Long Distance Relationships...Do They Really Work??

[SexyJessi257]

NOP!! i personally dont think so. im not trying to burst the bubble or anything but the chance of each other cheating only gets bigger if u guys arent around each other. If im w someone in a relationship i would wanna see them everyday. Sorry but this is what i think.

[celstu1]

I don't think you are oversharing, this is a legimate concern for you and a tough decision to have to make.
I still think your friend has to stop pressuring you to go with him or not. She is in a stage where she is soooo happy in her new marriage with her new child, she wants everyone around her to be that happy. Thats typical and common and I don't blame her but whats good for one is not necessarily good for the other. Try not to let her influence you too much, when outsiders put pressure on your relationship like that it has the potential to severly jeapordize the relationship.

[JRo]

I, for one, can attest that long distance relationships CAN work. My hubby and I started dating during my senior year of high school. I went to NY for school (about 4 hours away) and we kept up our relationship. Fast forward a few years after I graduated and we were separated again-- he served a year and a half in Iraq. Long distance relationships ARE possible. They are a lot of work and committment and you need to be sure you really want to do it but they can be totally worth it in the end. Just be sure to be open and honest at all times.

As far as him not asking you to move with him, if it were me I know I would probably consider that by not asking it meant that he didn't want me there BUT maybe he knows how much of a sacrifice this would be for you to make and therefore he is nervous to ask or would feel guilty for asking you to move with him. Just like you wouldn't want him to resent you for asking him to stay maybe he doesn't want you to resent him for asking you to come.

You need to talk to your BF about this and be really honest about your feelings.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Wylie's Mom]

Hmmm, the fact that you've been together for 2 years - yet he didn't ask you to go with him feels odd to me, especially when you mentioned that you've "talked of marriage". Also, when you said you both wanted to get married, but wanted to wait until you were "financially stable" - I didn't get that. What does love really have to do with money or being financially stable? I can understand wanting to wait for stability when it comes to kids. But if you have REAL, lasting, deep, love here - then why wouldn't you both want to BE in this journey together already? Whether it was to be here, Bolivia, or wherever? And, no matter whether the finances were just right yet or not?

I guess my point is, I'm sort of wondering if you both really want this or not. Because, what I see from the outside is - the two of you noticing or creating a lot of barriers instead busting through all of them so that you can be together. But, that's *just* from the outside - and could be totally wrong!!!

Alllllll that said, if this is real and meant to be - and you love each other - it won't matter if you're here or there, it will work out for you two. It may be difficult and trying, but it will.

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Hmmm, the fact that you've been together for 2 years - yet he didn't ask you to go with him feels odd to me, especially when you mentioned that you've "talked of marriage". Also, when you said you both wanted to get married, but wanted to wait until you were "financially stable" - I didn't get that. What does love really have to do with money or being financially stable? I can understand wanting to wait for stability when it comes to kids. But if you have REAL, lasting, deep, love here - then why wouldn't you both want to BE in this journey together already? Whether it was to be here, Bolivia, or wherever? And, no matter whether the finances were just right yet or not?

I guess my point is, I'm sort of wondering if you both really want this or not. Because, what I see from the outside is - the two of you noticing or creating a lot of barriers instead busting through all of them so that you can be together. But, that's *just* from the outside - and could be totally wrong!!!

Alllllll that said, if this is real and meant to be - and you love each other - it won't matter if you're here or there, it will work out for you two. It may be difficult and trying, but it will.

I understand your concern, and I do think it's credible but there is something you are missing.
Religiously, I'm catholic, not devout, but enough to beleive that marriage is a one time only thing. Divorces, especially in this country, statistically most end over financial instability. Taking that into account, and also considering that we both have ambitious dreams of becoming doctors, that alone will take a financial toll on each other and I'd rather not fight about finances with him. Ideally the only "debt" I'd like hanging over my shoulders as a married woman is a mortgage and maybe the last bit of a student loan. That's just my crazy idea.
Call me a romance killer, but I'd rather be realistic. If and when we get to that point in our lives I'd rather us be in a good solid place both emotionally and financially. I'd like to offer my future husband, whether him or someone else (I'd really like it to be him though ) I'd like to be able to offer him more than just love, but have a good start to our marriage and maybe and I mean MAYBE have kids one day, but in the very far future.
By saying the we've "spoken about marriage" I meant we've talked about it and I guess we've decided that we were "the one" for each other and but marriage now, even without the prospect of him moving away, is not an option.

