Slightly pissed off!

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

lol I honestly didnt want to go. I went out of my way to go pick him up in a cab and take him home AND i had to stay with him and babysit. I am pissed of because they his 2 guy coworkers kinda acted like it was my job to do that. I would have left him there but he is the type that doesnt remember anything! it's a problem. He's not an alcoholic but he doesnt know his limits. I won't do this again, that's for sure

I hate to tell you this but if he cannot control himelf when he drinks. He IS an alcoholic.

People tend to think that alcoholics drink all the time. Not all of them do. But if you cannot stop yourself, the you have a problem and should not drink.

And those that go and pick them up and take care of them are enablers.

[Cha Cha]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

That's good that the situation with your dh got resolved. You did the right thing. I could have decided not to help him and I didn't want to but I care about him. also i know that if i didnt help him his coworkers would wash his brain and tell him what a bad gf i am. It def. is a problem. I also dont know how he would have gotten home because his coworkers live in Long Island and the other had to stay to clean up. I should have left it their problem.
He doesn't drink a lot..like even when all our friends are hanging out he doesn't drink sometimes..it's just that once he starts drinking..at least last night cause it was his bday he just kept going and going cause everyone kept telling him to take more shots. He doesn't know how to say no and that's the problem. I already told him this is the last time this happens..I won't deal with it. It is not an ongoing thing, that is why i decided to help him, that and cause i love him. But if it were something that happens over and over again i would not be there to take care of him. I don't want to be his babysitter

You sound like a very smart girl, and if that is you in your avatar, you are beautiful! Don't sell yourself short. Listen to yourself here. You deserve so much better than this. It will not change. By loving him, is to help him and you are only helping him continue down a long and ugly path. I was MARRIED, a newlywed! You don't think I loved my DH then? He tells all his friends now what an impact that made in his life and he respects me so much more today because of it.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

lol yea we were going to take a break but then it never happened. He's a great guy overall..just needs to grow up. I'm even more ticked off now because he just called me from his job..he went to pick up his money. He asked if i am mad because he coworker told him that I looked like I didn't even want to help him. Well ya think? Did i want to be there? NO! But I'm not about to just leave him there...but they got him in that mess so I feel like they should have taken the responsibility. But of course they make it seem like because im his gf that's my job! And that i have to be all smiles while helping him??! no. I was worried! I get there and i see him on the floor on his back..shivering. His coworker has the nerve to say that i didn't help him, and that he could have thrown up on himself. I'm so mad because he was like that when i got there and they could have made him sit up or something..and put a sweater on him!! I went and got his coat and put it on him, didn't even know where all his things were. That really pisses me off how ppl turn things around. They get him drunk then can't even take care of him

Sorry Sweetie, but THEY are not responsible for his drinking. HE is the one that should take responsibility.

THEY did not put a gun to his head and make him drink.

I am sorry you are in this situation, But ONLY YOU can help YOU out of this.

I see a lot of grief in your life, unless he gets help or you move on.

.

[jeanm1963]

I know you were thinking about breaking it off , because you said he didnt call you, forgot to call you , wasnt around as much as you wanted him to be, he was putting you second, just please do yourself a favor, dont become " old faithful" !! What I mean by that is, dont let him turn you into the girl he see's Monday thru Thursday, then on the weekends he disapears and gets drunk with his buddies , or stays late with the guys and forgets to call/ see you !! My daughter HAD a boyfriend like that , and it bothered me so much that she couldnt see it with her own eyes, I called her OLD FAITHFUL.. she always there when he had nothing better to do, always there when he got drunk with his buddies and needed her to pick up the pieces. Everything he did that was inexcusable HE used to try to sweep it under the rug , well I finally told her that the rug was like a mountain and it was time to say goodbye. She didnt listen for about a year, she is now with someone much nicer and puts her first, and if/when he goes out with his friends she is always invited and he is much nicer to him...

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

I hate to tell you this but if he cannot control himelf when he drinks. He IS an alcoholic.

People tend to think that alcoholics drink all the time. Not all of them do. But if you cannot stop yourself, the you have a problem and should not drink.

And those that go and pick them up and take care of them are enablers.

Yea I know...you're right.

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

You sound like a very smart girl, and if that is you in your avatar, you are beautiful! Don't sell yourself short. Listen to yourself here. You deserve so much better than this. It will not change. By loving him, is to help him and you are only helping him continue down a long and ugly path. I was MARRIED, a newlywed! You don't think I loved my DH then? He tells all his friends now what an impact that made in his life and he respects me so much more today because of it.

Thanks. Well I mean he does have a problem. I think the reason why I helped him this time is because I really don't do it. One other time I can remember this happening and it was a couple years ago when we went to visit friends at their college. That is the only other time i helped him..that one time. He disappeared for the night on campus and I went to pick him up at the hospital the next day. When i think about it, it's happened quite a few times but it has happened around our friends and all those other times they usually all are there so it's not on me. But this time i felt like his coworkers made him my responsibility.

