YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community


Welcome to the YorkieTalk.com Forums Community - the community for Yorkshire Terriers.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. You will be able to chat with over 35,000 YorkieTalk members, read over 2,000,000 posted discussions, and view more than 15,000 Yorkie photos in the YorkieTalk Photo Gallery after you register. We would love to have you as a member!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please click here to contact us.

Go Back   YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community > All Else > Off Topic Discussions
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar JavaChat Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 12-07-2007, 01:04 AM   #1
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
bizzbeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 857
Cry Looking for advice. Warning: Long and personal

WARNING: LONG... and personal... Looking for advice from those who have more experience

I'll make it as short as possible

I'm almost 22 and have been on/off again dating the same guy since I was 16. We were reallyreally great together until we moved away to (the same) college. Jealousy became an issue on my part (horrible... I know) but we slowly drifted apart after that. We have broken up several times and we have both dated other people. This past summer he broke up with me and refused to speak to me while he dated someone else.
I met this guy. He is 25 and we dated for two months over the summer. Nothing extremely serious (i was also dating other people and he was free to do the same) but we reallyreallyreally hit it off. We would talk for HOURS EVERYNIGHT, all day on the computer while we were both at work and then we'd hang out as much as possible. We never got sick of talking ABOUT EVERYTHING. I'm HUGE on communication! It's sooooo key with me
Long story short... the ex-BF realized he wanted me back and really pressured me to get back together with him. We DO live together during the school year so it was impossible not to see him again eventually.
We got back together.
We fight constantly and I just can't talk to him like I could this other guy. Me and the guy I dated over the summer still talk (but he is now dating the girl he broke up with at the beginning of the summer who he went back to after I got back together with my ex... he admitted me to that he was willing to give me everything he had in order to begin a relationship with me... so I really hurt him when I backed out) AND WHY DID I?? Security? Comfort of what I have always known? Proximity? Pressure?

Not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have been... How horrible is that? I, emotionally, can't give my whole heart to my current BF because I'm always upset that he and I don't click... and now that I know what it feels like to click with someone... it is hard to imagine life without that connection.

BTW- my current BF is convinced we belong together for the long haul.

I don't know what to do and I'm just looking for some advice from women who have grown up a little more, experienced truetrue love/what they thought was love, longterm relationships that maybe shouldn't work but you keep trying to hold it together...
__________________
Mom to OLIVER & CHARLIE
Scents & Warmers for your home from a YT member & Independent Scentsy Consultant
https://elizabethcampbell.scentsy.us/Home
bizzbeth is offline   Reply With Quote
Welcome Guest!
Not Registered?

Join today and remove this ad!

Old 12-07-2007, 03:10 AM   #2
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
grayxie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Dresher, PA
Posts: 2,779
Default

Just sounds like you guys grew apart while growing up. Your're differen't people now and the relationship isn't working. Sounds like the both of you are each others "back-up" relationship, which shouldn't be the case. If you are not happy why stick through it and make yourself even more miserable.
__________________
Teapots = Happiness
GraycieChipHarley
Fakes Are Never In Fashion
grayxie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 04:17 AM   #3
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
tjdmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: upstate ny
Posts: 5,847
Default

You're so young. You probably hate to hear that but someday you'll be old like me and referring to 22 year olds as young. Please take the time to enjoy being young. You'll have the rest of your life to commit to someone, why not just date for now and not get serious about anyone? As for the guy you dated in the summer, if you wind up with your current boyfriend you will always be left wondering if you would've been happier with someone else. And the guy you dated in the summer, well, it was such a short time, how well do you really know someone but maybe it's worth finding out for sure. Anyways, it's your life and you are an adult so the final decision is yours. I wish you luck whatever you decide.
tjdmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 04:47 AM   #4
Donating YT 3000 Club Member
 
Hokule'a's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 4,591
Default

Ahh, the saga of relationships! I will be 49 next month and I have had some wacky relationships and some that I will treasure the rest of my life. Noone tells you how much 'work' relationships can sometimes require and noone can give you all the right answers when you're frustrated and confused. One of the most important things I have learned is that I will not 'settle' for someone just because of comfort, security, etc. - it's just not worth it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to be alone and finding out exactly what gives you joy and what you want and need in life. I have also learned that there are so many 'types' of relationships and occasionally the ones I think will last are only here for a season and I need figure out what the lesson to be learned is and to lovingly let them go. Whenever I realized a relationship wasn't working I sat down and wrote in my journal and allowed myself to be totally honest and the answers were always there. So, follow your heart - take care of 'you' - and always treat everyone with love and respect
__________________
Eva and her keikis: Hokule'a, Kalani & Pi'ilani
Hokule'a is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 05:13 AM   #5
Harley, Haley & Micah
 
