I'm at my Witz end - need teenager advice - Page 3 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

chattiesmom · 11-13-2007, 12:24 PM

I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks

vainchick5 · 11-13-2007, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks

HAHA You are too funny. I will keep you in mind when I have children

Ida · 11-13-2007, 12:50 PM

I'm sorry you're going thru this - and hold my breath daily waiting for my turn - I have 4 children - Oldest 17 then 16 - both girls - my son is 13 and I have another daughter who is 11 - I count my blessings constantly because so far - so good. My husband and I decided a long time ago - if we had a difference of opinion on something one of the kids were doing - we would discuss it away from them - In front of them we are a "UNITED" front. The kids need to learn respect - I would not tolerate them back talking nor would my husband - I can't remember the last time I had to smack one of them - I know it was on the butt and a long time ago. but I believe they fear me beating the blankety blank out of them if they ever disrespected me or my husband. They all go thru some sort of "stages" but my way is nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. Please don't take this as me saying I beat them into behaving because its far from it - You'll need to punish her and stick to it - And your husband needs to get on your side!!!!! Good luck -

Tammyh · 11-13-2007, 12:51 PM

Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear what your going through! The problem seems to definitely be with your husband. She is completely playing off the situation and knows she can get away with it so why on earth would she change her bahavior. Kids are the worlds best manipulators and it starts when they're babies. Your husband has got to back you up, you've got to be a united team, especially when dealing with a teenager. He's completely undermining you and disrespecting you by taking her side (especially in front of her). It's one thing to disagree with you, pull you aside, talk to you about it and the two of you come up with a solution but if I understand correctly he's taking her side and sticking up for her in front of her. If this doesn't change the problem will just get worse as she gets older. If you take away privileges does he give them back to her? I wonder how your husband would feel if he told her she could or couldn't do something and you turned right around in front of both of them and told her the opposite? Have you tried turning the tables to see if this might possibly make an impact on him? Maybe if you were to be able to make him see how if feels to be in your shoes he might change his behavior. Not only is this completely unfair to you but he's also doing such a disservice to your daughter, he teaching her it's ok to disrespect you. I'm so so sorry you're in this situation, it's a tough one

Yorkiekids · 11-13-2007, 12:53 PM

Denise your 100 percent correct. If you don't nip this in the bud, can you imagine what she'll be like by 16? I never had trouble with the talking back because I never had any problem with a bar of soap in the mouth. Maybe that seems harsh, but it worked. If I didn't do that I'm make them write a 500 word essay, on what they did, and why they shouldn't. They hated that the most, because they could only use a sentence once in the essay, so it really made them think.

Angela · 11-13-2007, 12:57 PM

I feel your pain. I haev two 16 year olds and a 4 year old. Even the 4 year old will try to play you! You and your hubby have to be a united front. If Shane always sided with the kids I would feel VERY disrespected. I think you will see a huge difference and proably feel more connected to him if your hubby starts backing you.

Good Luck,
Angie

Nikki+2 · 11-13-2007, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Graleyne

Is your Lauren a sassy pants too? lol

LOL, not yet- I keep waiting for all that payback that my mom always promised me.

So far, luckily she doesn't seem to take after me. Now the monthly emotional roller coaster- that's another story.

DENISE517 · 11-13-2007, 01:19 PM

Thanks guys. I take my 3 year old Lexi to work with me and he just off of work and came in to get her cause i don't get off til 5:00 and was being sooooooo overly nice that i just wanted to puke. lol

i wrote him a very long crappy email earlier letting him know how it hurts me when he does that stuff and he said, hey i was so busy today that i just didnt want to read your email and get into it cause i didnt have time, but if you want to talk to me about it tonight, then we will....

i said...no thats ok and buy the way, you might want to pick something up for supper or cook cause i don't have time either. lol

you should of seen the look on his face...it was priceless!!!

Connie · 11-13-2007, 01:34 PM

Golly gee, Denise! I think you outta have Dan read this thread! Everyone is right in the fact that as long as he sides with Lauryn, this will just go on. I remember, as a kid, if we didn't behave, Mom would say, "Wait till your Dad gets home," and we knew we were in trouble then, and Mom wouldn't forget to tell him!

