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Old 09-05-2007, 09:28 AM   #1
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Unhappy Just gotta vent! MEN!

I posted this in the training session, but I'm now realizing that it is more than just dog training, but MAN TRAINING!! I am so torn and fed up!!

Ugh, I've got the worst problem, and it came to quite the culmination last night. One of my dogs is totally fine with sleeping in her crate at night. She was raised on crates, and has never complained. But my other dog, when I first picked him up, I put him in the crate for the ride home, and he barked nonstop. And this was two years ago! So every night, we put him in his crate. He used to make a big fuss right away, but has gotten to the point where he will be quiet for about an hour, and then starts whining. So, when he does that, I take him out and take him to the bathroom, he does his business, and then he goes back in his crate. But, he keeps whining past that point. I've tried squirting him with a water gun, and it used to work, until my boyfriend started sleeping on the side of the bed with the crates. He would use the water gun, and would tell me the next day that Tbone is completely soaked from him squirting him because of the whining. So last night, by BF got fed up enough, took him to the bathroom, and when he wouldn't go, HE PUT TBONE IN THE SHOWER!!! I was SO mad! Tbone didn't know what he had done wrong, and the BF didn't even bother to dry him off, just put him sopping wet back in his crate. I got him out and towelled him off, and let him sleep with me the rest of the night. The poor pup, I am afraid that now he won't even want to go to the bathroom (where his potty pad is) because he thinks my BF is going to throw him in the shower! Ugh! So I don't know how to get Tbone accustomed to sleeping in a crate at night, but I did say that from now on I am sleeping next to them so that never happens again! And the whole time our other dog Tina has no problems. Tbone has never found comfort in confined places, and I have to admit that he is quite the momma's boy. He has bad enough separation anxiety that most of the time he has to be sitting up next to my body. Needless to say, no one is getting a good night's sleep in this house except Tina, and it is driving us all crazy! What can I do???

My BF and I started dating 3 years ago, and we have lived together for 2. When we started dating, I knew he was immature, but hoped he would grow out of it. BUT HE HASN'T. He can be so dang rude sometimes just for no reason, and gives flippant answers to things, or can be so stubborn! It is really wearing me down, but our biggest problem is communication, so I don't feel like I can talk to him about anything rationally. He puts up brick walls, stops talking and listening, and I just end up griping til I'm blue in the face. Are we destined to a relationship where I nag and nag, and he ignores me?

WAAA!!! Sorry ladies (and gents), I just need to get it off my chest and I just moved to TX so I don't have any friends here who can take me for coffee and listen to me. It has been so hard adjusting, and I need some normal adult support!
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:38 AM   #2
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i cannot believe I am reading this!!!!!!!!!!! i am sorry but your post upsets me so much. what kind of man is that ? he is only a boyfriend and I was raised back "in the day' when boyfriends did not occupy your bed. of course I am well aware that times have changed but I will tell you one thing, if he treated my dog like this, he would not be my boyfriend anymore. This is just plain animal cruelty and the dog needs to be rehomed. unless you rehomee the boyfriend. If I lived anywhere near there, I would report this act of meanness.
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:40 AM   #3
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Not only that, but if he treats your furbaby that way, if you have kids in the future, how is he going to treat them? He'd be hitting the highway!!!
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:42 AM   #4
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Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of freedom right now. We just moved to TX together, because I wanted to move, and he is the breadwinner. And he really is a fantastic, upstanding guy. He just has lapses. Which I know is INEXCUSEABLE, but I don't have any leverage. I have nowhere to go, no car, no job, no money. And one of the dogs is in my name and one in his, and I'd NEVER leave one with him and take the other. There are so many things I just have to put up with.
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:44 AM   #5
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I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Is there any reason the pup can't sleep with you? 4 of my 5 do. The 5th likes to sleep under the bed. They don't move very much and my husband and I sleep just fine. They stay on the floor during 'cuddling' time for my hubby and I.

The 'shower' thing makes my heart hurt. That poor baby. You sound like a good mommy, by the fact that you got up, dried him off and loved him. I try not to give any advise concerning relationships, other than the fact that you need to pray about it and follow God's leading.