Yes I know, I have crazy ideas, but I have a long term plan and I was really hoping to stick to it. It starts with Point A- me getting my BA, and ending with Point B- me operating my own veterinary clinic. My plan includes scholarships and work contracts that will help me pay for school and guarantee work for right after graduation and has the possibility of assistance with opening up my own clinic. I know it sounds to good to be true, but it's a program and my first step is getting in and it's unfortunately only offered here in the states. I've done my research and this was going to be my bridge to safely get myself from point A to point B.
I've found a plan that will help me pay for school, which without a doubt will be pricey, and he's found one, it's just something that will take him to another part of the world. He knows of my plan and like JRo says, it is possible that he didn't ask me to go with him since it seems that I have a solid plan for the next few years and disrupting that kind of "solid" plan might end with me resenting him for it, as I am afraid he'd resent me for asking him to say. It's also possible that he doesn't want me to go. I'm to chicken to ask!!! But I'm hoping it's the first one
Which brings me to this thread. His new plan (if he decides to go through with it) will take him to another part of the world. My plan keeps me here. The way I see it there are 3 options:
1) I re-do my plan and move with him (I already have my parents blessings for this)
2) He re-does his plan, and stays here (again, this is assuming he decides Bolivia is his best option)
3) We each keep our plan and move ahead. His plan will eventually bring him home, back to the good ol US of A, just meanwhile we'd have to give it a go with a long distance relationship.

Which brings the question, Do long distance relationships really work?

I know that's a long response but I hope that clears up a few questions.

[DvlshAngel985]

I just read my own post and think I come off a bit harsh! No, I'm not an unreasonable person and can be flexible. I'm not incredibly rigid! If the opportunity arises and requires me to be flexible I will be glad to change my plans.
However, I do think one of the beauties of love and relationships is that it is based on give and take. In the spirit of fairness, I do think we both (my boyfriend and I) will have to make sacrifices. I think that's the only way we'd both be happy with anything we do decide to do.

[gutu28]

Ive been in a long distance relationship for the past 3.5 years and were still going strong! We have had our ups and downs just like any other couple. Don't get me wrong..its hard. Especially when you have had a hard day and just want to see your boyfriend. I don't see how anyone can say that they can never work...that's just an assumption and you know what they say about assuming..

[BamaFan121s]

Of course they can work! The doesn't make it easy though. I was always one to get tired of someone really quickly--within weeks, a month or so tops. Basically before I ever really knew the person. For me, being around someone I hardly knew too much from the start was like overkill. When I started dating my husband, I was really swamped in college and didn't have much time to devote to a relationship, and not long after we started dating, he started working out of town during the week. So basically I saw him on Saturday night. Then he started working out of state, cross country for months at a time. I honestly think that if that had not been the case, I would have lost interest in him too. So it was really a blessing in disguise.

If you guys have been dating for 2 years already, then it seems like you have a pretty solid relationship that could last if you make it. Nothing in life is promised, there are people who have been married or together for 10, 20, 30 years that come to realize it just ain't workin' out and go their separate ways. Any relationship is only as good as you make it.

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by BamaFan121s

Of course they can work! The doesn't make it easy though. I was always one to get tired of someone really quickly--within weeks, a month or so tops. Basically before I ever really knew the person. For me, being around someone I hardly knew too much from the start was like overkill. When I started dating my husband, I was really swamped in college and didn't have much time to devote to a relationship, and not long after we started dating, he started working out of town during the week. So basically I saw him on Saturday night. Then he started working out of state, cross country for months at a time. I honestly think that if that had not been the case, I would have lost interest in him too. So it was really a blessing in disguise.

If you guys have been dating for 2 years already, then it seems like you have a pretty solid relationship that could last if you make it. Nothing in life is promised, there are people who have been married or together for 10, 20, 30 years that come to realize it just ain't workin' out and go their separate ways. Any relationship is only as good as you make it.

Thank you for your words! You have no idea how much I appreciate them!!!!
I was starting to feel like I was the only one in the world that thought spending 24/7 with a new boyfriend was over doing it. That's not how I started my relationship with my boyfriend. We both have school responsibilities and would see each other whenever our schedules would allow it. And we were going to the same school and sometimes in the same class! But we would never get paired off into the same group, and the projects for those classes were just time consuming. (just to give you a taste: we did genetic testing for cancer in sample DNA and DNA testing like for "who's my baby's daddy?" types of situations) Sometimes our hang out time would be when we would meet with each other's group to work on projects. We did make the effort to make alone time just for us and go out and have fun, it just usually had to wait until all the big projects were finished. And it's been that way ever since. I don't need to see him all the time, but I wouldn't turn him away either. I LOVE spending time with him.
With all of you that have so graciously shared their story with me I would like to say THANK YOU. You've given me confidence that in one way or another this has a chance of working out. I haven't completely decided what I'm going to do, who knows, maybe this time next year I could be chatting along with all of you from Bolivia . All I know is that with your kind words and your shared stories it has put my mind at ease.
I SINCERELY THANK YOU ALL!!!!!