Dan just has to start backing you! Children need structure and discipline and it doesn't work if the parents aren't together on decisions and discipline. They quickly learn how to get the parents arguing and then they disappear and do their thing.

I think the withholding privileges and material things works quite well, but don't threaten with something unless you can carry through with it. It's so hard to withhold something important, but it pays off in the long run. I think you should stop catering to everyone and just take time for yourself. One thing I used to do that would drive my daughter crazy is put on headphones and listen to music, rather than to her. If she got too much in my face, I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door.

I think you and Dan need to have a serious talk. Tell him that if this continues, she will possibly get out of control, because she knows Daddy will stick up for her. Disrespecting you should NOT be allowed! How can we get that through that hard head of his?

If a good talk doesn't help, just let them do the cooking and cleaning as someone else suggested. Pamper yourself and do something special, just for you! I hope things can look up for you. Dan needs to back you up and that will make a world of difference.

I sure am glad my child rearing days are behind me!!! Hugs to you!!!

Rem&Silkmom · 11-13-2007, 01:36 PM

wow...that has to be difficult. I have this issue but with my stepson. So hubby and I have been going to couseling and I feel like it has helped alot!! I would ask your DH if he is willing to do this.

I think your daughter would think twice about it if your DH and you were on the same page about how to handle it.

Kids LOVE to manipulate if they can!! GOOD LUCK and I feel your pain!

DENISE517 · 11-13-2007, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks

i'd love to make a punishment....fine talk back, now go pick up the horse sh...t lol lol lol

that would be awesome!!!

Superstarkba · 11-13-2007, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks

haha, your too funny

Rae Rae · 11-13-2007, 01:54 PM

My mom had this issue with me! She says I have a mouth on me, I can be sarcastic, have smart-*** comments, etc. Now that I'm older I regret it though, and I have apologized to her for it. I still get urges to say things but I bite my tongue or just leave her house or hang up. For me I think it was more of a phase, and I notice it with a lot of other teenage girls that they go through it as well. Occassionally if my mom makes me really mad, I might talk back to her or say something I don't mean, but now that I'm older I usually bite my tongue or just leave. Now that I'm older though, I feel really bad about it, so maybe it's just something she's going through. I hope things get better, and take it from another daughter who talked back, I hardly doubt she means to hurt you by it.

hartygirl · 11-13-2007, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DENISE517

i'd love to make a punishment....fine talk back, now go pick up the horse sh...t lol lol lol

that would be awesome!!!

Oh I love it!

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It will get better with your daughter.
I was a defiant little brat myself as a teenager and now I can't go a day without talking to my mom and telling her how much I love her!

Bad news is the "phase" may be kind of long! Just how long is up to your daughter. My advise would to be, ALWAYS stick with your punishments. No giving things back for good behavior or getting out of being grounded early. And if she dosen't do her chores she dosen't do anything. And if she is being a stinker while she is doing her chores she can go to her room and get grounded/loose privileges longer. Also talk to her friends, ask them if they are like that at home and try to be as fair as possibile. If she does something good let her know!
This really worked for me, trust me! But it sounds like you have that part under control yourself, now your husband is another story. I have only been in my relationship for 5 years so I don't know much, except good communication is key.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I wish you the best of luck!
Oh and if you want to go somewhere warm with good tequila, I live 2 hours from Mexico, escape is as close as salt and a lime.

Mybabyboymax · 11-13-2007, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikki+2

LOL, not yet- I keep waiting for all that payback that my mom always promised me.