Good luck!
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:47 AM   #6
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Quote:
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Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of freedom right now. We just moved to TX together, because I wanted to move, and he is the breadwinner. And he really is a fantastic, upstanding guy. He just has lapses. Which I know is INEXCUSEABLE, but I don't have any leverage. I have nowhere to go, no car, no job, no money. And one of the dogs is in my name and one in his, and I'd NEVER leave one with him and take the other. There are so many things I just have to put up with.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. The only thing I can tell you, and this comes from experience, you can do whatever you need to do! I hope you and your babies will be OK.
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:52 AM   #7
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When they both sleep with us, I get pinned down, and then I don't sleep well. I have a hard enough time sleeping anyway, and I toss and turn a lot. Being in a crate is just for their own good at night.

And I agree, all I can really do is pray about it. All my life I've struggled with giving my life over to God, and I know that now is the time to do it. Doesn't make it any easier right now, though.
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Old 09-05-2007, 09:52 AM   #8
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Wow Iam sorry, but your post upset me also, If my BF or husband for that matter ever did anything to hurt my furkids....LOOK OUT, your poor baby is now going to be affraid and its not his fault, I feel bad for you being in a strang place with no freinds, some dogs just dont like the crate and pouring water on him is NOT going to help but hurt him, bread winner or not, he needs to be more understanding with your babies I hope things get better for you and i dont mean to make you feel bad, I can tell you already do
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:01 AM   #9
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Best of luck. I couldnt be with someone who was mean to my furbabies
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:02 AM   #10
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I feel bad for you, but worse for your puppy. If you are stuck there, you should REALLY consider rehoming your puppy. He doesnt deserve to be treated like that, from anyone.... you can make it work for yourself but you should do what is right for the pup...
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:02 AM   #11
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That's what surprised me the most. Because he loves our dogs! And he spoils them rotten. He just got fed up I guess.
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:19 AM   #12
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we all get fed up, dont ya think, but we dont do things like that....
i couldnt, and wouldnt... stand up for your puppy or rehome him...
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:28 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by labrown View Post
I knew he was immature, but hoped he would grow out of it. BUT HE HASN'T. He can be so dang rude sometimes just for no reason, and gives flippant answers to things, or can be so stubborn! It is really wearing me down, but our biggest problem is communication, so I don't feel like I can talk to him about anything rationally. He puts up brick walls, stops talking and listening, and I just end up griping til I'm blue in the face.
Hun, why is this man, I mean BOY, your boyfriend? Despite some possible good traits you mention - these bad traits are TERRIBLE. With marriage, they'll likely worsen - is this the life you imagine, hope for, and desire?

As for his treatment of Tbone, the poor thing is going to develop problematic anxiety, if he hasn't already. That was cruel - putting him into the shower like that, how scary for him.

Some dogs do have a life-long issue with closed spaces - can you expand his area to include not just his crate but also a little pee pad area or something? He may do better in an area that isn't so confining.

One last thing, just to show your man how Tbone felt - grab a bucket of water and when the BF is not suspecting anything, TOSS water on BF. The golden rule can be a bitch, ya know.
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:31 AM   #14
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Susanah is untrained, spoiled, clingy, and a loudmouth - and those are some of her better qualities! You'd better believe I get fed up and frustrated with her sometimes. I can tell you this though, I would NEVER EVER do to her what your BF did to that furbaby. I can't even in my wildest dreams imagine being mean to her.

I can also tell you that I was in an abusive relationship, with a "wonderful, upstanding" guy. And I can tell you that's how it started. He lost his temper with one of my pets. It wasn't very long after that when he lost his temper with me.

I understand you feeling stuck there. I felt the same way. I finally had enough, swallowed my pride, and called my family.
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Old 09-05-2007, 10:34 AM   #15
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Gina is right Sweetie,
You can't let this behavior continue. He will do something like it in the future too - I can promise you that. If you are unwilling to let go of the man you simply must let go of the dog. Let him have a life where he can sleep at night and not have to worry about being in a crate or a shower! I just cringe and want to cry when I think about that poor puppy being treated like that. No, it probably didn't hurt him which is what your horrible boyfriend probably said but it scared and confused him. You know he was miserable. That is simple cruelty.

I know you just came here to vent and I'm not trying to come down on you. I simply want you to see that it is best for the dog.
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