Not sure what to do...

[daisy mae06]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

man...kids are heart breakers.

she wrote a note...and on the back of it it says "i don't like my mommy"


then when i asked her if i could read it, she crossed out "don't" and wrote "do"

what am i going to do with her???

tell her "I am sorry you feel that way. Mommy wishes she didn't have to have you write those sentences." What can we do to change this?

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by daisy mae06

tell her "I am sorry you feel that way. Mommy wishes she didn't have to have you write those sentences." What can we do to change this?

that's pretty much what I said. I have always encouraged her to tell me how she feels. she went through a "I hate you" phase and I would tell her "It's ok if you hate me, but I still love you" and that always seemed to work I would get a "well, i do still love you...but...i'm just not happy".

and it encouraged her to talk to me about how she feels. it just kills me inside every time tho. i try not to let her know that

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by momof4CA

Someday our children can be a challenge.

How long has she been back to school? She might just be "adjusting" to all the new things that come with a new year? Where is she sitting? Does she need to be moved away from a person or a distration? Did you ask her what see was talking about?

My oldest DD has ADD so I completely understand a gabbby child. Mine talks non-stop from the time she get up in the morning until she goes to bed...literally!

I will be talking to the teacher about these things I will let you know how it goes.

[For My Coby]

You guys are breaking my heart!! Mine are 18 and 21 now, but boy do I remember the days......... As I said before in other threads, I used a lot of Cesar Milan's dog psychology on my kids. Firm, tough LOVE - lots and lots of love. But I am the boss, albeit a fair boss.

Our cardinal sin in our house was lying. You could get through the discipline of whatever you did if you owned up to it (IMO the biggest lesson in life). Lying got you into BIG trouble, and they learned that early. I think you're doing a GREAT job trying to be firm and fair. It's not going to feel like you're winning at the time.... only will you truly believe that you were a good mom (who, by the way WILL make mistakes along the way) until they are grown. Up until then, you just have to keep at it and have faith in yourself.

The talking is frustrating... but remember, of all the things you could be dealing with, that's something that you can get through......

Hugs to you to get you through. I'm so impressed!!

[tjdmom]

I have a 13 year old and a four year so I've been there and will be there again. What I would say first of all is that having to turn her card once a week is not bad for a first grader. It's hard to have a lot of self control at that age. I think that if you are not being called by the teacher because she has not gotten to the red star or whatever then I would probably discuss it with her and talk about how she could remind herself before she starts talking but I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it. She's only what 6? Remember when we were in school and we had that long recess and it just seems that kids have to grow up too quick nowadays and they don't have that much time to just be kids. She's more social and that is not a bad thing and in life later on it may be one of her very best assets. Yes, she needs to learn when to listen and not talk but she will. My oldest was always a talker and my youngest is more on the shy side. I love how Anthony (13yr old) can go into a group of people and seem to make friends right away. I was always on the shy side and had a lot to be nervous about growing up and I just love how he can be so outgoing. I know the teachers don't always like it so much.... but he controls it now and doesn't have any trouble at all in school. I'm sure your little girl will too.

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by tjdmom

I have a 13 year old and a four year so I've been there and will be there again. What I would say first of all is that having to turn her card once a week is not bad for a first grader. It's hard to have a lot of self control at that age. I think that if you are not being called by the teacher because she has not gotten to the red star or whatever then I would probably discuss it with her and talk about how she could remind herself before she starts talking but I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it. She's only what 6? Remember when we were in school and we had that long recess and it just seems that kids have to grow up too quick nowadays and they don't have that much time to just be kids. She's more social and that is not a bad thing and in life later on it may be one of her very best assets. Yes, she needs to learn when to listen and not talk but she will. My oldest was always a talker and my youngest is more on the shy side. I love how Anthony (13yr old) can go into a group of people and seem to make friends right away. I was always on the shy side and had a lot to be nervous about growing up and I just love how he can be so outgoing. I know the teachers don't always like it so much.... but he controls it now and doesn't have any trouble at all in school. I'm sure your little girl will too.

