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07-23-2011, 05:01 PM | #1 |
YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Alexandria, MN USA
Posts: 388
| Why do some judge and bully others on YT? I have seen many wonderful things on YT and being a new member I have been slowly checking out all of the advantages and there are many. The advantages definitely out way the disadvantages but I would like to discuss the ONE BIG DISADVANTAGE!!! There are several YT longtime members that are very aggressive with their comments and they actually bully others that are posting for HELP!!! There are many that make excuses for them saying they are very knowledgeable and they have seen many things because they care so much but........ I have had this experience myself and I have read other threads where new and long time members both actually get bullied and judged by these longtime members. I don't know if it is because they feel like they are helping or because they somehow feel like they own YT and can do and say whatever they want?! At first my feelings were hurt but then I started to figure out that most of the time these people are not even reading the full comments people leave and are not getting the facts about what is going on before they spew their judgments and that is just sad! Then when I stood up to them and verified the information I got they all quit posting on my thread.......hmmmmm why? I can defend myself and don't have any problem standing my ground but I feel bad for the YT newbies that come on here for advice, support and guidance and they get bullied and are led to believe that they make the wrong decisions. When people post in the sick/injured thread they are stressed, worried, freaked out and their emotions are going haywire and then instead of helping and supporting them people get all high and mighty and say things that are just plain hurtful and out of line!! On the other hand for the two or three that do this I have had 4 or 5 people PM me with support and general concern for me and my baby and they have stood beside me and made me feel better each time someone else was rude. I just wanted to post this for discussion to see how others feel about this and if they feel the same way. I will stand my ground and if you are rude and nasty I will report your comments.....
__________________ Ann 's:Lucy and :Tubby |
Welcome Guest! | |
07-23-2011, 05:22 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: S. W. Suburbs of Chicago, IL
Posts: 12,235
| I don't even know what to say to you. So you are basically saying that you have issue with comments made after you asked for help? Who are these people you are talking about?
__________________ “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” Mark Twain |
07-23-2011, 05:33 PM | #3 |
YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Alexandria, MN USA
Posts: 388
| I had asked for help, SUPPORT, and ADVICE and when I posted what I was told by my vet I was basically told in so many words that I was a bad mother because I didn't chose exploratory surgery even though my vet did not suggest that was the best option. Some chose not to read the full comment I posted or they read it wrong and this was not the first time this happened. It happened on my very first posting as well. People give advice but if you don't chose to do what they want they go after you. I have just read a thread that you have been posting in and I do not agree with that either. If someone suggests something you don't agree with it is not up to you to belittle what they believe in. Everything has a right to their opinion and when people are harassed and bullied because of their beliefs that is wrong! In general I believe there should be a general respect for EVERYONE and people should not be ganged up on because of how or what they believe in.
__________________ Ann 's:Lucy and :Tubby |
07-23-2011, 05:57 PM | #4 | |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: S. W. Suburbs of Chicago, IL
Posts: 12,235
| Quote:
In the past 3 days I have made several HUNDRED posts and ONE POST that I made you are going to point out that YOU didn't like what I said and feel the need to bring this up You came to YorkieTalk looking for help. When very knowledgable members gave you sound advice your thanks is to turn on them and make a thread like this one This is an open forum and everyone is free to give their opinion when a thread is started. Obviously, you were looking for opinions regarding your dog otherwise you would not have looked for help via the internet search engine and arrived here. You typed out your post and after you hit send everyone is free to comment and give their knowledge to help the situation at hand. This is how a forum works. If I were in your situation, I sure would take the advice of the member who have many years of personal experience dealing with sick dogs, providing the best treatment from highly qualified vet VS vet quackery from misread internet Google searches. When someone is giving secret medical counsel via PMs how do you know if what they are suggesting is correct? If you had a vast array of veterinary knowledge you would not have been searching on line for help and would have been able to assess your dogs situation without assistance from the YT community. Furthermore, those that are not willing to speak in the open forum should be under greater suspect. There must be a reason for this and it is not because of bullying. I suspect is it general lack a solid foundation of what they are speaking via PMs and they do not want to be called out on what they are lacking by those who can stand behind what they speak. I will not engage with you further regarding this issue. If you do not like what has been said to you in your thread and would prefer the advice given from behind the scenes PMs then why don't you just close your thread and take your discussion private.
