Needing someone to exchange thoughts on this..

[Potter]

Has anyone here ever felt lonely? Deep loneliness? Like life is going no where? I never have felt this hard before. I don't seem to be able to find any REAL girlfriends in Toronto. I meet girlfriends and usually I think everything is going well but I know its never anything real. When they need you, they expect you to be there but when you need them, they are busy with their guys. I came from a place where everyone is really friendly and girls hang out have dinner without their men and strong bonds are formed.When I have a problem, I don't know who to talk to. Hubby is a man and most of the time, they don't understand emotions. Its hard to pour your heart out to them and get them to understand and he is always busy with work. I never tell what I feel to to my family back home because I know they will worry themselves sick. On top of that, I can't work or study right now which makes it even harder to meet anyone. Sometimes, I wonder if I am having depression? I don't know.I am not able to talk to the family I have here either as we are not close to the point of pouring my heart out not even to my mother-in-law. I also barely know my way around which makes me feel stupid and incompetent at times.When I am with a big group of people, more than 4 people, I get really nevous but its been better since I have a puppy now. I feel I am crushing inside and I don't know how to tell anyone...I guess it is a good thing that I found YT coz I really enjoy being on here everyday.I really don't know what is wrong with me. I try to be happy and greatly appreciate what I have everyday but its hard. The only time is when I feel being so loved by my Siu Pao and hubby when he is actually paying attention to me.Do I have a problem?Will all these thoughts go away?The deep lonelines I meant.

[GracieLou]

im not sure but i wish you luck and here if you need to talk

[marcerella02]

i completely understand what you are talking about.. i was reading your post and thought.. been there! my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me this past june.. and ever since.. i've just felt... lonely... i live with my mom and dad (i'm 23) and i go to school everyday.. where i have "aquaintences" but no real friends that i can talk to... that was my bf.. he now has a new gf... great for the confidence! i finally went to see someone about it... a professional... they can completely help you sort things out... i felt like something was wrong with me at first.. that i needed help... but it makes a world of difference... chances are.. you aren't "depressed" just not used to having a down time in life... but i know how you feel... i still have really really bad days.. but being able to talk to someone.. makes you feel better.. and it is easier to get to meet new people.. i am in a new city too... all my old friends are back home.... 7 hours away.. and i dont' want to just call them and complain.. so i don't talk to them at all about what is going on... but we are here for you at YT... i am here if you want to talk more... PM me... i know how you feel... and yay for a fellow Canadian.. i'm in London.. where are you?

[Gracie2006]

Ive been there for some time. It seems that friends are friends until they want something that I refuse to give them. Somehow, I feel like I have been a magnet for moochers all of my live. My fourleggers are the only beings that give me unconditional love. I am happy for that, and with them. I have a few friends that I cherish. Having my new baby Gracie has gotten me acquainted with some new people, but they are just acquaintances. You know, I think I have figured out that so many people in my life have hurt me, that it is easier to be alone than to face yet another hurt. I am not depressed, I used to think I was. I am quite happy in my own company. I suggest you look within yourself. When you find your best friend there, you will be able to evaluate whether others are worthy of your friendship. Your feelings of loneliness will subside, because your best friend is always with you.

[Potter]

I am so glad someone talk this out with me. I am lately always feeling tired. It gets heavier and heavier and I had to pour it out. It somehow stops me from functioning properly and eats me up inside. I do feel happy with my puppy. I like to bring him out with me and go everywhere and sneak him in his carrier bag.It makes me feel better than going out myself..another source of feeling lonely. My in-laws..I seem to not be able to communicate with them..just the how are yous..i don't think they understand the way i feel with puppy either because they have not had a pet before and might be thinking i am nuts to love him the way I do. They probably know how to judge what he is trained and what he is not in my home when they don't know better but for me, he is just being a puppy. Maybe I should start trying to seek peace within me and be my own best friend.Will it really work? I don't know although I do hope so.

[doortego]

Bless your little heart. It is going to be okay. We all feel that way sometimes.

