I just need to get some things off my chest...
I'm so down right now. Everything seems to be going wrong
I've been severely depressed basically for as long as I can remember. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I can remember being 7-8 years old and suicidal. It runs in my family, so I think it's genetic in my case. I've made gazillions of doctors appointments to get help, but I always chickened out and cancel at the last minute or end up making some reason up for being there when I actually go to the Dr. I know, stupid. Obviously, I'm in the medical field and know the importance...but it's been said that we're the most stubborn when it comes to getting help. It's definitely true in my case. I KNOW I need drugs, but I just can't seem to force myself to go tell the doctor that.
My Mother and I have NEVER got along. Ever. We have just always butted heads. I don't really know why...it's just always been that way. It's pretty much impossible to live together. It's very stressful & I don't handle emotional stress well. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it during the school year.
Last year (freshman year), I decided to try living on-campus to get away from the stress of living at home. So I did...something happened (don't really want to go into details on that) and I didn't want to live there anymore & I moved home & my grades suffered a little bit due to the extra stress. Well, by June it had gotten to the point where I just could not handle living here any more.
So, Justin (my fiance) and I got an apartment together. It's an apartment in a house. It all went downhill from here. We have been paying for it ($600/month + electricity which is about $115/mo) since then, but still can't move in. It seems to be problem after problem & no one is doing anything.
1) We didn't get our key until late evening July 2nd, we were supposed to have it first thing in the morning on the 1st. I told her we were taking $20 off of Aug rent because of it (that's basically what it works out to per day).
2) The people before us left it a disaster & WE had to clean it. They wouldn't send anyone in to clean & they didn't even inspect it before we got in. Thank God they didn't make us give a damage deposit. There was also a BIG hole in the wall, it looked like it had been punched.
3) There was a spot of mold on the carpet so we had them rip it up & put something else in. They put peel & stick tiles - for a few hours they looked great & we planned to move in the next day. Well, when we came back the next day to move some small stuff in almost all of the tiles were lifted, I kid you not. So I called the landlord & she apologized and said she would take care of it right away. This was early July. It's still the same.
4) No smoke alarm. She hasn't done anything.
5) No light outside going to the front door AND no light in the hallway to our door. Hasn't done anything.
6) Back entrance is NASTY & piled with garbage from the last people. Definitely a violation of the health code. We've asked the landlord to take care of it & she said she will, but again...nothing!
7) We begged her again on the 1st when we went to pay our rent for Aug to do something about the floor. She said she will take care of it immediately. Nothing. I called everyday for 2 weeks straight, leaving messages every single day & finally got a call back on the 13th. She said that she "didn't get my messages." I was leaving the next day for NC for a week & she said it would be fixed by the time I got back. I get back on the 21st, surprise surprise, nothing is done. Justin had called her 5 times while I was away & left messages. I started calling again. I've called every single day since I got back leaving messages each time. We haven't heard from her since the 13th.
We know she'll be calling bright & early on the 1st for our rent, though! UGH! Justin keeps saying "I'm not paying her, I'm not paying her blah blah blah" but then she'll just take us to court
Here we are, out about $2000 (well, more w/ paint & cleaning supplies & everything). About to be $2600 thanks to Sept's rent. And we're still living at home!!!
I can't take it anymore. I'm so upset. I don't know what to do. We've thought about just saying give us our last month's rent back & we'll be out the next day. We've thought about threatening legal action but we don't have receipts proving we've paid (except for the 1st month which was documented on our rental agreement - not a least) we'll be getting on on the 1st when we go, that's for sure.
School starts on the 5th and I have an extremely hard courseload and I can't handle it while living at home AND putting up with the stress of the stupid apartment.
Also, I don't work because I'm in school 8 hours/day 4 days a week then at the hospital for clinicals 12 hours on Wednesdays...my fiance is doing everything & I feel horrible that he's having to shell out his hard-earned money for nothing. He always says he wants to live with me, but I feel like he's doing it just for me. And to top it off, he called me before he went to bed and said he got a letter from the gym saying he owed them money & if he doesn't go pay it ASAP it's being sent to a collections agency. He changed banks and forgot about the automatic debit for the gym. We also have a couple hundred dollars we need to pay off on the CC. UGH!!
Everything just sucks and I'm feeling worse than ever and I know I'm totally responsible for everything
I can't sleep anymore. I haven't been able to sleep more than an hour or two for about 3-4 days now. It's 4:13am right now and I have to be up for 6 and then have a very busy day ahead of me. It'll be non-stop from 7:30am until about 11pm. Including a BBQ "bachelor/bachelorette party" at 2pm for Justin's friend who's getting married next weekend. Which, of course, we'll need to buy a present for.
And there's still SO much I have to do before school starts.
Sorry this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO long, I just needed to "say" it all to someone & get it off my chest.