i hope it doesn't sound like i am trying to make her grow up too fast. I know how she is...and honestly...she will talk about anything and everything when she is supposed to be focusing on something. when we read a book at night...she will be reading and then just stop...and start talking about stuff. i have to remind her to stay focused. when we are doing her math homework, she will stop and talk to the dogs right in the middle of me trying to help her. i am constantly having to tell her "stay focused...you can play when we are done". and on her progress report, her teacher said "Trinity is so much fun to have in class. She does need to be reminded to stay focused and not talk to the other kids during work time"

so i know where her teacher is coming from...we deal with this at home all the time. even eating dinner...she will suddenly get up and go do a cartwheel. we just look in amazement...and she will say "sorry" and come back to the table to eat. she just has so much she wants to do...and not enough time

yes, one bad mark in a week for talking is not bad...but at the beginning of this month...she has 4 days one week, 2 days another week, and then this week...1 day so far. so it is not a one time deal...she has been doing this a lot lately and she just needs to learn that there is a time to talk, and a time to pay attention. and i'm sure that the teacher does not give her that mark at the first sign of her talking...she was more than likely told several times to stop talking, then had to move her star and put a mark on her folder. that is the part that she needs to understand....if you are told to stop talking by your teacher...you need to do it. bottom line.

[Suzy]

Hi Mandee...sounds like you have a wonderful little girl going through a not so wonderful phase right now.

I don't have any children yet, but I LOVE children, and have worked in many daycares, after school programs, and for a few years as a full time nanny. Here's my advice:

-I think you should ask your daughter why she talks in class? Why does she think it's OK to talk in class? Then ask her what SHE thinks should happen at home if she gets in trouble at school-sometimes, you'll find that kids have GREAT ideas on how they should be disciplined! She might decide that if she gets in trouble at school, that she should lose privileges, write sentences, or do chores for her behavior-all great ideas (you can help to guide her to an appropriate consequence). The next time she gets in trouble, you can help her to follow through with her own consequence that she decided on!

-I know she's been on your nerves (the note, lying about Maggie). You might give her a special notebook that is just for her to draw and write in to get these things out! Call it the "feelings" book or something like that, and make it available to her at all times-put it in her room, or on a shelf in the kitchen where she can easily get to it. When she feels like acting up, or when you catch her acting up, ask her to go and write down or draw a picture in that book about her feelings. Then you two can read it together and talk about her feelings, her behavior, and how to remedy what is bothering her. There could be something else that is on her mind that is causing her to act up at home and at school.

-I might also recommend that you give her a new time out place, rather than in her bedroom. A stair, a rug, a chair, or other designated area would work well. If you need to get away for a bit, YOU leave the room, but it might help the situation to keep her in the room where the offensive behavior occured, rather than sending her away. In my experience, using childrens' bedrooms as time out spaces sometimes leads to bedtime/naptime issues.

Just some ideas I had...I understand how difficult kids can be sometimes! You'll get through it, and you're a great parent-just hang in there! Hugs to you!

[daisy mae06]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

that's pretty much what I said. I have always encouraged her to tell me how she feels. she went through a "I hate you" phase and I would tell her "It's ok if you hate me, but I still love you" and that always seemed to work I would get a "well, i do still love you...but...i'm just not happy".

and it encouraged her to talk to me about how she feels. it just kills me inside every time tho. i try not to let her know that

I know just what you mean...... Wait till she get hormones

[Catrina]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

We had the same problem! I made them write sentences too. It WORKED. The key is to be consistent with it and make her do it - with or without tears.

My oldest daughter would cry and drag it out until it would take her 5 or more HOURS to write 25 - 50 sentences. So then we gave her a set time to have them completely in and for every minute she went over that time that was one more sentence she had to write.

I am not kidding you we sat up until 3am one night until she finished every single sentence. She didn't think I'd make her do it. I think after that she only had to write them one more time and she got them done in the time she was supposed to.

I also take neatness into account. If I can't read it, they have to write it over.

i agree with this method... it lets them know you are SERIOUS and it isnt too harsh either

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by Suzy

Hi Mandee...sounds like you have a wonderful little girl going through a not so wonderful phase right now.

