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08-29-2007, 12:13 AM | #1 |
Chloe's Mommy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Cornwall, ON
Posts: 1,968
| Uggggggggh (really long) I just need to get some things off my chest... I'm so down right now. Everything seems to be going wrong I've been severely depressed basically for as long as I can remember. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I can remember being 7-8 years old and suicidal. It runs in my family, so I think it's genetic in my case. I've made gazillions of doctors appointments to get help, but I always chickened out and cancel at the last minute or end up making some reason up for being there when I actually go to the Dr. I know, stupid. Obviously, I'm in the medical field and know the importance...but it's been said that we're the most stubborn when it comes to getting help. It's definitely true in my case. I KNOW I need drugs, but I just can't seem to force myself to go tell the doctor that. My Mother and I have NEVER got along. Ever. We have just always butted heads. I don't really know why...it's just always been that way. It's pretty much impossible to live together. It's very stressful & I don't handle emotional stress well. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it during the school year. Last year (freshman year), I decided to try living on-campus to get away from the stress of living at home. So I did...something happened (don't really want to go into details on that) and I didn't want to live there anymore & I moved home & my grades suffered a little bit due to the extra stress. Well, by June it had gotten to the point where I just could not handle living here any more. So, Justin (my fiance) and I got an apartment together. It's an apartment in a house. It all went downhill from here. We have been paying for it ($600/month + electricity which is about $115/mo) since then, but still can't move in. It seems to be problem after problem & no one is doing anything. 1) We didn't get our key until late evening July 2nd, we were supposed to have it first thing in the morning on the 1st. I told her we were taking $20 off of Aug rent because of it (that's basically what it works out to per day). 2) The people before us left it a disaster & WE had to clean it. They wouldn't send anyone in to clean & they didn't even inspect it before we got in. Thank God they didn't make us give a damage deposit. There was also a BIG hole in the wall, it looked like it had been punched. 3) There was a spot of mold on the carpet so we had them rip it up & put something else in. They put peel & stick tiles - for a few hours they looked great & we planned to move in the next day. Well, when we came back the next day to move some small stuff in almost all of the tiles were lifted, I kid you not. So I called the landlord & she apologized and said she would take care of it right away. This was early July. It's still the same. 4) No smoke alarm. She hasn't done anything. 5) No light outside going to the front door AND no light in the hallway to our door. Hasn't done anything. 6) Back entrance is NASTY & piled with garbage from the last people. Definitely a violation of the health code. We've asked the landlord to take care of it & she said she will, but again...nothing! 7) We begged her again on the 1st when we went to pay our rent for Aug to do something about the floor. She said she will take care of it immediately. Nothing. I called everyday for 2 weeks straight, leaving messages every single day & finally got a call back on the 13th. She said that she "didn't get my messages." I was leaving the next day for NC for a week & she said it would be fixed by the time I got back. I get back on the 21st, surprise surprise, nothing is done. Justin had called her 5 times while I was away & left messages. I started calling again. I've called every single day since I got back leaving messages each time. We haven't heard from her since the 13th. We know she'll be calling bright & early on the 1st for our rent, though! UGH! Justin keeps saying "I'm not paying her, I'm not paying her blah blah blah" but then she'll just take us to court Here we are, out about $2000 (well, more w/ paint & cleaning supplies & everything). About to be $2600 thanks to Sept's rent. And we're still living at home!!! I can't take it anymore. I'm so upset. I don't know what to do. We've thought about just saying give us our last month's rent back & we'll be out the next day. We've thought about threatening legal action but we don't have receipts proving we've paid (except for the 1st month which was documented on our rental agreement - not a least) we'll be getting on on the 1st when we go, that's for sure. School starts on the 5th and I have an extremely hard courseload and I can't handle it while living at home AND putting up with the stress of the stupid apartment. Also, I don't work because I'm in school 8 hours/day 4 days a week then at the hospital for clinicals 12 hours on Wednesdays...my fiance is doing everything & I feel horrible that he's having to shell out his hard-earned money for nothing. He always says he wants to live with me, but I feel like he's doing it just for me. And to top it off, he called me before he went to bed and said he got a letter from the gym saying he owed them money & if he doesn't go pay it ASAP it's being sent to a collections agency. He changed banks and forgot about the automatic debit for the gym. We also have a couple hundred dollars we need to pay off on the CC. UGH!! Everything just sucks and I'm feeling worse than ever and I know I'm totally responsible for everything I can't sleep anymore. I haven't been able to sleep more than an hour or two for about 3-4 days now. It's 4:13am right now and I have to be up for 6 and then have a very busy day ahead of me. It'll be non-stop from 7:30am until about 11pm. Including a BBQ "bachelor/bachelorette party" at 2pm for Justin's friend who's getting married next weekend. Which, of course, we'll need to buy a present for. And there's still SO much I have to do before school starts. Sorry this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long, I just needed to "say" it all to someone & get it off my chest.
