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Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom  Hmmm, the fact that you've been together for 2 years - yet he didn't ask you to go with him feels odd to me, especially when you mentioned that you've "talked of marriage". Also, when you said you both wanted to get married, but wanted to wait until you were "financially stable" - I didn't get that. What does love really have to do with money or being financially stable? I can understand wanting to wait for stability when it comes to kids. But if you have REAL, lasting, deep, love here - then why wouldn't you both want to BE in this journey together already? Whether it was to be here, Bolivia, or wherever? And, no matter whether the finances were just right yet or not?
I guess my point is, I'm sort of wondering if you both really want this or not. Because, what I see from the outside is - the two of you noticing or creating a lot of barriers instead busting through all of them so that you can be together. But, that's *just* from the outside - and could be totally wrong!!! 
Alllllll that said, if this is real and meant to be - and you love each other - it won't matter if you're here or there, it will work out for you two. It may be difficult and trying, but it will. |
I understand your concern, and I do think it's credible but there is something you are missing.
Religiously, I'm catholic, not devout, but enough to beleive that marriage is a one time only thing. Divorces, especially in this country, statistically most end over financial instability. Taking that into account, and also considering that we both have ambitious dreams of becoming doctors, that alone will take a financial toll on each other and I'd rather not fight about finances with him. Ideally the only "debt" I'd like hanging over my shoulders as a married woman is a mortgage and maybe the last bit of a student loan. That's just my crazy idea.
Call me a romance killer, but I'd rather be realistic. If and when we get to that point in our lives I'd rather us be in a good solid place both emotionally and financially. I'd like to offer my future husband, whether him or someone else (I'd really like it to be him though
) I'd like to be able to offer him more than just love, but have a good start to our marriage and maybe and I mean MAYBE have kids one day, but in the very far future.
By saying the we've "spoken about marriage" I meant we've talked about it and I guess we've decided that we were "the one" for each other and but marriage now, even without the prospect of him moving away, is not an option.
Yes I know, I have crazy ideas, but I have a long term plan and I was really hoping to stick to it. It starts with Point A- me getting my BA, and ending with Point B- me operating my own veterinary clinic. My plan includes scholarships and work contracts that will help me pay for school and guarantee work for right after graduation and has the possibility of assistance with opening up my own clinic. I know it sounds to good to be true, but it's a program and my first step is getting in and it's unfortunately only offered here in the states. I've done my research and this was going to be my bridge to safely get myself from point A to point B.
I've found a plan that will help me pay for school, which without a doubt will be pricey, and he's found one, it's just something that will take him to another part of the world. He knows of my plan and like JRo says, it is possible that he didn't ask me to go with him since it seems that I have a solid plan for the next few years and disrupting that kind of "solid" plan might end with me resenting him for it, as I am afraid he'd resent me for asking him to say. It's also possible that he doesn't want me to go. I'm to chicken to ask!!! But I'm hoping it's the first one
Which brings me to this thread. His new plan (if he decides to go through with it) will take him to another part of the world. My plan keeps me here. The way I see it there are 3 options:
1) I re-do my plan and move with him (I already have my parents blessings for this)
2) He re-does his plan, and stays here (again, this is assuming he decides Bolivia is his best option)
3) We each keep our plan and move ahead. His plan will eventually bring him home, back to the good ol US of A, just meanwhile we'd have to give it a go with a long distance relationship.
Which brings the question, Do long distance relationships really work?
I know that's a long response but I hope that clears up a few questions.