I don't have any children yet, but I LOVE children, and have worked in many daycares, after school programs, and for a few years as a full time nanny. Here's my advice:

-I think you should ask your daughter why she talks in class? Why does she think it's OK to talk in class? Then ask her what SHE thinks should happen at home if she gets in trouble at school-sometimes, you'll find that kids have GREAT ideas on how they should be disciplined! She might decide that if she gets in trouble at school, that she should lose privileges, write sentences, or do chores for her behavior-all great ideas (you can help to guide her to an appropriate consequence). The next time she gets in trouble, you can help her to follow through with her own consequence that she decided on!

-I know she's been on your nerves (the note, lying about Maggie). You might give her a special notebook that is just for her to draw and write in to get these things out! Call it the "feelings" book or something like that, and make it available to her at all times-put it in her room, or on a shelf in the kitchen where she can easily get to it. When she feels like acting up, or when you catch her acting up, ask her to go and write down or draw a picture in that book about her feelings. Then you two can read it together and talk about her feelings, her behavior, and how to remedy what is bothering her. There could be something else that is on her mind that is causing her to act up at home and at school.

-I might also recommend that you give her a new time out place, rather than in her bedroom. A stair, a rug, a chair, or other designated area would work well. If you need to get away for a bit, YOU leave the room, but it might help the situation to keep her in the room where the offensive behavior occured, rather than sending her away. In my experience, using childrens' bedrooms as time out spaces sometimes leads to bedtime/naptime issues.

Just some ideas I had...I understand how difficult kids can be sometimes! You'll get through it, and you're a great parent-just hang in there! Hugs to you!

great advice!! i love the idea of the "feelings notebook"

thank you so much!!

[Suzy]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

great advice!! i love the idea of the "feelings notebook"

thank you so much!!

You're very welcome...just please let me know how the pair of you are doing after awhile. I can't stop thinking about you and her together...she sounds like the greatest kid, and you seem like an awesome mom!

I think I'm sentimental today, it's my mom's birthday (she passed away almost 7 years ago, when I was 17).

[pepe mint]

awe, i'm so sorry about your mom.

i never had my mom...so i strive to be the best i can for her. it is so hard and so many times i feel like i am not doing a good job. so it means so much to have you say that

and yes, she is a great kid. she really is. super smart!!! and a total sweetheart. we are just going to have to figure out how to get past this

and we will...and we will be better for it

thanks again

good night
mandee

Originally Posted by Suzy

You're very welcome...just please let me know how the pair of you are doing after awhile. I can't stop thinking about you and her together...she sounds like the greatest kid, and you seem like an awesome mom!

I think I'm sentimental today, it's my mom's birthday (she passed away almost 7 years ago, when I was 17).

[tjdmom]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

i hope it doesn't sound like i am trying to make her grow up too fast. I know how she is...and honestly...she will talk about anything and everything when she is supposed to be focusing on something. when we read a book at night...she will be reading and then just stop...and start talking about stuff. i have to remind her to stay focused. when we are doing her math homework, she will stop and talk to the dogs right in the middle of me trying to help her. i am constantly having to tell her "stay focused...you can play when we are done". and on her progress report, her teacher said "Trinity is so much fun to have in class. She does need to be reminded to stay focused and not talk to the other kids during work time"

so i know where her teacher is coming from...we deal with this at home all the time. even eating dinner...she will suddenly get up and go do a cartwheel. we just look in amazement...and she will say "sorry" and come back to the table to eat. she just has so much she wants to do...and not enough time

yes, one bad mark in a week for talking is not bad...but at the beginning of this month...she has 4 days one week, 2 days another week, and then this week...1 day so far. so it is not a one time deal...she has been doing this a lot lately and she just needs to learn that there is a time to talk, and a time to pay attention. and i'm sure that the teacher does not give her that mark at the first sign of her talking...she was more than likely told several times to stop talking, then had to move her star and put a mark on her folder. that is the part that she needs to understand....if you are told to stop talking by your teacher...you need to do it. bottom line.

