so, now what???

[Yorkiekids]

Have you tried marriage counseling?

[momof4CA]

Originally Posted by LuvtheCooper

well, I don't know you, the "old" Mandee or the "new, married" Mandee...but, I do know that for a marriage to work you have to want it to work and work at it. I also think you aren't just happy or not happy, you have to work at that too. To make a marriage work, I think you need to be happy with yourself and no one but you can give that to you.
I think you need to ask yourself what your problems are with your marriage? Do you love him? Is he and the marriage worth your working it out, whatever that takes, counseling...whatever? Only you know the answers to these questions and I'm sure deep down you do know the answers to these questions.
If you don't love him, then he deserves someone who does, and so do you deserve someone the same way. I wish you all the best, and just hope you and your family find their way to the happiness you all deserve.

I can't put it any better then this!

You deserve to be happy. Take a good look at your life and find what make YOU happy. Maybe you need to make some small steps to happiness...don't start with the giant ones.

You really should find a counceler that you can sit down with and talk through very thing. Someone you can confide in that has no personal agends. Someone who can see things from a outside point of view.

[PANAMA69]

Prayers are send for you girl maybe you can tell your friend to pray with you about this, also I will look for a book regarding marriage, Joyce Meyers have great books and teaching cd,she have help every single person that I have got a book from her

[JennS]

Sounds like your best friend has picked a good time to tell you how she feels...she must know that you are sitting on the fence about your relationship with your husband... I have been in your friends shoes before... I told my dear friend how I felt about her husband when things were really, really bad.

She chose to stay with him, and now, years later she is still a dear friend, but I keep my mouth closed about her husband, because she made her choice and I have to support her. So until he becomes dangerous or abusive I will stay quiet..

I will hope for courage and peace for you and your daughter...

[LuvMyPrinceKobi]

Originally Posted by TootiesMom

WOW, I am very sorry for your dilemma.... as a child of divorced parents, it was MUCH better for us when they did separate. We were happier with two separate happy parents than two together miserable ones... I know he is not her dad but she can still sense it, feel it, and as hard as you try, she does hear it...
I wish you luck in your choice and will say a prayer for you and your baby girl...
d

Mandee, I'm so sorry to hear this is happening

I don't have any relationship advice, but I do have to say this is exactly how I felt too. My parents divorced when I was 12, and of course, it was extremely traumatic at first for maybe even up to a year or so. But after that, I was like THANK GOODNESS that happened because I would rather have two separate happy parents than one parental unit ready to explode! I am now so thankful that my parents got divorced...I know that sounds ridiculous.

But they have both found GREAT significant others, and I could not be happier with their decision. I know it won't be easy for you or your daughter, but I think that's the best decision for you, and as others have said, it sort of sounds like you've already made up your mind...

***HUGS*** to you and your daughter

[Keno]

just checking in to see how things are going with you ....

have a good week ...

[flgurl69]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

my daughter is not his. she is from my ex...we were never married. we were "high school sweethearts"


and you know what...

he does deserve better. he is a very good guy, a loving man. but i really do not think he is the man for me.

very sad.

and part of what makes it hard to walk away is that we have so many plans for the future. plans to give my mother a place to live. plans to have horses..things that me and my daughter have always wanted. it's hard to let go of those dreams. but SO wrong to stay with him just because of those things too.

I was married at 19 and that sounds exactly like what I used to say/think before I decided to get a divorce. I don't know you and can't say what is best for you but hope that you can come to a decision and find happiness again.

[BLowry]

Originally Posted by pepe mint

thank you sweety. no, we have not tried professional counseling. yet. usually, in order for that to work, you have to WANT the relationship to work. most of the time, i do not care if it works or not. I just don't know how to walk away from it. does that make any sense?

I am so sorry to hear you are going through tough times (I haven't read your other posts) And yes...it makes total sense. I was married to a man for 19 yrs (remarried now for 8 yrs to someone else) I was unhappy for a very long time. I had a beautiful home and 2 beautiful girls. I really wanted the marriage to work, in the beginning, and tried counseling several times. I think mostly for myself. I really new deep in my heart that I wanted out of the marriage but, didn't know how or when to do it. My X was an abusive alcoholic. I think what scared me the most was...what am I going to do, where am I going to go, am I going to be able to make it on my own. There is never a "right" time to do something like this....I know....But, believe me, your heart will tell you when it's time to walk away and not look back. The thing you need now IS your friends. I wish I were there to give you a hug! If you ever need anyone to vent to please pm me and I will send you my personal e-mail address.

