Some of you might hate me for this.. - Page 3 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

yorkiegirl83 · 08-23-2007, 09:46 PM

I just want to let you know that I adore my step mom, she is a great friend of mine and although as a step child sometimes it was difficult for me to feel like a part of the new family... she made me feel so included in her and my dad's childrens life, as well as our new family unit. I love her dearly <3.

Now, my step dad on the other hand was a monster, a total jerk and I dreaded even coming home from school because of him.

I really think that as hard as this situation is for you, a baby is much easier to adjust to, and befriend and love as the years go by

.

I know my step mom was one of the best things that happened to me in my life!

LoveMyGirlz · 08-23-2007, 11:58 PM

Awww you can't hate the baby! The best thing you can do is be that childs friend and be someone he/she will look up to. It will be hard for you if the mother is spiteful and hates you...but you never know-you may be with your man 15 years from now!
I met my stepson when he was 2....I tried to be his friend but his mother and her family were nasty and told him lies about me and well...just confused the poor kid so that he felt like he had to ignore me whenever his mom was around. He is 15 yrs old now and we are still together! His mother eventually remarried and is happy now and cant understand why the son and I ever had this "gap" between us! She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer

Anyway, make the childs visits enjoyable, so that he wants to come over....cause this will make a huge difference when he's older and can choose where he wants to spend his time for himself....Trust me, making yourself so likeable is the BEST way to get at the mother (is she is nasty and vengeful!)! Make it so that there is nothing the mother can do or say about you to change the way the kid feels about you!

BLowry · 08-24-2007, 05:59 AM

My daughter (24yrs old) was dating a guy (25 yrs old) that had a 9 yr old daughter. My daughter liked him but, couldn't get over him having a child. I told her his daughter would always come first in his life (which she should) and my daughter would either have to accept this or, not see him anymore. She just got out of a 6 yr relationship with a man she thought she would marry...(long story) so she isn't looking for a long term relationship...yet...but, a man having a child was something she didn't want..and I dont blame her...she is only 24. But, I think with a baby it would be easier...it all depends on what you are comfortable with. Good luck to you with what ever decision you make.

chachi · 08-24-2007, 06:06 AM

You can take lemons and make lemonade if you try. My now Husband helped me raise My Son since he was 9. My Son loves him as much as his real Dad. I am glad I was with someone who could give to My Son as he was his own. We now have a daughter together also

Superstarkba · 08-24-2007, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stedmansmommy

Well who knows, you may absolutely fall in love with this precious little one!

I say, wait and see what happens before you say that you dread them

Very true. I don't have any step children, or any. But I know how it feels to be judges and hated by a step mom!

Yorkiekids · 08-24-2007, 06:17 AM

I have two stepchildren, and one's a doll, and the other a pain in the butt. As far as the baby goes you'll get attached, and your boyfriend will be needing your help. Don't worry he'll still love you, he'll love the baby in a totally different way.

chachi · 08-24-2007, 06:27 AM

The hardest part is not dealing with the kid but dealing with the other parent. Especially if they are jealous of you

jp4m2 · 08-24-2007, 06:33 AM

This is a sad situation for the baby....the baby is stuck in the middle...the one thing that's a blessing in all this is you found a man who was willing to go through the drama and aggravation to win joint custody of his child, I know and see a lot of men who would have abandoned their child, that at least says something for his character as a man.....you have to know going into this the baby should be his number one priority, that's the price you pay getting involved in a relationship where there's prior commitments.....

This man is going to need a strong woman to support his obligations....without guilt, or complaining....I hope for all your sakes you come around and support him in this, if he's the one this is going to be a life long commitment for all involved....that includes the mother of the baby....it takes a special kind of woman to take this on with grace and a lot of sacrifice and compromises....and there may be a lot of times where you might have to hold your tongue just for the sake of peace.... Good luck

Rockster's Mom · 08-24-2007, 07:05 AM

Becoming my daughter's (step) mom was the best decision I have every made. When I met my DH is told be up front he had sole custody of his daughter and he was not going to waste his time dating me if I could not accept that. Will I did accept it and I got a very special blessing out of it. My daughter's biological mom is a LOSER to say the least, and me and my MIL are the only mothers she knows. Being with someone with a child is very hard and trying on the relationship. If you are not in this for the long road then you might want to rethink your relationship because this guy will always be a dad and his child will always be there.

jp4m2 · 08-24-2007, 07:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockster's Mom

Becoming my daughter's (step) mom was the best decision I have every made. When I met my DH is told be up front he had sole custody of his daughter and he was not going to waste his time dating me if I could not accept that. Will I did accept it and I got a very special blessing out of it. My daughter's biological mom is a LOSER to say the least, and me and my MIL are the only mothers she knows. Being with someone with a child is very hard and trying on the relationship. If you are not in this for the long road then you might want to rethink your relationship because this guy will always be a dad and his child will always be there.