No, it's not you I'm talking about when I say kids have to grow up to soon nowadays. I was really talking about the schools although I live in NY and maybe things are not like that everywhere. Up here kids in 1st grade and up really don't necessarily get a recess at all and the recess time they get when they do get it is not very long - like 20minutes. I think kids that age get too antsy. At least my son was that way. And by the way, your daughter sounds just like him in a lot of ways. He would talk constantly. The kid was never quite. Even other people would ask if it drove me crazy. Mostly it didn't, I loved hearing all his stories and now that he's older, he doesn't do it as much but he's still a talker. I say he's like my grandfather. And I'm not saying you shouldn't address things either. I just wouldn't be too upset about it. At our school, the kids get one warning and then they have to turn the card. Some teachers are more strict than others and maybe a softie might give more than one warning. Anthonys report cards were always good except that area where they would say he needs to focus more or talk less. And he was never so out of control that he'd need to turn the card more than once on the same day. That embarrassment was enough to remind him and by third grade, he didn't even need to be reminded. But sometimes I look back on those days and wish that I didn't have that need for him to be so perfect and I wonder even now if I still expect too much. It's only that I want so much for him but mostly I want him to grow up and be a happy person and I hope that along the way, I don't make him feel like he has to be a perfect person because then I don't think he'll ever be happy.
Anyways, enough about me..... I think you're a good mom and you'll find the best way to handle it.... good luck!

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by tjdmom

No, it's not you I'm talking about when I say kids have to grow up to soon nowadays. I was really talking about the schools although I live in NY and maybe things are not like that everywhere. Up here kids in 1st grade and up really don't necessarily get a recess at all and the recess time they get when they do get it is not very long - like 20minutes. I think kids that age get too antsy. At least my son was that way. And by the way, your daughter sounds just like him in a lot of ways. He would talk constantly. The kid was never quite. Even other people would ask if it drove me crazy. Mostly it didn't, I loved hearing all his stories and now that he's older, he doesn't do it as much but he's still a talker. I say he's like my grandfather. And I'm not saying you shouldn't address things either. I just wouldn't be too upset about it. At our school, the kids get one warning and then they have to turn the card. Some teachers are more strict than others and maybe a softie might give more than one warning. Anthonys report cards were always good except that area where they would say he needs to focus more or talk less. And he was never so out of control that he'd need to turn the card more than once on the same day. That embarrassment was enough to remind him and by third grade, he didn't even need to be reminded. But sometimes I look back on those days and wish that I didn't have that need for him to be so perfect and I wonder even now if I still expect too much. It's only that I want so much for him but mostly I want him to grow up and be a happy person and I hope that along the way, I don't make him feel like he has to be a perfect person because then I don't think he'll ever be happy.
Anyways, enough about me..... I think you're a good mom and you'll find the best way to handle it.... good luck!

I totally get what you are saying and yes...they do sound a lot alike I don't think she is ever quiet. in fact, she thinks out loud LOL talks to herself all the time too LOL

i sometimes wonder if i am too strict. but i grew up in a VERY strict "childrens home" (almost like an orphanage) and even tho i hated it there, i learned sooooooooooooo much. i don't want to be like they were...and i'm not even close...but i do try to instill the same values (just in a nicer way LOL) I want her to know that if she is in trouble at school, i will know about it, and i will not be happy. so she needs to really try to stay focused and pay attention.
about recess, i totally agree with you. i think they get a half hour for recess. and on days that they have PE, they don't get recess at all a lot of us parents have a big problem with that. i, too, think that they need that time to "release".

she is a super smart kid...she can read and write better than anyone in her class, she catches on to her math really quick. and seems to be able to work things out really easy. i guess i worry a lot that she will end up like i was in school and not do good. she is so smart and i see so much potential with her, so when i know she is talking instead of paying attention, i want her to know that it is not ok.

but maybe this is just a phase and will pass but if the teacher feels the need to discipline her at school, then i think it is my responsibility to re-enforce that. she needs to know that it is not ok to disobey the teacher.

[Yorkiekids]

If that doesn't work make her right why she talks in class 20 times. Then how she can stop talking in class 20 times the next time. She'll get tired of it real fast. You'll have to right the first sentence after she tells you why, and how, but she then can copy over the sentence. I use to do that and when they got older I made them right 100 word essays.