KELLYLYNN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: pa
Posts: 686
Default

That sounds like me and my husbands relationship, back and forth for 10 years, then we got married and had a baby, and it's all baby, don't get me wrong i love my husband, but we have nothing in common but our love for Harley Davidsons, and my son and my dogs, we just work all day and take care of the baby at night, there's not much communication at all, it's sad we drifted apart, but were married now and have a 9 month old, and i would do anything to try and save my marriage.. but its hard.. so if you want to take my advice, make sure you have alot in common, date alot and find that connection again, cause when you have kids you need that.. My husband would do anything for me & our son, money is no issue, but our relationship suffers, there is no us time.. It saddens me, cause i love him dearly, and i know he loves me, but our child comes first and both of us working a full time jobs, then when we come home we have a 9 month old to take care of, then it's time for bed... Always work, kids, dogs..
So date, date, date different guys, your young and have your whole life ahead of you, take your time... Enjoy life now while you can......
__________________
KELLY,
HARLEY & HALEY
KELLYLYNN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 05:51 AM   #6
Donating YT 1000 Club Member
 
sims822257's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,436
Default

YOU deserve to be happy - everyone does. If you are not married now there is not a reason to TRY and make it work. I would take some time apart and get to know yourself and focus on you. Like everyone has said you are VERY young and if it is meant to be with this other guy or your current boyfriend I am sure it will come back to you.

Only you know what is right for you but usually that GUT feeling pulling on you is the right answer.

I wish you all the happiness life can bring you - sending you BIG hugs!!
__________________
Caren, mommy to Murphy and Mia

Murphy WUVS his girlfriend Trixie
sims822257 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:09 AM   #7
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
bizzbeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 857
Default

I'm really thankful for your responses, everyone... and for sharing some of your own personal things as well.

I know I'm young- that's why I asked for advice. I know what the "right" thing to do it... I don't want to be "stuck" just trying to make it work becuse i'm scared of actaully REALIZING that we have grown apart. It's sad to think about that happening with the person who has been there and helped you grow up...


but I thank you all for your thoughts on this. I'm such a passionate person and I really don't want to only experience life "half-way" because I'm unable to feel that deeper connection (no matter whom I end up with)... I graduate in march. Me and the current BF will be making some big changes. I guess those decision will tell me a lot about our relationship...

Thank you for listening
__________________
Mom to OLIVER & CHARLIE
Scents & Warmers for your home from a YT member & Independent Scentsy Consultant
https://elizabethcampbell.scentsy.us/Home
bizzbeth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:15 AM   #8
No Longer A Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: london, ky
Posts: 287
Default

IMO, dump this boyfriend, his past actions show what kind of person he is and your heart isn't in this relationship. If I've learned one thing about relationships in my 50 years on this earth, its that you have to be comfortable talking to each other, you have to be friends as well as lovers. Find someone who is both to you and you'll have something to build your relationship on.
lidarose is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:19 AM   #9
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
Mybabyboymax's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,859
Default

Its hard for any of us to tell you what to do in this relationship because we dont know the full extent of it. I will say that I met my husband when I was 20 and we have been together going on 10 years, many people said "oh your 20...you dont know what true love is!" That statement was wrong because look at us now. My husband is truely my best friend, the love we share is just as strong as it was in the beginning of the relationship...even stronger. Thats what you look for when you are with someone. It doesnt sound like the relationship you have with your current BF is a healthy one. some times woman stay with men that they dont love because they are use to them, they fear being alone or even feel they dont deserve better. you have to put yourself first no matter what. when you find yourself thinking about another man...I feel its time to move on from your current partner.sorry im rambling...relationships are so hard
__________________
Its SummerTime!
Mybabyboymax is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:20 AM   #10
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker
 
ItsyBitsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 221
Default

Your situation sounds similar to mine.

When I was 23, I met Pete. Previous to meeting Pete, I was in a lot of destructive relationships. Pete helped me learn to love myself and know that I have much to offer. He really helped me grow as a person and he's a fantastic person, but we have too many things that we can't agree on. After the second year of being together, we argued non-stop about everything. I was Pete's first girlfriend ever, so he had a lot to learn about where the girlfriend/fiancee fall in the priority list. Our biggest issue was that he was a mama's boy. His father died a few years prior to me meeting him, and his mother is very needy. He basically let me know that if I married him, I will never be first. We broke up after 5 years of dating, but we still spoke every other day.

