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Old 01-06-2008, 07:59 AM   #1
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Sad She has finally done it

My MIL makes me crazy. I try my best to not allow her to affect me the way she does. I try to ignore her, to brush it off, let it go, and all that good stuff.

This time its about the kids. I have a son who is ADHD and mildly autistic. I have been reading (and reading and reading and reading) about how certain chemicals/hormones/dyes/presertives in foods can affect it. So I have decided it would be best for myself and ALL of my children (not just my son) to remove those things from our diet.

She acts like I am killing Olivia. (let it be noted here that Olivia is the only one she really cares anything about because she is "blood" where Lauren and Michel are just "step") It isn't fair to make Olivia "suffer" and to "punish" her just because of Michel.

I don't see where I'm making her suffer. I am trying to do the best I can as a parent. I want my kids to be healthy. I don't want them filling their bodies with crap.

I know the simple thing to do is to just keep Olivia at home, but unfortunately it ISN'T that simple. She will call Mike or my SIL crying and saying I won't let her see the baby, etc.

She has called me FIVE times today (and mind you it is only 10:45am). Do I have the kids clothes ironed? What did they eat for breakfast? What is Olivia doing? Make sure I get her back pack washed. I shouldn't use the steam cleaner because I may burn her. I HAVE to answer when she calls otherwise she will drive down here because she only lives 1/2 mile from us.

SO - at 10:45 am I did it. I poured myself a glass of coke and I added a shot of some cheap cherry flavored vodka we had left over from a party a while back. My MIL has finally driven me to drink.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:11 AM   #2
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She really needs to leave you alone. Pour a drink for me.
My youngest sister has raised her 2 kids holistically. No artificial anything while they were little. Organic's and natural. Her kids are teens now and they are healthy, smart, outgoing, loving kids. They grew up asking for water and veggies instead of pop and chips.
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Last edited by YorkieMom55; 01-06-2008 at 08:15 AM. Reason: I thought of more pearls of wisdom.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:15 AM   #3
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That sucks! Sounds like your husband needs to step in and talk to her, not that it will do much good. Try and not let her get to you!!! Hugs
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:27 AM   #4
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That sucks! Sounds like your husband needs to step in and talk to her, not that it will do much good. Try and not let her get to you!!! Hugs
Mike HAS stepped in and talked to her - numerous times. It doesn't do any good at all.

I'm not trying to be mean to her. I'm not trying to keep anyone away from her. I just want to be respected as their mother and free to parent them MY WAY. Lauren was 5 and Michel was 2 when Mike and I met and I managed to raise them just fine all that time without her input.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:30 AM   #5
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I know that its hard but its what you got into when you married him. His mother is not going to change so you will have to learn how to deal with it just know that the changes you are making in your childrens diet is beneficial to them regardless of what anyone says...you are doing a good thing. as far as her showing your other children less love, I dont know how you deal with that because I wouldnt stand for it. remember that children sense things like that and it does affect them. That I would talk to her about asap. If you have to bring your husband into I would do that as well. good luck and Im sorry you are feeling this way.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:53 AM   #6
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WOW! Thats terrible. I hope my MIL never does that to me!! I'll go crazy too!! She seems like the mother from that show "Everybody Loves Raymond"
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:54 AM   #7
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She wasn't THIS bad in the beginning. She has gotten worse over the years and the last two years she has been REALLY bad.

I know all ya'll hear is the negative and me complaining, but I really do try to be sympathetic and understanding. I know she gets bored and lonely and that she is older and forgets things and doesn't understand other things.

I just need a little room to breathe sometimes and I do wish she would just lay off when it comes to the kids.