__________________ “Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” Mark Twain | |
07-23-2011, 08:12 PM | #5 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA
Posts: 3,269
| This is an open forum and everyone is free to give their opinion when a thread is started. Obviously, you were looking for opinions regarding your dog otherwise you would not have looked for help via the internet search engine and arrived here. You typed out your post and after you hit send everyone is free to comment and give their knowledge to help the situation at hand. This is how a forum works. While I do agree with you about an open forum and people giving their opinions. I dont agree that the advise should always be taken. The poster should take to heart and weigh what is right for their situation,because ultimately the responsibility of care lies with the owner. My understanding of what the OP is saying is that some members seem to be offended if given advice isnt taken. Years of experience do count for alot,but being on the scene and being able to see what is happening also counts for alot. I read the thread that you were referring to and believe the comments made about chiropractors and the use of alternative medicine were quite unkind. I personally had not ever thought to use a chiropractor for one of my dogs. I personally do not have a chiropractor,but understand that there are people that find them helpful. To sum up what I personally believe that the OP is trying to say is that there needs to be respect among the members wheather you just arrived or have been here a long time. I think a little proof reading before hitting send and a softening of wording would go a long way with everyone. Not just one or two members in particular. |
07-23-2011, 08:26 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Los Angeles, California, USA
Posts: 12,693
| The only advice I can give you on this topic is, lead by example.
__________________ Littlest JakJak We miss you Kaji |
07-23-2011, 08:39 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: FtWorth,TX,USA
Posts: 3,269
| |
07-23-2011, 08:40 PM | #8 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 1,363
| I think I need to defend Megansmomma here. I was a newbie once and have had a few issues with Toby so I posted a new thread on each incident. Megansmomma has been here for me from day one when I joined YT. She has given me great advice, some I took and some I ignored. I've had several other long time YT'ers give me some very STRONG advice and STRONG suggestions to the point that I started wondering if they thought I was a bad "mommy." But I didn't feel hurt, mad or upset. Like everyone says, you post a thread and ask for advice or help, you will get it good, bad or indifferent. You are free to choose what your "gut" tells you to do which is what I did. Long story short, everything I did ended up being the advice from well rounded, highly knowledgeable ladies here on YT. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I don't know these people personally and I only have a little over 1,000 posts in 1 1/2 years so I normally do not dish out advice but will relate my experience on the topic at hand if I've had an experience with it. Don't take things personal, read them with a grain of salt and if you don't like what's said, ignore the post and continue reading.
__________________ Dianne Toby Speedy Last edited by diannenet; 07-23-2011 at 08:42 PM. |
07-24-2011, 02:25 AM | #9 |
YT Addict Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: New york
Posts: 258
| Here we go again! LOL, well I just couldn't resist. I spoke on this subject sooooo many times and I try to avoid these threads, but I just felt the need to comment. *Disclaimer: I did not read the OPs help thread and don't care to. The main issue is the way things are said on here, weather pertaining to this case or not....once again, IT DOES HAPPEN. So this is NOT I repeat NOT towards megansmomma* Now lets try to practice what we preach people. "This is an open forum....so there are many opinions and you just have to take it"....OK....the OP's opinion is that some posters replys came across as rude. So sit there & eat it! Weather you were rude or not, take it for what it is & move on! You said what you wanted to say, the way you wanted to say it...so don't get mad if someone takes it to offense. Ignore it and leave. Now IN THE REAL WORLD, when everyones not hiding behind their computer screens...If your trying to help someone & they take it as offensive...you re-assure them that wasn't your intentions and you're only there to help....not go back & argue them down about HOW THEY FEEL! Now if they continue to be confrontational...leave it alone...go on another thread...tell someones furbaby Happy Birthday for goodness sakes! And sometimes I just have to laugh at some of these posters and how BOLD they are with their comments... I gotta say they have HEART!...but I bet you their behind wouldn't try that slick talk in real life because they'll get told off or a fist in their mouth! & @ McheleM....Speaking about karma, you're over there belittling the OP telling them to "hang out in the kiddie pool" but don't be surprised if one day someone pushes you in one because of that mouth of yours. But as a newbie...I love YT....Best Forum on the Planet! I definitely think everything else overshadows the....do i dare to say it?.... "rudeness"...or "sensitivity"! lol, but I understand it can be frustrating.
