I'm pregnant- Keep it? OR Adopt it?

[sassypup]

I agree that this is a deeply personal decision and no one knows how you feel or what you are goign thru....if possibly, I would keep the baby if family will help. I am near your age and in this day and age, it's ok to raise your baby as a single mom. It's not shameful or taboo.

Follow your heart, if you want to raise the baby, keep it. You do not need a man to assist, especially if family will chip in financially, emotionally etc.

GOOD LUCK! What a big decision to make.

[chloeandj]

I am married, so I am probably not able to give much advice in this area. But we've been poor since the day our first baby was born Then we had another and yep dirt poor now.. I wouldn't change a thing, I know others wouldn't want to live like that. But I would give up the world for my children, and we sacrifice our wants and needs for them. Babies are expensive but when there is a will there is always a way. How do you feel about this baby emotionally and how do you feel about being a responsible dedicated mommy? It is a huge task. That's what I would be asking myself.

[doortego]

Oh, honey, this is such a big decision I am so proud of you for not aborting this gift from God. You need help and advice from those more qualified than us to advise you. This is a decision that will affect the rest of your life, a beautiful new life and the remainder of your family. Your family certainly cannot make this decision for you but they do know you better than we do and you, of course, know how much weight to put on their advice.

I would hope that you have a Christian support group such as a church family that can help you with your emotional and financial needs. A good strong church family can be a lot of help in raising your children, rather you are single or not. Don't be afraid to ask.

We live in a very small town and pretty much go by the standard of "It takes a village". The kids of course saw it as nosiness and interfering when they were teenagers but now realize that they were fortunate to have so many people that cared for them.

You just moved to the top of my prayer list.

Originally Posted by yorkieK9trainer

Thanks for taking a moment to read this!
-I just wanted to know if anyone could give their opinions on what you think about women in today's society who are in their mid 20's and capable of raising a child, just not necessarily financially w/o the assistance of family? One must assume in this case that the family is quite eager to readily assist. And that the father want's no part currently in the rearing of the child.
-Would you consider it a selfish act to keep this baby and not give it to a family that is more ready?


Thoughts?

[Dragonfly]

I say follow your heart.....

[LuvMySissy]

As all have said before me - a very personal decision. I guess you really need to decide where your heart is here. If you know you want children, you don't necessarily know that you will have another chance. If however, this has never been in your thought process until the situation presented itself, you really need to do some soul searching. It is wonderful that your family has offered their help, but utimately the child rearing will be yours and you really need to want that responsibility, because otherwise it might feel more like a burden. Children are a blessing and once brought into this world should be treated as such.

This is one situation where I would say it is perfectly fine to be selfish. In doing what is best and right for you, you will be doing what will be best and right for the child - whatever that decision ends up being.

[She-ra's Mama]

I had my first daughter at 21 years old...I married my hubby 5 days b/f she was born! We didn't want to "get married" just "b/c"...but we grew closer and now I have NO regrets! Even if I wouldn't have married...I had the support of my family. Talk to your family, pastor...or someone you feel confident in trusting. Just follow and listen to your heart. My daughters mean the world to me!

[baileysmom31]

Like everyone says.. this is a tough decision and I'm sure you'll bounce back and forth a million times. I can speak from another perspective... I am an adoptive Mom. My boys (twins) who are now 13 are the light of my life. I know that their birthmother had a really tough time making up her mind- she was 26- but in the end, she did what she thought was best. I have always believed that together we did something wonderful, she shared with me two sons and allowed me to be a mom, which was something I couldn't do and I am raising our two sons, something she couldn't do. So together, we have done a wonderful thing. Bless you while you make this important decision.

[yorkieangel]

HMMM

WEl;l all I can say is I'm reading SO MUCH about help and encouragement. BUT I think so many people have NO IDEA what it would be like with no money and no help whatsoever.

Maybe if you had to have your child eat potatoes for weeks on end because you can by 10 pounds for $2 and only have water with sugar stolen from Mcdonalds for bottles , and you only can wash in a gas station and wrap your babies butt in papertowels from bathroom washrooms ... You all might have different thoughts.

Love doesn't conquer all when you are talking about a baby. And fathers have to usually be chased down like a dog for child support. Pray tell me what happens before the year or two or three it takes to get support from him for this child. And don't even go there about the support of organizations or churches. if you have NO CONNECTION before hand ...churches don't suddenly throw support your way. They direct you to social service organizations who tell you you need all these qualifications and papers, that if you had all this to begin with you wouldn't be there looking for help. To navigate social services you better have an experianced teacher ... or be prepared to walk a million miles with a baby on your back and go hungry awhile longer .

Anyways... All I'm saying is you better darn sure think TWICE about raising a baby by yourself.It's a HUGE commitment and ALOT of suffering if you don't have a PLAN.

[yorkieK9trainer]

yorkieangel-

Ouch, but you're right.
I can't stand to think that there really are people like you just said out there in that situation. I think I'd have aborted it since you can get those at no cost nowadays.
However, since I am fortunate and am not in that situation (thankfully) I need to seriously consider whether I should take the opportunity to raise this child and accept the assistance my parents are offering. I would most likely need to go after the the father for assistance on the financial tip.
Still don't know how I feel about bringing someone into the picture that doesn't want to be there. I'm not asking him to be a dad, but he is a father whether he likes it or not...it just sounds selfish of me to keep it and request that he pay something to assist w/ the rearing.

