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so, now what??? i'm having an "email" conversation with my best friend. she is out of town and neither of us can talk about this on the phone right now...so email is the chosen method for now, i guess. anyway...she has confided in me that she does not like the person i have become since i got married. many of you know the problems i have had with DH and she is here to see it all first hand. she thinks i have changed a lot...not for the better...and it is because of him. she thinks that i have become very negative, unhappy, and that she misses the "old mandee". i don't know what to do. honestly, i hate who i have become too. but i dont' know what to do about it. i have said i was going to leave him..but when it comes down to actually doing it, it is very hard. i just dont' know how. and i don't know if i should. i don't want to make a mistake. but i don't want to lose my best friend either. i'm just so torn. i am not happy. i haven't been truly happy in a very long time. but i don't know what i am supposed to do about it. |
Have you tried counseling? I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I honestly have no clue how you feel, so I don't know what to say. But I'm praying for you. *hug* |
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Im sorry. Following you, you have ups.. then it goes right back down, im sorry:( I don't know what to tell you. I have told you everything under the sun I can think of. Just if you ever want to talk to me you have my number:D. |
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I agree on counseling. Does he not want to go to it? Or you don't? I hope things work out..how long have you been married?.. if you don't mind me asking |
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Life is more complex now with dual careers and raising children. When both parents work, as most do now, kids still need to get to basketball practice, dance, friends, dinner needs to be made and the house needs to be cleaned. When do parents have time to cultivate their on going relationship? Today’s marriages require that couples have very strong abilities to communicate, work through solvable problems and learn to live with the unsolvable. Further they must maintain mutuality and set goals. Without this, it is easy to feel flooded by stress and responsibilities. Problems can seep in more than couples realize. As much as it's important to come to terms with unrealistically positive expectations, those who grew up with divorced or unhappily married parents may find that they have unacknowledged and unexplored expectations that their marriage, too, may become unhappy. Marriage preparation functions as an immunization that boosts your capacity to handle potential difficulties. Couples need tools and skills to succeed in today's marriages. Try some counseling and mostly you need to be able to be happy with yourself in order to make anything work!! My Prayers are with you and I hope you can work things out and boost your marriage and become a better, positive person again!!! Maybe your friend and you should also look at the possibilities together and start from there!!! |
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right now, things are ok between us. he and i are not fighting right now, it is my bff that is telling me how she feels. and i agree with her. and since she just came out of a bad relationship, she is seeing a lot of the same things in my relationship that were wrong with hers, and she is concerned for me. but, i have told my husband that if we have the same fight again that we had last week...and the week before...and 2 weeks before...and several times before that....that it is over. period. so we will see what happens. |
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well, I don't know you, the "old" Mandee or the "new, married" Mandee...but, I do know that for a marriage to work you have to want it to work and work at it. I also think you aren't just happy or not happy, you have to work at that too. To make a marriage work, I think you need to be happy with yourself and no one but you can give that to you. I think you need to ask yourself what your problems are with your marriage? Do you love him? Is he and the marriage worth your working it out, whatever that takes, counseling...whatever? Only you know the answers to these questions and I'm sure deep down you do know the answers to these questions. If you don't love him, then he deserves someone who does, and so do you deserve someone the same way. I wish you all the best, and just hope you and your family find their way to the happiness you all deserve. |
Does he change for the better after a fight then go right back to the way he was before? Thats a red flag. I hope everything works out the best for you. I know its really hard. HUGS to you. Big hugs! Stacy |
Sending you lots of hugs. I know how hard it is. Been there done that. If you ever need or want to talk feel free to send me a PM. |
while i've never been in your situation i DO know how hard it is to walk away. You can feel it in your heart and in your head that its the right thing to do but its just so hard to actually do it. I had to walk away from some one recently and its killing me, but i know its the right thing to do. I do not have anyone to lean on and help me threw it but it looks like you do. Ask her for help, you know she'll do it because she loves you and wants whats best for you. Everyone wants to see you happy, and there's only one way to figure out if what makes you happy is not being with him. |
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