Thinking I should just elope!!!!

[Rockster's Mom]

My wedding is 4 weeks from today. I have my soon to be MIL inviting people after the fact we finalized the guest list and already sent out invitations. My mom informed me that if my MIL keeps doing this and we go over the amount of 60-65 people for food, then my in laws need to pay for the additional plates. I told my fiance this and he said that was wrong because the brides family is suppose to pay for the wedding. I said true, but my parents are paying for everything from the cermony to the reception, plus the wedding is at parent's home in their backyard. It looks like we are not even going to have a rehearsal dinner because I know his parents will not pay for it, and parents will not pay for either (I don't blame them either). My fiance and I cannot afford to pay the rehearsal dinner, because all our spare money paid for DJ, invitations, his tux, misc gifts for my mom/sis/groom's men, and the honeymoon. I just think that his parents should at least offer to help out. Besides all that, I have one groom's men that still has not went and got his tux get. I am starting to think my fiance was right about eloping.

[newmommy]

JMHO

I think too much time and money is spent on weddings. Its a lifetime you are creating, not just a party.

thats just my opinion though !

[Oscar's Mummy]

That is so old fashioned for them to think that the bride's family should pay for the wedding. I can't believe they haven't at least offered to pay for anything! I'd be livid if I were you... I would probably also say something to my MIL though, I tend to speak my mind...

[Oscar's Mummy]

Originally Posted by newmommy

JMHO

I think too much time and money is spent on weddings. Its a lifetime you are creating, not just a party.

thats just my opinion though !

I agree - it's one thing to put some money into the day to make it a fun, memorable event for everyone, but some people put themselves into debt for that 'perfect' wedding. It's just one day - I'm not saying it's 'just another day' but what about saving that money to plan for a great future together... I don't know, I'm not married so what the heck do I know about it! lol

[newmommy]

i also think that the more the wedding is, the bigger the letdown when its over.

its like wow we just spent such and such thousands of dollars and whoa look what we coulda got for that money. Or with a perfect wedding it sets expectations too high.

Just me.

Your wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment, It should be nothing less, nothing more.

[Lexi Rae]

when i first got married, well before that, my x told me my parents should pay.. i told him to take a walk, they dont have that kind of money.
we had 300 at my wedding.. anyway, mom paid for my dress. this, that and plenty more.. believe me... shes the best... we both paid for our whole wedding,, if we want to get married, than i said to him we both will pay..
i think both of you should do the same thing...dont have what you cant afford... dont fight over it either.... im glad my parents didnt pay for my wedding cause im now divorced and would of felt terrible..
good luck
i say elope if its gonna cause problems..123 your married, then have a party

[Rockster's Mom]

Originally Posted by newmommy

JMHO

I think too much time and money is spent on weddings. Its a lifetime you are creating, not just a party.

thats just my opinion though !

It totally agree with you, that's why our wedding is at my mom's and just friends and close family (no distant relatives, or ones we don't know). The the last I checked my mom/dad and I have on spent way under $5000 (our budget), that includes wedding attire, two tents, dj, food cater, beer/wine, soda, flowers (fake my mom made all the arrangements), and misc extras my mom/dad wanted (stuff for the backyard, which they just used the wedding as reason to buy it). Hick my sister is making my cake for me, which saved a whole lot of money. I feel that those girls that spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding are crazy. Anyways our ceremony part is only like 15 minutes, our goal was just to have a really nice party to celebrate. My parents friends are helping out also on some stuff as a wedding present to us.

[gypsyqueen]

Your parents are paying so your inlaws are not allowed to invite unless your parents say so there is a book in davids btidals on who pays for what your inlaw should be paying for dj rehersal dinner and honymoon if I remember right check it out

[lolabella]

Tell your MIL she can't do thatttt!!!!! WHAT? Perhaps you shouldn't worry though. Who would go to a wedding if they did not receive an inviation from the couple?
I had a nontraditional wedding with 50 people, which was supposed to be easier on me to plan with classes going on, but I wish we had just eloped. I mean my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, but the previous 4 months were the most stressful and miserable!!!! I'd say just grab your hubby-to-be, go to a romantic Carribean beach, elope and keep your money in your pocket. Just my opinion. That's what I wish we had done.
Or, at least try to do whatever is going to please you since IT IS YOUR DAY!!! That includes calling up your MIL and saying "why are you doing this to me?" or "Please stop inviting people we do not desire to see at our wedding."
Good luck though. It all works out in the end... somehow.

