~~~I Am So Upset I Could Scream!!!!~~~~

[sheilajom]

Try this link out.........SummerWorks 2008 Information

[Amber_lv]

Originally Posted by Saleswman

I am dealing with similar things at our house...maybe not to the degree you are....plus I am OLDER yikes.....

What I think may be good is separating their activities....I know my 8 yr old will pick up the bad habits of my 11 yr old just to act big like his brother....see if you can give the 3 yr old some extra attention that is age appropriate.....he needs to be a toddler.....

Now for the 8 yr old....he knows consequences....so give him the rules and stick to them.. also give him something to occupy his time and that he can be proud of.....or a job where he can earn a reward....put it on a poster on the wall...make a big deal of it.....I found that my 8 yr old is actually more level headed than my 11 yr old....and so I have to treat them entirely different.....

It is so easy to raise the kids the same, but it is not fair for either one to have the same expectations......a little one on one time with each one would probably help you develop a plan for the summer too....

Good luck

shirley


another thought....the poster on the wall in their bedroom with steps for morning rules will be fun! Do different for each one....and make them check off or see what they need to do when.....if you are creative.....that would be even better....

What do you do for punishment when they break the rules?

Yes we have tried doing chores and getting an allowance for Trieden. I have done the check list for tasks none of it works for him. He does it for a few weeks then it's right back to the same stuff

Honestly it's like he really just doesn't care.

[chloeandj]

how about taking a parenting class? or talking with a councelor? Also you may want to go to the pediatrician and get a complete physical with bloodwork. He may have something going on medically. (this was my husband's case when he was a child) Sounds like something is going on to make his behavior change like that. It could be that he needs some help with coping with a little brother. My kids are 6 and 9. Playing with fire at 8 is more than a bit scary and the lighters should be completely out of his reach (and anything else that is dangerous). Maybe I put too many fears in their head but they also would never go outside without me watching them, they know that crazy people like to steal children, be sure to have a serious talk with him about that. Spanking is out for me too, i take away their very favorite thing if they don't listen and i never give in.

[Amber_lv]

Originally Posted by sheilajom

Try this link out.........SummerWorks 2008 Information

It's a good idea but i can't afford that did you look at the prices
SummerWorks 2008 Fees

[daisy mae06]

Originally Posted by chloeandj

how about taking a parenting class? or talking with a councelor? Also you may want to go to the pediatrician and get a complete physical with bloodwork. He may have something going on medically. (this was my husband's case when he was a child) Sounds like something is going on to make his behavior change like that. It could be that he needs some help with coping with a little brother. My kids are 6 and 9. Playing with fire at 8 is more than a bit scary and the lighters should be completely out of his reach (and anything else that is dangerous). Maybe I put too many fears in their head but they also would never go outside without me watching them, they know that crazy people like to steal children, be sure to have a serious talk with him about that. Spanking is out for me too, i take away their very favorite thing if they don't listen and i never give in.

Great advice

[sheilajom]

Originally Posted by Amber_lv

It's a good idea but i can't afford that did you look at the prices
SummerWorks 2008 Fees

I'm sure there are others like that that are more reasonable. I worked at Girlscout camp last year and the prices were reasonable, around 500 for two weeks and they spent the night there. I'm sure you can find more than I can online as you know the area better. Boyscout camp or something like that, maybe even a church camp, YMCA, or something like that have camps in your area. Even vacation Bible school or something like that.

[Amber_lv]

Originally Posted by chloeandj

how about taking a parenting class? or talking with a councelor? Also you may want to go to the pediatrician and get a complete physical with bloodwork. He may have something going on medically. (this was my husband's case when he was a child) Sounds like something is going on to make his behavior change like that. It could be that he needs some help with coping with a little brother. My kids are 6 and 9. Playing with fire at 8 is more than a bit scary and the lighters should be completely out of his reach (and anything else that is dangerous). Maybe I put too many fears in their head but they also would never go outside without me watching them, they know that crazy people like to steal children, be sure to have a serious talk with him about that. Spanking is out for me too, i take away their very favorite thing if they don't listen and i never give in.

Yes i have taken him to a counsler before but he wouldn't talk to him so we couldn't accomplish much. The counsler told me to just keep working with him. I honestly think it's just him acting out because he just had a birthday and as soon as you give him an inch he takes a mile. My mom has spoiled him a lot he is the Favorite grandson and i am trying to reverse some of the ego that has come with it. In her eyes he can do no wrong and i think this has added to the problem The lighter insident was 1 time it happened last week he snuck the lighter while i was cleaning up the dinner mess. I allow them in my back yard periodically with the door open to play by them selves, However they are not left unatennded i don't leave or walk away. It is only allowed because we have a full fenced in yard and pad locks on the gate. There is nothing they can get into back there. He was out there 5 min i caught him right away he had a stick in hand trying to light it. I immediatly grabbed it talked to both of them and then grounded Him to his room.

