Opinions Needed!! - YorkieTalk.com Forums

yougetthesmiles · 07-15-2006, 07:45 AM

OK, I'm looking for everyones opinion on this topic, male or female, I need your honest opinion please!

My husband and I have debated this topic many many times and many times it has lead to an arguement. the topic is mens magizines, I think you all no the ones I'm talking about! (playboy, hustler, etc...)
I find this very disgracefull that my husband chooses to look at these magizines, he is not addicted and don't do it everyday, he tells me he enjoyes the articles in them, he is a avid reader and he always has a book in his hand.
I just don't feel it's right for woman to sell there body like this and I think it's even more wrong for men to buy them and support them in this manner.

My husband says I'm insecure and thats the only reason I dont like it, I will admit I am insecure, I hate the way I look, but even if I was a size 5 I still think I would think it's wrong.

I told him I was going to ask you all and he said make sure I ask you if your a insecure person.
I love my husband very much and I trust him and believe in are relationship, I know in my heart he would never do anything to hurt me or are relationship, but I feel when he is looking at these magizines he is wanting a woman that looks like them and he is having a mental affair.

am I over reacting on this? please tell me how you feel and would handle this.

Missy

Tiggerwit · 07-15-2006, 07:51 AM

I used to feel the same way as you. If you trust your husband and your relationship and know in your heart that nothing is going to come of it, I think you need to let him. Out of respect for your feeling though maybe your husband can not do it around you and keep them somewhere away from you. Out of sight out of mind maybe?

I know it's hard, I have the same type of feelings.

red98vett · 07-15-2006, 07:53 AM

this was years ago and I felt the same way as you do.....It was so weird - I worked at the Playboy Club when I was younger and always looked down on men who gawked - still do kind of....Working there changed the way I felt - Men are just plain DUMB when it comes to half/totally naked women

When I got married and my husband bought home a Playboy - (I was GIVING BIRTH when he bought it) What I did was go out and buy PLAYGIRL -

When the shoe was on the other foot - it seemed to help him understand that it made me uncomfortable ....and he REALLY hated ME looking at other men

so, the magazines just stopped appearing - except for good issues like when John Lennon was killed - I can understand that - but not buying them every single month just to see the Pet of the Month.

Many men really DO read the articles - and men are way more visual than us women - but if he loves you - and doesn't want your feelings hurt - then I'd ask him if he HAS to look - do it when you aren't around.

Lola LaRue · 07-15-2006, 07:54 AM

I think that people's definition of pornography is different. I have read the articles in Playboy and I have found them pretty interesting and often times funny. I do not have a problem with the pics in Playboy. I think the women in there are attractive and I think that a womans naked body is beautiful. Hustler is a little more hard core. I do not necessarily think it's art, but that is a matter of opinion. My boyfriend is not really into pornography. He looks at some websites, but they are pretty tame. I do not think that it would bother me if he looked at these magazines. However, you have to decide what you are comforatble with and he should respect that. I think it would also help if you started to look at your body in a different light. Your husband is attracted to you. That is why he chose you as a mate. The women in magazines are just a fantasy. Women may not look at pics of naked men, but many women look at Brad Pitt with his shirt off because he is hot. Anyway, I hope this helps a little. Please remember that all bodies are beautiful. God gave you a healthy body and you need to feel good about all of the positive things you were blessed with.

txshopper73 · 07-15-2006, 07:58 AM

Oh, Missy! Been there, done that! Those type of magazines have NEVER been allowed into my home. Even when I was a size 3 and I'll admit, I was a hottie!

Oh, I should mention that I was NOT insecure!

Now, yes, I am insecure to some degree. I still know that I can turn heads but I'm not a size 3 anymore. I'm a size 6 but need to tone up.

I think those magazines are distasteful. Some are worse than others but any man that says he reads them for the articles are full of it. Have you ever read through one of those magazines? Go out and purchase a Hustler and Playboy and read through them. Sure, they have some men health articles but there are fantasy articles, how to enhance sex drives...just to name a couple.