__________________ Asia Me & Baby Taylor |
07-24-2011, 06:01 AM | #10 |
Ringo (1) and Lucy too! Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: On the Edge of Glory
Posts: 3,447
| I think on any internet forum - you have to be pretty thick-skinned. I belong to a Parenting Forum on another website and cannot believe how mean that one can get! It sure makes YT look like the sweetest place in the world. From my experience - this is just the way it is on internet forums. You take the good with the bad; glean what you can from all advice (even if you don't agree with it; you can still learn something) and move on. In the end, it is always YOUR call; your decision; your dog. The longer you hang around; the more some people will grow on you when you see what their true intentions are. They would do anything to help a dog.
__________________ Mommy to Lucy, Ringo, and Matthew |
07-24-2011, 07:00 AM | #11 | |
♥ Maximo and Teddy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 25,041
| Quote:
I do have to disagree strongly with the accusation that people are judging or bullying in the S&I forum. That section may seem a little rough and tumble at times because people have different and strong opinions on how to best handle different ailments and injuries, but keep in mind that the forum is not only for support, but also to share information and experience for the benefit of other readers, not just the OP. When someone suggests taking a pup to a chiropractor after being dropped on the floor, yes, there is going to be strong outcry because that is grossly irresponsible. Even someone who advocates chiropractory can't seriously think this is a good plan when no xrays have been done and spinal and neck injuries have not been ruled out with more than a simple physical eval that you or I could have done. It would be dangerous and irresponsible for everyone to ignore or appear to condone bad or controversial suggestions in the S&I forum. When I was looking up old eye-related threads, I found some really bad advice for alternative treatments or putting off treatment -- both things that could result in a pup losing vision or an eye. Ann, you do not need to justify your decisions about your pup's healthcare to anyone on the Internet. We are each responsible only to ourselves and our doggies. However, none of us can expect everyone to agree with our decisions and give their stamp of approval. Not everyone (including good friends) agreed with my choice to have my regular vet treat Max's eyes rather than a specialist. That's okay because I know those people are simply concerned about my dog's eyes and vision. What you call judging, I believe is intelligent and experienced people evaluating a situation. They are not sizing you up personally. What you refer to as bullying, I believe is persistence for the sake of the dogs and good info in this forum. Whenever I read complaints about YT, I think of everyone here choosing a personal doctor or vet. Their bedside manner and approach are often factors in choosing. I'm guessing many people here would not like my vet because he is a man of few words and he is rather technical and doesn't mess around. That is the way it is on YT -- different people, different bedside manners. I hope that people are not deterred from responding to threads in the S&I. That would be a great loss for us all.
__________________ Kristin, Max and Teddy Last edited by Maximo; 07-24-2011 at 07:04 AM. | |
07-24-2011, 07:10 AM | #12 |
♥ Maximo and Teddy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 25,041
| Adding to my last statement....the alternative is to have a well wishes/prayers forum for sick and injured dogs, which is nice, but no one would learn anything. We make our decisions with our vets, but is nice to go into appointments with some knowledge and understanding and maybe a few ideas to discuss with the doctor.
__________________ Kristin, Max and Teddy |
07-24-2011, 07:24 AM | #13 | |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: #4 PRIVET DRIVE
Posts: 1,685
| Quote:
__________________ | |
07-24-2011, 07:37 AM | #14 | |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Buffalo, NY, United States
Posts: 971
| Quote:
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07-24-2011, 09:02 AM | #15 |
♥ Maximo and Teddy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 25,041
| My apologies if this seems to be piling on, but I think many people (myself included) don't get around to all the forums on YT, because this place is so wonderfully big and active. If you have any doubts about the intentions of people who respond to the S&I threads, take a look at this example of what one member does with her time: This is a dog that Linda (LadyJane) has in her care right now (warning, the initial picture of the dog is graphic and very sad): http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/yor...your-help.html This is the little dog, Gabby, today: http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/3609144-post766.html
__________________ Kristin, Max and Teddy |
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