Why don't you try being sure that you are getting your full 8 hrs sleep each night, spend some time in Bible study & prayer. Be sure you are eating fresh vegetables & fruit? Drink your full complement of water & avoid the sweet drinks, alcohol & caffeine. Make sure you get a little exercise, even if it is just taking your puppy for a walk. Stay away from the fatty, heavy foods that make you feel sluggish. Take a multivitamin, calcium & B12 supplement. I promise, try all that for a week or two and see if you don't feel better.

Usually it kind of sneaks up on me & then when I get back on track, everything looks better again.

Please keep us up to date on how you are feeling. Honestly, if you will take care of yourself physically & emotionally, life will be good.

[Brookef18]

I know how you feel also. I live in a remote town. I have a few good friends but they work and I only work one day a week.
I have been depressed before and I have felt lonely. The depression is a cabin fever thing for me. i get it between March and Feb and it's when I just never get out of the house! I take art classes to keep busy and that makes all the difference.
It is awful to get depressed and if you are.... then you have to force your self to get out of the house! Being home alone will make it worse. Get up and get dressed first thing and make a plan every day for what you want to do... A list can help and check things off as you do them... There is just something about writing it down on paper that helps you feel like you HAVE to do it!
i think the problem is all people need to feel they have purpose... They want to feel needed and that they matter. Friends can help with this but in the big picture aren't we all looking for why we are here??? What do we have to offer? I know that is a big thing for me.
I find volunteer work helpful. I have taught art to home school kids for free... I worked at a battered womans shelter free...(Art for the kids) I was a youth group leader for teens at my church for almost 8 years (no pay there!)
I also have gone to bible study to get out of the house, meet new people and learn about God. you can get to know people at church and most times they are very nice. I have no idea what your faith is but that may be a help to you. Also theres choir if you like to sing.
I think no matter if it's depression or being lonely the key is to get out and meet people. Friendship that is deeper then the surface takes time effort and common ground. Think about where your interest lie and see where you can tap into them. Chances will be that you will meet friends with the same interests and find some new friends that over time will grow stronger... You also have to take a leap of faith and ask some one for coffee some time! '
Where do you live? I have a great phone plan, I can talk to any one in the US for as long as I want and we pay a flat rate. If I can call ya with out it costing an arm and a leg I love to talk on the phone! I'm really social! PM me if you want! Your in my prayers from now on!

[Potter]

Thank you GracieLou, Gracie2006, Doortego, marcerella02 and everyone and anyone who is going to respond to this thread. I really appreciate it a lot. I will try everything suggested. I will start with the easy ones first like the prayer, vege and fruits, water and sleep, and supplement regime and then try to seek peace with myself and finally seek proffesional's help if I still feel lousy. We do go out for walks everyday because puppy is not letting me go by a day without his walks which is a good thing. I have to work on the other stuffs though. I will keep you updated, thank you doortego.

[marcerella02]

Brookef18 i think that is really good advice... when the breakup first happened for me this summer.. i spent the days inside crying because i didn't want to see people.. if it wasn't for my puppy... i don't know where i'd be.. she came into my life at the perfect time.. but since getting out and planning on doing something with my day (in the summer.. before school started) i felt my spirits really lift. And you are right.. you have to make the move to ask someone to do something... and once i started doing little things during the day.. things really got better for me... i can tell yuo've been there because you have all the right things to say and god bless you for the all the volunteer work... the world needs more people like you (i also LOVE art... i'm in my last year university for a degree in Fine Arts.. hoping to teach art in highschool)

[LuvMySissy]

I can't speak for everyone, but I've been where you are. Find comfort in your pup. You might want to try locating other yorkie owners in the Toronto area - I know there are at least a few on here. Making new friends always helps, but finding yourself is what will ultimately see you through. You have to choose to make each day a good one. Look for the beauty around you. Take pleasure in simple things. Read a good book, listen to music you love, cook something yummy, treat yourself to something special.

And know you can always come here for support!!!