__________________ Sara & Chloe Last edited by PuppyLovinNurse; 08-29-2007 at 12:17 AM. |
Welcome Guest! | |
08-29-2007, 03:03 AM | #2 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bacliff, TX
Posts: 947
| There is a website you need to visit, it's called bipolarhappens.com. I've been bi-polar all by life and as I looked back, the symptoms began when I was about 9. Yes, it is hereditary as my mother suffered severely from it. Let me be the first to tell you, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and there are medications that make a world of difference. You're not doing yourself any favors by not seeing a doctor. If you were diabetic, you'd take your insulin, now wouldn't you? You are not a leper, you have a medical condition. Remember, God helps those who help themselves. You are destined to a life of misery if you do not do something soon. |
08-29-2007, 03:53 AM | #3 |
Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida
Posts: 14,495
| Sweety you know if you go to the doctor he'll be able to help you. Do you feel in someway it would lessen who you are as a person to take the meds, because it won't. It'll only make your life easier. I really think you need to walk away from the apartment and get another one. I know that's not easy, but get back what money you can, and get out of there. If you want to take her to court take lots of pictures before you leave, so that you'll have evidence of what's been going on. As far as your mom goes you might both be bipolar, and that might be the reason you don't get along. Please go get some help before you have a breakdown, and are forced to get help.
__________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki |
08-29-2007, 04:23 AM | #4 |
Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys
Posts: 5,056
| Wow girl, I agree with Yorkiekids, you need to start eliminating all the aggravating things going on in your life one by one, starting with that apt. I would tell her point blank that you have been paying rent for a few months and haven't even been able to move in the place so you will not be giving her Sept. rent for no living quarters so she needs to find new tenants. I know you run the risk that your breaking a lease but at this point I wouldn't care. She would have to go down and file a small claims case against you and she probably wont. Take pic's just in case. Is it possible to rent a room somewhere by yourself just until school is out? It might not be your ideal choice but if it will allow you some piece of mind it might be an alternative for you at this time. If you have been suffering since you where eight then you need to seek treatment. I know you said you have made appt.'s and chickened out. Have you asked yourself "why" you're afraid to go in? I hope you get some piece soon but you really need to prioritize what you can do and what you can't or your going to burn out, it's self preservation. Good luck hun
__________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.. |
08-29-2007, 04:23 AM | #5 |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Florida
Posts: 4,549
| If you want to feel better, go to the doctor and get some help even if it is only meds temporarily. It will help you get the dreaded feelings subsided so you can think straight and then go from there. If you need to stay on them, so be it....................when you need them, you need them. But do get help soon, you'd be so surprised what a few meds from the right doctor can do for the mind and body!!!
