YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community


Welcome to the YorkieTalk.com Forums Community - the community for Yorkshire Terriers.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. You will be able to chat with over 35,000 YorkieTalk members, read over 2,000,000 posted discussions, and view more than 15,000 Yorkie photos in the YorkieTalk Photo Gallery after you register. We would love to have you as a member!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please click here to contact us.

Go Back   YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community > All Else > Off Topic Discussions
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar JavaChat Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-09-2009, 08:29 AM   #1
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Gracie2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
Default Help me find the words!

So, I signed up with one of these online dating sites. I have been chatting online with this guy. He is gorgeous, a Major General serving in the Army in Afghanistan. He is super sweet, writes me little poems every day. He really seems to be "An Officer and a Gentleman". We seem to have some things in common, but I'm not sure how much of it he is just telling me what I want to hear. He didn't really open up about his likes etc. until after I shared mine. It's really hard to get information out of him.

Here's the deal. He wants someone who loves kids. He has a beautiful little daughter by his first wife (she passed from cancer 5 years ago). While I'm sure his daughter is wonderful, I have no interest in kids, never wanted them, still don't. I have my Master's degree, I don't think he is educated beyond high school. There is nothing wrong with that but I am looking for someone who is able to stimulate me intellectually and just don't think he can. I really think he is lonely and has started getting attached to me. I think he is looking for a replacement for his first wife and a mother for his daughter; I don't think I can give him either. I keep having these visions that he will come home on leave and expect to move in with me. What can I say to let him know that I would like to be his friend but don't think there is a future in the romance department? I know I could do a lot worse and I really feel for him being in Afghanistan with his daughter living with her grandmother in Malaysia. "Dear Abby", please help!
__________________
Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.
Gracie2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Welcome Guest!
Not Registered?

Join today and remove this ad!

Old 01-09-2009, 09:34 AM   #2
YT 1000 Club Member
 
alisonJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 1,840
Default

I wouldn't rule anything out yet...you haven't even met him in person. I would just be honest---you have never spent any time with him, you only know him through correspondence, and that you should take it SLOOOOOOW.
__________________
Alison--Edith Jones's mother
www.edithjonesproject.com
alisonJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 11:25 AM   #3
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
RebelBelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Madison, MS
Posts: 2,597
Default

I agree with Alison, honesty is the best policy.
__________________
Misty & Jamie
RebelBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 11:54 AM   #4
Furbutts = LOVE
Donating Member
Moderator
 
Wylie's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 35,889
Blog Entries: 2
Default

Boy...I'm really conflicted for you . On one hand, I reallllly think you should meet him - he sounds really wonderful. On the other, if the kids thing really bothers you, then maybe not? But I don't know, maybe he would open a world of possibilities in your heart once you met him, including being open to a relationship w/ his daughter (later on). Ya just never know. He sounds so DE-LISH!
__________________
~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~

°¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann | Pfeiffer | Marcel Verdel Purcell | Wylie | Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨°
Wylie's Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 12:38 PM   #5
Piper & Sebastian
Donating Member
 
Yorkiekids's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: florida
Posts: 14,495
Default

Why don't you meet him first. Make sure it's in a public place. If you still have the same feelings I'd be honest with him about your feelings (maybe not about the intellectual thing), and tell him you'll be there for him to talk with, but you just can't see yourself being a mom. Maybe on the second date if you want to you can do something with him and his daughter, and see how you feel after that. It's way to soon to move in together, or to get serious.
__________________
Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki
Yorkiekids is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 12:39 PM   #6
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Gracie2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom View Post
Boy...I'm really conflicted for you . On one hand, I reallllly think you should meet him - he sounds really wonderful. On the other, if the kids thing really bothers you, then maybe not? But I don't know, maybe he would open a world of possibilities in your heart once you met him, including being open to a relationship w/ his daughter (later on). Ya just never know. He sounds so DE-LISH!
I must admit I am a bit smitten with the guy. He is so sweet and the looks don't hurt either. I just don't want either one of us to get hurt in a big way. I told him where I stand on kids. In essence, I told him I've been single a long time (we are both 48), ruled out kids long ago and never had the desire to have them. That does not mean that I don't like them, I just don't know what it would be like to be around one much of the time. If that is a deal breaker for him, at least the hurt will be small now rather than big later. Honesty is the best policy. I so appreciate having this forum and all of you to chat about life with!
__________________
Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.
Gracie2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 01:11 PM   #7
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Gracie2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracie2006 View Post
I must admit I am a bit smitten with the guy. He is so sweet and the looks don't hurt either. I just don't want either one of us to get hurt in a big way. I told him where I stand on kids. In essence, I told him I've been single a long time (we are both 48), ruled out kids long ago and never had the desire to have them. That does not mean that I don't like them, I just don't know what it would be like to be around one much of the time. If that is a deal breaker for him, at least the hurt will be small now rather than big later. Honesty is the best policy. I so appreciate having this forum and all of you to chat about life with!
Well, it wasn't a deal breaker. He is still interested! Thanks again.
__________________
Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.
Gracie2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 01:18 PM   #8
Furbutts = LOVE
Donating Member
Moderator
 