I too fear a lot and so they know about stranger danger and they know if i am not with them or haven't given them permission they are not allowed outside PERIOD!! This is why it's frustrating they know the rules

[sheilajom]

Originally Posted by Amber_lv

Yes i have taken him to a counsler before but he wouldn't talk to him so we couldn't accomplish much. The counsler told me to just keep working with him. I honestly think it's just him acting out because he just had a birthday and as soon as you give him an inch he takes a mile. My mom has spoiled him a lot he is the Favorite grandson and i am trying to reverse some of the ego that has come with it. In her eyes he can do no wrong and i think this has added to the problem The lighter insident was 1 time it happened last week he snuck the lighter while i was cleaning up the dinner mess. I allow them in my back yard periodically with the door open to play by them selves, However they are not left unatennded i don't leave or walk away. It is only allowed because we have a full fenced in yard and pad locks on the gate. There is nothing they can get into back there. He was out there 5 min i caught him right away he had a stick in hand trying to light it. I immediatly grabbed it talked to both of them and then grounded Him to his room.

I too fear a lot and so they know about stranger danger and they know if i am not with them or haven't given them permission they are not allowed outside PERIOD!! This is why it's frustrating they know the rules

That sounds like something normal that a little boy would try. Little boys can be a mess sometimes. Some are harder than others. I would try to get him something to do with boys his own age that behave, maybe it would rub off on him. I still suggest some kind of activity. Have you asked him what he might like to do for the summer, picking something he wants to do could help with the screaming crying after he gets there thing. But you should not let him quit just because he has a fit. He will learn that when he wants something all he has to do is have a fit to get it.

[Amber_lv]

Honestly what i need are other punishments that will work. I have tried making them scrub the walls and base boards but they think it's fun I have tried grounding,spanking,yelling,talking,time out everything. I have even now resorted to going to the bathroom and standing in the door way when they use the bathroom because they can't be trusted. An 8 yr old and a 3 yr old know right from wrong they can follow rules so they should be able to play in their own bed room without me sitting right there. Not saying i would leave but if i get a phone call or need to use the bathroom or if i want to watch a tv show they should be able to follow rules and play without all this crap. This is what i don't get?

[chloeandj]

do you ever catch him doing something nice or expected of him and praising the heck out of him? maybe ignoring some of the smaller bad thigns he's doing (maybe it's attention getting behavior) while picking your battles here as really bad things should not be ignored.. and then turning the tables into everything is postive. If he helps brother do anything at all, big time praise. Some alone mommy time might not be a bad idea.

child councelors will do interactive play as most kids don't talk

[Amber_lv]

Originally Posted by sheilajom

That sounds like something normal that a little boy would try. Little boys can be a mess sometimes. Some are harder than others. I would try to get him something to do with boys his own age that behave, maybe it would rub off on him. I still suggest some kind of activity. Have you asked him what he might like to do for the summer, picking something he wants to do could help with the screaming crying after he gets there thing. But you should not let him quit just because he has a fit. He will learn that when he wants something all he has to do is have a fit to get it.

Well the karate thing it was new for him he wanted to do it, he brought a flyer home from school and was very excited. I told him it would be fun and it would be our time together that we would go every Tuesday just me and him to do it. i also told him we could go for icecream after ( you know just spend time with him) Well i was completely embarressed he has reverted back to a 4 yr old i am not kidding. I made him stay the whole class he sat there i talked to the sensai and he said you can't force him to do it. I wasn't going to pay to have him sit there every week and bawl like a baby. It was a privledge to do this not a right and if i give into him and take him every week it them becomes a punishment for him and me and that defetes the purpose of having fun time together.

This kid has plenty of toys and plenty of things to do it's not like he is acting out because he is bored. he is being out right defyant and rude. This is not how i raised him. I am sorry i am just frustrated

[Ines3185lyorkie]

My mom has spoiled him a lot he is the Favorite grandson and i am trying to reverse some of the ego that has come with it. In her eyes he can do no wrong and i think this has added to the problem
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I've had this problem only with my oldest one. I am an only child and he was the first and only grandchild. To add to the mess we shared a house with my parents in order to save to buy one. My mother acted as if he was his mother and undermined my discipline methods. I had to tell her privately to let me discipline him and my other boys and not butt in. We've also had other problems, medical, brother with autism and chose to take him to therapy. He is now 17 and well adjusted. I wish I would have taken steps earlier. Maybe this can help you now.