__________________ CAROL ~ Krissie ~ Toby ~ Brandy ~ Buffy Proud member of Maltesetalk and Yorkietalk |
08-29-2007, 04:24 AM | #6 |
Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: MN
Posts: 7,575
| You can't let this "landlady" keep doing this, please! I have a feeling you will have trouble there as long as you live there - if you ever get to move in. I would report her ASAP, even if you only have one receipt so far. That's one month you've got proof that you paid and weren't allowed to live there. Plus if there is mold and nothing has been done to REALLY get rid of it, it can affect your health, which I'm sure you know already. Is there another place you guys could find? Take pictures of the place - everything that is wrong. Document everything and report her. Don't let her get away with treating you like this. It's just wrong! I hate to see you going through so much when you have such a hard school year coming up. I hope you guys find another place to live. You deserve better. Hugs |
08-29-2007, 04:35 AM | #7 |
Little Boogers Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: virginia beach, va
Posts: 4,460
| i am going to be harsh...... get to the dr's and get on the meds NOW this is the first step you need to take. the meds will make you think clearer and be able to handle one problem at a time. right now your head is spinning and you cannot get a grasp on one thing. you need to handle these problems one at a time. this would be a lot for anyone to handle. now to be nice.....when everything seems to be falling down around you, believe me, things will pick up. i am so sorry you are going through this and i hope you do the right thing and go to the drs. you need to think about your self now and not the other problems. YOU ARE #1 and don't you forget that! RIGHT NOW YOU NEED TO BE SELFISH AND THINK OF ONLY YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE. i am going to ck back to this thread in a week and see what has happened. please take care of yourself.
__________________ lisa lisa and the cult jam yorkies |
08-29-2007, 06:31 AM | #8 |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| Just please know you aren't alone in situations like this. Depression also runs in my family and though I would say im not down 100% of the time, if something bad happens I'm down on myself for two days. I went twice this year for help. I was put on meds and they just made me nuts, but the same pill works great for my mom. Since my grandma was diagnosed with cancer I have become quite the hypocondriac (sp). I always THINK I'm sick and I always THINK something is gonna cause me to die. I hate it and I want it to go away! I wan't my life back! I'm no longer on meds for depression, I really don't feel depressed. Going to the dr's office and talking to them made me feel better. They gave me some great advice! As far as the rent thing, I've been there too. February 2006 hubby and I moved into a rental house. It appeared to be alright and we were super excited to get out of our tiny apartment we use to rent and they allowed pets at this house. We had no working telephone line there, which we were never told. Couldn't get internet, which hubby needed for school. Hubby would call him and he would never call me back. So he would call off hours when they wouldn't expect us to call, 8 AM or 11 PM stuff like that. They said, yeah we will fix it, never did. About a month later we noticed mold all throughout the house. In the carpet, windows, and the walls. You name it and it was there. So I called back, and a month later still no phone, still had mold. I had about had enough of it. He was just taking our money and ripping us off. Hubby is much more forgiving than I am when it comes to stuff like this. So I called and he told me the same thing he told hubby and I was furious. I called a lawyer that same day. They told me to send him a certified letter, that way he couldn't say he didn't recieve it. So I did. I told him of all the problems, how long we tried to get the problem fixed, how inconvienient it was, and how there was going to be a lawsuit against him if he didn't fix it. Well lets just say he came in the next day. Hubby showed him all the mold and we were still grumbling about it. He stated if you want to we can break the contract. I jumped on that. So we got out of the lease and moved into a better rental. Well the landlord is better, the neighbors are crappy now. LOL
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
08-29-2007, 07:31 AM | #9 |
Chloe's Mommy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Cornwall, ON
Posts: 1,968
| Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate the responses. I think the main reason I don't want to go to the doctor is that I'm afraid to breakdown & just have an all out sob session in front of the doctor. My doctor is a 70-ish year old man so I feel weird & uncomfortable around him as it is...let along bawling. There's no one accepting new patients here, though. I suppose I could try the walk-in clinic, I never thought about that until just now. But I'm not sure they would prescribe any long-term meds since they aren't long-term doctors. I guess I can try...but that means waiting ALL day at the office to be seen which is the last thing I need. The website (www.bipolarhappens.com) is opened in another browser and I'm getting ready to read what I can before I have to go to that stupid BBQ today. I really never even considered BPD. My first cousin was just diagnosed w/ it last year. It makes sense though. We are very alike (looks, too) and we've both always had asthma & been very prone to pneumonia, chest colds, etc, so I don't see why mental would be any different. I really just never connected it. Always pushed it aside as I'm just having a bad day. Again, thanks
__________________ Sara & Chloe |
08-29-2007, 07:34 AM | #10 |
Chloe's Mommy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Cornwall, ON
Posts: 1,968
| Almost forgot... I just called the freakin landlord again & left a not-so-nice (okay, very bi*chy message). I want to see if we can go on the 1st to "pay our Sept rent" & get copies of the receipts before I threaten legal action so maybe she won't see what's going on. Obviously she's not going to give them to me if I need them to use against her. Luckily it's not a lease, it's just a rental agreement. But it states that we have to give 60 days written notice & all this crap. & we've paid last month's rent We're really kicking ourselves now...