My husband and I went to counseling for other issues earlier this year. The counselor told my husband that when a man loves a woman, he is suppose to help build her self esteem and protect her self esteem from ever being hurt or torn down.

I can totally understand you being upset over this. I would be as well. Sure, it doesn't bother all women to have husbands look at trash like that but if he knows how you feel about it, he should respect that and respect you as his wife. He should take your feelings into consideration and by no means, bring it into your home.

Best of luck to you and your husband.

red98vett · 07-15-2006, 08:04 AM

LOL Go Girl - Actually Kimberley you reminded me that I did the same thing with my husband after the Playgirl incident - I had told him as long as he could look - then I could too - I think only ONE magazine ever came to the house after that - but when my kids were young...I didn't allow them in the house either

yougetthesmiles · 07-15-2006, 08:31 AM

I do feel that he hurts me by looking at them and I told him this. I just dont want them in my home I guess if he chooses to look at them at work then your right, out of sight out of mind, but it's still hurtfull to know he would be looking at them.

I guess were not a man so we have no idea how they think and the same as a man does not know how we think and feel.
but if he does love me then he will respect how I feel about the issue.

I cant wait to get other opinions on this, cause after they all come in I will show this to him so he can see others opinion on it, he thinks I'm the only one out there that feels this way and I know I'm not.

Thanks so much everyone.

red98vett · 07-15-2006, 08:36 AM

Quote:

but if he does love me then he will respect how I feel about the issue.

There's your answer right there

and no you aren't the only woman who feels like that ...Many do. I think there are more women who feel like you do... than women who really aren't bothered.

I've had lots of friends that just went nuts about porn and their men. And I refuse to call it art - it's not.

txshopper73 · 07-15-2006, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red98vett

I've had lots of friends that just went nuts about porn and their men. And I refuse to call it art - it's not.

That reminds me that when my husband and I were first married, he was addicted to internet porn. I found out about it, printed off the website he went to and he tried to deny it!

He wasn't having relations with me, our son had been born and he even turned down sex. Well, enough was enough.

I was ready to leave him. I slept in our daughter's room and refused to speak to him for several days. This time, he had hurt me enough.

I took our computer out to the back yard and turned on the water hose. End of computer. I then told him I forgave him and IF we were to ever have another computer, I would have control over it and would have parental controls put on his user id.

Well, the internet porn is no more. I know that where he works (jail), porno magazines get sent to inmates there and since the inmates cannot get them, the officers look at the magazines. That's fine...what I don't know won't hurt me but that crap better not EVER make it through my front door. He respects this so it's not an issue we fight about.

JeanieK · 07-15-2006, 10:00 AM

Whether you are over reacting or not, whether you are insecure or not, is not the issue. The real issue is, if he is not addicted to them, then why won't he respect your wishes.

Hubby, if you had to make a chice, which would you choose.

My EX used to like them too, so when he came to bed wanting to love on me, I told him "the magazine got you all worked up so go **** the magazine."

JMO. I'm sure your hubby is a very nice person. I just don't know why his magazines mean more to him than your feelings do.

chachi · 07-15-2006, 10:33 AM

My husband doesnt buy them but if he did i would feel as you do

YORKIE7 · 07-16-2006, 04:22 PM

I am only young so i am not THAT experienced with issues like this.

But here goes............. I feel that when you are with a man, he should only have eyes for you,it is disrespectful and hurtful to eye up other women, wether its in the street,tv or magazine. i know a lot of people say look but dont touch, but personally i say keep your eyes shut

Missy you should not dislike how you look,i have seen pics of you on other threads and you look great. Dont forget all those models are airbrushed to perfection,but in real life look like mingers!

I am very lucky with my fiancee,he isn't into any of that stuff,he thinks it is disrespectful to your partner.

