I'm pregnant- Keep it? OR Adopt it? - Page 3 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

connie k · 11-16-2006, 05:28 AM

Okay I am going to be the debbie downer.
First why on earth are you pg With so many birth control options out there?
Second if you are able to support a yorky why can't you support a child?
I was not one of the lucky people who can get pg with a blink of an eye I had to have surgery and wait forever.
I was an unwanted child. My mother died when I was 16 months old and so I got to go live with my Dad who was a drunk and in jail most of the time. I was passed from one family member to another all who didn't give a crap about me. When my Dad was killed when I was 14 I was placed with an Aunt and Uncle Who didn't need another kid or want one. My life until I was married was a total HELL!

For those who adopt You have saved these children for a world of pain be it physical or mental.

If you don't want this child please give it to a loving family. Please do not resent a precious baby that did not ask to be born.

I pray that you will make the right choice. It is your choice.

Remember that God gives us grace when we least expect it.

Peters · 11-16-2006, 05:40 AM

you have to also think about how you will work where will your kid be when you have to work . you can't go anywhere or do anything without worrying about your child! that's how it is for me anyways. i'm not a single mom but if i had to do it i know i could ,one way or another. your whole life changes when you have a baby you don't have anything to yourself any more ..i know that seems selfish ,but you can't even take a shower without having to keep an eye out for the little one and so on. if your not ready to basically give up everything the way you know it then you may not be ready to be a mommy most the time i still feel i'm not ready!. i still have hard times with my little girl and i'm married and daddy's in the pic. things aren't always sweet nice happy and cute when your mommy.anyways nobody can make this decision but you. good luck

yorkieangel · 11-16-2006, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by red98vett

Hmmmm....Yorkieangel made me remember the really hard days - I hate to admit this - but some days when we just wanted some GOOD food instead of mac & cheese at 25 cents a box - I shoplifted food a few times - that was WAY Back in the days of my 1st son when he was a baby & I was still a teen - but there was never enough money for anything except him that 1st year of his life....but worth every second.

Looking back - if you don't have a good financial base raising kids is very expensive - WAY MORE NOW than it was when mine were little.

I see the prices of food these days and just cannot BELIEVE people who make min. wage and have familyies can even afford to eat

JEEZ V I'm grown now and still buying the freaking OFF BRAND of Mac and cheese for 25 cents a box...GO FIGURE

Old habits die hard and all those years of SURVIVING just make me unable to change my food ways.
My kids HATE we always have these cheapo meals

chachi · 11-16-2006, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkieangel

JEEZ V I'm grown now and still buying the freaking OFF BRAND of Mac and cheese for 25 cents a box...GO FIGURE

Old habits die hard and all those years of SURVIVING just make me unable to change my food ways.
My kids HATE we always have these cheapo meals

I always grocery shop like that too and it drives my Husband crazy because I dont have to but i always have low grocery bills because of it

red98vett · 11-16-2006, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by connie k

Okay I am going to be the debbie downer.
First why on earth are you pg With so many birth control options out there?
Second if you are able to support a yorky why can't you support a child?
I was not one of the lucky people who can get pg with a blink of an eye I had to have surgery and wait forever.
I was an unwanted child. My mother died when I was 16 months old and so I got to go live with my Dad who was a drunk and in jail most of the time. I was passed from one family member to another all who didn't give a crap about me. When my Dad was killed when I was 14 I was placed with an Aunt and Uncle Who didn't need another kid or want one. My life until I was married was a total HELL!

For those who adopt You have saved these children for a world of pain be it physical or mental.

If you don't want this child please give it to a loving family. Please do not resent a precious baby that did not ask to be born.

I pray that you will make the right choice. It is your choice.

