Everyone Please Read: Going Forward, We Must Post With More Respect Toward Others

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by Rachael1983

I certainly agree this is valid and can be adopted by every member.

Great post! In reading the comments on this thread I was struck by how people from different sides of this think it is just someone else. I say different sides because this is multi faceted. It's not just two groups. People tend to band together due to similar beliefs....in person and on the internet.

Anyway....always room for EVERYONE to change.

Personally, I don't leave and won't leave because of a "few" or even "one". There are many people who are highly offensive to me, but I don't leave...I just don't pay attention. To sit and threaten to leave ?? Really? Most people who do that would not come back even if you banned the people they are complaining about. You cannot possibly make everyone post to please one person or another. Again, everyone has room to change....myself included.

Thanks Ann for a reminder to all to make this a nicer forum.

[gemy]

Well here is what struck me about this. There were approximately 35 responses as at this point in time - I tried not to count the same party responding to some-one elses' response.
/
Not surprisingly almost all 35 responses were in support of Wylies Mom missive.

Of those 35 responses 9 were from "newbies" (less than 3 yrs on the board) Of those 9 a whopping 7 of them indicated fear/concern that keeps them from posting.
7 Responses were from long term members essentially detailing out a similar concern to the newbies.

So this small sample size of 14 out of 35 responders indicating fear/concern with posting which equals ~~40% tells me indeed there is a problem with-in this board.

[lynzy420]

Why would anyone disagree? I don't think fingers are being pointed here at all. Gemy you posted about one direct answers etc and I was laughing because when I read that I was thinking how I resent when a new member comes on and I ask questions, because I want to engage them in conversation before they take off and leave, because I care about every pup and owner, because I can tell by their simple question they have no clue only to have someone tell me "she asked a simple question answer it" and then its repeated, and then not all things are as simple as they seem and maybe I'm just nosy, maybe I just want to ask...so what? So many times lately I am having to stop posting and start pm'ing people because prayers and praise are being showered on, and admonishment of members, instead of getting the info... Since when do I have to post in simple one word answers? or any particular way but my way? That's just not what its about.




So this is a perfect example of what I think Ann is talking about you see things one way I see things another, so what. We all see things differently, that's what makes us all integral parts of YT.


We all need reminders now and then, I'm glad that Ann posted this (again) I think we can all take a self inventory and do a little better!

[Buster Brown]

Thank you Ann. I must also add that I have not participated in YT as much due to the harsh posts as well.
If I don't have answers I send best wishes or prayers as I know that kind thoughts have helped me. We ALL see things differently.

[gemy]

It is not about fingers being pointed, it is about the feedback admin mods have been getting about this board. Perception is reality, and it appears there are more than a few folks here who have felt/perceived negative responses or reading other threads where they perceived the OP was treated less than kind/courteous etc.

Asking questions are fine, but answering an Op's question is fine too. I think OP's that come here with a question want their question answered, and are not coming here to answer a whole lot of questions prior to getting their answer. In some cases I need clarification if the post is confusing or the question complex.

Each of us has our own posting style, how could we not? After all we are all individuals.

My brief summary of responses to date was to look at the members perception of the board, and to see that indeed it appears this community does have a perception problem.

[107barney]

I think that some want to be problem solvers instead of therapists or clergy. I don't think that makes one "harsh" toward a human or whatever people are complaining about. Why not just skip over the posts you don't enjoy? As ladyjane said, it seems odd to say you're going to leave because of it or not post because of it. I mean I would truly hate to see someone go if they weren't happy, but I would hate it more knowing they stayed if they were unhappy. I think one has to shape one's expectations in a way that is going to make them happy. Ask why you read certain posters who are "triggers" and maybe start an ignore list. I like to read everyone's thoughts, but don't like when I'm targeted for being "rude" or "harsh" or "not raised correctly" or other offensive innuendos.

[yorkiemini]

There is no way to express my gratitude for all of the marvelous Yorkie knowledge that has been so generously shared here. I'm a much better Yorkie care-giver because do it.

I was recently appalled when a "Bashing" thread was started, and was so well received it took on a life of its own. At that time I decided to vote with my finger on the LOG OUT button.

I came to miss all of that great Yorkie information that I had previously found so helpful and enjoyed. That was when I decided to just not support posts that I felt were inappropriate. So, like LadyJane said "I am here and not,going to leave".

I can always improve and find the best way to share Yorkie "stuff" with others,however I generally have alligator hide and don't offend easily, but chose to not tolerate some behavior, but again, I don't have to be a part of it either.

I soooo, appreciate everyone here -- and this is a good time for me to work more toward being a kinder communicator.

Ann, thank you for your post. Just a shame it was even necessary.

[ladyjane]

If I had left every time someone on this board was nasty to me, I would have left many times. I have to laugh when a person who has been nasty to me comes around complaining about other people's posts as if they never participate.

My two cents: I agree with Ann's post with an addition of something that I have not said to her, because I don't sit here all day complaining about other people UNLESS they are completely being rude you know whats. My addition would be that she and admin talk about stopping the idiotic constant complaints within a thread of people trying to moderate other people's posts. It is ridiculous and ALWAYS leads to arguments. Why people cannot just post their thoughts and move on without saying "so and so is mean and I am nice" is beyond me.