Wylie's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 35,889
Blog Entries: 2
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracie2006 View Post
I must admit I am a bit smitten with the guy. He is so sweet and the looks don't hurt either. I just don't want either one of us to get hurt in a big way. I told him where I stand on kids. In essence, I told him I've been single a long time (we are both 48), ruled out kids long ago and never had the desire to have them. That does not mean that I don't like them, I just don't know what it would be like to be around one much of the time. If that is a deal breaker for him, at least the hurt will be small now rather than big later. Honesty is the best policy. I so appreciate having this forum and all of you to chat about life with!
I have to say, when I started reading your first post -- I actually had a shiver down my spine for you and this man, Hunkaliciousness.

I'm 40 - and we don't have kidlets either, so I don't know what it would be like too. Me and hubby like kids, we just are more interested in adoption more than our own -- and we may not ever go down the adoption road either. Who knows? But I completely understand where you're coming from. At the same time, I *love* picturing you with this little girl - being her buddy and such.

I'm in love w/ the story - clearly, DON'T listen to me, lol!
__________________
~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~

°¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann | Pfeiffer | Marcel Verdel Purcell | Wylie | Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨°
Wylie's Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 02:09 PM   #9
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
RebelBelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Madison, MS
Posts: 2,597
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracie2006 View Post
Well, it wasn't a deal breaker. He is still interested! Thanks again.
YAY! I'm so glad that you talked and you feel more comfortable now. I'm with Ann, it all sounds so FABULOUS! So when does he get home, so ya'll can meet?
__________________
Misty & Jamie
RebelBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 03:00 PM   #10
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
margaritaville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: west long branch, n.j.
Posts: 4,457
Default

If he is a Major General I'm sure he has a college degree. I have a friend who was in the Army, then was sent to officer candidate school. He only had a high school education and made it to Lt. When he asked what his chances were of promotion above Lt, they told him chances were slim if any. He went back to school, got his BA and MA. He retired as a Major. I hope thinks work out, give it some time.
__________________

Joan, Bubba and Sissy-BEWARE OF PUPPY MILLS
breathe in, breathe out, move on -jb
margaritaville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 03:05 PM   #11
YT 1000 Club Member
 
alisonJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Tucson, Arizona
Posts: 1,840
Default

Keep us posted! I want to hear how this ends up.

Don't be scared off by the education level. I met my husband when I was 40 and he was 47. I had a masters degree too--he only had a semester of college. BUT--this is important---there are different kinds of smarts, and I came to realize that he was VERY SMART in a different way from me.

Long story short---as I got to know him, I appreciated him more and more. My parents, who were not crazy about him at the time, now ADORE him.

It's too early for you to know how this will end up, but unless there is some dealbreaker like totally different values or some sort of character flaw, KEEP AN OPEN MIND. You haven't even met him in person yet!
__________________
Alison--Edith Jones's mother
www.edithjonesproject.com
alisonJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 03:44 PM   #12
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Gracie2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by margaritaville View Post
If he is a Major General I'm sure he has a college degree. I have a friend who was in the Army, then was sent to officer candidate school. He only had a high school education and made it to Lt. When he asked what his chances were of promotion above Lt, they told him chances were slim if any. He went back to school, got his BA and MA. He retired as a Major. I hope thinks work out, give it some time.
Thanks, this is good to know. I went back and read his emails again. His father was from the U.S., married a Malaysian woman. At first I took his grammar as less than educated, but it is clear in his poetry. I half wonder if he didn't spend most of his childhood in Malaysia and I am reading broken English rather than lack of education? I asked him to tell me where he went to school, hopefully that will fish out more info. I'll keep everyone posted.

Here are a couple of pics, one in his "Hummie" and the other with his daughter. His name is Tim. I don't know when he is coming home on leave, but he says he will retire from the service in 2 years.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Hummie small.jpg (21.3 KB, 27 views)
File Type: jpg TT small.jpg (8.2 KB, 28 views)
__________________
Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.

Last edited by Gracie2006; 01-09-2009 at 03:46 PM.
Gracie2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 04:20 PM   #13
No Longer a Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,218
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gracie2006 View Post
...... At first I took his grammar as less than educated, but it is clear in his poetry. I half wonder if he didn't spend most of his childhood in Malaysia and I am reading broken English rather than lack of education? I asked him to tell me where he went to school, hopefully that will fish out more info. I'll keep everyone posted.
......
I used to think that (email grammar = smarts)... I met my husband online and we've been married almost 10 yrs, together 11. So i was online dating before it was mainstream...... and I totally wrote off anyone who wrote bad emails back then (not him, he writes very good.) ANYhow, thats not my point... ... Here be my point: my best friend is highly educated (doctor)... and she writes like 3 sentences if even that much in an email, full of punctuation & grammar mistakes... so, if I went by what I used to think, I'd have labeled her a big dummy......goes to show, sometimes you just can't tell about a person by how they write. She just hates to write is all, and prefers the phone. One of THOSE people!!