[jrsygal37]

It's a personal choice but let me just say that I'm mom to two beautiful and well loved boys. My two boys both adopted are now ages 13 and almost 11. My husband and I thank God every day that we have our sons. We're not rich. We don't live in a million dollar house, but our boys are well taken care of. What I'm saying is that money doesn't make you a good mom or day. You have to make the right choice for you because it's a choice you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I think the most important question is "Will you be able to provide a loving nurturing stable home life for your baby and do you want the responsibility involved with raising a baby" I know that pregnancy is a woman's right to choose and I realize that this may not be the right place but whatever your choice please carry your baby through. Adoption is a lot easier to live with then abortion. Best of Luck to you and if you ever feel that you'd like to chat privately I'd be happy to give you any input from and adoptive mom's end. Sometimes the choice is easier when you know first hand how much joy a child has brought to a parent that may otherwise never have known what it would be like to raise a baby. Best of luck to you. Elaine

[Saleswman]

when I read this posting. I always thought you were older than mid twenties.....I dont read everyone's profile....But, anyway, you are and have been so very mature for your age. Your postings are very insightful. You have to make the decision. .................... I remember when I was single....for 13 yrs actually, I tried to adopt a child, although I was raising one already with minimal help from his Dad. But, anyway...I began the process of being a "single Mom" by choice in hopes of adopting a second boy......I did not hesitate with the proceedings....unfortunately the birth Mom changed her mind.... ......but I did not think twice....so to speak.....and felt that I could change this baby's life.....coming to a home that loves him.....

I can honestly say, that this decision would be a spiritual decision for me if I were you.......so there in lies the decision......go with your heart.....

And remember you are stronger and smarter than you give yourself credit for...

good luck and bless you..

[kitty]

I have gone hungry to feed my kids. And they have lived off of potatoes and eggs for weeks on end. (Because potatoes were affordable and my grandmother has a farm with chickens and gave me eggs.) I would not change anything if it ment giving up my babies. (Even in this rough time I'm going through with my oldest.) I love each and every one of them with all of my heart and soul. My life has meaning because of my kids. They give me the strength to carry on. My first husband gave up all rights to his kids and does not pay child support. It is a tough road beleive me. In my opinion though it is very worth it.
This is a very personal decision. It is rough raising kids on your own. But it is a blessing to be able to give life and care for it.

[doortego]

You are right I cannot even imagine what it would be to be in such a situation. I've never even known anyone in anything remotely near those circumstances. My heart goes out to you.

Originally Posted by yorkieangel

HMMM

WEl;l all I can say is I'm reading SO MUCH about help and encouragement. BUT I think so many people have NO IDEA what it would be like with no money and no help whatsoever.

Maybe if you had to have your child eat potatoes for weeks on end because you can by 10 pounds for $2 and only have water with sugar stolen from Mcdonalds for bottles , and you only can wash in a gas station and wrap your babies butt in papertowels from bathroom washrooms ... You all might have different thoughts.

Love doesn't conquer all when you are talking about a baby. And fathers have to usually be chased down like a dog for child support. Pray tell me what happens before the year or two or three it takes to get support from him for this child. And don't even go there about the support of organizations or churches. if you have NO CONNECTION before hand ...churches don't suddenly throw support your way. They direct you to social service organizations who tell you you need all these qualifications and papers, that if you had all this to begin with you wouldn't be there looking for help. To navigate social services you better have an experianced teacher ... or be prepared to walk a million miles with a baby on your back and go hungry awhile longer .

Anyways... All I'm saying is you better darn sure think TWICE about raising a baby by yourself.It's a HUGE commitment and ALOT of suffering if you don't have a PLAN.

[jenbermu]

Well, like everyone on here said this is a very personal decision. I like you am the same age and have 2 beautiful kids that i would not give up for anything and even if i had a chance to
go back into time i would still not change anything...I like you had a family that supported
me all the way even though I was only 17 yrs. when I had my 1st boy. They didn't like the
idea of me being a mom at a very early age just because i was a kid my self they still had my back 100%..I consider my self very lucky...My mom helped me take care of my baby while i went to school and graduated, then i started to work as soonest i finished high school
so that i can help my mom with all the baby's stuff...It was really hard on me to be a teen
with so much responsibility on my back but hey im still here on my own 2 feet with no one's
help but from my mom...I always think if i would have ever gave up on my 1st kid my life would have been so much different and who knows maybe i would have been out there doing bad stuff with out any responsibility's...Im a very strong beliver that GOD does things for a reason and has plans for use and if he gave you that little angel to carry in your woun its a reason...Today like i said i have to boy's 8 yrs old and 4yrs. old work for a
very good company that send me to school so that i can move up in the company, bought a house well still paying for it but im very happy
with all the decisions I've been in life thanks to my mom that always told me to be ashamed of anything i did and if i failed to dust it off and try again...My
advice to you if your family has your back 100% keep your baby and i promises you that when you first meet each other he/she will be the motivation in your life and will give you the straight you need to move on in your hardest times...This either make you or brakes you like my mommy said...
Good luck with your decision

[red98vett]

Hmmmm....Yorkieangel made me remember the really hard days - I hate to admit this - but some days when we just wanted some GOOD food instead of mac & cheese at 25 cents a box - I shoplifted food a few times - that was WAY Back in the days of my 1st son when he was a baby & I was still a teen - but there was never enough money for anything except him that 1st year of his life....but worth every second.

Looking back - if you don't have a good financial base raising kids is very expensive - WAY MORE NOW than it was when mine were little.

I see the prices of food these days and just cannot BELIEVE people who make min. wage and have familyies can even afford to eat