Something to debate... Let's keep it civil.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by I Love Bailey

Wow....I am so sorry for her behavior towards you! How extremely rude!
I do need to ask Where does your son stand in all this? How sad you don't get to see your grandchildren.
Unfortunately, I do not have a very close relationship with my mother ( nor does my brother) but I would never be so disrespectful to her by calling her names and swearing.
My children and my husband also treat her with respect because she is my mother.

My son has to live with her, so he goes along with whatever she says. As far as seeing the children, they live in the UK. so I don't see them anyway.

I believe that my son should contact me and keep the lines of communication open, however he goes which ever way the wind blows.

I have helped these two financially on three occasions, (the last time he asked, I said NO) and they do not keep up with their payments to me, which has also put a strain on the relationship.

I do not cut off communication because of this, I will call to remind my son that I need a payment, I had to borrow the money on his behalf because he went through a nast divorce and it ruined his credit. but I don't turn it into an argujment, however she does.

When I call to remind them, then she claims that the only time I call is to get money, and I should be more concerned about whether my grandsons have diapers and formula than about that loan payment. I tell them that their children are not my responsibility. (they are already living with her parents, for God's sake.) And that if they can't make their monthly obligations, then maybe she should get a job. They aren't even grateful enough to make their payments to me.

[mistyinca]

I'll tell you this...my mother and I have had our moments. There have been times in my life that she did things to me that I cannot ever forget, but I still love her, and we have a great relationship. I have never treated her that way, and I firmly believe that it would do no good.

I really have some serious issues with my MIL, but I'm always polite to her, even when she is a major beyotch to me. I have some serious wounds in my tongue for the time I've had to bite it, but I do. It would do no good to be cruel, so I let a lot slide.

I don't have time in my life to take issue with everyone and everything. I find it alot easier to really pick my battles. And these days, I let more and more slide because it would do no good, would cause more harm than good, and it would cause MYSELF more grief in the end.

fwiw,

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by chachi

I am sorry again. I just read that she doesnt let you see your grandchilden. I think that is one of the cruelest things children can do to parents and parent in laws. My Husbands brothers wife does that to My Mother in Law. She is a real control freak. My Mother in Law is all the time watching their daughter when they need it. They will all get into an argument over something stupid and then My Mother in Law and Father in Law arent allowed to see Samantha. I have grown to love My Mother in Law and Father in Law. We go do things together. She is going with us to florida in October for 12 days

I refuse to let her use the children as weapons to control me.

The funny thing is. Just before Christmas, she got into a huge argument with her brother, and her sister-in-law kept the children away from the grandparents and her, because of it. She thnought this was terrible, yet she does the same thing.

[JeanieK]

I believe that if she got a job, it would solve 99% of her problems, she would feel better, she would be able to get out of debt, she would have more to do besides obsess about things all day, and it might boost her self esteem.

She claims to have two masters degrees, yet she won't work. She has had jobs from time to time, but YUP you guessed it, she can't get along with anyone. My son is working and going to school.

[chachi]

I would never loan them money again. They sound vey irresponsible. You Son should put his foot down that she has to get a job so they can make those payments. My Husband has gotten the short end of the sick loaning money before so he doesnt do it anymore. I am sure if it were our children that neede it we would though

[IluvLucy]

I couldn't live with myself if I treated my mother like that. I don't really care for my late husband's mother because of the way she treated me and my kids before he died, but I still wouldn't speak to her like that out of respect for him.

I love my DIL and we have a very good relationship. If we disagree about something, we've always been able to talk about it. I stay out of my son and DIL's marriage and they love me for it.

[YorkieRose]

My daughter (38) works for an eye doctor....a kid came in with her mother for glasses. The kid precedes to stand on top of the counter and kick things to the floor...mother tells kid to get down, kid tells the mother to shut up and mind her own business...later the DR. asked Jodi what I would have done if she had acted like that..Jodi said.."I would not be here talking to you".."I no doubt would have lost the ability to speak"..LOL

No parent gets respect unless given and demanded back...I always want my daughters to love me, but if not, they will respect me or not be a part of my life. Why have a child break your heart with such comments...I would perfer to not talk to them until they cleaned up their act...we allow the people in our life to treat us the way they do..

