Help me find the words! So, I signed up with one of these online dating sites. I have been chatting online with this guy. He is gorgeous, a Major General serving in the Army in Afghanistan. He is super sweet, writes me little poems every day. He really seems to be "An Officer and a Gentleman". We seem to have some things in common, but I'm not sure how much of it he is just telling me what I want to hear. He didn't really open up about his likes etc. until after I shared mine. It's really hard to get information out of him. Here's the deal. He wants someone who loves kids. He has a beautiful little daughter by his first wife (she passed from cancer 5 years ago). While I'm sure his daughter is wonderful, I have no interest in kids, never wanted them, still don't. I have my Master's degree, I don't think he is educated beyond high school. There is nothing wrong with that but I am looking for someone who is able to stimulate me intellectually and just don't think he can. I really think he is lonely and has started getting attached to me. I think he is looking for a replacement for his first wife and a mother for his daughter; I don't think I can give him either. I keep having these visions that he will come home on leave and expect to move in with me. What can I say to let him know that I would like to be his friend but don't think there is a future in the romance department? I know I could do a lot worse and I really feel for him being in Afghanistan with his daughter living with her grandmother in Malaysia. "Dear Abby", please help! |
I wouldn't rule anything out yet...you haven't even met him in person. I would just be honest---you have never spent any time with him, you only know him through correspondence, and that you should take it SLOOOOOOW. |
I agree with Alison, honesty is the best policy. |
Boy...I'm really conflicted for you :p. On one hand, I reallllly think you should meet him - he sounds really wonderful. On the other, if the kids thing really bothers you, then maybe not? But I don't know, maybe he would open a world of possibilities in your heart once you met him, including being open to a relationship w/ his daughter (later on). Ya just never know. He sounds so DE-LISH! :) |
Why don't you meet him first. Make sure it's in a public place. If you still have the same feelings I'd be honest with him about your feelings (maybe not about the intellectual thing), and tell him you'll be there for him to talk with, but you just can't see yourself being a mom. Maybe on the second date if you want to you can do something with him and his daughter, and see how you feel after that. It's way to soon to move in together, or to get serious. |
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I'm 40 - and we don't have kidlets either, so I don't know what it would be like too. Me and hubby like kids, we just are more interested in adoption more than our own -- and we may not ever go down the adoption road either. Who knows? But I completely understand where you're coming from. At the same time, I *love* picturing you with this little girl - being her buddy and such. I'm in love w/ the story - clearly, DON'T listen to me, lol! :p |
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If he is a Major General I'm sure he has a college degree. I have a friend who was in the Army, then was sent to officer candidate school. He only had a high school education and made it to Lt. When he asked what his chances were of promotion above Lt, they told him chances were slim if any. He went back to school, got his BA and MA. He retired as a Major. I hope thinks work out, give it some time. |
Keep us posted! I want to hear how this ends up. Don't be scared off by the education level. I met my husband when I was 40 and he was 47. I had a masters degree too--he only had a semester of college. BUT--this is important---there are different kinds of smarts, and I came to realize that he was VERY SMART in a different way from me. Long story short---as I got to know him, I appreciated him more and more. My parents, who were not crazy about him at the time, now ADORE him. It's too early for you to know how this will end up, but unless there is some dealbreaker like totally different values or some sort of character flaw, KEEP AN OPEN MIND. You haven't even met him in person yet! |
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Here are a couple of pics, one in his "Hummie" and the other with his daughter. His name is Tim. I don't know when he is coming home on leave, but he says he will retire from the service in 2 years. |
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PS: Your guy there looks really nice & good looking too!!! |
I'm thinking that if kids are a deal breaker for you then why put time and energy into a relationship that just can not work? He has a daughter and if you have no interest in being a mom then I personally think it would be a waste of time. And what if you fall head over heels.... it's not like he can choose you over his daughter...... Is there something important that I'm missing? |
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