Need Advice

[luvfla]

Daughters will bully moms...have your husband put the hammer down. I don't know your daughter but it sounds to me like Bella would make her & 'boyfried' into a little 'family'. KIDS!!!!! ARRGGGG!!!!!

[roxies_mom]

She can always start paying her own insurance and her whatever college expenses you cover. Plus I'll bet she has no idea how much it costs for the dogs food, grooming, and vet bills. Make an itemized list and show that all to her. She wants it all her way she have ALL the bills that goes with it. My DH said that if daughter moved in with her x that he wouldn't pay for school and that he'd take the car back. He wasn't going to support her to play house. I really hope for the sake of this dog that it all works out for you and YOUR little dog. I know it's tough but someday your daughter will grow up and she will say you were right Mom. Plus I don't think she realizes these little dogs can't be left alone for long periods of time while your out at class all day and then out all evening too. This little dog should be a priority not a pocession.

[roxies_mom]

Originally Posted by luvfla

Daughters will bully moms...have your husband put the hammer down. I don't know your daughter but it sounds to me like Bella would make her & 'boyfried' into a little 'family'. KIDS!!!!! ARRGGGG!!!!!

Seems to be a new trend for these young ones living together to want pets too. Then the pets get misplaced with the break ups. It's also a new trend for the guys to propose and the girl gets caught up in the moment and the ring and says yes. Then she has this eye opening experience and decides she can't do it. I've seen it first hand and several of my daughters friends have done it too. Very weird generation.

[MindieRose]

Sounds like she very much has a control freak of a boyfriend. You are doing the dog and your daughter a favor by keeping the dog. I think the boyfriend is trying to cause strife between you and your daughter to pull her away from you. Its very typical in a relationship like that. The boyfriend needs to see that he is NOT in control of this. You really need to leave the door open for your daughter though because at the chance that this relationship takes a nasty(er) turn, which it probably will if he is a control freak, she needs to know she can come back. So whatever you do, don't burn bridges. You can stand your ground, but still act in love. If that makes sense.

[Gennies]

Bella is your dog. It doesn't matter that her ex-boyfriend purchased her...You have paid all her expenses (though I don't know how long it's been, but sounds like a while). Think about how much it would have cost your daughter to kennel Bella all that time. She didn't pay for anything for her and thinks she can just come in and demand her back. Time for a life lesson for her, and for you and your husband to teach it to her.

As for her being selfish during your accident, if she was treated like a princess growing up, you shouldn't hold it against her for doing what was taught to her. My niece is the exact same way. My sister thought it was "cute" to say "she's my kid and I spoil her as I want", Well, now she's 17 and doesn't have an ounce of compassion for anyone else. But that's not the kid's fault, IMO. My advise is to change you ways with her now and put that foot down. She'll be angry and say you "stole" her dog, whatever, but when she grows up, she will comeback to you and apologize. the only want she will change is for you stop giving her everything she wants and stop letting her teach you so badly. DON'T let her see that she's hurting you, just be matter of fact in front of her. When she's gone, you can break down if you like.

Bottom line is there is no small claims court around that would say Bella belongs to your daughter, as she didn't hold up her end of the agreement and you've footed all the bills and care (she didn't even pay for your time). Plus, no cop worth their salt would tell you to give her the dog or get arrested for theft as this is not a crime. You haven't stolen Bella, you pay for everything for her, so she's your's.

Do you have to license your dogs in your town? If so, is she in your name there too? IMO you have all the proof of ownership that you need.

Some times being a parent to the skin children really stinks, but it will get better when she finally matures and sees you are right. and that she was being selfish. Good luck and I'll be praying it works out so as not to be a wedge between mother and daughter. So sorry you're going through all this with her. But PLEASE, don't stop paying for her college and insurance. Be the bigger person on that. She is trying to be a responsible person, she could have dropped out of college to play house with this new guy, so reward her for continuing her education. Just my two cents

[maxs_momma]

Originally Posted by MindieRose

I think the boyfriend is trying to cause strife between you and your daughter to pull her away from you. .