Remember that God gives us grace when we least expect it.

oh wow...

sending you a hug...that's just awful for you.

ytsirk27 · 11-16-2006, 07:19 AM

I also am a child that really wasnt wanted. My real dad( I NEVER KNEW) didnt want me and than my mother worked all day and partied all night so I was with a babysitter most of my childhood and than she just up and left when I was 7. no bye, see ya nothing. No contact for 22 YEARS so I went to live with the guy that zI THOUGHT was my real dad well I just found out 6 months ago that he adopted me and nobody told me and he was an alcoholic so he never was home so I pretty much raised myself. I guess what im trying to say is with that background made me want my kids more than ever. They love me and I love them so much Id die for them. Thats what you need to think about. Will you love this baby sooo much youd die for it or sacrifice what you need for him or her? Your very mature for a 20 yr old and luckily you have a very good family to support you so if all possible Id keep it. BUT if you theres ANY DOUBT in your mind that your going to resent this baby you need to give it up to a loving family that WANTS one.

There were times and STILL is where I sit around wondering if things can get any worse..they can. My kids dont wear name brand stuff and arent bought everything in the world but there great kids and thats all that matters. It irritates when ppl go and say well it cost about 100,000 a year to raise a kid..the hell if it does. My kids have food on the table, clothes on their back and a home to live in. Were not rich...sometimes me and jeff think "oh S&*^ what are we going to do but everything works out. It may be hard for awhile butthings will work out!

straightsilk · 11-16-2006, 10:02 AM

I know you are a caring and thoughtful person and you will make the right decision.

Just one more thing to throw in there for consideration. I know two women who got pregnant when they were young and they gave up their children. They both assumed they would have another chance when they were older and ready to have kids, but it didn't happen for either one of them. They are both full of regret.

Best wishes on this difficult decision.

lisatodd · 11-16-2006, 10:17 AM

i can't say until i have been there but i will say in my husbands family.... 9 brothers and sisters, have adopted together 6 children. they were not blessed like their mother in being able to have children. they were so lucky and the children as well to be able to adopt. each one of those children are very special and the parents very lucky to have them.

now my husband wants to adopt, since my uterus erupted with my last preg, i had to have a hysterectomy.

i think adopted children are so special

connie k · 11-16-2006, 11:30 AM

Those of us that have told our story have done so in trying to help you. I love my children so much and with each I now know what a mothers love is. Loving a child is like nothing else in this world. When that child is placed in your arms nothing in this world compares to that beautiful moment. You can't explain it. You love that helpless being with all you have in you. They need you so much and are so perfect and innocent that you want to protect them from all that is wrong in the world. Having a child is the most wonderful gift that God can give. It by far is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It is scary to think that every thing you do will effect your child. You have to give up alot but in my world it is worth it. My husband and I haven't been to an adult movie since the first spiderman came out. But hey I would rather go see Garfield with my girls any day. You are smart to give this alot of thought. If you think you can be a good mother then go for it. If you don't think your up for the task then give that Baby to someone who will be. I wish you peace in what you decide.

yorkieK9trainer · 11-16-2006, 04:02 PM

...Give me just one second to respond to the many posts, please...

1. I conceived while on OrthoTricyclene. The same contraception that I've been on for the last almost 8 years. There wasn't a skipped pill, it simply happened. The only thing my doctor could come up w/ is: A; the pill isn't 100%-just pretty darn close. B; I was working out-getting ready for some testing,(I tested for a local police department and got the best numbers and times in the women's catagory that day and I was PREGNANT at that time and didn't know it) and was under a lot of stress. Both of which often afflict the levels of your hormones. Given those two circumstances, it's no suprise that the effectiveness of my pill decreased and I simply didn't think about that.

2. I think that IF I keep this child, it'll be hard, but it would also be fun in that weird way. I do have the support of my immediate family. I don't mean just financially if needed, but more so just their attention and time. I'm 25...I was born and raised overseas (thanks to the US Military) and have literally travelled the globe at ages that I was capable of remembering most of my travels. I've partied, I've dated, I've done all those wonderful things that most people my age are just BEGINNING to do. So on that tip, I know I wouldn't feel like I'm missing out. I feel, rather, that I could take those life experiences and pass them on to this child.

3. Financially, I have a lot of maturing left to do. I'm quick to make money and once I have it I can budget appropriately. The key is to make enough for myself + 1!

