...makes me sick. The bleeding hearts feel sorry for a person who is angry with a little dog? ugh

I agree with everything you are saying! I have been surprised at some of the posts (including mine) that wind up being called mean and negative. A good honest opinion should not be labeled negative just because it is not the same opinion shared by someone else. Thank heavens we don't all agree on every subject. What a dull world that would be with no change, invention, or improvements. If someone does not agree with me, it is going to be helpful in one of two ways -- either I will have to further justify my own position with research, facts and examples, or....I will look at the subject a different way, maybe learn, grow and change my mind. Either way, it is a win/win situation.

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

Rachel -- you have come a very long way in a very short time! Your post to the OP is amazing! You give a good honest opinion with lots of "I've been there" empathy. I really hope she is still reading this thread.

I was happy to add you to my "friends list" today!

Thanks Deb, i have always been a firm believer that God only lets you experience painful and hard situations so that you can use them to help another in the same shoes that you were once in.

I hope she understands that love that she can gain from YT and learns that she just has to put her guard down a little and open up to the advice and warmth found here.

Glad we are friends as well, you've been a big help in my life!

[BonBon]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

Rachel -- you have come a very long way in a very short time! Your post to the OP is amazing! You give a good honest opinion with lots of "I've been there" empathy. I really hope she is still reading this thread.

I was happy to add you to my "friends list" today!

Debra, I agree with every word.

Rachel, I am very happy to accept your friendship request. Thank you for extending it.

[RachelandSadie]

Originally Posted by bonbon

Debra, I agree with every word.

Rachel, I am very happy to accept your friendship request. Thank you for extending it.

awwwsss i feel the love now

See OP, it's not so bad, take a bad situation and turn it around and look what happens, it's not as bad as you think it is, these people do care about you and your dog...and sometimes more your dog than you (that's something you learn) they are protective of the dogs more than the humans half the time, but if you are willing to learn, they'll like you as much as your dog

[vlccairo]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

Some dogs do love crates. I believe I posted that previously in this thread. Crates should be a nice place for them, not a place they dread.
This all has nothing to do with the whys and why nots of crating. From my reading of the OP, I see someone very frustrated with her yorkie. I hope and pray that things do work out...especially for that little yorkie.
I see this thread as someone who posted for some reason...I am not clear on what that reason really was.
All I know is that everyone voiced different opinions which is how it should be. BUT, over and over again I see people saying that an opinion that they do not like is negative. Telling someone how you see things is not negative.
This stuff of going on and on and on about how people are so mean reminds me of the mother who, when a child does something wrong, says "wait until your dad gets home". There begins a lifetime of manipulation. If people on YT would simply voice their opinions and stop trying to "befriend" someone by saying only what they want to hear it would be much more productive. This business of saying...look how nice I am and how mean so and so is is not helpful in my opinion.
Why not just voice an opinion and stand behind it?
Don't go telling people you are afraid to post a question! If you are afraid, that tells me you don't want the truth...you want to hear what you want to hear!

Then I will post an opinion. I stand by what I said. I won't say how your answering post made me feel as it could easily be construed as an attack from what I've seen. A good friend of mine posted a fairly benign remark and got banned for life. In the meantime, people who had said much worse continue to go on and on. Many people have said things like if you don't want advice or aren't going to listen to it, then don't ask. How about if you can't take having your advice ignored, don't post it. This is my last word on this site. I'm sorry to leave all my friends, but bye bye.

[manolos mom]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

No one has been mean to anyone...and no one has said anything mean about anyone.
People are merely saying that the OP does not seem to want help.
Over and over again I see people on YT jump up and down saying someone is being mean when they are merely voicing an opinion. If people do not want advice/opinions, they should not ask!
If anyone had been so horrible to this OP, one of the moderators would have banned them! I am sure someone has reported someone in this thread!
It is so lame to me that this kind of stuff comes up all of the time. It just feeds into that enabling mode imo. Anyone ever hear of tough love? Seriously! You cannot just tell people they are right because that is what they want to hear! It is not helping anything.
These poor yorkies who end up with people who do not really want them...makes me sick. The bleeding hearts feel sorry for a person who is angry with a little dog? ugh

So true. The sad part of all of this is that those poor Yorkies who are having trouble house training, bark, bite(as puppies or adults)or "I just work too many hours" or he pooped in the crate! end up one of your statistics or PTS in a pound. How sad..

[carladean]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

No one has been mean to anyone...and no one has said anything mean about anyone.
People are merely saying that the OP does not seem to want help.
Over and over again I see people on YT jump up and down saying someone is being mean when they are merely voicing an opinion. If people do not want advice/opinions, they should not ask!
If anyone had been so horrible to this OP, one of the moderators would have banned them! I am sure someone has reported someone in this thread!
It is so lame to me that this kind of stuff comes up all of the time. It just feeds into that enabling mode imo. Anyone ever hear of tough love? Seriously! You cannot just tell people they are right because that is what they want to hear! It is not helping anything.
These poor yorkies who end up with people who do not really want them...makes me sick. The bleeding hearts feel sorry for a person who is angry with a little dog? ugh

Maybe I'm wrong here, but the statement above where you are assuming that people don't want the yorkie 'cos they are frustrated and that these people make you sick isn't edging towards mean? I would at least call it judgemental. I don't consider myself a bleeding heart...I'm a Republican after all.

I understand her frustration. Maybe it's because I went thru similar frustration dealing with a baby that had colic and reflux. I love him to death, but there were times I got so overwhelmed I overreacted.

With this, I'm done. This turned into a negative thread a long while back, and I think we should just all move on. Moderators?