I am so glad that i am not the only one that thinks this! It seems like he has been trying since day one but I am the only one who see's it. Hubby keeps saying it is all her but I honesltly believe he is behind alot of what has happened

[maxs_momma]

Originally Posted by Gennies

Bella is your dog. It doesn't matter that her ex-boyfriend purchased her...You have paid all her expenses (though I don't know how long it's been, but sounds like a while). Think about how much it would have cost your daughter to kennel Bella all that time. She didn't pay for anything for her and thinks she can just come in and demand her back. Time for a life lesson for her, and for you and your husband to teach it to her.

As for her being selfish during your accident, if she was treated like a princess growing up, you shouldn't hold it against her for doing what was taught to her. My niece is the exact same way. My sister thought it was "cute" to say "she's my kid and I spoil her as I want", Well, now she's 17 and doesn't have an ounce of compassion for anyone else. But that's not the kid's fault, IMO. My advise is to change you ways with her now and put that foot down. She'll be angry and say you "stole" her dog, whatever, but when she grows up, she will comeback to you and apologize. the only want she will change is for you stop giving her everything she wants and stop letting her teach you so badly. DON'T let her see that she's hurting you, just be matter of fact in front of her. When she's gone, you can break down if you like.

Bottom line is there is no small claims court around that would say Bella belongs to your daughter, as she didn't hold up her end of the agreement and you've footed all the bills and care (she didn't even pay for your time). Plus, no cop worth their salt would tell you to give her the dog or get arrested for theft as this is not a crime. You haven't stolen Bella, you pay for everything for her, so she's your's.

Do you have to license your dogs in your town? If so, is she in your name there too? IMO you have all the proof of ownership that you need.

Some times being a parent to the skin children really stinks, but it will get better when she finally matures and sees you are right. and that she was being selfish. Good luck and I'll be praying it works out so as not to be a wedge between mother and daughter. So sorry you're going through all this with her. But PLEASE, don't stop paying for her college and insurance. Be the bigger person on that. She is trying to be a responsible person, she could have dropped out of college to play house with this new guy, so reward her for continuing her education. Just my two cents

As for her being treated like a princess growing up that is true but not by me. Her father and I had joint custody of her and him and his family gave her whatever she wanted up until she was 7 and that is when I got full custody of her and things really changed for her because she stopped getting everything she ever asked for.


Ok hubby just reminded me that she did buy one bag of dogfood and one package of puppy pads back in the beginning of last year lol but that was it in 15 months of Bella living here. Now as her for continuing her education I am proud of her for that but there is more to that also. Se has had a "pregnancdy scare" about every other month since she has been with this new boyfriend. Hubby and I honestly believe she is actually trying to get pregnant so she will have a excuse to drop out and bf will have to take care of her or so she thinks. I say this because more than once she has missed classes to come home early she has missed classes to leave school early to come home and she just told me last week that she hates school and wants to drop out. Oh and also she was here the first time she took the at home pregnancy test and the first one was a false positive well she couldn't hide the excitement no matter how hard she tried we all saw it. Then we had her to take two more and they were both neg. and you could see the disapointment on her face. So even though I am very proud of her for going to college and trying to do more with her life there is not a person in our family that thinks she will stick with it because she is already trying to find a way out not to mention her grades are dropping more and more she has already failed two classes. She is going to end up losing her scholarships

[DanicaBraggs]

Oh man this isn't good! You need to nip this in the bud right away!!! I was a young Mom at 21 and single because once the baby came my boyfriend was done playing house.You need to sit down with paper on hand and talk about the expenses of taking care of a baby and how much sleep and privacy you lose.Make sure to tell her that the baby will depend on her always.Be tough on her and say I took over taking care of your dog I won't do the same for this baby.She needs to know the outcome of having a child so young.It is a BIG struggle.Sounds like the bf friend needs to go bye bye.
I feel for what you are going through,not only with the dog but your daughters way of thinking.School is very important,make sure he understand a woman without a degree,struggles because they will never be paid what they are treully worth.Guys can go out and get a job right out of Highschool and do fine,not a woman.Those are facts.Write everything down on cost Rent,Ins,car payment,groceries,ect ect...and then show it to her with a childs cost included.Maybe seeing all this will make her realize to wait until she is out of College and in a good paying job and married.I would LOVE to talk with her and she could come to my house and stay a wk. and take care of my kids,I bet she would change her mind then
I have a soon to be 13 yr. old daughter who says she is NEVER having kids.I also have a 2 and 3 yr. old so she has expierenced the late nights and the crying.She says there annoying.

