[Susanbee51]

Originally Posted by Graleyne

My MIL makes me crazy. I try my best to not allow her to affect me the way she does. I try to ignore her, to brush it off, let it go, and all that good stuff.

This time its about the kids. I have a son who is ADHD and mildly autistic. I have been reading (and reading and reading and reading) about how certain chemicals/hormones/dyes/presertives in foods can affect it. So I have decided it would be best for myself and ALL of my children (not just my son) to remove those things from our diet.

My son, who is now an adult, was diagnoses as hyper active as a small boy. So I did a ton of research. I started cooking cleaner, meaning no additives, preservatives, nothing. Everything was made from scratch, including peanut butter. I did not just do this with my son, but with everyone in the family, including my husband. It was much better for all of us.

She acts like I am killing Olivia. (let it be noted here that Olivia is the only one she really cares anything about because she is "blood" where Lauren and Michel are just "step") It isn't fair to make Olivia "suffer" and to "punish" her just because of Michel. My MIL played favorites with mine, and the sad thing is they were all her blood. She preferred my oldest, a girl, and would show it with the others. She would buy gifts for my oldest and forget about my son, my third, not born yet. I finally told her that unless she did for my son, my daughter would no longer be able to accept the gifts. It was also that way when it came to spending the night at grandma's. I also put a stop to that. My husband wouldn't do it for me, unfortunately. SO I was the bad guy, but it worked out better for my children in the long run. They weren't being torn apart and having their grandmother hurt them emotionally, which I suspect will happen with your children, unless she is stopped.
I don't see where I'm making her suffer. You are not. I am trying to do the best I can as a parent. I want my kids to be healthy. I don't want them filling their bodies with crap.

I know the simple thing to do is to just keep Olivia at home, but unfortunately it ISN'T that simple. Yes it is that simple. She will call Mike or my SIL crying and saying I won't let her see the baby, etc. Then let her whine to others. It is quite apparent that she has no respect for you. Your husband needs to step in and tell her that she has crossed all boundaries and that until she can respect you as the parent of all the children, her visitation with Olivia will be reduced.

She has called me FIVE times today (and mind you it is only 10:45am). Do I have the kids clothes ironed? What did they eat for breakfast? What is Olivia doing? It is none of her business. Make sure I get her back pack washed. I shouldn't use the steam cleaner because I may burn her. Your husband really needs to step in and handle this. I HAVE to answer when she calls otherwise she will drive down here because she only lives 1/2 mile from us. Your husband needs to tell her that you do not have the time for all of her phone calls and that she needs to limit her calls to 1 a day, preferrably when your husband is at home and he can handle her call. She also needs to be told that she doesn't have the right to just pop in when she gets an urge.

SO - at 10:45 am I did it. I poured myself a glass of coke and I added a shot of some cheap cherry flavored vodka we had left over from a party a while back. My MIL has finally driven me to drink. Big no-no, if she wanted to get nasty and use this against you, she could. Especially if she is that close to you and pops in when you don't answer the phone.

I had a MIL like this and she didn't like the way I did anything. Because she was so partial to my oldest daughter, she accused me of abusing my daughter, which I did not do, and was able to have my daughter removed from my home. Temporarily of course. She didn't do it with the other kids. We had to go to court and of course, our daughter was released back into our custody. We are talking only a period of a week, but the longest week I had ever lived. I told my husband that if he wanted to see his parents I had no problem with that, BUT, he would never be allowed to take my kids to see them. He had to respect that. She put my daughter through hell, she was only 4. What a horrible thing to do to a child. Oh the abuse, a few bruises on her chins, which my son had as well. Hmmm....I could account for the bruises, especially the one on the side of her face, which was caused when she was twirling around, got dizzy and fell into the console TV at my MIL's home, which she witnessed as well, and I caused the ear infections my daughter had, but not the ones my son had. Kinda makes ya wonder.

I became pregnant with my 3rd and felt that their grandparents had a right to know this child, so we scheduled a time to go over and set some ground rules. MY husband just sat their, didn't speak up for me, so I had to set the boundaries. She finally abided by them. She has not been close to my other children, just my oldest. Has never acknowledged the others on their birthday or Christmas. They are adult now and she is very old. What a sad life she has had.

When my oldest married, my MIL travelled 6 hours by car to go to the wedding. When my other daughter married, my MIL didn't show up for the wedding and it was a 45 minute commute. People even offered to pick her up. MY husband, cried at the wedding because of his mothers antics. My daughter was crushed. My daughter has choses to sever all ties with her grandmother. What a sad legacy my MIL leaves.

SO my point, don't let things continue as they are. Don't put your children through this. It isn't fair to them. Let your MIL know that you encourage her to have a relationship with all of her grandchildren, but she has to abide by the boundaries your husband and you set. You will find that in the long run you will become closer to her. Sorry for the book.