[Rockster's Mom]

Originally Posted by lolabella

Tell your MIL she can't do thatttt!!!!! WHAT? Perhaps you shouldn't worry though. Who would go to a wedding if they did not receive an inviation from the couple?
I had a nontraditional wedding with 50 people, which was supposed to be easier on me to plan with classes going on, but I wish we had just eloped. I mean my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, but the previous 4 months were the most stressful and miserable!!!! I'd say just grab your hubby-to-be, go to a romantic Carribean beach, elope and keep your money in your pocket. Just my opinion. That's what I wish we had done.
Or, at least try to do whatever is going to please you since IT IS YOUR DAY!!! That includes calling up your MIL and saying "why are you doing this to me?" or "Please stop inviting people we do not desire to see at our wedding."
Good luck though. It all works out in the end... somehow.

I asked her stop inviting people that my fiance and I do not know and whom are not part of our lives, but she got mad me. Oh well, I am not going to worry about her feeling right now, because this is not about her it is about me and my fiance and what we want.

My fiance wanted to elope, but when we told my parents that we were just thing about going to the Bahamas or somewhere to get married, my dad got this disappointing look on face. I felt that he really wanted to see me in a pretty dress and give me way since I am is oldest daughter and the last one to get married. I could not hurt my dad, so my fiance agreed with me and my mom on a small, backyard wedding. My fiance family was also included in this desicion and they still did not offer to help with the cost. My fiance and I have help pay for stuff when we can, heck I even paid for my on bridal pictures.

[lolabella]

Originally Posted by Rockster's Mom

My fiance wanted to elope, but when we told my parents that we were just thing about going to the Bahamas or somewhere to get married, my dad got this disappointing look on face. I felt that he really wanted to see me in a pretty dress and give me way since I am is oldest daughter and the last one to get married.

I know that look so well!!!! I am an only child, so I got that from parents AND grandparents. Actually my mom gave me the look and flat out told me that she wanted to see me get married even if that's the last thing she does.
I hear your pain. Best of luck with everything!!!!

[Rockster's Mom]

I think every girl has gotten that look one time or another from there parents and/or grandparents.

[elliotts4]

This exact thing happened to a friend I work with. She told her daughter that she was paying for "X" amount of dinners and if the inlaws wanted to invite extra they had to pay for it themselves....and they did. They were having a sit down dinner...so she had to know exactly how many plates to pay for and she requested the difference from them.

I would just lay the law down or have your mom tell her! I eloped, and would do it again in a heartbeat! We did have a small reception, which was stressfull enough...can't imagine planning a wedding.

[RLC12345678]

My parents have 3 daughters...no sons. I'm the oldest of the 3. When I got engaged in Feb 2005, my parents said that they would pay for my then fiance (now husband), me, our 2 families, and our closest friends to go to Hawaii and get married and stay 2 weeks. I was ALLLLLLL about it. But, hubby's parents wanted a "wedding" with all their friends. Needless to say we had a freaking huge wedding...400 guests...and a really stressful engagement. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my wedding, but if I had to do it over again, I would have told the in-laws to shove it and I would've gone to Hawaii!

[JCarlson2004]

When I got married, Jim and I paid for a lot of stuff. We paid for the reception (so that we could invite whoever we wanted w/ no questions asked -- had 200 people), the limos, flowers, chair covers, gifts for parents and bridal party, intiations, DJ, video, florist, photography, honeymoon, etc.

My mom paid for my dress and everything else that went with it ... under clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, tiara, veil. She also gave me a VERY EXPENSIVE engagment party in a yacht club and a SUPER EXPENSIVE bridal shower (like a wedding, a sit down event) in a wedding hall (I know she must have spend at least $8,000 on that even though she never told me how much for paid). She and my dad bought me MANY gifts -- I couldn't even count how many. They also bought me our queen size bed and BEAUTIFUL custom ordered head board. They bought us so much I can't even count it -- my parents are extremely generous.

Jim's parents are not well off but they did pay for the rehersal dinner.

But I NEVER expected either of our parents to pay for anything and I put both of their names on the wedding invitations, no questions asked. Even if they never gave us a penny, I still would have put their names on the invitations.