My heart truly goes out to you

Hugs, Brenda

[pepe mint]

Originally Posted by Keno

just checking in to see how things are going with you ....

have a good week ...

you are sweet...thanks for checking we have been very peaceful since our last argument a couple of weeks ago when I told him this was the last chance I am giving him...and our relationship. I am really fed up...so this is it. it either gets better, or we're done. so it has been fairly peaceful. but I am honestly waiting for the bomb to go off. I am taking one day at a time

thanks so much for checking in on me

[crystalsmom]

Originally Posted by SANDYSAND

Life is more complex now with dual careers and raising children. When both parents work, as most do now, kids still need to get to basketball practice, dance, friends, dinner needs to be made and the house needs to be cleaned. When do parents have time to cultivate their on going relationship?

Today’s marriages require that couples have very strong abilities to communicate, work through solvable problems and learn to live with the unsolvable. Further they must maintain mutuality and set goals. Without this, it is easy to feel flooded by stress and responsibilities. Problems can seep in more than couples realize. As much as it's important to come to terms with unrealistically positive expectations, those who grew up with divorced or unhappily married parents may find that they have unacknowledged and unexplored expectations that their marriage, too, may become unhappy. Marriage preparation functions as an immunization that boosts your capacity to handle potential difficulties. Couples need tools and skills to succeed in today's marriages. Try some counseling and mostly you need to be able to be happy with yourself in order to make anything work!!
My Prayers are with you and I hope you can work things out and boost your marriage and become a better, positive person again!!!
Maybe your friend and you should also look at the possibilities together and start from there!!!

Such an excellent post. I'm sorry I didn't know you were having problems. I think all marriages have problems and nothing was just made in heaven without hard work. Think back to what you loved about him when you first married him and do you think you can bring that love back in your heart again. The above post does say it all though.....the stress in today's marriages with two working and sometimes both full time has to be difficult and 'happy' isn't always possible. I don't know you and you may have tried everything possible but if not don't give up until you give it to someone who can counsel you both. Prayers and Hugs, Joan btw don't let a well meaning friend make your decision, it has to be the two of you.

[celstu1]

Maybe Im a bit late here girl, but you dont need to leave him to change. You need to find your old happy self and revert! Just be yourself.... then the decision will be easier for you both, and more clear I think. If you are naturally a more positive person than be more positive, dont let HIM effect your mood. If he is still always negative, and your postiveness has not worn off on him, then it will be clear to you what you need to do and easier for you to do it cuz you'll know and remember your true self! Just be true to yourself! (((HUGS))) Ive been there! I was not a happy person with my ex and I never left him either... but then I started standing up for myself and demanding for him to give some of himself to me for once instead of me always giving and HE walked! Oh well... honestly Im better off w/o him bc for 10 years I gave up my own life to live his! I mean it was to the point where I couldn't buy like adidas sneakers cuz he hated them! Ya know??? HAHA I realized that he was doing EVERYTHING he wanted, living the life HE wanted, never making room for me, or consideration for me and I was doing all the back burner living so I could keep him... UUGGHH!! I missed out on all the things I wanted in my 20s bc I did all the things HE wanted!
Oh yeah, so all in all... living HIS life was making me miserable and making me be a person I didnt like, never mind others! I was not a happy person bc I was confused on WHO I WAS!

[scrappysmom]

I dont know what you all are fighting about but when you do fight do you all bring up the past ,just to hurt each other, and when the fights are over is he more caring than before ,if that is the case then things will not change ,you will keep going back to the beginig .you will never resolve what is the real problem .do you feel better about your self when hes not home .when he is home do you both comunicate with each other at all ,but I am sorry you and you husband are having problems .I will be praying that you find it in your heart and do what you think will make you happy.and your daughter happy because Im sure she dont like to see you un happy.

[hartygirl]

Hi Mandee,
I'm am sorry to hear of your situation
I can not offer relationship advice, as I am not married.
What I can say is that, my parents divorced when I was 2, my mother remaried when I was 6 sadly that did not last but a few years. I was extreamly close to my setp father, and thier divorce was pretty hard on me. Not as hard as for my mom though, seeing her sad was the worst part for me.
Now at 26 I have found that I have always been attracted to good fathers and great husbands! ( mind you, I have never been a homewrecker, just admired the husbands/fathers!) This has turned out to be a positive in my life, as it has kept me away from some totally bogus guys! Now that I have been in my relationship for 5 years I can think about marrige and take it seriously. I think I waited so long because I saw what my mother went through and I did not want to feel her pain.
My mother is my hero and my best friend.

It might be hard for your daughter, but you can make it a positive for her by being the best, happiest mom you know how to be! I know she loves you and would just want for you to be happy. So do what will make you satisfied and give you your worth as a woman, that is the most important thing you can do for yourself and to teach your daughter.

If I may be so bold as to quote a scripture that gets me through every day:
Joh 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world