[maxs_momma]

Originally Posted by DanicaBraggs

Oh man this isn't good! You need to nip this in the bud right away!!! I was a young Mom at 21 and single because once the baby came my boyfriend was done playing house.You need to sit down with paper on hand and talk about the expenses of taking care of a baby and how much sleep and privacy you lose.Make sure to tell her that the baby will depend on her always.Be tough on her and say I took over taking care of your dog I won't do the same for this baby.She needs to know the outcome of having a child so young.It is a BIG struggle.Sounds like the bf friend needs to go bye bye.
I feel for what you are going through,not only with the dog but your daughters way of thinking.School is very important,make sure he understand a woman without a degree,struggles because they will never be paid what they are treully worth.Guys can go out and get a job right out of Highschool and do fine,not a woman.Those are facts.Write everything down on cost Rent,Ins,car payment,groceries,ect ect...and then show it to her with a childs cost included.Maybe seeing all this will make her realize to wait until she is out of College and in a good paying job and married.I would LOVE to talk with her and she could come to my house and stay a wk. and take care of my kids,I bet she would change her mind then
I have a soon to be 13 yr. old daughter who says she is NEVER having kids.I also have a 2 and 3 yr. old so she has expierenced the late nights and the crying.She says there annoying.

I don't think that there is anything in this world that will get that through her head believe me. I was 14 when I had her and it was a horrible struggle I had to quit school and work as a waitress to buy her diapers and formula and all that good stuff. I was very lucky my dad's ins. covered us both or I don't know what I would have done. I have told her the story over and over and explained to her how hard it was but it went in one ear and out the other. I just last year went and got my GED at 33 years old. I am now going to school to become a RN. She has seen the struggles that I have went through she has seen how much I have had to do without and she also sees that hey look I am 19 in college because so far I have done the right thing unlike my mom who was 33 before she even finished highschool. So she has seen first hand what it can be like not going to school and how making bad decisions can really mess up your life . I won't say ruin because I don't regret having her or any of my kids but like I tell her if I would have just been smarted and stayed in school and not had any kids until after I was out of college and had a good job that I would have had a much easier life.

Also she is the oldest of 7 she has 4 half siblings and 2 step siblings ages 6-hb,9-ss,12-hb,14-hb,15-ss,17-hs, so she has also had the taste of a baby in the house.



Just wanted to add for any of those who weren't here back then a little history.

Also she was told before she got Bella that she could not have a dog while she was living here but you see that didn't stop her.

Bella has been with us since Dec. 2007 I am not sure how many of you know the story but she was sold way to early (she was a little under 8 weeks i believe) and the morning after she was here (Christmas) she had a drop in sugar almost died I rushed her and my daughter to someone who was able to save her. Well when she was well enough to come home the first thing I did was take her to the vet. He told me to give her pedialite in a syringe every two hours and I had to hand feed her a little every two hours also. She was on medication that had to be given to her twice a day for her poops and some other medicine that I also had to give her but cannot remember what for now. All of the meds and water and food that was given was by me I set my alarm and got up every two hours and gave it to her. Daughter did nothing for her except grab her and show her off when someone new came. Bella was also supposed to be kept under a heat lamp every night which didn't happen because at the time my daughter would sneak her out of the crate (sometime in between feedings) and put her in bed with her. And for those of you who were around then might remember that one night Bella fell from her top bunk to the wood floor. I thanked god my daughter is a messy person and had a pile of clothes on the floor that Bella fell onto or I don't even want to think about what might have happened to her. Well also for those of you who remember I took Bella and put her and her crate in my room from that night on.

