WARNING: LONG... and personal... Looking for advice from those who have more experience
I'll make it as short as possible
I'm almost 22 and have been on/off again dating the same guy since I was 16. We were reallyreally great together until we moved away to (the same) college. Jealousy became an issue on my part (horrible... I know) but we slowly drifted apart after that. We have broken up several times and we have both dated other people. This past summer he broke up with me and refused to speak to me while he dated someone else.
I met this guy. He is 25 and we dated for two months over the summer. Nothing extremely serious (i was also dating other people and he was free to do the same) but we reallyreallyreally hit it off. We would talk for HOURS EVERYNIGHT, all day on the computer while we were both at work and then we'd hang out as much as possible. We never got sick of talking ABOUT EVERYTHING. I'm HUGE on communication! It's sooooo key with me
Long story short... the ex-BF realized he wanted me back and really pressured me to get back together with him. We DO live together during the school year so it was impossible not to see him again eventually.
We got back together.
We fight constantly and I just can't talk to him like I could this other guy. Me and the guy I dated over the summer still talk (but he is now dating the girl he broke up with at the beginning of the summer who he went back to after I got back together with my ex... he admitted me to that he was willing to give me everything he had in order to begin a relationship with me... so I really hurt him when I backed out) AND WHY DID I?? Security? Comfort of what I have always known? Proximity? Pressure?
Not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have been... How horrible is that? I, emotionally, can't give my whole heart to my current BF because I'm always upset that he and I don't click... and now that I know what it feels like to click with someone... it is hard to imagine life without that connection.
BTW- my current BF is convinced we belong together for the long haul.
I don't know what to do and I'm just looking for some advice from women who have grown up a little more, experienced truetrue love/what they thought was love, longterm relationships that maybe shouldn't work but you keep trying to hold it together...