During that time, I was in my second year of college, and I started hanging out with a guy that was in my class. I was 26 then and he was 22. When I met Ivan, I think I met my soul mate. I have never met anyone that I connected with like I did with Ivan. But I was scared, Ivan was so much younger than I (even though he had the maturity of guys much older). During that period of time, I was still talking to Pete. I told Pete I was seeing someone and he freaked. Pete cried and begged me back. I was so torn! I wanted to be with Ivan, but Pete made me feel so guilty. Pete was there for me when I was going through rough patches in my life, and he basically told me that I owed it to him, and I felt like I did owe him. So I broke if off with Ivan and went back with Pete.

So, Pete and I got back together, we stayed together for another year and I've regretted it ever since. After being together another year, I broke it off for good because I knew that being with him is not what I wanted.

After Pete and I broke up, I dated a guy for 2.5 years, we broke up last Christmas because he wasn't what I wanted either...

So, here I am, 32 years old and single. I regret not going with my heart and being with Ivan.

My only advice to you is to go with your heart and take a chance. You should never settle because of fear.

I have never regretted breaking up with Pete. If I stayed with Pete, I would have been married with kids by now, but I don't regret it in the least. Even though I am single, I feel very fulfilled. I do what I want, when I want and I have my furbabies.
ItsyBitsy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:26 AM   #11
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
bizzbeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 857
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsyBitsy View Post
Your situation sounds similar to mine.

When I was 23, I met Pete. Previous to meeting Pete, I was in a lot of destructive relationships. Pete helped me learn to love myself and know that I have much to offer. He really helped me grow as a person and he's a fantastic person, but we have too many things that we can't agree on. After the second year of being together, we argued non-stop about everything. I was Pete's first girlfriend ever, so he had a lot to learn about where the girlfriend/fiancee fall in the priority list. Our biggest issue was that he was a mama's boy. His father died a few years prior to me meeting him, and his mother is very needy. He basically let me know that if I married him, I will never be first. We broke up after 5 years of dating, but we still spoke every other day.

During that time, I was in my second year of college, and I started hanging out with a guy that was in my class. I was 26 then and he was 22. When I met Ivan, I think I met my soul mate. I have never met anyone that I connected with like I did with Ivan. But I was scared, Ivan was so much younger than I (even though he had the maturity of guys much older). During that period of time, I was still talking to Pete. I told Pete I was seeing someone and he freaked. Pete cried and begged me back. I was so torn! I wanted to be with Ivan, but Pete made me feel so guilty. Pete was there for me when I was going through rough patches in my life, and he basically told me that I owed it to him, and I felt like I did owe him. So I broke if off with Ivan and went back with Pete.

So, Pete and I got back together, we stayed together for another year and I've regretted it ever since. After being together another year, I broke it off for good because I knew that being with him is not what I wanted.

After Pete and I broke up, I dated a guy for 2.5 years, we broke up last Christmas because he wasn't what I wanted either...

So, here I am, 32 years old and single. I regret not going with my heart and being with Ivan.

My only advice to you is to go with your heart and take a chance. You should never settle because of fear.

I have never regretted breaking up with Pete. If I stayed with Pete, I would have been married with kids by now, but I don't regret it in the least. Even though I am single, I feel very fulfilled. I do what I want, when I want and I have my furbabies.

Wow- thank you for sharing. This sounds exactly (alllmost) like what has been going on with me.
__________________
Mom to OLIVER & CHARLIE
Scents & Warmers for your home from a YT member & Independent Scentsy Consultant
https://elizabethcampbell.scentsy.us/Home
bizzbeth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:40 AM   #12
Yorkie Yakker
 
bensonmomof4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: McCook, NE
Posts: 62
Default

I agree with the others, it sounds like the two of you have grown apart. I am 28, have 4 kids, and have been married for almost 10 years. My best advice for you is to break it off with both guys, live a little, have fun before you are really tied down! Who knows you may find that neither one of them were for you. Good Luck.
bensonmomof4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 06:57 AM   #13
Lovin' the Cali kisses!
Donating Member
 
gutu28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Lawrenceville, Georgia
Posts: 2,990
Default

My only advice is it's not fair for you or your current BF if you're not in this 110%. I say go with your heart. I would hate for you to regret staying with your current BF down the road. Good luck!
__________________
Larissa and Cali
Let's go Georgia Bulldogs!
gutu28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 07:10 AM   #14
Donating YT 500 Club Member
 
bizzbeth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 857
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gutu28 View Post
My only advice is it's not fair for you or your current BF if you're not in this 110%. I say go with your heart. I would hate for you to regret staying with your current BF down the road. Good luck!
I agree. It is completely unfair. But I question WHY we aren't working. Is it because I'm not trying hard enough (to push this other guy outta my head and concentrate on what I have) or is it because we really don't mesh well together...