Also there was the time that she was told not to hold Sammy standing because this was a new place and he was still very scared (we had just brought him home) but she didn't listen and Sammy jumped from her arms and landed on his neck on the hardwood floor. We were sure he was gone but thanks to all the prayers from YT he survived and is very healthy . During his stay in the hospital she never once asked about him even when we got home from the vet that night she didn't ask if he was going to be okay or if her was going to make it or anything all she was upset about was that I yelled at her for dropping him. She to everyone telling them how horrible I was for screaming at her and making her feel bad. I had people I didn't even know coming up to me scolding me for yelling at her and I had to tell them the whole story to calm them down it was crazy. Also she never even offered to pay a single penny on any of his vet bills from that either even though she agreed she would pay a portion. So see I could see in the beginning that she was not responsible enough to care for a animal . But I kept positive and kept thinking she will come around and change and maybe even grow up and she will be fine with Bella but it looks like I was wrong.

[TLC]

Well...I am sorry, but after reading what you wrote, I'd say NO WAY to her taking Bella ~ it's crazy to even consider it.....nope she lost any Bella privileges in my book...not mature enough yet ~ seriously, Bella could get hurt or even lost or killed by some crazy accident.

You need to take a stand on this one. Tell her NO and that's that, she can take you to court if she wants, but at that point I'd stop paying anything for her

[roxies_mom]

It's not easy being a parent and don't think it's your fault that she's being this irresponsible because it's not. Some kids are just like this. It sounds like you've sacraficed so much for her trying to raise her on your own. Congrats on the GED and going back to school. I commend you for that! I was married at 17 and started having kids right away. So I understand when you say that you don't regret having her but I understand what it means to miss out on alot of your life raising kids in your younger years. I would really stand your ground with her and in this situation there is another life involved so you can't back down. I take it she was under 18 when the dog came to your house? If so then I see no problem with it. Lots of kids have pets in the family home that they call their own, that doesn't mean they get to take them with them when they leave. Especially if they can't afford it or the parents are meeting the needs of the animal. I'm sorry this hard for you, it's really not that cut and dried I know. In any other circumstance I'd probably say something different. It's just that these little dogs can't be treated as pocessions and trophies to tote around at your convenience. They are very sensitive and more delicate. You might want to jot some of these things you've mentioned down on paper, all the care you've given since the pup came to your home. Plus the things that have happened with being dropped and such. Just in case you need it. Sometimes in these matters we get so upset we forget certain points we want to make but if it's on paper it gives you something to refer to. Hugs to you, I know this is difficult for you and upsetting.

[maxs_momma]

Ok called the humane society and I was told if it has been that long since she has came to get the dog then consider her mine. Called the sheriffs dept. they gave me the number to call the court and they told me to call a attorney to see what my rights are. So now I am looking for a attorney to call and I will let you know what I am told that is if I can find one that will talk to me about it.

Hugs and keep your fingers crossed for me.

Mary

[Karrie]

Not so sure this is an issue for attys or police?? Its a family matter.

You have already made your decision - be firm and matter-of-fact about the issue. The dog stays put - end of discussion. Its time to draw the line in the sand.

Good luck!

[yorkiesmiles]

Mary, I'm glad you approached the proper authorities today. I hope you found an ttorney to help you. I know there have been a couple attorneys on YT over time & a couple legal assistants & paralegals so maybe someone here could help too.

Mary, You know I have prayed for you in the past about your relationship with your daughter. I have actually thought of you many times over the last year or so since we both were posting here. Please know I will be praying for you, your daughter, your dh & your family. I'll be praying that your dd takes college more seriously & gets these ideas of grandeur about motherhood out of her mind!

[DanicaBraggs]

I will keep you in my prayers this has to be so hard for you.By the way my Mom was 15 when she had my sister and 19 when she had me.She never regrets having us she just wishes she did it differently.I am the same but we learn and we fail or suceed,I think you suceeded.CONGRATS on getting your GED and going back to school.Be firm with your daughter and tell her how you feel.Since she was underage when she got the dog and you financially took care of the dog.I would say it is a done deal and she is yours.Good luck! I will be praying hard on this one