[Little Bit]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Oprah had a shnow on not too long ago, and to me it really explained a lot.

The fguy said, that spoiled children grow ujp to be unhappy adults. Thatd the more their parents give to them, the more they demand, and the pleasure, that they get from it, is very short lived.

He said they never learn how to make themselves feel good. they never learn the good feeling that you get from a job well done, or by doing something nice for others. All of their pleasure comes from external things, and it is like a drug, the longer you take it the less pleasure you get from it.

Therefore when they become adults, they believe their happiness depends on what others do for them. so they scream and demand, but everyone just walks away and they become very unhappy people.

This describes her to a T

That is so true! I try to convince my children of that, that I am saving them from a life of unhappiness by not giving in to their every little whim. LOL. Some day they will thank me.

Others think I am so terrible because I usually try to make my kids do something to get extra spending money, etc. instead of being a free ATM. Unfortunately most of the kids my daughter has for friends have parents just like that. They are all extremely spoiled. Last night my 13 year old daughter came in to my bedroom late to talk to me, and she had just spent the night with a friend. She was crying and saying how her friend treated her parents and that she didn't want to be like that. I was so grateful that she could see the difference. This was totally on her own, with no coaching from me. She apologized for how she has treated me sometimes and said she was really trying. It was a very precious moment.

[sashajade]

not all kids who get what they want grow up brats.
i cant remember a time that i went without growing up, i never said i want that or this but if i said i liked something my mum and my nan would buy me it, i was never rude, never naughty, never needed telling off, always said please and thankyou.
i didnt talk to my mum rudely cos we got on very well she was my best friend and i respected her, the reason i was well behaved wasnt cos if i wasnt i would of got a smack across the legs or a back hander.
hitting doesnt earn respect it earns fear, i would rather my kids didnt do things cos they respect me not fear me.
if a man said i hit my wife when she does things that get me mad or i hit her when she disrespects me people would say hes wrong but if a fully grown person hits a child its ok i dont agree with smacking and i worked at a nursery with 13 under twos all in the same room with just me and 2 other people to look after them all and smacking was not allowed so you learn how else you can deal with it, but if i had my own kids i couldnt say that i would never smack them as i just dont know but id like to say i would try not to.

[txshopper73]

My mother and I use to have hellacious fights when I was in my early to mid 20s. Before then, and after then, I've had complete respect for my mom...but something happened for a few years where I completely lost my mind.

I love my mom dearly. She is my best friend but it's taken me several years to figure that out. Now, we very seldom disagree about anything. If she says something that I don't agree with, I let it go and simply reply, "Yes, mom". I know that my mom only wants the best for me...and being an only child, I'm still her baby.

If anything happened to my mom, I just don't know what I'd do. In growing up, I've realized that no one can compare to my mom. To me, she's the best out there.

Now, my MIL...haha...we've butted heads but I've never cussed her out...even when I wanted to. She use to treat my daughter (not her blood grand daughter) horribly and after taking so much, trying to reason like a "good girl", I had finally had enough and told her that as long as she continued to treat my daughter badly, she'd wouldn't be seeing her.

This was a couple of years ago...and my daughter only really visits with them about 6 times a year...and they live less than 10 minutes away.

Anyway, Jeanie...sounds like your DIL is a spoiled brat. If you've not done anything intentionally to hurt her, then she needs to get over herself. She's obviously jealous of the relationship that you have with your son (her husband). I'm sorry that she's treated you that way. I'd like to think that she'll eventually come around...but it doesn't sound that way.

Hang in there, sister...and pray for her. That's about all you really can do at this point.