[makemepretty]

Boys do tend to want to do things they really shouldn't(danger should be all their middle names). The preteen years are tough, at 8 he's not a baby but not a teenager so he's stuck with wanting to be big and not a little boy anymore.

I have two Tweens and for discipline I use time outs, taking away video games for anywhere from 1 hour to all weekend. I also have had them write sentences if it's really bad. If they keep it up they get more added on. "I will not back talk mom" or "I will not hit" or "I won't call names" something short but to the point.

Somedays they love each other, others they just fight like cats and dogs. My perfectly sweet 10 almost 11 year old has had some attitude problems this year. I think it's hormones! Good luck and know you're not alone.

[IluvLucy]

I feel for you. I was a single parent from the time my boys were 6 & 3 'til they were 16 & 13. They are now 32 & 29

I found that the main thing is consistency. Today, I see lots of parents trying to be their children's friend. That doesn't work. They need parents, not friends. I also believe a LITTLE fear is healthy! My boys knew that if they screwed up anywhere, it would be worse when they got home.

I spanked my boys when they needed it and praised when it was appropriate.

I'll give an example: When my oldest was 14, I was home with the flu and got a call from his school to come get him - he was in a fight. I told them to release him, he would come straight home (I only lived 2 blocks away) They didn't believe me, but I insisted. I stood on the porch and watched the sidewalk until I saw him coming. By the time he got home, this hulking teenager was in tears! I'm 5'3" and he was 6 ft at the time and weighed
170, but he KNEW I was going to tear into him and I did.

Even though he was bigger than me, the respect and yes, FEAR, I instilled in both of them from the time they were little allowed me to dish out the punishment he deserved. He knew the routine - he leaned over the bed and I tore his butt up with a belt then grounded him for 2 weeks. That meant no phone, straight home from school, no friends and no tv.

He grew up to become a cop and a firearms instructor. He told this story at classes and when people laughed - he told them this "My Mama is a little short fiery woman with a temper as big as she is. She tore my butt UP and I thank God she did. It could've been me on the other side of the bars instead of the other way around. I always told them when I got in trouble at school - Please, call anybody but my Mama - she's gonna raise cain."

I tell you this because sometimes grounding and taking things away doesn't work. I'm not saying BEAT your kids - that's wrong. There is a difference in spanking and beating.

Start 'em young. Tell 'em ONE time, then follow thru with whatever punishment you deem necessary.

[Duncansmom]

*SIGH* I have been watching this post to see all the good advice. It is MO that you never really know what its like until you live it. I will try to make this brief......
My son who is now 19, was a very very difficult little boy. I had nothing but trouble with him since the day he turned 6 mos. Everyone told me BOYS WILL BE BOYS, but I could tell it was something entirely different. He ran at 7 mos old, never crawled just pulled himself up on the table and then ran. He never talked until he was almost 3. He was forever getting into things and at 2 he leaned how to open the front door and would let himself out at 3AM to go play! I had chains and alarms and he still figured it out. He would have fits of rage, pure RAGE and it got to the point we had to take everything out of his room except his mattress and pillow. he would take solid oak chairs and throw them across the room and on and on......
I took him to so many doctors and therapists....nothing helped. He was diagnosed with tons of diff lables.....none were correct. And these were the best doctors in the state! I was considering having to send him away (still breaks my heart today) b/c I just didnt know what to do. he was harming his sister, attacking me and destroying our house. I admit that he almost BROKE me, BUT.....I saw an article that a ped wrote in FL. He wasnt too far away from us so I made an appt w him. he was a ped neuerologist. I took my son to the appt. and as soon as I saw the Dr. I burst into tears and sobbed for 20 mins. He understood. he hugged me and told me they could help my son.
In the end...my son had a very rare form of childhood epilepsy. his brain would seize every 2-12 seconds. Not a familiar seizure, a behavioral seizure with extreme adrnaline rushes that gave him adult strength! He was put on meds...had his blood checked every month and has been seizure free since he was 12. Altho he is still a brat! But I cant tell you how hard it was. now Im not saying this is your sons problems, what I am saying is i think you need to look for every possible reason as to why hes having these issues. I did send my son to camp for 2 weeks every summer and he loved it! even tho the money was tight, I knew it was something he needed. But there are many ways to keep him busy and focused you just have to be creative and persistant until you find HIS niche. Karate never worked for my son either. But I would make an appt w/ his DR. and get all the tests done just to be safe....then keep his lil butt busy with so much stuff he will fall into bed at night and sleep like a baby. Just like bored dogs who get into trouble, they need jobs. Sounds like he could use a job too! LOL you are not a bad mom...I thought I was the worst mom ever....but it wasnt me. Hang in there. Im always around if you need support. it does get better eventually!

Sorry its so long but I really wanted you to know that yo are not alone.