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Sorry Sweetie, but THEY are not responsible for his drinking. HE is the one that should take responsibility.

THEY did not put a gun to his head and make him drink.

I am sorry you are in this situation, But ONLY YOU can help YOU out of this.

I see a lot of grief in your life, unless he gets help or you move on.

.

No I know. He was saying today they were making him drink and I told him 'you are responsible for what goes in your mouth not them, so you can't blame them' i completely understand it was his own fault. What i meant was they were with him. If it were me there i would have not let him drink anymore.

[Cha Cha]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

Thanks. Well I mean he does have a problem. I think the reason why I helped him this time is because I really don't do it. One other time I can remember this happening and it was a couple years ago when we went to visit friends at their college. That is the only other time i helped him..that one time. He disappeared for the night on campus and I went to pick him up at the hospital the next day. When i think about it, it's happened quite a few times but it has happened around our friends and all those other times they usually all are there so it's not on me. But this time i felt like his coworkers made him my responsibility.

You know what? We would all go back and do things differently if we could. It is done it is over, and the only thing that really matters is what is ahead and in front of you. You have gotten some great advice here. Good luck to you. And don't ever think you cannot do better for yourself. Because you can and you deserve it. If that is with this guy, great! If not, then the next one will no doubt be better anyways.

[TammyJM]

How in the world does he still have that job?! Around here, the restaurants do not allow workers to drink where they work....not even off duty. I only know this because many years back, my friend's boyfriend was fired from a popular chain restaurant for attending a birthday party where he worked. He was not on the clock, but he was let go even though he was not drunk (just a glass of wine in hand when escorted out). They said that it reflects poorly on the company's reputation. Maybe rules have changed or just do not apply for certain restaurants.

I think that you owe yourself much more credit and should find a guy that has goals other than hanging out at work and getting drunk. You don't want to marry a guy like that (I can only assume anyway)...so why waste your time now with him? But then again, I am much older than you and I, too, wasted my own time with guys that were never going to grow up. I finally decided (not as soon as I should have....28 years old) that I wanted a NICE guy. I am married with two children and have a husband that would rather sit on the couch, dring hot chocolate and watch movies with me.

Hugs to you...I just hope that you get it sooner than what I did.

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by jeanm1963

I know you were thinking about breaking it off , because you said he didnt call you, forgot to call you , wasnt around as much as you wanted him to be, he was putting you second, just please do yourself a favor, dont become " old faithful" !! What I mean by that is, dont let him turn you into the girl he see's Monday thru Thursday, then on the weekends he disapears and gets drunk with his buddies , or stays late with the guys and forgets to call/ see you !! My daughter HAD a boyfriend like that , and it bothered me so much that she couldnt see it with her own eyes, I called her OLD FAITHFUL.. she always there when he had nothing better to do, always there when he got drunk with his buddies and needed her to pick up the pieces. Everything he did that was inexcusable HE used to try to sweep it under the rug , well I finally told her that the rug was like a mountain and it was time to say goodbye. She didnt listen for about a year, she is now with someone much nicer and puts her first, and if/when he goes out with his friends she is always invited and he is much nicer to him...

Thanks for that. Yes i was getting frustrated before because he would always stay at work and drink with the guys, and wouldn't call. These guys are not good influences but well anyway. I did talk with him about that and that is when we almost broke up. It was our 4 yr anniversary and something happened. I was fed up with him doing the same old things so i decided not to hang out with him when he had off work, the day after our anniversary. He changed after that. Well he got angry first, because i ditched him for our 4 yr and then we spoke about it. Since then he's been calling..a lot. I actually stopped calling him. So he's been calling me..he's been telling me what he's doing and spending a lot of time with me. We'll go out more together and have our dates. He even asks me to spend even more time with him but this time I say no. Before i would say yes and go to his house really late after work because he lives 5 min away. But now i tell him i am busy..and if it's too late i won't go at all. I'm not going to let him treat me like that anymore. Before all this happened he did put me first and treat me like a princess. Then things changed when he started working.
But If he ever goes back to his old ways i'm done for sure..not even thinking twice about it.

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

You know what? We would all go back and do things differently if we could. It is done it is over, and the only thing that really matters is what is ahead and in front of you. You have gotten some great advice here. Good luck to you. And don't ever think you cannot do better for yourself. Because you can and you deserve it. If that is with this guy, great! If not, then the next one will no doubt be better anyways.

Thanks

[mizzwanned]

Originally Posted by TammyJM

How in the world does he still have that job?! Around here, the restaurants do not allow workers to drink where they work....not even off duty. I only know this because many years back, my friend's boyfriend was fired from a popular chain restaurant for attending a birthday party where he worked. He was not on the clock, but he was let go even though he was not drunk (just a glass of wine in hand when escorted out). They said that it reflects poorly on the company's reputation. Maybe rules have changed or just do not apply for certain restaurants.