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by sashajade

not all kids who get what they want grow up brats.
i cant remember a time that i went without growing up, i never said i want that or this but if i said i liked something my mum and my nan would buy me it, i was never rude, never naughty, never needed telling off, always said please and thankyou.
i didnt talk to my mum rudely cos we got on very well she was my best friend and i respected her, the reason i was well behaved wasnt cos if i wasnt i would of got a smack across the legs or a back hander.
hitting doesnt earn respect it earns fear, i would rather my kids didnt do things cos they respect me not fear me.
if a man said i hit my wife when she does things that get me mad or i hit her when she disrespects me people would say hes wrong but if a fully grown person hits a child its ok i dont agree with smacking and i worked at a nursery with 13 under twos all in the same room with just me and 2 other people to look after them all and smacking was not allowed so you learn how else you can deal with it, but if i had my own kids i couldnt say that i would never smack them as i just dont know but id like to say i would try not to.

We were raised in a different time. yes I believe that respect can be taught without smacking, but the lessons have to start the very first time a child screams at you or hits you because they didn't get what they wanted.

I've seen small children hitting and kicking their parents. And the parent is saying "Please don't kick me" and the kid kicks them again. As a parent of young children, You HAVE TO DEMAND respect. A small child is not going to just respect you. If they have not learned respect by the age of 7, forget it.

[Sugar's Mom]

If I had ever talked to my mother, now deceased, like that she would have back handed me across the mouth so fast i would have not known what hit me. wouldn't have mattered how old I was either.

[txshopper73]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

I've seen small children hitting and kicking their parents. And the parent is saying "Please don't kick me" and the kid kicks them again. As a parent of young children, You HAVE TO DEMAND respect. A small child is not going to just respect you. If they have not learned respect by the age of 7, forget it.

I've seen the same by young children. I'm like..."HELLO!!! WHO'S THE PARENT HERE??" It's amazing how children are raised now days. Respect has suddenly become a thing of the past...and these are the children that will be running our government, our businesses one day...and that's just plain scary!

[chachi]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

We were raised in a different time. yes I believe that respect can be taught without smacking, but the lessons have to start the very first time a child screams at you or hits you because they didn't get what they wanted.

I've seen small children hitting and kicking their parents. And the parent is saying "Please don't kick me" and the kid kicks them again. As a parent of young children, You HAVE TO DEMAND respect. A small child is not going to just respect you. If they have not learned respect by the age of 7, forget it.

My Brother in laws 3 year old daughter screams at him and hits him. He trys to reason with her and it just doesnt work. She needs a good old fashioned spank on the butt. It is sad because they live two doors down from us and there is a little girl accross the street that she could play with but the Mother doesnt want her over there because she dont behave. So My Daughter is asked to go over there and play all the time. If Samantha didnt have My Daughter to play with shed have no one

[sashajade]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

We were raised in a different time. yes I believe that respect can be taught without smacking, but the lessons have to start the very first time a child screams at you or hits you because they didn't get what they wanted.

I've seen small children hitting and kicking their parents. And the parent is saying "Please don't kick me" and the kid kicks them again. As a parent of young children, You HAVE TO DEMAND respect. A small child is not going to just respect you. If they have not learned respect by the age of 7, forget it.

i agree children today do not respect there mums and dads and i too have seen a child kick his mum and her just let him and then ASK him to stop, i first of all would not ask id tell in a very firm no messing about tone and he would then be punished but in another way than smacking.
a child we had at are nursery was a nightmare, he was rude, spat at people, hit the nursery nurses and was horrible to his mum and dad, but to me he did nothing, the very first time i met him he went to spit at me and i just said dont you dare in a firm tone and gave him one of my looks and he walked away cos he knew i wouldnt allow it and he couldnt get away with it.
now if he was my child id def of smacked HIM lol but that would of been cos i would of lost my temper with him and if he hit me it doesnt make sence for me to then smack him and tell him hitting is wrong
with children i think you need to start off how you mean to go on so the mums and dads who do have problems with there kids have let it go for so long they now have a problem.