Could your husband maybe read raunchy novels instead of those magazines? also you need to entice him girl! go visit provocateur (sp?) or ann summers! or whatever shops you have in usa.

By the way missy's hubby i am not insecure

GeorgiesMomma · 07-16-2006, 05:15 PM

My fiance' doesn't buy them but I would much rather he did and I knew about it then doing it behind my back. Last year after a golf tournament he was in he went to a strip club (the first time in 7 years), he was with a friend of ours and he called me to tell me and said please don't tell his wife. IMO I would rather have my fiance' feel like he could tell me that than to be the other guys wife. As long as he wasn't ridiculous about looking at them and those magazines didn't take time away from us then I don't have a problem with it. I am not insecure at all so other naked women don't bother me. I have actually looked at Playboy several times and read the articles. I would never expect my fiance' not to look at other women it's just a matter of how he does it. My fiance' would inturn never expect me to not look at other men, it's all about respect. However, having said that if I did have a problem with it I would hope that he wouldn't do it anymore. I think out of respect for you your husband shouldn't either.

Yorkie3 · 07-16-2006, 05:46 PM

I don't like those magazines either. I really don't understand why men would want to look at something that is not real!! BUT in reading the other posts, why is it said that "if he love you he would respect your feelings"? How come it's not turned around and put like "if we loved him, we would respect his feelings"? Who's really right? It just goes to show you..... MEN, you can't live with 'em and ya can't shoot 'em.

LaviniaHyacynth · 07-16-2006, 06:40 PM

Why is it that everytime women get upset when their men look at these magazines...it is the woman who is insecure. That is so sexist. I am not in the least bit insecure and my man doesn't "read "Playboy but if he did I would find it really disrespectful if he did it in front of me. Most men like to look and if that is as far as it goes then go right ahead but do it on your own time and not around your wife.Missy, love your body and insist that your husband respect you and your wishes.Acccept nothing less. As far as calling you insecure....I think your hubby should take an honest look at himself. Perhaps he is the one with the problem, not you.

07-15-2006, 07:45 AM	#1
yougetthesmiles BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 9,295 Blog Entries: 3	Opinions Needed!! OK, I'm looking for everyones opinion on this topic, male or female, I need your honest opinion please! My husband and I have debated this topic many many times and many times it has lead to an arguement. the topic is mens magizines, I think you all no the ones I'm talking about! (playboy, hustler, etc...) I find this very disgracefull that my husband chooses to look at these magizines, he is not addicted and don't do it everyday, he tells me he enjoyes the articles in them, he is a avid reader and he always has a book in his hand. I just don't feel it's right for woman to sell there body like this and I think it's even more wrong for men to buy them and support them in this manner. My husband says I'm insecure and thats the only reason I dont like it, I will admit I am insecure, I hate the way I look, but even if I was a size 5 I still think I would think it's wrong. I told him I was going to ask you all and he said make sure I ask you if your a insecure person. I love my husband very much and I trust him and believe in are relationship, I know in my heart he would never do anything to hurt me or are relationship, but I feel when he is looking at these magizines he is wanting a woman that looks like them and he is having a mental affair. am I over reacting on this? please tell me how you feel and would handle this. Missy

07-15-2006, 07:51 AM	#2
Tiggerwit Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX Posts: 4,596	I used to feel the same way as you. If you trust your husband and your relationship and know in your heart that nothing is going to come of it, I think you need to let him. Out of respect for your feeling though maybe your husband can not do it around you and keep them somewhere away from you. Out of sight out of mind maybe? I know it's hard, I have the same type of feelings. __________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy

07-15-2006, 07:53 AM	#3
red98vett Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Houston TX Posts: 33,590 Blog Entries: 1	this was years ago and I felt the same way as you do.....It was so weird - I worked at the Playboy Club when I was younger and always looked down on men who gawked - still do kind of....Working there changed the way I felt - Men are just plain DUMB when it comes to half/totally naked women When I got married and my husband bought home a Playboy - (I was GIVING BIRTH when he bought it) What I did was go out and buy PLAYGIRL - When the shoe was on the other foot - it seemed to help him understand that it made me uncomfortable ....and he REALLY hated ME looking at other men so, the magazines just stopped appearing - except for good issues like when John Lennon was killed - I can understand that - but not buying them every single month just to see the Pet of the Month. Many men really DO read the articles - and men are way more visual than us women - but if he loves you - and doesn't want your feelings hurt - then I'd ask him if he HAS to look - do it when you aren't around. __________________ Villette, Chanel & Cheri www.DesignsByVillette.net Custom Address Labels and Note Cards using YOUR Photos! Just Click HERE!

07-15-2006, 07:54 AM	#4
Lola LaRue Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: San Ramon, CA Posts: 710	I think that people's definition of pornography is different. I have read the articles in Playboy and I have found them pretty interesting and often times funny. I do not have a problem with the pics in Playboy. I think the women in there are attractive and I think that a womans naked body is beautiful. Hustler is a little more hard core. I do not necessarily think it's art, but that is a matter of opinion. My boyfriend is not really into pornography. He looks at some websites, but they are pretty tame. I do not think that it would bother me if he looked at these magazines. However, you have to decide what you are comforatble with and he should respect that. I think it would also help if you started to look at your body in a different light. Your husband is attracted to you. That is why he chose you as a mate. The women in magazines are just a fantasy. Women may not look at pics of naked men, but many women look at Brad Pitt with his shirt off because he is hot. Anyway, I hope this helps a little. Please remember that all bodies are beautiful. God gave you a healthy body and you need to feel good about all of the positive things you were blessed with. __________________ Shannon, Lola Larue, Chewbacca Joseph(aka Chewy)

07-15-2006, 07:58 AM	#5
txshopper73 Donating YT 14K Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Texas Posts: 14,226 Blog Entries: 1	Oh, Missy! Been there, done that! Those type of magazines have NEVER been allowed into my home. Even when I was a size 3 and I'll admit, I was a hottie! Oh, I should mention that I was NOT insecure! Now, yes, I am insecure to some degree. I still know that I can turn heads but I'm not a size 3 anymore. I'm a size 6 but need to tone up. I think those magazines are distasteful. Some are worse than others but any man that says he reads them for the articles are full of it. Have you ever read through one of those magazines? Go out and purchase a Hustler and Playboy and read through them. Sure, they have some men health articles but there are fantasy articles, how to enhance sex drives...just to name a couple. My husband and I went to counseling for other issues earlier this year. The counselor told my husband that when a man loves a woman, he is suppose to help build her self esteem and protect her self esteem from ever being hurt or torn down. I can totally understand you being upset over this. I would be as well. Sure, it doesn't bother all women to have husbands look at trash like that but if he knows how you feel about it, he should respect that and respect you as his wife. He should take your feelings into consideration and by no means, bring it into your home. Best of luck to you and your husband. __________________ As always...JMO (Just My Opinion) Kimberley

07-15-2006, 08:04 AM	#6
red98vett Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Houston TX Posts: 33,590 Blog Entries: 1	LOL Go Girl - Actually Kimberley you reminded me that I did the same thing with my husband after the Playgirl incident - I had told him as long as he could look - then I could too - I think only ONE magazine ever came to the house after that - but when my kids were young...I didn't allow them in the house either __________________ Villette, Chanel & Cheri www.DesignsByVillette.net Custom Address Labels and Note Cards using YOUR Photos! Just Click HERE!

07-15-2006, 08:31 AM	#7
yougetthesmiles BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 9,295 Blog Entries: 3	I do feel that he hurts me by looking at them and I told him this. I just dont want them in my home I guess if he chooses to look at them at work then your right, out of sight out of mind, but it's still hurtfull to know he would be looking at them. I guess were not a man so we have no idea how they think and the same as a man does not know how we think and feel. but if he does love me then he will respect how I feel about the issue. I cant wait to get other opinions on this, cause after they all come in I will show this to him so he can see others opinion on it, he thinks I'm the only one out there that feels this way and I know I'm not. Thanks so much everyone.