THank you for your input
__________________
Mom to OLIVER & CHARLIE
Scents & Warmers for your home from a YT member & Independent Scentsy Consultant
https://elizabethcampbell.scentsy.us/Home
bizzbeth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 07:59 AM   #15
Lovin' the Cali kisses!
Donating Member
 
gutu28's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Lawrenceville, Georgia
Posts: 2,990
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by bizzbeth View Post
I agree. It is completely unfair. But I question WHY we aren't working. Is it because I'm not trying hard enough (to push this other guy outta my head and concentrate on what I have) or is it because we really don't mesh well together...

THank you for your input
I honestly think that if it's meant to be, you'd know and be pushing harder. Just like others have said, you GREW UP together. Beginning to date at 16 and lasting till you're 22 is a big deal! (I'm 23, so I'm close in age). That's 6 years when you learn the most about yourself, and you did it with another person. There are some people in your life who are only supossed to be there for a certain time (not to say that you can be friends, but you know..). Maybe his time as your boyfriend is just over. He's taught you what he was supossed to and his time is over. I can't imagine what that's like after being together for so long, but as with everything else, time heals all
__________________
Larissa and Cali
Let's go Georgia Bulldogs!
gutu28 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




Google
 

SHOP NOW: Amazon :: eBay :: Buy.com :: Newegg :: PetStore :: Petco :: PetSmart


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:09 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2003 - 2018 YorkieTalk.com
Privacy Policy - Terms of Use

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 637 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 645 646 647 648 649 650 651 652 653 654 655 656 657 658 659 660 661 662 663 664 665 666 667 668 669 670 671 672 673 674 675 676 677 678 679 680 681 682 683 684 685 686 687 688 689 690 691 692 693 694 695 696 697 698 699 700 701 702 703 704 705 706 707 708 709 710 711 712 713 714 715 716 717 718 719 720 721 722 723 724 725 726 727 728 729 730 731 732 733 734 735 736 737 738 739 740 741 742 743 744 745 746 747 748 749 750 751 752 753 754 755 756 757 758 759 760 761 762 763 764 765 766 767 768 769 770 771 772 773 774 775 776 777 778 779 780 781 782 783 784 785 786 787 788 789 790 791 792 793 794 795 796 797 798 799 800 801 802 803 804 805 806 807 808 809 810 811 812 813 814 815 816 817 818 819 820 821 822 823 824 825 826 827 828 829 830 831 832 833 834 835 836 837 838 839 840 841 842 843 844 845 846 847 848 849 850 851 852 853 854 855 856 857 858 859 860 861 862 863 864 865 866 867 868 869 870 871 872 873 874 875 876 877 878 879 880 881 882 883 884 885 886 887 888 889 890 891 892 893 894 895 896 897 898 899 900 901 902 903 904 905 906 907 908 909 910 911 912 913 914 915 916 917 918 919 920 921 922 923 924 925 926 927 928 929 930 931 932 933 934 935 936 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 944 945 946 947 948 949 950 951 952 953 954 955 956 957 958 959 960 961 962 963 964 965 966 967 968 969 970 971 972 973 974 975 976 977 978 979 980 981 982 983 984 985 986 987 988 989 990 991 992 993 994 995 996 997 998 999 1000 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013 1014 1015 1016 1017 1018 1019 1020 1021 1022 1023 1024 1025 1026 1027 1028 1029 1030 1031 1032 1033 1034 1035 1036 1037 1038 1039 1040 1041 1042 1043 1044 1045 1046 1047 1048 1049 1050 1051 1052 1053 1054 1055 1056 1057 1058 1059 1060 1061 1062 1063 1064 1065 1066 1067 1068 1069 1070 1071 1072 1073 1074 1075 1076 1077 1078 1079 1080 1081 1082 1083 1084 1085 1086 1087 1088 1089 1090 1091 1092 1093 1094 1095 1096 1097 1098 1099 1100 1101 1102 1103 1104 1105 1106 1107 1108 1109 1110 1111 1112 1113 1114 1115 1116 1117 1118 1119 1120 1121 1122 1123 1124 1125 1126 1127 1128 1129 1130 1131 1132 1133 1134 1135 1136 1137 1138 1139 1140 1141 1142 1143 1144 1145 1146 1147 1148 1149 1150 1151 1152 1153 1154 1155 1156 1157 1158 1159 1160 1161 1162 1163 1164 1165 1166 1167