__________________ Sara & Chloe |
08-29-2007, 07:47 AM | #11 |
Chloe's Mommy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Cornwall, ON
Posts: 1,968
| PS I knew some of the symptoms of bipolar disorder, but after reading them on a list on that website. I'm sure that's what it is. This is the list: Attention/Focus Problems Anxiety Depression Irritation/Anger Mania/Hypomania Mixed Episodes Psychosis Paranoia 'Weird' Behavior, Obsessive Behavior Feeling Overwhelmed Seasonal Affective Disorder Suicidal Thoughts and Relationship Issues I have every single one. Luckily, I have a boyfriend who is EXTREMELY laid back and puts up with so much from me. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to keep someone other than him. Sometimes it's like I'm not controlling my body. I know I'm being mean to him (yelling, biotching, etc) or just being totally difficult for no reason, but I can't help it. Then I cry because I feel bad. Does anyone else go through this???
__________________ Sara & Chloe |
08-29-2007, 07:56 AM | #12 |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| I was on birth control that made me mean. I'm not an agressive person by no means and this pill really scared me. I've never been able to find the right b/c pill so I'm just resorting to nothing. I'm married so I guess if something happens then it does. Anyways, I remember one time hubby and I were over at my parents house and we were watching tv. I was fine, giggling and everything. Then I ask hubby to cuddle me. Well while raising his arm to put it around me he elbowed me in the head, on accident. It made me go off. I just started going crazy. That is nothing like me! I'm a very gentle and shy person. I knew that day I wasn't going to take it anymore. I haven't done that since. Do you think it could be hormonal, some of the things?
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
08-29-2007, 08:01 AM | #13 | |
Chloe's Mommy! Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Cornwall, ON
Posts: 1,968
| Quote:
BCP make me absolutely 100% nuts. Like a psycho monster from a movie. I had to stop taking them completely. I tried 3 different kinds & the patch within about 2 years with breaks in between each one. Now I'm not on anything. I said the same as you, if it happens, it happens. We've been together 4 years...if he hasn't left me after the crap I've put him through so far, he's not going anywhere lol We use condoms & all but they're not 100% as we all know... PS I've been off completely for about 1 - 1 1/2 years now.
__________________ Sara & Chloe | |
08-29-2007, 10:08 AM | #14 |
Love My Furbabies! Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: somewhere
Posts: 4,427
| I'm so sorry you're having a tough time! About the apartment- I would not pay another penny to that woman. She is definitely taking advantage of the situation and I'm wondering if she will ever do what she says she will. When I lived in Boston I broke many leases. It is actually a really common problem there because almost everyone needs at least one roomate. Not intentionally, just things came up! Roomates moved in and out-- and rents became too high (3 bedroom apts could easily go for 4500 a month) and I have never been taken to small claims court for what I've owed on the lease. Plus from what you've said it seems that it would be a health violation to even be staying there in the condition that it is in, so I think you would have that fact backing you up. About seeing someone for your depression... I truly think you should. I see someone weekly for my anxiety/depression and it has helped me so much. I am not able to be on medications because the ones that I were on caused some major weight gain (although they tell me that's unusual). But, I know many people that took the same drug I did without that side effect and it definitely helped with depression. I really hope all this levels out for you and you can relax and enjoy yourself! I think anyone in the same position would be stressed out, I know that I would! |
08-29-2007, 10:14 AM | #15 | |
Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: MN
Posts: 7,575
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