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11-13-2007, 11:34 AM | #16 |
Donating YT 8000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Spokane, WA
Posts: 9,339
| oh my I sure cannot relate as Myka was such a good kid I could have 10 more . . . but that's another story. However I am the disciplinarian and whateve I say hubby just has to abide by it . . if he disagrees he sure never says anything. You both need to be on the same side, at least when she is around as it is important that she has no one to turn to . . .with what is going on she knows Daddy will support her so it becomes so very hard on your part. If you and hubby are insinc, that solves most of the problem. I say ground her every time she is disrespectful and emphasis what you think is disrespectful so she knows to think twice to do it again for fear of being grounded . . . and when you ground her, take out what is most precious for her Trust me she will not hate you forever . . . especially since you say she is a good kid . . she probably just knows how to handle you more than you her Wishing you all the best . . . |
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11-13-2007, 11:39 AM | #17 | |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA
Posts: 4,449
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I try and remember that, I mean I did the same thing to, but heck, I guess what goes around comes around. I do need a break....lol the beach and a margrita would be nice. lol oh can can you fast forward thru these years? Just wondering. lol But then at the same time, the thought of her growing up and moving out of the house just kills me. lol | |
11-13-2007, 11:47 AM | #18 |
BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED | Ohhh I know what ya mean Denise! I would NOT allow her to talk back at you, you are right, it's very disrespectful and if you allow her to talk this way, it's only hurting her in the long run! I know your kids have a very good life, you would give them the moon if you could! But there comes a time when you have to stop giving, specially if you are not get respected as her mother. She knows how much she can get away with cause she is being aloud to get away with it. I find what works for Branda is if I take her favorite thing away from her, and that is her BOYFRIEND! I have grounded her for 2 weeks before and she was not aloud to see him for 2 weeks and it about killed her! No phone, no computer, no boy friend! Dan has to step up and be the father, he can't allow her talk back, he is only going to create a teenager who is going to get in a lot of trouble when she gets older. |
11-13-2007, 11:49 AM | #19 | |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
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Sounds like it's more of a hubby issue than a daughter issue. I would flat out tell him, if he's going to undermine you, then he can raise her. And as hard as it would be for you, stop doing housework, stop cooking, stop taking the kids to their activities and let him do it. I bet that will fix it up nicely
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco | |
11-13-2007, 11:52 AM | #20 | |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA
Posts: 4,449
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He's a great dad, just don't disapline worth crap. He always wants to be Mr. nice guy... heck wish he was that way with me. yes, i know what you mean, when i take the computer and cell away it kills her. i was actually thinking about taking free texting unlimited texting off her phone until she can show me respect. i mean what's with kids these day, she hardly talks on the phone....its all about texting. she had 1645 text last month. | |
11-13-2007, 11:54 AM | #21 |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Iowa
Posts: 9,493
| I think your bigger problem might be your hubby's reaction. Perhaps 1-3 sessions with a counselor would help. Have you asked him why he is undermining you? And why he chooses to do it in front of her? His behavior is propping her up, and she is probably eating up the attn on some level. For you, stay consistent with her. Sometimes Less Is More - let her go without for awhile - whether that's curbing your spending for her, or taking away her belongings. Also, make time to spend one-on-one time with her - make sure she knows who you are. Take opportunities to build her respect for who you are as a parent, a woman. My daughter seldom had problems with this - but it was just the 2 of us - now off in college she is trying to assert her independence & is sometimes short with me. They have to go thru some of this - testing, and rebelling a bit, I believe to grow into adults - we don't want them to be wimps either. The one thing I found that worked when my daughter misbehaved was to write out Bible verses that lent themselves to her behavior - the Bible has a lot to say about the mouth & respect for elders and parents!! I would have her write the verses out, then write out in her own words what they mean. Then we would discuss what she wrote & pray together. Also, I highly recommend prayer. Turn this over to God. If you've never read Stormie Omartin's book "The Power of a Praying Parent" I highly recommend getting a copy of this. You do want to nip this in the bud - because this is one behavior that really tends to grow for years - maturity is the only next best answer.
__________________ yorkiesmiles Loved by Bubba & Roxy Holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come |
11-13-2007, 11:56 AM | #22 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| You need to have a come to you know who talk with DH. You guys HAVE TO be on the same page. Wish I had some better advice but I have the same issue with my kids right now and I think I'm headed for a breakdown. They say I read the tone into it and they are not saying things with tone or attitude. That it's all me.. My 18 year old is the issue now. I'd just like to knock her butt through a wall sometimes.
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
11-13-2007, 11:56 AM | #23 | |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA
Posts: 4,449
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Why is it we are good enough to have 9 months of pure heck to have them, but not good enough to know whats best for them. lol you are right. the more i'm typing, the more i realize its a problem between me and him more than anything. if he had respect for me like back in the olden days, this would not be happening I want little house on the prairie with a target instead of the Olsen general store. lol | |
11-13-2007, 12:00 PM | #24 | |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
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Honestly, just say you know what, I'm not getting respected by anyone around here, so just run the household on your own. Clean, cook, do the laundry and drive the kids around since you don't agree with the way I run things. Try to hold out as long as you can to make him cave. I know it will be hard but just try it.
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco | |
11-13-2007, 12:01 PM | #25 | |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA
Posts: 4,449
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I have done the writing down of verses and made her look them up and tell me what they said, etc. She does this and feels guilty for a while and them its back to the same thing. She even went as far as last time to leave me a note on my bed saying she want's to be baptisted feeling this would help her in a closer walk with God, etc. (which I agree) I've never read that book, but will go to the book store and get it. you are right, turn it over to God.....Why is that so hard for us to do sometimes. Great advice! | |
11-13-2007, 12:02 PM | #26 | |
BANNED FOR NOT MAILING PRODUCTS PURCHASED | Branda does not have a cell phone just for that reason you mentioned above! She is working now and I feel if she wants one, then she can go out and buy it and pay for the up keep. If you hand your kids a silver platter, there going to expect the silver on top of it. I feel we have to draw the line somewhere. My parents did not buy me my 1st car, they told me that if they did, and I was in a accident, then they would feel guilty, mom always said if I buy you a car, then I mise well buy the grave plot. I will not buy my kids a car, they have to earn it, if they pay for it, then it means more to them, if we just hand it to them, they could careless, they feel, hey, if this breaks, mom will just buy us a new one! My brother has a 4 year old daughter and this kid have EVERYTHING! and I'm not exaggerating! You walk into her room and her walls are wall to wall with toys, her closet is jammed packed with toys. Every time they go somewhere she gets a new toy. What are they teaching her? Quote:
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11-13-2007, 12:03 PM | #27 | |
Slave to Max 'n Abbie Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,529
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__________________ Brenda, Max & Abbie | |
11-13-2007, 12:05 PM | #28 | |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA
Posts: 4,449
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11-13-2007, 12:22 PM | #30 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama
Posts: 17,674
| When my three went through the "Sassy Stage" I really truly had "fun" with them. I put cut a "coin slot" in the lid of a mason jar and put a label on the jar that said -- "Is It Worth the Price?" For each "offense" there was a price attached. The kids were required to drop the coins in the jar and then on Sunday, they emptied the jar in the collection plate. We "gave" a lot extra for a long time. We were mean parents and my kids were so deprived.... we had ONLY one telephone for a family of five -- and for years their dad tied up the phone most of the with his business. They did not have a TV in their rooms - in fact for many years we didn't even have a TV, cell phone????? you've got to be kidding . We did have a couple of computers that were available to them, but they were all in "public" areas of the house and they scheduled their computer time. |
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