It isn't going to do me any good to change their diet at home if she is just going to pump them full of junk (she thinks kids NEED kool-aid and little debbie cakes ).
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Last edited by Graleyne; 01-06-2008 at 08:56 AM.
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Old 01-06-2008, 09:11 AM   #8
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Bless your heart. Thank goodness my kids are grown but when they were smaller it was MY mother not my MIL. I still get it on a daily basis no matter what I do,it isn't right. She has driven me to drink on occasions but mostly I just take a xanax when I am going to be with her. I still get the calls and emails EVERY day though. You would think that since I am 60 years old and have raised 3 children and 4 grandchildren that she would lay off. OK I won't even get started, but I FEEL YOUR PAIN.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:07 AM   #9
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Oh In-laws!!!! They can really make life suck sometimes. I get along with mine just for the sake of hubby. I know it stresses him out when we all fight. Right around Thanksgiving my MIL called me and asked me what my son wanted for Christmas. He really doesn't want anything due to his age but he does like things. He LOVES Mickey Mouse and Barney tapes and sing a longs, anything with music. She was like oh okay. I then stated he had a lot of Mickey but not very much Barney. She said I will let you know what I buy so you can tell your mom and she won't get him the same things. I agreed that was a good idea and proceeded to tell her what we got Chase. Well about two weeks before Christmas she calls and we get talking about Christmas, well it was her and hubby I was just hearing it from the background. She likes to brag on all she buys Chase, (mind you she never comes over) and so hubby was interested in all she bought him and said what all did ya get. She replied I got him a TON of movies. Hubby asked which ones. She rattled them off and said there was a few that she couldn't remember because they were wrapped. Ok that's fine. Hubby was trying to think of all she put on that list and asked, did you get any Barney? She stated, "No Barney. Your dad said no Barney. He doesn't like Barney." She made it like MY son didn't need Barney. Well they got my son double of one thing, (after I told her we were buying it for him) and my hubby in a nice tone said well maybe you can take that back and get Barney. My son would honestly get more use out of the Barney sing a long than a pirate ship. I don't think the issue was that they didn't get him Barney, but that they said that stupid rude comment. Why even say anything? I wouldn't of thought a darn thing about no video. They just tend to speak without thinking sometimes. There is my most recent in-law vent. LOL
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:15 AM   #10
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Oh mine ALWAYS speaks without thinking. LOL She has absolutely no tact whatsoever.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:26 AM   #11
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Quote:
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She wasn't THIS bad in the beginning. She has gotten worse over the years and the last two years she has been REALLY bad.

I know all ya'll hear is the negative and me complaining, but I really do try to be sympathetic and understanding. I know she gets bored and lonely and that she is older and forgets things and doesn't understand other things.

I just need a little room to breathe sometimes and I do wish she would just lay off when it comes to the kids.

It isn't going to do me any good to change their diet at home if she is just going to pump them full of junk (she thinks kids NEED kool-aid and little debbie cakes ).
I think you have the answer right here. As hard as it is, focus on the positives, be sympathetic and understanding and try to let the negatives go in one ear and out the other. If you a really doing the best for your family than you have to let other's have their own opinions but you don't have to agree. I have to say, I don't have a mother in law or a mom to spoil my kids so in some ways, I wish I had your problems. Not that I can't sympathize.....
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:00 AM   #12
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My MIL makes me crazy. I try my best to not allow her to affect me the way she does. I try to ignore her, to brush it off, let it go, and all that good stuff.

This time its about the kids. I have a son who is ADHD and mildly autistic. I have been reading (and reading and reading and reading) about how certain chemicals/hormones/dyes/presertives in foods can affect it. So I have decided it would be best for myself and ALL of my children (not just my son) to remove those things from our diet.

My son, who is now an adult, was diagnoses as hyper active as a small boy. So I did a ton of research. I started cooking cleaner, meaning no additives, preservatives, nothing. Everything was made from scratch, including peanut butter. I did not just do this with my son, but with everyone in the family, including my husband. It was much better for all of us.

She acts like I am killing Olivia. (let it be noted here that Olivia is the only one she really cares anything about because she is "blood" where Lauren and Michel are just "step") It isn't fair to make Olivia "suffer" and to "punish" her just because of Michel. My MIL played favorites with mine, and the sad thing is they were all her blood. She preferred my oldest, a girl, and would show it with the others. She would buy gifts for my oldest and forget about my son, my third, not born yet. I finally told her that unless she did for my son, my daughter would no longer be able to accept the gifts. It was also that way when it came to spending the night at grandma's. I also put a stop to that. My husband wouldn't do it for me, unfortunately. SO I was the bad guy, but it worked out better for my children in the long run. They weren't being torn apart and having their grandmother hurt them emotionally, which I suspect will happen with your children, unless she is stopped.
I don't see where I'm making her suffer. You are not. I am trying to do the best I can as a parent. I want my kids to be healthy. I don't want them filling their bodies with crap.

I know the simple thing to do is to just keep Olivia at home, but unfortunately it ISN'T that simple. Yes it is that simple. She will call Mike or my SIL crying and saying I won't let her see the baby, etc. Then let her whine to others. It is quite apparent that she has no respect for you. Your husband needs to step in and tell her that she has crossed all boundaries and that until she can respect you as the parent of all the children, her visitation with Olivia will be reduced.

She has called me FIVE times today (and mind you it is only 10:45am). Do I have the kids clothes ironed? What did they eat for breakfast? What is Olivia doing? It is none of her business. Make sure I get her back pack washed. I shouldn't use the steam cleaner because I may burn her. Your husband really needs to step in and handle this. I HAVE to answer when she calls otherwise she will drive down here because she only lives 1/2 mile from us. Your husband needs to tell her that you do not have the time for all of her phone calls and that she needs to limit her calls to 1 a day, preferrably when your husband is at home and he can handle her call. She also needs to be told that she doesn't have the right to just pop in when she gets an urge.