PS: Your guy there looks really nice & good looking too!!!
MyLadies is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2009, 06:21 PM   #14
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
tjdmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: upstate ny
Posts: 5,847
Default

I'm thinking that if kids are a deal breaker for you then why put time and energy into a relationship that just can not work? He has a daughter and if you have no interest in being a mom then I personally think it would be a waste of time. And what if you fall head over heels.... it's not like he can choose you over his daughter...... Is there something important that I'm missing?
tjdmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-10-2009, 09:18 AM   #15
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Gracie2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sequim, Wa
Posts: 4,541
Love

Quote:
Originally Posted by tjdmom View Post
I'm thinking that if kids are a deal breaker for you then why put time and energy into a relationship that just can not work? He has a daughter and if you have no interest in being a mom then I personally think it would be a waste of time. And what if you fall head over heels.... it's not like he can choose you over his daughter...... Is there something important that I'm missing?
Now I am thinking my original post might have been premature. I hate to shut the door on what could very well be Mr. Right without even having met the guy in person. I thought my issue with kids was going to be a deal breaker for him but apparently not. I thought his daughter was much younger than she is. She is actually 15. That changes things a whole lot. I found out he went to school in Malaysia, which explains the grammar issue. I'm still waiting to find out if he went to college or not. However, I did some research on the rank of Major General. It is a two star rank. I don't see College as a requirement but the President of the U.S. has to give the OK for a person to achieve that rank. It is achieved through some sort of mechanism of earning points and honors. A Major General generally commands 10,000 to 20,000 people. I would say it takes some smarts to do that.
__________________
Gracie loves Bailey. Holly loves Tucker. Proud member of the YT Gracie Girls.

Last edited by Gracie2006; 01-10-2009 at 09:19 AM.
Gracie2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




Google
 

SHOP NOW: Amazon :: eBay :: Buy.com :: Newegg :: PetStore :: Petco :: PetSmart


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2003 - 2018 YorkieTalk.com
Privacy Policy - Terms of Use

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 637 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 645 646 647 648 649 650 651 652 653 654 655 656 657 658 659 660 661 662 663 664 665 666 667 668 669 670 671 672 673 674 675 676 677 678 679 680 681 682 683 684 685 686 687 688 689 690 691 692 693 694 695 696 697 698 699 700 701 702 703 704 705 706 707 708 709 710 711 712 713 714 715 716 717 718 719 720 721 722 723 724 725 726 727 728 729 730 731 732 733 734 735 736 737 738 739 740 741 742 743 744 745 746 747 748 749 750 751 752 753 754 755 756 757 758 759 760 761 762 763 764 765 766 767 768 769 770 771 772 773 774 775 776 777 778 779 780 781 782 783 784 785 786 787 788 789 790 791 792 793 794 795 796 797 798 799 800 801 802 803 804 805 806 807 808 809 810 811 812 813 814 815 816 817 818 819 820 821 822 823 824 825 826 827 828 829 830 831 832 833 834 835 836 837 838 839 840 841 842 843 844 845 846 847 848 849 850 851 852 853 854 855 856 857 858 859 860 861 862 863 864 865 866 867 868 869 870 871 872 873 874 875 876 877 878 879 880 881 882 883 884 885 886 887 888 889 890 891 892 893 894 895 896 897 898 899 900 901 902 903 904 905 906 907 908 909 910 911 912 913 914 915 916 917 918 919 920 921 922 923 924 925 926 927 928 929 930 931 932 933 934 935 936 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 944 945 946 947 948 949 950 951 952 953 954 955 956 957 958 959 960 961 962 963 964 965 966 967 968 969 970 971 972 973 974 975 976 977 978 979 980 981 982 983 984 985 986 987 988 989 990 991 992 993 994 995 996 997 998 999 1000 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013 1014 1015 1016 1017 1018 1019 1020 1021 1022 1023 1024 1025 1026 1027 1028 1029 1030 1031 1032 1033 1034 1035 1036 1037 1038 1039 1040 1041 1042 1043 1044 1045 1046 1047 1048 1049 1050 1051 1052 1053 1054 1055 1056 1057 1058 1059 1060 1061 1062 1063 1064 1065 1066 1067 1068 1069 1070 1071 1072 1073 1074 1075 1076 1077 1078 1079 1080 1081 1082 1083 1084 1085 1086 1087 1088 1089 1090 1091 1092 1093 1094 1095 1096 1097 1098 1099 1100 1101 1102 1103 1104 1105 1106 1107 1108 1109 1110 1111 1112 1113 1114 1115 1116 1117 1118 1119 1120 1121 1122 1123 1124 1125 1126 1127 1128 1129 1130 1131 1132 1133 1134 1135 1136 1137 1138 1139 1140 1141 1142 1143 1144 1145 1146 1147 1148 1149 1150 1151 1152 1153 1154 1155 1156 1157 1158 1159 1160 1161 1162 1163 1164 1165 1166 1167