At THIS point in my life, w/ no college degree, I don't think that's possible. I would most likely need assistance from the father. If he doesn't provide such, I will be in a pinch and feel like a dumba$s for keeping this little one. However, I know that there are people out there much less fortunate than myself and don't have the kind of support that I do. If my parents died tomorrow (please god, I hope not! I don't really pray, but THIS I would get on my knees for any day! I've got the best parents in the world, imo) then I'd be okay financially (they're not rich), but I would miss out on the most important thing and that's just their physical/mental influence.

FINALLY...

4. My number one reason for seriously considering this?
I've thought about having kids in the past. Not an infant, but from like 4 and up. Don't ask me how I intended on achieving that.

I just couldn't see myself happy w/ an infant, but those around me think I'd be fabulous. Either way, IF I were to ever have a child of any age- mine or otherwise -A MUST is for my parents to be around in it's life and preferably my grandparents as well. GRANDPARENTS are sooooo important in my opinion to a child's life. It was in mine. They never really babysitted me, but they had a good balance of proper discipline and praise as needed. They travelled w/ us, they both have taught me SO much when it comes to love; patience- even cooking! lol
And this goes for both grandparents on either side of the family tree!
IF they passed away in numbers and all I had left were my parents and their health was failing. I would NOT have a child. Most likely ever. Seriously...I'd want to devote the rest of my time to them and not a pregnancy and a child, even though I know that's what they'd probably like to see most-is ME (their only daughter) produce a child if it's something I was even remotely interested in at the time.
Since they are in the position to assist me in this unexpected pregnancy, and more importantly WANT to, why not do it?
My mom tells me that in my position it shouldn't be as tough as many of the people on here have had it. It won't be a walk in the park, but the child and myself should be just fine. And to not worry about the future. Finish my schooling to be a Veterinary Technician (and they only make so much!), continue training dogs if I choose and let life just happen and it'll work out.
lol, one last note: My parents have always told me; "Leslie, you and your older brother are the only people we know that could jump in a pile of $hit and jump out smelling like roses!"
...I hope my luck holds through!

THANK YOU for all the posts of insite and opinions. I sincerely appreciate it!
I will continue to check back-
~Leslie W.

mizzwanned · 11-16-2006, 08:44 PM

I would keep it, I don't think I would be able to give it up. Just knowing someone else has my baby, no way.

stewartdogs · 11-17-2006, 07:35 AM

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption. Sadly a lot of folks in our society will look down on a mother who decides to put their child up for adoption, but they have no right to judge. Raising a child is such a huge responsibility and there is nothing wrong with knowing you can't handle it. I personally think it takes great amounts of maturity and brains to be able to acknowledge that you are not ready for parenthood. There is nothing selfish about acknowledging that and acting on it. I also don't believe that there is any such thing as a motherly instinct. That is simply a social construct and many women often do not have the socialization necessary to feel that motherly instinct, and those women often feel as if they are broken, or feel they are terrible people becuase they don't feel instantly bonded to their children, and they don't automatically know how to raise a child. It this is soemthing that a woman is feeling, be assured that she is not alone. A lot of women do not talk about their feeling of this nature becasue that are so afraid of social stigma. Please understand that making a decision that is in the best interest of the baby is never a wrong decision. Good Luck and I hope you find peace with what ever decision you make.

Please forgive spelling mistakes.

rscaggs · 11-17-2006, 09:19 AM

My oldest little sister is adopted. My parents adopted her from birth we were there when she was born and everything. I agree that it is a very personal decision, one not to take lightly. The birth mothers circumstances were different, she was MR and so was the birth father. There was no way they could give Ashley the life she needed. Thank god, even though it would not have mattered, she has no mental problems whatsoever. So my advice is just do what is in your heart, and best of luck to you.

GORJESS · 11-18-2006, 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yorkieK9trainer

...Give me just one second to respond to the many posts, please...

1. I conceived while on OrthoTricyclene. The same contraception that I've been on for the last almost 8 years. There wasn't a skipped pill, it simply happened. The only thing my doctor could come up w/ is: A; the pill isn't 100%-just pretty darn close. B; I was working out-getting ready for some testing,(I tested for a local police department and got the best numbers and times in the women's catagory that day and I was PREGNANT at that time and didn't know it) and was under a lot of stress. Both of which often afflict the levels of your hormones. Given those two circumstances, it's no suprise that the effectiveness of my pill decreased and I simply didn't think about that.