SO - at 10:45 am I did it. I poured myself a glass of coke and I added a shot of some cheap cherry flavored vodka we had left over from a party a while back. My MIL has finally driven me to drink. Big no-no, if she wanted to get nasty and use this against you, she could. Especially if she is that close to you and pops in when you don't answer the phone.
I had a MIL like this and she didn't like the way I did anything. Because she was so partial to my oldest daughter, she accused me of abusing my daughter, which I did not do, and was able to have my daughter removed from my home. Temporarily of course. She didn't do it with the other kids. We had to go to court and of course, our daughter was released back into our custody. We are talking only a period of a week, but the longest week I had ever lived. I told my husband that if he wanted to see his parents I had no problem with that, BUT, he would never be allowed to take my kids to see them. He had to respect that. She put my daughter through hell, she was only 4. What a horrible thing to do to a child. Oh the abuse, a few bruises on her chins, which my son had as well. Hmmm....I could account for the bruises, especially the one on the side of her face, which was caused when she was twirling around, got dizzy and fell into the console TV at my MIL's home, which she witnessed as well, and I caused the ear infections my daughter had, but not the ones my son had. Kinda makes ya wonder.

I became pregnant with my 3rd and felt that their grandparents had a right to know this child, so we scheduled a time to go over and set some ground rules. MY husband just sat their, didn't speak up for me, so I had to set the boundaries. She finally abided by them. She has not been close to my other children, just my oldest. Has never acknowledged the others on their birthday or Christmas. They are adult now and she is very old. What a sad life she has had.

When my oldest married, my MIL travelled 6 hours by car to go to the wedding. When my other daughter married, my MIL didn't show up for the wedding and it was a 45 minute commute. People even offered to pick her up. MY husband, cried at the wedding because of his mothers antics. My daughter was crushed. My daughter has choses to sever all ties with her grandmother. What a sad legacy my MIL leaves.

SO my point, don't let things continue as they are. Don't put your children through this. It isn't fair to them. Let your MIL know that you encourage her to have a relationship with all of her grandchildren, but she has to abide by the boundaries your husband and you set. You will find that in the long run you will become closer to her. Sorry for the book.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:10 AM   #13
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I had a MIL like this and she didn't like the way I did anything. Because she was so partial to my oldest daughter, she accused me of abusing my daughter, which I did not do, and was able to have my daughter removed from my home. Temporarily of course. She didn't do it with the other kids. We had to go to court and of course, our daughter was released back into our custody. We are talking only a period of a week, but the longest week I had ever lived. I told my husband that if he wanted to see his parents I had no problem with that, BUT, he would never be allowed to take my kids to see them. He had to respect that. She put my daughter through hell, she was only 4. What a horrible thing to do to a child. Oh the abuse, a few bruises on her chins, which my son had as well. Hmmm....I could account for the bruises, especially the one on the side of her face, which was caused when she was twirling around, got dizzy and fell into the console TV at my MIL's home, which she witnessed as well, and I caused the ear infections my daughter had, but not the ones my son had. Kinda makes ya wonder.

I became pregnant with my 3rd and felt that their grandparents had a right to know this child, so we scheduled a time to go over and set some ground rules. MY husband just sat their, didn't speak up for me, so I had to set the boundaries. She finally abided by them. She has not been close to my other children, just my oldest. Has never acknowledged the others on their birthday or Christmas. They are adult now and she is very old. What a sad life she has had.

When my oldest married, my MIL travelled 6 hours by car to go to the wedding. When my other daughter married, my MIL didn't show up for the wedding and it was a 45 minute commute. People even offered to pick her up. MY husband, cried at the wedding because of his mothers antics. My daughter was crushed. My daughter has choses to sever all ties with her grandmother. What a sad legacy my MIL leaves.

SO my point, don't let things continue as they are. Don't put your children through this. It isn't fair to them. Let your MIL know that you encourage her to have a relationship with all of her grandchildren, but she has to abide by the boundaries your husband and you set. You will find that in the long run you will become closer to her. Sorry for the book.
Thank you----Respecting our elders is one thing, but when family steps over lines we wouldn't allow others to do---- why shouldn't we be allowed to set the same boundaries for them.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:32 AM   #14
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I was always taught to respect my elders, but not at the cost of my children's emotional well being. It is not a fun thing to do to think you might hurt someone's feelings, but, sometimes it cannot be helped. She may get her feelings hurt, but if your husband and you don't stand up to her, it will wear on you emotionally, put a strain on your marriage and possibly even destroy your marriage. You will get to a point, and it sounds like you are close, that you will resent your MIL. Don't let it get to that point.
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Old 01-06-2008, 11:32 AM   #15
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Sorry about your MIL. That has to be hard to handle!

As for the diet, I had all three of my kids (#4 wasn't born yet) on the Feingold Diet when they were home even though only one of them needed it. I think we are all better off without all the additives in our foods. I am sure they affect all of us in ways that we don't even realize. Kudos to you for trying to do something good like that for your children. It is hard enough without getting opposition from your MIL.
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