07-15-2006, 10:00 AM	#10
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	Whether you are over reacting or not, whether you are insecure or not, is not the issue. The real issue is, if he is not addicted to them, then why won't he respect your wishes. Hubby, if you had to make a chice, which would you choose. My EX used to like them too, so when he came to bed wanting to love on me, I told him "the magazine got you all worked up so go **** the magazine." JMO. I'm sure your hubby is a very nice person. I just don't know why his magazines mean more to him than your feelings do.

07-15-2006, 10:33 AM	#11
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	My husband doesnt buy them but if he did i would feel as you do __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

07-16-2006, 04:22 PM	#12
YORKIE7 No Longer a Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: ENGLAND Posts: 1,227	I am only young so i am not THAT experienced with issues like this. But here goes............. I feel that when you are with a man, he should only have eyes for you,it is disrespectful and hurtful to eye up other women, wether its in the street,tv or magazine. i know a lot of people say look but dont touch, but personally i say keep your eyes shut Missy you should not dislike how you look,i have seen pics of you on other threads and you look great. Dont forget all those models are airbrushed to perfection,but in real life look like mingers! I am very lucky with my fiancee,he isn't into any of that stuff,he thinks it is disrespectful to your partner. Could your husband maybe read raunchy novels instead of those magazines? also you need to entice him girl! go visit provocateur (sp?) or ann summers! or whatever shops you have in usa. By the way missy's hubby i am not insecure

07-16-2006, 05:15 PM	#13
GeorgiesMomma I love TBCG! Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: MD Posts: 7,227	My fiance' doesn't buy them but I would much rather he did and I knew about it then doing it behind my back. Last year after a golf tournament he was in he went to a strip club (the first time in 7 years), he was with a friend of ours and he called me to tell me and said please don't tell his wife. IMO I would rather have my fiance' feel like he could tell me that than to be the other guys wife. As long as he wasn't ridiculous about looking at them and those magazines didn't take time away from us then I don't have a problem with it. I am not insecure at all so other naked women don't bother me. I have actually looked at Playboy several times and read the articles. I would never expect my fiance' not to look at other women it's just a matter of how he does it. My fiance' would inturn never expect me to not look at other men, it's all about respect. However, having said that if I did have a problem with it I would hope that he wouldn't do it anymore. I think out of respect for you your husband shouldn't either. __________________ Morgan Mommy toGeorgie boy & Isaiah RIP sweet Coco 10/12/99-8/1/12 Read About Georgie's Experience with Atlantoaxial Instability (AAI) Here! Last edited by GeorgiesMomma; 07-16-2006 at 05:20 PM.

07-16-2006, 05:46 PM	#14
Yorkie3 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,685	I don't like those magazines either. I really don't understand why men would want to look at something that is not real!! BUT in reading the other posts, why is it said that "if he love you he would respect your feelings"? How come it's not turned around and put like "if we loved him, we would respect his feelings"? Who's really right? It just goes to show you..... MEN, you can't live with 'em and ya can't shoot 'em. __________________ Janet

07-16-2006, 06:40 PM	#15
LaviniaHyacynth Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: montclair,nj Posts: 925	Why is it that everytime women get upset when their men look at these magazines...it is the woman who is insecure. That is so sexist. I am not in the least bit insecure and my man doesn't "read "Playboy but if he did I would find it really disrespectful if he did it in front of me. Most men like to look and if that is as far as it goes then go right ahead but do it on your own time and not around your wife.Missy, love your body and insist that your husband respect you and your wishes.Acccept nothing less. As far as calling you insecure....I think your hubby should take an honest look at himself. Perhaps he is the one with the problem, not you. __________________ Rest in peace my sweet angel dog, Lavinia Hyacynth, Vivi. I love you forever. Bear healed my broken heart!