[dalexa]

Hello, reading your post really got my attention; I am sorry you feel lonely..been there and done that! I noted that you arent working so you
are probably stuck at home a lot...that is enough to get me down....take
you precious Yorkie and go for walks...volunteer at animal shelters....anywhere you can connect with others with similar interests!!
Husbands...well I wont sterotype but... my X was never my best friend..in fact religion is why we divorced...I was Catholic and he was THE DEVIL!!! lol just kidding!!!

If you dont connect with someone in person, all of YT is here for you...we cant do lunch but we are here if you need to talk.

[Patti]

I will keep you in my prayers. Feeling the way you do is very difficult. By reaching out you have started the process to healing. Everyone has given good advice. We are here for you.

[Potter]

Originally Posted by Brookef18

I know how you feel also. I live in a remote town. I have a few good friends but they work and I only work one day a week.
I have been depressed before and I have felt lonely. The depression is a cabin fever thing for me. i get it between March and Feb and it's when I just never get out of the house! I take art classes to keep busy and that makes all the difference.
It is awful to get depressed and if you are.... then you have to force your self to get out of the house! Being home alone will make it worse. Get up and get dressed first thing and make a plan every day for what you want to do... A list can help and check things off as you do them... There is just something about writing it down on paper that helps you feel like you HAVE to do it!
i think the problem is all people need to feel they have purpose... They want to feel needed and that they matter. Friends can help with this but in the big picture aren't we all looking for why we are here??? What do we have to offer? I know that is a big thing for me.
I find volunteer work helpful. I have taught art to home school kids for free... I worked at a battered womans shelter free...(Art for the kids) I was a youth group leader for teens at my church for almost 8 years (no pay there!)
I also have gone to bible study to get out of the house, meet new people and learn about God. you can get to know people at church and most times they are very nice. I have no idea what your faith is but that may be a help to you. Also theres choir if you like to sing.
I think no matter if it's depression or being lonely the key is to get out and meet people. Friendship that is deeper then the surface takes time effort and common ground. Think about where your interest lie and see where you can tap into them. Chances will be that you will meet friends with the same interests and find some new friends that over time will grow stronger... You also have to take a leap of faith and ask some one for coffee some time! '
Where do you live? I have a great phone plan, I can talk to any one in the US for as long as I want and we pay a flat rate. If I can call ya with out it costing an arm and a leg I love to talk on the phone! I'm really social! PM me if you want! Your in my prayers from now on!

I know I have to go out. I have been doing it since Siu Pao is here because I know he is happy when he goes out and I want him to be happy so I force myself to take him out few times each day. At certain days when I am feeling real down, I will at least bring him out once for about 30 mins so its good. Before I got him, I literally do not feel like going out at all. I will try the paper note thing..I will try everything suggested because I desperately want to get out of the blackhole! I think after all the talking, I am starting to realize something and that is I have to start with myself..within myself.

[JeanieK]

Yes I know how you feel. I left my hometown when I was in my late 20's and I was so terribly homesick it was awful. I had 4 children at the time, then I got pregnant and became very depressed being so far away from my family.

I would write long long letters because we couldn't afford long distance phone calls. My husband drove bus for Greyhound, so he was never home. Lonely was an understatement.

I finally realized that I had to get over my depression because my kids needed me and I didn't have the luxury of sitting aroujnd feeling sorry for myself.

Some how I made it through. My kids are all grown with homes of their own. But I still to this day have no close friends. My daughters are now my friends.

I too was rather shy and not one to make the initiative to make friends, And I think most people thought I was stuck up.

I would suggest that you do some volunteer work. Maybe at the local animal shelter. Knowing that some one or something depoends on you helps to keep you going.

Good Luck and may God bless.

[romeos mommy]

i understand how you feel. i have a tendency for depression myself. i take meds everyday. life is difficult. for me the transition from single to couple life was hard. it seems as you get older true girlfriends are rare to find. some how everyone coupled off and "girltime" was replaced with husbands and kids. i don't have kids.(by choice) my yorkie is my best friend. i don't know what i would do without him. i find the best way to deal is to eat right and get alot of excercise. it releases serotonin in your brain and makes you feel better.