[nanahas3]

I would think since Ann is a moderator, and it was she that made this thread, then she and admin must have some issues with some of the post we make here. Whether we like it or not they make and enforce the rules for our community. Personally I will take to heart what she has said here and will strive to do better, whether others do is between them and those like Ann who do have a right to tell us how to post. I will admit I know very little about Yorkies, I am not a breeder, vet, nor do I work for a rescue. Therefore yes sometimes the only help I have for anyone is to offer thoughts and prayers, and a welcome to YT. Sorry that is not good enough for some.

[ladyjane]

Originally Posted by nanahas3

I would think since Ann is a moderator, and it was she that made this thread, then she and admin must have some issues with some of the post we make here. Whether we like it or not they make and enforce the rules for our community. Personally I will take to heart what she has said here and will strive to do better, whether others do is between them and those like Ann who do have a right to tell us how to post. I will admit I know very little about Yorkies, I am not a breeder, vet, nor do I work for a rescue. Therefore yes sometimes the only help I have for anyone is to offer thoughts and prayers, and a welcome to YT. Sorry that is not good enough for some.

Yes, and I am glad she did. I would much rather hear it from her or admin rather than other members which too frequently happens here.

I have no problem with the rules of YT. Do I think they could be added on...certainly, but it is something only they can do. I will always make suggestions if I feel it is for the betterment of the forum. I really would like for them to stop other members from playing moderator as it is terribly distracting and useless. It only creates drama and takes away from the subject at hand. Many times that is what really drives people away. I don't think some people stop to think about that. Some people try so hard to discredit others while trying to make themselves look like the only "nice" people on this forum. Whether a person agrees or not with a poster, to jump on them is not going to change what they said or their opinion. Why not just post another opinion/thought and let the OP decide who to listen to? Not saying this to you, nanahas...just saying how much more pleasant it would be here.

I am a bit confused about your last two sentences.

[joannscpo]

Thanks, Ann. It needed to be said.

[Wylie's Mom]

Just a quick comment. This thread is less about being defensive and more about being willing to look in the mirror. If you're not someone who is willing to look in the mirror, then you'll always be part of the problem, if not THE problem, and never part of the solution. Ya know? I do feel that the majority of members are willing to look in the mirror, thankfully!

Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts and feedback bc we should be able to talk about this stuff, civilly. Thanks for keeping it civil, while also keepin' it real .

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by ladyjane

Anyway....always room for EVERYONE to change.

This. Yes. Always.

[Wylie's Mom]

Originally Posted by nanahas3

I would think since Ann is a moderator, and it was she that made this thread, then she and admin must have some issues with some of the post we make here. Whether we like it or not they make and enforce the rules for our community. Personally I will take to heart what she has said here and will strive to do better, whether others do is between them and those like Ann who do have a right to tell us how to post. I will admit I know very little about Yorkies, I am not a breeder, vet, nor do I work for a rescue. Therefore yes sometimes the only help I have for anyone is to offer thoughts and prayers, and a welcome to YT. Sorry that is not good enough for some.

Originally Posted by ladyjane

Yes, and I am glad she did. I would much rather hear it from her or admin rather than other members which too frequently happens here.

I have no problem with the rules of YT. Do I think they could be added on...certainly, but it is something only they can do. I will always make suggestions if I feel it is for the betterment of the forum. I really would like for them to stop other members from playing moderator as it is terribly distracting and useless. It only creates drama and takes away from the subject at hand. Many times that is what really drives people away. I don't think some people stop to think about that. Some people try so hard to discredit others while trying to make themselves look like the only "nice" people on this forum. Whether a person agrees or not with a poster, to jump on them is not going to change what they said or their opinion. Why not just post another opinion/thought and let the OP decide who to listen to? Not saying this to you, nanahas...just saying how much more pleasant it would be here.

I am a bit confused about your last two sentences.

I believe she is referring to 107barney's comment of "I think that some want to be problem solvers instead of therapists or clergy."

I believe what Nanahas3 is saying is that while she may not always be able to offer problem-specific help, she can offer support and good thoughts/prayers....and feels that's equally as important. And so do I! I think support, respect, good thoughts can be as powerful and as important as problem-focused advice. I don't think one takes the place of or ranks higher in importance, as we've seen here firsthand countless times.

[107barney]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

I believe she is referring to 107barney's comment of "I think that some want to be problem solvers instead of therapists or clergy."

I believe what Nanahas3 is saying is that while she may not always be able to offer problem-specific help, she can offer support and good thoughts/prayers....and feels that's equally as important. And so do I! I think support, respect, good thoughts can be as powerful and as important as problem-focused advice. I don't think one takes the place of or ranks higher in importance, as we've seen here firsthand countless times.

I don't disagree with this and I did not say it wasn't important. I said I didn't see my posting style that way. Another person on this thread (megansmomma) said they felt prayers/good thoughts were sometimes not needed and real experience is. I think she is right about that, and don't see why others want to superimpose their posting style onto others. For every person who thinks a poster is "harsh" there are 10 others who might be appreciative of the direct no-nonsense information sharing. Some of our members are very busy with many commitments and cannot ponder their words and walk on eggshells when they just need to get it posted for what it's worth. I am not all being defensive when I say I am a problem solver-- just stating a fact.