Something to debate... Let's keep it civil.

[browniesmom622]

JMO if you dont have respect for me i probablly wont have it for you

[LunasMomma]

I'm not reading any replies before posting

I'm sad for those women that think this is "normal" to have to tell off your Mom. MIL maybe Kidding! That's just really horribly sad for them

[JeanieK]

I want to thank all of you for your kind words of support.

My son and DIL have talked of moving to the states, and I'm sad to say that I hope they don't because I can see her turning every family affair into a big argument. Either I looked at someone elses kid for two seconds longer than I looked at hers, or I corrected one of their children and they didn't like it. Or whatever. I do correct my grandchildren when they are in my house.

They were here for 1 Christmas, and after we had dinner, a frined of some of my daughters stopped by. They had not seen each other for a while, and knew they would be at my house, so they stopped to say HI. Well anyway my DIL and son sat downstairs and wouldn't come up and visit. They were bitching about why those people stopped by and this is family time and blah blah.

It's true they didn't know the kid, but this kid always called me Mom and he just enjoys our family, more than his own I guess.

So I just think having them move here would be a disaster.

I keep hoping that she will grow up, but she is so self righteous, that she doesn't believe that what is doing is wrong. I guess it is just the way she was raised. It might help if my son would say something to her, but maybe he has and she just turns on him.

I've just come to the conclusion that she is an unhappy miserable person and she expects others to provide her with happiness. She doesn't realize that happiness comes from the inside and goes out, not from the outside. and that is sad. she has never learned how to make herself happy.

[judyeve]

Dear Jeannie:

I'm so sorry you're having this problem. I have almost exactly the same sad story. My SIL is the problem, my daughter doesn't stand up for me, and she has had MS for the past 3 1/2 years. I haven't seen my 3 grandchildren since January 2006. She's my only child and we were as close as can be before he showed up. I have tried everything, including going to Al-Anon (he drinks) for two years. I also helped them, gave to them, watched the kids, took off from work when she first got sick, etc., etc. etc. None of it mattered in the end.
I won't even go into the stories of how he has treated me.

It finally reached a point where I told my daughter that no matter how much I love her and my grandchildren, if she doesn't put her foot down to her husband's abuse of me, there can be no relationship. That was after I called her one Wednesday morning and he told me that I could no longer see my grandchildren. Why? I didn't even ask. I said to her that I wouldn't have a relationship with any woman who allowed her husband to treat her mother the way she allows my SIL to treat me. She told me that she wouldn't do that and that she was choosing her marriage. I never asked her to give up her marriage, but obviously putting her foot down to him would really rock their boat.

I understand why she did it. She's not as strong as I am, she has a terrible illness, 3 young children, and he is there. I don't like the way he talks to anybody, much less them, but she must feel pretty helpless at this point.
I feel so sorry for her and for my grandchildren too. She's still my baby and I'll always love her. She got stuck in such a terrible life and there was never anything I could do to help her. She just would never listen, no matter how tactfully I put things. It was like watching sand falling through my fingers.
I never thought I would lose our relationship totally, but I did.

My heart is broken, but, like you, if that's how they're going to be, I don't want them around me.

I certainly understand how you feel and I totally agree with you.

Judy

[Yorkieluv]

judyeve, that is sooo sad...I'm so sorry about the situation with you and your SIL regarding your daughter...You sound like a wonderful mother.

[JeanieK]

Judyeve

Your story is much worse than mine. I have 5 daughters, and 9 other grand children. My son also believes that he has to choose. I never asked him to choose, but I am guessing that SHE has.

But I refuse to allow them to use the children as a form of blackmail.

Hopefully someday they will wake up and realize that they have lost more than a mother, they have also lost their self respect.

[judyeve]

I agree. If they use my grandchildren to blackmail me, and believe me, they have, they're hurting the children. They've done such harm to them already, especially my oldest grandaughter. I was her favorite person next to her mother.

Judy