That's funny because I was on the pill too (same brand) and ended up pregnant too.

luvdorkyyorkies · 11-18-2006, 11:29 AM

Im sure this is an extremely hard decision.
My nephew is 22 now but my sister at 26 yrs of age kept him as a single mother and she did very well but she was poor, even working hard at a steady job (no college degree) SHe didnt have to pay rent because my mom owned the home and also routinely brought care packages of essentials...There wasnt much time for play and definitely lil money for cool clothes and handbags as before. It was rough and my sister had help thru family. Getting child support from the father was laughable. He was pretty much a bum, and to this day does not work steady and hes 51. As soon as my sister would get a check or two after hunting down where he was working this time, he would quit then no child support and the process started all over again. Finally it was exhausting trying to hunt him down as to where he worked etc and she gave up. She never had support from him at all, emotionally or almost zip financially.
I would take a good look at the father and see what his track record is with work, women, responsiblities. This can give you an excellent indication of the financial support you might get in the future. Past behavior can indicate future behavior. My nephews father never changed in 22 yrs.

11-16-2006, 05:28 AM	#31
connie k Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: georgia Posts: 131	Okay I am going to be the debbie downer. First why on earth are you pg With so many birth control options out there? Second if you are able to support a yorky why can't you support a child? I was not one of the lucky people who can get pg with a blink of an eye I had to have surgery and wait forever. I was an unwanted child. My mother died when I was 16 months old and so I got to go live with my Dad who was a drunk and in jail most of the time. I was passed from one family member to another all who didn't give a crap about me. When my Dad was killed when I was 14 I was placed with an Aunt and Uncle Who didn't need another kid or want one. My life until I was married was a total HELL! For those who adopt You have saved these children for a world of pain be it physical or mental. If you don't want this child please give it to a loving family. Please do not resent a precious baby that did not ask to be born. I pray that you will make the right choice. It is your choice. Remember that God gives us grace when we least expect it. __________________ Connie k

11-16-2006, 05:40 AM	#32
Peters YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,225	you have to also think about how you will work where will your kid be when you have to work . you can't go anywhere or do anything without worrying about your child! that's how it is for me anyways. i'm not a single mom but if i had to do it i know i could ,one way or another. your whole life changes when you have a baby you don't have anything to yourself any more ..i know that seems selfish ,but you can't even take a shower without having to keep an eye out for the little one and so on. if your not ready to basically give up everything the way you know it then you may not be ready to be a mommy most the time i still feel i'm not ready!. i still have hard times with my little girl and i'm married and daddy's in the pic. things aren't always sweet nice happy and cute when your mommy.anyways nobody can make this decision but you. good luck __________________ A pet's love is true right from the start, through good times and bad, like sharing one heart.

11-16-2006, 10:17 AM	#38
lisatodd Little Boogers Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: virginia beach, va Posts: 4,460	i can't say until i have been there but i will say in my husbands family.... 9 brothers and sisters, have adopted together 6 children. they were not blessed like their mother in being able to have children. they were so lucky and the children as well to be able to adopt. each one of those children are very special and the parents very lucky to have them. now my husband wants to adopt, since my uterus erupted with my last preg, i had to have a hysterectomy. i think adopted children are so special __________________ lisa lisa and the cult jam yorkies

11-16-2006, 11:30 AM	#39
connie k Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: georgia Posts: 131	Those of us that have told our story have done so in trying to help you. I love my children so much and with each I now know what a mothers love is. Loving a child is like nothing else in this world. When that child is placed in your arms nothing in this world compares to that beautiful moment. You can't explain it. You love that helpless being with all you have in you. They need you so much and are so perfect and innocent that you want to protect them from all that is wrong in the world. Having a child is the most wonderful gift that God can give. It by far is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It is scary to think that every thing you do will effect your child. You have to give up alot but in my world it is worth it. My husband and I haven't been to an adult movie since the first spiderman came out. But hey I would rather go see Garfield with my girls any day. You are smart to give this alot of thought. If you think you can be a good mother then go for it. If you don't think your up for the task then give that Baby to someone who will be. I wish you peace in what you decide. __________________ Connie k