.....Your husband sounds like he was on the right track, you picked good, good man

..... I think some women forget that it's about the children who's lives have been impacted the most in these situations....the women volunteer to be in these situations, children had no say.....

Could you imagine if some one told you you could only see your man on every other weekend or that you had to pack your bags every weekend or every other week and leave your home and go to another home for a few days...and then you had 2 sets of people telling you different rules, different friends, different schedules etc. for the next 18 years....most adults wouldn't except this but we sometimes expect our children to do it with absolutely no complaints...so sad....

chachi · 08-24-2007, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockster's Mom

Becoming my daughter's (step) mom was the best decision I have every made. When I met my DH is told be up front he had sole custody of his daughter and he was not going to waste his time dating me if I could not accept that. Will I did accept it and I got a very special blessing out of it. My daughter's biological mom is a LOSER to say the least, and me and my MIL are the only mothers she knows. Being with someone with a child is very hard and trying on the relationship. If you are not in this for the long road then you might want to rethink your relationship because this guy will always be a dad and his child will always be there.

Aw that is so wonderful. I think it takes a special kind of person too be a good step parent

Superstarkba · 08-24-2007, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockster's Mom

Becoming my daughter's (step) mom was the best decision I have every made. When I met my DH is told be up front he had sole custody of his daughter and he was not going to waste his time dating me if I could not accept that. Will I did accept it and I got a very special blessing out of it. My daughter's biological mom is a LOSER to say the least, and me and my MIL are the only mothers she knows. Being with someone with a child is very hard and trying on the relationship. If you are not in this for the long road then you might want to rethink your relationship because this guy will always be a dad and his child will always be there.

That is def true!! I am glad that she has an AWSOME step mom like you

.

Wylie's Mom · 08-24-2007, 09:57 AM

If you can, try to forget about the drama and embrace this innocent little babe-ette, the child of the man you LURVE. It sounds like this little child is going to be part of your family, so embrace with grace! Go with a big heart and the rewards will be three-fold.

Clear out the "mucky" feelings and let go of the pre-conceived gunk. You might just love that little punkin - and that little punkin just might love you back!

Julz · 08-24-2007, 10:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xchristiex

Long..long story. i'll try to make it short. i started dating this guy, that had recently broke up with someone eles, that someone was pregnant. she had the baby, and the child is now 8 months old. my guy has seen this child 3 times, she has kept the baby from him, he just won joint custody in a nasty court case. its a bunch of drama...and i hate it. i'm stuck in the middle, and now he is supposed to be getting this child for the 1st time soon.

Oh honey, this is just a baby....you are going fall in love. PLEASE accept this child as the infant that it is. PLEASE don't feel in the middle. PLEASE snuggle and love on this little angel that is caught in the middle and didn't ask for any of this. PLEASE don't hold it against this child who the parents are. This all happened before you. It will probably be hard for the baby at this age being seperated from Mom the first time. Be patient and kind. Aslo, be thankful it isn't a 14 year old you are about to meet and have to be accepted by for the first time

. Trust me, I KNOW THE DRAMA!!!!! Been there, done that

!!!!! I absolutely LOVE babies and am quite a baby hog....hand one over and just TRY getting it back

! Enjoy your time with the child....it will be going back to Mom before you know it.

Julz · 08-26-2007, 10:34 AM

...how'd it go?

08-23-2007, 11:58 PM	#32
LoveMyGirlz Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 1,908	Awww you can't hate the baby! The best thing you can do is be that childs friend and be someone he/she will look up to. It will be hard for you if the mother is spiteful and hates you...but you never know-you may be with your man 15 years from now! I met my stepson when he was 2....I tried to be his friend but his mother and her family were nasty and told him lies about me and well...just confused the poor kid so that he felt like he had to ignore me whenever his mom was around. He is 15 yrs old now and we are still together! His mother eventually remarried and is happy now and cant understand why the son and I ever had this "gap" between us! She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer Anyway, make the childs visits enjoyable, so that he wants to come over....cause this will make a huge difference when he's older and can choose where he wants to spend his time for himself....Trust me, making yourself so likeable is the BEST way to get at the mother (is she is nasty and vengeful!)! Make it so that there is nothing the mother can do or say about you to change the way the kid feels about you! __________________ God Bless our troops R.I.P. Sweet Lexxi Girl - you were taken too soon, we love you always Vixxen ,Truffles , Gemma Lexxi and their mommy Trina- Girls Rule!