[txshopper73]

A question and a comment from me...

Question: Did he ask you to go with him?

Comment: I think it would be totally unfair to ask him to stay. This may be a chance that he'll never get again and I feel that you need to support him in his endeavors.

[Malia]

Originally Posted by DvlshAngel985

I just read my own post and think I come off a bit harsh! No, I'm not an unreasonable person and can be flexible. I'm not incredibly rigid! If the opportunity arises and requires me to be flexible I will be glad to change my plans.
However, I do think one of the beauties of love and relationships is that it is based on give and take. In the spirit of fairness, I do think we both (my boyfriend and I) will have to make sacrifices. I think that's the only way we'd both be happy with anything we do decide to do.

To answer it simply ofcourse it can work!
I really believe in our fate being decided already and if its meant to happen it will! No matter how hard you try you can't change that!
Don't beat yourself over the head, you're fine! I actually admire that you have a plan and have goals, its the only way you'll get somewhere! So I say keep focused on your plans and see what he decides to do. He will miss out on a wonderful relationship if he decides to not keep in touch/not come back to the US. It will be his loss.
My last post got herrendouslylong and I forgot to mention that I was in a long distance relationship myself. I met him in high school, went off to college, but the college was 50 miles so I saw him over the weekends! Then we decided to take a break, he moved to Texas and I stayed in California. We both loved each other (It was my first love, so you can imagine it was hard for me) but weren't sure if we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives together. I accepted it overtime and actually started enjoying being single and hanging out with my friends. He called me out of the blue a year and a half later, good thing I still had my same cell phone number! He missed me and wanted to see me and ofcourse I missed him too. So we decided that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and if you really care about someone and they care about you, don't mess it up. We decided to do it right this time, got married and have been happily ever since So maybe my story itself is a lesson for you.
Take it how you want, just thought I share.
I like your straight forward attitude, this is exactly how I am
Good luck to you and keep us updated.

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by txshopper73

A question and a comment from me...

Question: Did he ask you to go with him?

Comment: I think it would be totally unfair to ask him to stay. This may be a chance that he'll never get again and I feel that you need to support him in his endeavors.

I have not once asked him to stay, I too think that would be extremely unfair. The only input I will ever give is whatever he asks. If he asks for my opinion then I'll share it with him. I'm just trying to say that I'm not being naggy or clingy, or in anyway making him feel bad for wanting to go study somewhere else. He himself, with none of my influence, is undecided since he would have to give up a lot of comforts and so on. I'm really trying to stay out of his decision, however I have things of my own to decide. I try to put myself in his position, and I will respect whatever it is he decides to do.
I just wanted to know of long distance relationships can be successful. I'm not trying to fool myself, I know if it does come down to being apart, we will have to put extra effort into making it work. That's the message I'm getting from the lovely people that have shared their story with me.

[DvlshAngel985]

Originally Posted by Malia

To answer it simply ofcourse it can work!
I really believe in our fate being decided already and if its meant to happen it will! No matter how hard you try you can't change that!
Don't beat yourself over the head, you're fine! I actually admire that you have a plan and have goals, its the only way you'll get somewhere! So I say keep focused on your plans and see what he decides to do. He will miss out on a wonderful relationship if he decides to not keep in touch/not come back to the US. It will be his loss.
My last post got herrendouslylong and I forgot to mention that I was in a long distance relationship myself. I met him in high school, went off to college, but the college was 50 miles so I saw him over the weekends! Then we decided to take a break, he moved to Texas and I stayed in California. We both loved each other (It was my first love, so you can imagine it was hard for me) but weren't sure if we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives together. I accepted it overtime and actually started enjoying being single and hanging out with my friends. He called me out of the blue a year and a half later, good thing I still had my same cell phone number! He missed me and wanted to see me and ofcourse I missed him too. So we decided that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and if you really care about someone and they care about you, don't mess it up. We decided to do it right this time, got married and have been happily ever since So maybe my story itself is a lesson for you.
Take it how you want, just thought I share.
I like your straight forward attitude, this is exactly how I am
Good luck to you and keep us updated.

Your post made me smile! Sometimes I think I come across as cold hearted though for wanting things of my own. Don't worry, my posts are extremely long as well.