11-16-2006, 04:02 PM	#40
yorkieK9trainer YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: North eastern Illinois Suburbs Posts: 1,669	*deep breath* ...Give me just one second to respond to the many posts, please... 1. I conceived while on OrthoTricyclene. The same contraception that I've been on for the last almost 8 years. There wasn't a skipped pill, it simply happened. The only thing my doctor could come up w/ is: A; the pill isn't 100%-just pretty darn close. B; I was working out-getting ready for some testing,(I tested for a local police department and got the best numbers and times in the women's catagory that day and I was PREGNANT at that time and didn't know it) and was under a lot of stress. Both of which often afflict the levels of your hormones. Given those two circumstances, it's no suprise that the effectiveness of my pill decreased and I simply didn't think about that. 2. I think that IF I keep this child, it'll be hard, but it would also be fun in that weird way. I do have the support of my immediate family. I don't mean just financially if needed, but more so just their attention and time. I'm 25...I was born and raised overseas (thanks to the US Military) and have literally travelled the globe at ages that I was capable of remembering most of my travels. I've partied, I've dated, I've done all those wonderful things that most people my age are just BEGINNING to do. So on that tip, I know I wouldn't feel like I'm missing out. I feel, rather, that I could take those life experiences and pass them on to this child. 3. Financially, I have a lot of maturing left to do. I'm quick to make money and once I have it I can budget appropriately. The key is to make enough for myself + 1! At THIS point in my life, w/ no college degree, I don't think that's possible. I would most likely need assistance from the father. If he doesn't provide such, I will be in a pinch and feel like a dumba$s for keeping this little one. However, I know that there are people out there much less fortunate than myself and don't have the kind of support that I do. If my parents died tomorrow (please god, I hope not! I don't really pray, but THIS I would get on my knees for any day! I've got the best parents in the world, imo) then I'd be okay financially (they're not rich), but I would miss out on the most important thing and that's just their physical/mental influence. FINALLY... 4. My number one reason for seriously considering this? I've thought about having kids in the past. Not an infant, but from like 4 and up. Don't ask me how I intended on achieving that. I just couldn't see myself happy w/ an infant, but those around me think I'd be fabulous. Either way, IF I were to ever have a child of any age- mine or otherwise -A MUST is for my parents to be around in it's life and preferably my grandparents as well. GRANDPARENTS are sooooo important in my opinion to a child's life. It was in mine. They never really babysitted me, but they had a good balance of proper discipline and praise as needed. They travelled w/ us, they both have taught me SO much when it comes to love; patience- even cooking! lol And this goes for both grandparents on either side of the family tree! IF they passed away in numbers and all I had left were my parents and their health was failing. I would NOT have a child. Most likely ever. Seriously...I'd want to devote the rest of my time to them and not a pregnancy and a child, even though I know that's what they'd probably like to see most-is ME (their only daughter) produce a child if it's something I was even remotely interested in at the time. Since they are in the position to assist me in this unexpected pregnancy, and more importantly WANT to, why not do it? My mom tells me that in my position it shouldn't be as tough as many of the people on here have had it. It won't be a walk in the park, but the child and myself should be just fine. And to not worry about the future. Finish my schooling to be a Veterinary Technician (and they only make so much!), continue training dogs if I choose and let life just happen and it'll work out. lol, one last note: My parents have always told me; "Leslie, you and your older brother are the only people we know that could jump in a pile of $hit and jump out smelling like roses!" ...I hope my luck holds through! THANK YOU for all the posts of insite and opinions. I sincerely appreciate it! I will continue to check back- ~Leslie W. __________________ "Big things come in small packages" http://www.myspace.com/yorkiek9trainer