08-24-2007, 05:59 AM	#33
BLowry My furkids Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 4,625 Blog Entries: 1	My daughter (24yrs old) was dating a guy (25 yrs old) that had a 9 yr old daughter. My daughter liked him but, couldn't get over him having a child. I told her his daughter would always come first in his life (which she should) and my daughter would either have to accept this or, not see him anymore. She just got out of a 6 yr relationship with a man she thought she would marry...(long story) so she isn't looking for a long term relationship...yet...but, a man having a child was something she didn't want..and I dont blame her...she is only 24. But, I think with a baby it would be easier...it all depends on what you are comfortable with. Good luck to you with what ever decision you make. __________________ Brenda

08-24-2007, 06:06 AM	#34
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	You can take lemons and make lemonade if you try. My now Husband helped me raise My Son since he was 9. My Son loves him as much as his real Dad. I am glad I was with someone who could give to My Son as he was his own. We now have a daughter together also __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

08-24-2007, 06:17 AM	#36
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	I have two stepchildren, and one's a doll, and the other a pain in the butt. As far as the baby goes you'll get attached, and your boyfriend will be needing your help. Don't worry he'll still love you, he'll love the baby in a totally different way. __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

08-24-2007, 06:27 AM	#37
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	The hardest part is not dealing with the kid but dealing with the other parent. Especially if they are jealous of you __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

08-23-2007, 09:46 PM	#31
yorkiegirl83 Love My Furbabies! Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: somewhere Posts: 4,427	I just want to let you know that I adore my step mom, she is a great friend of mine and although as a step child sometimes it was difficult for me to feel like a part of the new family... she made me feel so included in her and my dad's childrens life, as well as our new family unit. I love her dearly <3. Now, my step dad on the other hand was a monster, a total jerk and I dreaded even coming home from school because of him. I really think that as hard as this situation is for you, a baby is much easier to adjust to, and befriend and love as the years go by . I know my step mom was one of the best things that happened to me in my life!

08-24-2007, 06:33 AM	#38
jp4m2 Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys Posts: 5,056	This is a sad situation for the baby....the baby is stuck in the middle...the one thing that's a blessing in all this is you found a man who was willing to go through the drama and aggravation to win joint custody of his child, I know and see a lot of men who would have abandoned their child, that at least says something for his character as a man.....you have to know going into this the baby should be his number one priority, that's the price you pay getting involved in a relationship where there's prior commitments..... This man is going to need a strong woman to support his obligations....without guilt, or complaining....I hope for all your sakes you come around and support him in this, if he's the one this is going to be a life long commitment for all involved....that includes the mother of the baby....it takes a special kind of woman to take this on with grace and a lot of sacrifice and compromises....and there may be a lot of times where you might have to hold your tongue just for the sake of peace.... Good luck __________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.. Last edited by jp4m2; 08-24-2007 at 06:35 AM.

08-24-2007, 07:05 AM	#39
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	Becoming my daughter's (step) mom was the best decision I have every made. When I met my DH is told be up front he had sole custody of his daughter and he was not going to waste his time dating me if I could not accept that. Will I did accept it and I got a very special blessing out of it. My daughter's biological mom is a LOSER to say the least, and me and my MIL are the only mothers she knows. Being with someone with a child is very hard and trying on the relationship. If you are not in this for the long road then you might want to rethink your relationship because this guy will always be a dad and his child will always be there.

08-24-2007, 09:57 AM	#43
Wylie's Mom Furbutts = LOVE Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 35,889 Blog Entries: 2	If you can, try to forget about the drama and embrace this innocent little babe-ette, the child of the man you LURVE. It sounds like this little child is going to be part of your family, so embrace with grace! Go with a big heart and the rewards will be three-fold. Clear out the "mucky" feelings and let go of the pre-conceived gunk. You might just love that little punkin - and that little punkin just might love you back! __________________ ~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~ °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann \| Pfeiffer \| Marcel Verdel Purcell \| Wylie \| Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨°

08-26-2007, 10:34 AM	#45
Julz Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 4,347	...how'd it go?