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11-25-2007, 06:06 PM | #1 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN
Posts: 11,145
| so, now what??? i'm having an "email" conversation with my best friend. she is out of town and neither of us can talk about this on the phone right now...so email is the chosen method for now, i guess. anyway...she has confided in me that she does not like the person i have become since i got married. many of you know the problems i have had with DH and she is here to see it all first hand. she thinks i have changed a lot...not for the better...and it is because of him. she thinks that i have become very negative, unhappy, and that she misses the "old mandee". i don't know what to do. honestly, i hate who i have become too. but i dont' know what to do about it. i have said i was going to leave him..but when it comes down to actually doing it, it is very hard. i just dont' know how. and i don't know if i should. i don't want to make a mistake. but i don't want to lose my best friend either. i'm just so torn. i am not happy. i haven't been truly happy in a very long time. but i don't know what i am supposed to do about it.
__________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog |
Welcome Guest! | |
11-25-2007, 06:07 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 7000 Club Member | Have you tried counseling? I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I honestly have no clue how you feel, so I don't know what to say. But I'm praying for you. *hug*
__________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All |
11-25-2007, 06:09 PM | #3 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN
Posts: 11,145
| thank you sweety. no, we have not tried professional counseling. yet. usually, in order for that to work, you have to WANT the relationship to work. most of the time, i do not care if it works or not. I just don't know how to walk away from it. does that make any sense?
__________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog |
11-25-2007, 06:10 PM | #4 |
Aubrey's Mom Donating Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Georgia
Posts: 9,369
| Im sorry. Following you, you have ups.. then it goes right back down, im sorry I don't know what to tell you. I have told you everything under the sun I can think of. Just if you ever want to talk to me you have my number. |
11-25-2007, 06:11 PM | #5 | |
Donating YT 7000 Club Member | Quote:
__________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All | |
11-25-2007, 06:14 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 11K Club Member | I agree on counseling. Does he not want to go to it? Or you don't? I hope things work out..how long have you been married?.. if you don't mind me asking
__________________ Primrose, Teddy..RIP, Livie..RIP, And can never forget my duo Sophie and London, Run in Peace <3 |
11-25-2007, 06:16 PM | #7 | |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: queens
Posts: 1,256
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11-25-2007, 06:17 PM | #8 |
Mommy Loves Koda & Kacy! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Home of the NY Yankees
Posts: 6,500
| Life is more complex now with dual careers and raising children. When both parents work, as most do now, kids still need to get to basketball practice, dance, friends, dinner needs to be made and the house needs to be cleaned. When do parents have time to cultivate their on going relationship? Today’s marriages require that couples have very strong abilities to communicate, work through solvable problems and learn to live with the unsolvable. Further they must maintain mutuality and set goals. Without this, it is easy to feel flooded by stress and responsibilities. Problems can seep in more than couples realize. As much as it's important to come to terms with unrealistically positive expectations, those who grew up with divorced or unhappily married parents may find that they have unacknowledged and unexplored expectations that their marriage, too, may become unhappy. Marriage preparation functions as an immunization that boosts your capacity to handle potential difficulties. Couples need tools and skills to succeed in today's marriages. Try some counseling and mostly you need to be able to be happy with yourself in order to make anything work!! My Prayers are with you and I hope you can work things out and boost your marriage and become a better, positive person again!!! Maybe your friend and you should also look at the possibilities together and start from there!!!
__________________ http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=3a2e8eedc3dc6290fbd72e&skin_id=1603&utm_s ource=otm&utm_medium=text_url Mommy Loves:Koda & Kacy. Smile Life is a GIFT First Lady of the SRC~ Koda Benji |
11-25-2007, 06:17 PM | #9 | |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN
Posts: 11,145
| Quote:
right now, things are ok between us. he and i are not fighting right now, it is my bff that is telling me how she feels. and i agree with her. and since she just came out of a bad relationship, she is seeing a lot of the same things in my relationship that were wrong with hers, and she is concerned for me. but, i have told my husband that if we have the same fight again that we had last week...and the week before...and 2 weeks before...and several times before that....that it is over. period. so we will see what happens.
__________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog | |
11-25-2007, 06:19 PM | #10 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN
Posts: 11,145
| we have been married for a year and a half. we were only together 10 months before we got married.
__________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog |
11-25-2007, 06:19 PM | #11 | |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Franklin, TN
Posts: 11,145
| Quote:
__________________ Anyone who does not know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog | |
11-25-2007, 06:21 PM | #12 |
& LuvtheCarley too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wa State/Texas
Posts: 1,625
| well, I don't know you, the "old" Mandee or the "new, married" Mandee...but, I do know that for a marriage to work you have to want it to work and work at it. I also think you aren't just happy or not happy, you have to work at that too. To make a marriage work, I think you need to be happy with yourself and no one but you can give that to you. I think you need to ask yourself what your problems are with your marriage? Do you love him? Is he and the marriage worth your working it out, whatever that takes, counseling...whatever? Only you know the answers to these questions and I'm sure deep down you do know the answers to these questions. If you don't love him, then he deserves someone who does, and so do you deserve someone the same way. I wish you all the best, and just hope you and your family find their way to the happiness you all deserve.
__________________ Delaina Cooper & Carley |
11-25-2007, 06:22 PM | #13 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Fishers, IN
Posts: 2,161
| Does he change for the better after a fight then go right back to the way he was before? Thats a red flag. I hope everything works out the best for you. I know its really hard. HUGS to you. Big hugs! Stacy
__________________ Stacy, Mommy to: Bianca the Bichon 3-6-06, Gino the yorkie 3-15-07 |
11-25-2007, 06:22 PM | #14 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Georgia
Posts: 2,563
| Sending you lots of hugs. I know how hard it is. Been there done that. If you ever need or want to talk feel free to send me a PM.
__________________ Aerrica, and Norman RIP my sweet Poopanut |
11-25-2007, 06:24 PM | #15 |
Phantom Queen Morrigan Donating Member | while i've never been in your situation i DO know how hard it is to walk away. You can feel it in your heart and in your head that its the right thing to do but its just so hard to actually do it. I had to walk away from some one recently and its killing me, but i know its the right thing to do. I do not have anyone to lean on and help me threw it but it looks like you do. Ask her for help, you know she'll do it because she loves you and wants whats best for you. Everyone wants to see you happy, and there's only one way to figure out if what makes you happy is not being with him.
__________________ Kellie and Morgan |
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