11-16-2006, 07:19 AM	#36
ytsirk27 BANNED FOR SCAMMING MEMBERS! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Kansas Posts: 2,811	I also am a child that really wasnt wanted. My real dad( I NEVER KNEW) didnt want me and than my mother worked all day and partied all night so I was with a babysitter most of my childhood and than she just up and left when I was 7. no bye, see ya nothing. No contact for 22 YEARS so I went to live with the guy that zI THOUGHT was my real dad well I just found out 6 months ago that he adopted me and nobody told me and he was an alcoholic so he never was home so I pretty much raised myself. I guess what im trying to say is with that background made me want my kids more than ever. They love me and I love them so much Id die for them. Thats what you need to think about. Will you love this baby sooo much youd die for it or sacrifice what you need for him or her? Your very mature for a 20 yr old and luckily you have a very good family to support you so if all possible Id keep it. BUT if you theres ANY DOUBT in your mind that your going to resent this baby you need to give it up to a loving family that WANTS one. There were times and STILL is where I sit around wondering if things can get any worse..they can. My kids dont wear name brand stuff and arent bought everything in the world but there great kids and thats all that matters. It irritates when ppl go and say well it cost about 100,000 a year to raise a kid..the hell if it does. My kids have food on the table, clothes on their back and a home to live in. Were not rich...sometimes me and jeff think "oh S&*^ what are we going to do but everything works out. It may be hard for awhile butthings will work out!

11-16-2006, 10:02 AM	#37
straightsilk Currently Suspended! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: USA Posts: 75	I know you are a caring and thoughtful person and you will make the right decision. Just one more thing to throw in there for consideration. I know two women who got pregnant when they were young and they gave up their children. They both assumed they would have another chance when they were older and ready to have kids, but it didn't happen for either one of them. They are both full of regret. Best wishes on this difficult decision.

11-16-2006, 08:44 PM	#41
mizzwanned Donating YT 11K Club Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: new york Posts: 14,007 Blog Entries: 2	I would keep it, I don't think I would be able to give it up. Just knowing someone else has my baby, no way.

11-17-2006, 07:35 AM	#42
stewartdogs Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 52	There is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption. Sadly a lot of folks in our society will look down on a mother who decides to put their child up for adoption, but they have no right to judge. Raising a child is such a huge responsibility and there is nothing wrong with knowing you can't handle it. I personally think it takes great amounts of maturity and brains to be able to acknowledge that you are not ready for parenthood. There is nothing selfish about acknowledging that and acting on it. I also don't believe that there is any such thing as a motherly instinct. That is simply a social construct and many women often do not have the socialization necessary to feel that motherly instinct, and those women often feel as if they are broken, or feel they are terrible people becuase they don't feel instantly bonded to their children, and they don't automatically know how to raise a child. It this is soemthing that a woman is feeling, be assured that she is not alone. A lot of women do not talk about their feeling of this nature becasue that are so afraid of social stigma. Please understand that making a decision that is in the best interest of the baby is never a wrong decision. Good Luck and I hope you find peace with what ever decision you make. Please forgive spelling mistakes.

11-17-2006, 09:19 AM	#43
rscaggs YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Crawfordsville, Indiana Posts: 521	My oldest little sister is adopted. My parents adopted her from birth we were there when she was born and everything. I agree that it is a very personal decision, one not to take lightly. The birth mothers circumstances were different, she was MR and so was the birth father. There was no way they could give Ashley the life she needed. Thank god, even though it would not have mattered, she has no mental problems whatsoever. So my advice is just do what is in your heart, and best of luck to you. __________________ Proud mommy to Holly Dixie and Buddy !!!!!

11-18-2006, 11:29 AM	#45
luvdorkyyorkies BANNED! Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,681	Im sure this is an extremely hard decision. My nephew is 22 now but my sister at 26 yrs of age kept him as a single mother and she did very well but she was poor, even working hard at a steady job (no college degree) SHe didnt have to pay rent because my mom owned the home and also routinely brought care packages of essentials...There wasnt much time for play and definitely lil money for cool clothes and handbags as before. It was rough and my sister had help thru family. Getting child support from the father was laughable. He was pretty much a bum, and to this day does not work steady and hes 51. As soon as my sister would get a check or two after hunting down where he was working this time, he would quit then no child support and the process started all over again. Finally it was exhausting trying to hunt him down as to where he worked etc and she gave up. She never had support from him at all, emotionally or almost zip financially. I would take a good look at the father and see what his track record is with work, women, responsiblities. This can give you an excellent indication of the financial support you might get in the future. Past behavior can indicate future behavior. My nephews father never changed in 22 yrs.