I think that you owe yourself much more credit and should find a guy that has goals other than hanging out at work and getting drunk. You don't want to marry a guy like that (I can only assume anyway)...so why waste your time now with him? But then again, I am much older than you and I, too, wasted my own time with guys that were never going to grow up. I finally decided (not as soon as I should have....28 years old) that I wanted a NICE guy. I am married with two children and have a husband that would rather sit on the couch, dring hot chocolate and watch movies with me.

Hugs to you...I just hope that you get it sooner than what I did.

See...here's the problem. His MANAGER was there and drinks with them! His manager is only about 22, 23. He's the one that called me first, then his other coworker called me. They are all friends. There are 2 managers and he's the more 'laid back' one. He doesn't care that the workers drink as long as they clean up when the shift is done. They even drink with customers...that's what happened last night. It was a private party he was working and after 12 they started drinking. I know when i worked in a restaurant they didnt let us drink...neither did i want to. I do drink socially, with friends but i drink my girly drinks or beers...i dont like the taste of liquor. But when i was working i never wanted to drink. There are some restaurants though that the managers in charge are young and don't care. Anyway yea..I do want a mature guy. I think the problem is we are the same age and he is not as grown up yet. Your hubby sounds wonderful I would much prefer a guy that likes to stay in and watch a movie, rather than go out with friends.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

No I know. He was saying today they were making him drink and I told him 'you are responsible for what goes in your mouth not them, so you can't blame them' i completely understand it was his own fault. What i meant was they were with him. If it were me there i would have not let him drink anymore.

I see that you are beginning to understand, but still no quite there. It is not ANYONE else's job to stop him.

I know he is young, but this is where it starts. This is where one learns that YOU are responsible for yourself. NO ONE ELSE.

Keep reading and keep learning, and keep on him about taking responsibility for himself. If you were to marry this guy and have children, you need a partner, not another child.

[TammyJM]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

See...here's the problem. His MANAGER was there and drinks with them! His manager is only about 22, 23. He's the one that called me first, then his other coworker called me. They are all friends. There are 2 managers and he's the more 'laid back' one. He doesn't care that the workers drink as long as they clean up when the shift is done. They even drink with customers...that's what happened last night. It was a private party he was working and after 12 they started drinking. I know when i worked in a restaurant they didnt let us drink...neither did i want to. I do drink socially, with friends but i drink my girly drinks or beers...i dont like the taste of liquor. But when i was working i never wanted to drink. There are some restaurants though that the managers in charge are young and don't care. Anyway yea..I do want a mature guy. I think the problem is we are the same age and he is not as grown up yet. Your hubby sounds wonderful I would much prefer a guy that likes to stay in and watch a movie, rather than go out with friends.

I get do get how hard it is to let someone go, I truly do. But you have to get to the point that you see that you are loving that person more than you love yourself. You then have to ask yourself why...why would you give someone else more thought than yourself. ?? Especially when they do not offer you the same in return. Life is too short to give so much and to never get it in return. It should be equal and the male in your life should want to make you happy as much as you want to see him happy. I know that I am sounding old right now. I just hate to see you do the things that I did when I was in my early 20's. Do you know, some of the best times that I had when I was your age was when I had no boyfriend and could just go out with my girlfriends on the weekends. It's so easy for me to tell you all of this because I am 37 and have been through a little of what you are dealing with, but trust me....you WILL look back on this time wasted on him and wonder why. You are at the age that you should be focusing on yourself and just having fun.

What if you have a daughter one day...is he the type of guy that you would want to see her dating? If your answer is no, then why do you think that you don't deserve better??

Hugs to ya!!!
Tammy

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by mizzwanned

Thanks for that. Yes i was getting frustrated before because he would always stay at work and drink with the guys, and wouldn't call. These guys are not good influences but well anyway. I did talk with him about that and that is when we almost broke up. It was our 4 yr anniversary and something happened. I was fed up with him doing the same old things so i decided not to hang out with him when he had off work, the day after our anniversary. He changed after that. Well he got angry first, because i ditched him for our 4 yr and then we spoke about it. Since then he's been calling..a lot. I actually stopped calling him. So he's been calling me..he's been telling me what he's doing and spending a lot of time with me. We'll go out more together and have our dates. He even asks me to spend even more time with him but this time I say no. Before i would say yes and go to his house really late after work because he lives 5 min away. But now i tell him i am busy..and if it's too late i won't go at all. I'm not going to let him treat me like that anymore. Before all this happened he did put me first and treat me like a princess. Then things changed when he started working.
But If he ever goes back to his old ways i'm done for sure..not even thinking twice about it.

Good for yhoue.

And also JMO, but if, after 4 years, a guy has not figured out whether or not he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he is just waxsting yiour time.

I hope you doln't think we are ganging up on you. this is just girl talk, and many of us have been with Mr Wrong and tried to make it work. Made excuses for them, overlooked their short comings, decided they were better than being alone, Well if you are the only one trying, then time to move on.

As I always told my daughters, You cannot meet Mr Right while hanging on to Mr Wrong.