Hi DBlain,
As I pm'd you, I just thought you should know that someone else (namely, me) understands that you were coming from a good place when you posted your understanding of your sisters experience with adoption. I respected the honesty and the forthrightness with which you chose to share your perspective.
It seems, from what you wrote, that your sister and her daughter are struggling with attachment disorder. My personal experience with friends, and psychological research, has empirically shown that adopted children have a larger propensity towards attachment disorder, when compared to other children, and this disorder has a significantly detrimental affect on the development of a child's emotions and behavior which also has ramifications throughout adulthood. As a result of the emotional and behaviorial implications, attachment disorder is known to be difficult for the child as well as the family. Although families can learn to support their child through counselling and education, there is no guarantee that the disorder can be overcome. Working through it can cause polarization on the part of the immediate family, marriage troubles, sibling issues as well as isolation from extended family due to a lack of understanding and the stress which comes along with trying to support the parents in addition to the child.
Parenthood, which unquestionably includes adoption, is hard. As I mentioned earlier, my understanding of the challenges parenthood presents is why I choose to not have another child.
Parenthood is also emotive and sometimes it is difficult for others to separate their experiences from those of someone else.
I know you were not trying to insult anyone and I know that others know it, too.
You are a great person as is everyone else on this forum
If anyone wants any literature re: research loosely mentioned above, please let me know.