Just gotta vent! MEN!

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by labrown

Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of freedom right now. We just moved to TX together, because I wanted to move, and he is the breadwinner. And he really is a fantastic, upstanding guy. He just has lapses. Which I know is INEXCUSEABLE, but I don't have any leverage. I have nowhere to go, no car, no job, no money. And one of the dogs is in my name and one in his, and I'd NEVER leave one with him and take the other. There are so many things I just have to put up with.

OK, in all fairness.... Ive gone to trainers and my vet who have SAID to me that when a dog is out of control to PUT IT IN THE SHOWER.... this is not abuse. It may not sound that nice, but you are not hurting the dog and you are taking his mind off his current dilemma. Your boyfriend doing that is fine... but letting the dog back to the crate soaking sopping wet is wrong... Im sure he knows that though. He does not sound like a mean guy, just an OVERtired one, as Im sure you are too.

But girl, you need to get a car, a job, some money, some friends.... this is like a prison sentance for you, not a life. There is soooo much that you are missing by not having some sort of independance, even if its just a part time job. I don't know your circumstances, maybe you cannot work for other reasons, but you shouldnt feel that its a reason you HAVE to stay. You need to figure out your own life. If you are not happy with the situation then make the necessary changes... its hard to make the first step, but they get easier after the first one and its very rewarding!

Good Luck with your situation. You need it

[LuvMyPrinceKobi]

I have two more comments....one on the crate...yes, it should be a haven, and trust me when I say, "crate," Kobi could not be ANY happier to go to his little room...he loves it...so it is possible, trust me. It may take work, but you can do it, girl.

Secondly, I'll leave you with this quote which is probably easier SAID than DONE, but anyway... "Don't settle for the one you can live with. Wait for the one you can't live without." It sort of sounds like you're putting your happy on hold for this guy (even though you have your material things) and waiting for him to change...

I wish you all the best, girl, and please take care of yourself and those pups.

[Lexi Rae]

picture that,!, my trainer or my vet telling me its ok to put them in the
shower,, are you kidding me,..deal with the dam issue... like we all do...
we all have had sleepless nights and still do... deal with it or find it a loving
home....

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Oh honey. That is so wrong, I don't even know what to write.

You can't be with a person for the man he GOING to be, you choose a partner based on who they ARE.

My brother used to say :

"IF 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy & nuts, it would be Christmas all year"

In other words when you say "what if I leave him and he turns out wonderful?" you cannot live your life based on IFs.... I was with a guy from age 19 to age 28 and we broke up and I ventured out on my own. I had friends yes, and family ... but I didnt turn to them to support me. I went and got the best job I could, went to night school (still trying when I can) and I have a 7 year old car and a beautiful townhouse now. Its a struggle to make it on your own... but if he is only 23 what age are you???? Probably WAYYYYY too young to be dependant on ANYONE... what IF he does not want to get married to you in 1 year from now and tells YOU to leave????? Then what???

Im not telling you to dump him, I dont even think he sounds like a jerk... I am telling you to consider what if he dumps you! Then where will you be? Something to think about! Time to make your life all about you and get it going! Its a LONG life!

[rrosenberry]

Originally Posted by celstu1

OK, in all fairness.... Ive gone to trainers and my vet who have SAID to me that when a dog is out of control to PUT IT IN THE SHOWER.... this is not abuse. It may not sound that nice, but you are not hurting the dog and you are taking his mind off his current dilemma. Your boyfriend doing that is fine...

Wow- I've read tons of training book and been to trainers and watched oodles of training shows.. NEVER have I heard that one.. What is that solving? So in the midst of a Episode.. and no shower.. What? Blast them with a hose.. I'm sorry that's crazy..how about teaching you to control your dog so we don't get to this out of control point. That is the goal.. not a temporary distraction..that they associate with nothing they have done.. then you'd have a dog traumatized by water.

[spr377]

Originally Posted by Jody Renfroe

I'm so sorry you're in this position. The only thing I can tell you, and this comes from experience, you can do whatever you need to do! I hope you and your babies will be OK.

I agree, you can do anything you put your mind to. You need to think about how you want to live your life.....things WILL NOT get better, especially if he is unwilling to communicate rationally. You obviously have a computer, start researching jobs in your area.....look for groups to join, go to the library....there are lots of resources and good people out there!! You just need to take the initiative to find them. I would not let anyone treat me, or my animals, in the manner that your boyfriend is obviously accustomed to treating things that annoy or bother him. He sounds like an abusive husband and father waiting to happen.

[Lexi Rae]

thats right rhonda. amen

[JCarlson2004]

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

picture that,!, my trainer or my vet telling me its ok to put them in the
shower,, are you kidding me,..deal with the dam issue... like we all do...
we all have had sleepless nights and still do... deal with it or find it a loving
home....

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by rrosenberry

Wow- I've read tons of training book and been to trainers and watched oodles of training shows.. NEVER have I heard that one.. What is that solving? So in the midst of a Episode.. and no shower.. What? Blast them with a hose.. I'm sorry that's crazy..how about teaching you to control your dog so we don't get to this out of control point. That is the goal.. not a temporary distraction..that they associate with nothing they have done.. then you'd have a dog traumatized by water.

Hey don't shoot the messanger, Im just telling what Ive been told... and for the record.. Ive never done it to my dogs!

[rrosenberry]

Why dont you just put the crate in another room?

Or maybe HE can sleep in the shower?

[rrosenberry]

Originally Posted by celstu1

Hey don't shoot the messanger, Im just telling what Ive been told... and for the record.. Ive never done it to my dogs!

No shooting

But if a trainer told me that..I'd find a new trainer, or I'd ask them how about teaching me how to control my dog. Without water torture techniques.

[Lexi Rae]

c'mon,,, im sure the trainers have other ways, ya just dont do that

[celstu1]

Originally Posted by Lexi Rae

c'mon,,, im sure the trainers have other ways, ya just dont do that

I found this video and in light of the situation and in trying to diffuse something I said that p*ssed some off.... well here...

Crazy yorkie attacks shower!!
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/cr...wer/2453043197

[labrown]

See, I have the patience for my dog. I don't mind the whining, but he does have to learn to be in the crate for when we make long trips and stay with other people. And I don't think what Tbone did warranted a trip to the shower. Tbone gets very anxious in the crate, panting loudly and hunching in odd positions. But he will calm down and sleep in there once he knows that I'm only going to let him out to go potty and then he has to go right back. I think I am a consistent dog parent, but the bf does things without my knowing it before I can stop him. I was asleep when he put him in the shower.
I am trying to find a job, I have good prospects. I just got my bachelor's degree this spring and am going back for 2 more degrees. I am making an independent life for myself. But I have been too dependent in the last year. And this incident has made me realize that I am in too deep. I had some financial problems in the past, horrible credit, and the bf helped me out of all of that. Unfortunately, that means that the car I paid for is in his name, we have a lease together on an apartment, etc.
I do sit down with him and try to talk things out, and eventually he comes around, but there are these times like last night where he snaps and does something irrational. And I also agree with all of you that it has to stop. One of my friends from KS is coming down to see me today, and it will make a big difference to have someone around that cares about my sanity. It will give me time to cool down. Because I can be quite a spitfire if you catch me while I'm still mad. I have quite the sharp tongue. Ugh, I still need more time to think about it and talk it out, and all of you are helping so much!! Thank you thank you thank you!

[Lexi Rae]

its not what you said babes, its what a trainer would say... i cant for the
life of me understand that...