So far, luckily she doesn't seem to take after me. Now the monthly emotional roller coaster- that's another story.

my moms favorite line was...I dont want her to be any worse than you were or any better tha you were I want her to be just like you! LOL
I put my mother through some changes...if only we can take it back right. Its so crazy how you think you know it all at 14...15..16 and you know nothing! lol

11-13-2007, 12:24 PM	#31
chattiesmom Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama Posts: 17,674	I will also extend the offer to send your dear sweet sassy daughter to me for a few weeks. We have 30 horses to take care of each day -- child labor rocks __________________ Silk Step-In Harnesses www.foxypups.etsy.com

11-13-2007, 12:51 PM	#34
Tammyh YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Washington Posts: 399	Oh wow, I'm so sorry to hear what your going through! The problem seems to definitely be with your husband. She is completely playing off the situation and knows she can get away with it so why on earth would she change her bahavior. Kids are the worlds best manipulators and it starts when they're babies. Your husband has got to back you up, you've got to be a united team, especially when dealing with a teenager. He's completely undermining you and disrespecting you by taking her side (especially in front of her). It's one thing to disagree with you, pull you aside, talk to you about it and the two of you come up with a solution but if I understand correctly he's taking her side and sticking up for her in front of her. If this doesn't change the problem will just get worse as she gets older. If you take away privileges does he give them back to her? I wonder how your husband would feel if he told her she could or couldn't do something and you turned right around in front of both of them and told her the opposite? Have you tried turning the tables to see if this might possibly make an impact on him? Maybe if you were to be able to make him see how if feels to be in your shoes he might change his behavior. Not only is this completely unfair to you but he's also doing such a disservice to your daughter, he teaching her it's ok to disrespect you. I'm so so sorry you're in this situation, it's a tough one __________________ Bella & Lucee's Momma

11-13-2007, 12:53 PM	#35
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	Denise your 100 percent correct. If you don't nip this in the bud, can you imagine what she'll be like by 16? I never had trouble with the talking back because I never had any problem with a bar of soap in the mouth. Maybe that seems harsh, but it worked. If I didn't do that I'm make them write a 500 word essay, on what they did, and why they shouldn't. They hated that the most, because they could only use a sentence once in the essay, so it really made them think. __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

11-13-2007, 01:34 PM	#39
Connie Loved by Maddie & Libby Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: North Dakota Posts: 10,732	Golly gee, Denise! I think you outta have Dan read this thread! Everyone is right in the fact that as long as he sides with Lauryn, this will just go on. I remember, as a kid, if we didn't behave, Mom would say, "Wait till your Dad gets home," and we knew we were in trouble then, and Mom wouldn't forget to tell him! Dan just has to start backing you! Children need structure and discipline and it doesn't work if the parents aren't together on decisions and discipline. They quickly learn how to get the parents arguing and then they disappear and do their thing. I think the withholding privileges and material things works quite well, but don't threaten with something unless you can carry through with it. It's so hard to withhold something important, but it pays off in the long run. I think you should stop catering to everyone and just take time for yourself. One thing I used to do that would drive my daughter crazy is put on headphones and listen to music, rather than to her. If she got too much in my face, I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door. I think you and Dan need to have a serious talk. Tell him that if this continues, she will possibly get out of control, because she knows Daddy will stick up for her. Disrespecting you should NOT be allowed! How can we get that through that hard head of his? If a good talk doesn't help, just let them do the cooking and cleaning as someone else suggested. Pamper yourself and do something special, just for you! I hope things can look up for you. Dan needs to back you up and that will make a world of difference. I sure am glad my child rearing days are behind me!!! Hugs to you!!! __________________ Custom doggie dresses and vests Memory is a country where I can go to see your face - but where do I go when I miss your embrace?

11-13-2007, 01:36 PM	#40
Rem&Silkmom YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Chesapeake, VA Posts: 833	wow...that has to be difficult. I have this issue but with my stepson. So hubby and I have been going to couseling and I feel like it has helped alot!! I would ask your DH if he is willing to do this. I think your daughter would think twice about it if your DH and you were on the same page about how to handle it. Kids LOVE to manipulate if they can!! GOOD LUCK and I feel your pain! __________________ *Remmy&ChanceMOM*

11-13-2007, 12:50 PM	#33
Ida YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: New York Posts: 280	I'm sorry you're going thru this - and hold my breath daily waiting for my turn - I have 4 children - Oldest 17 then 16 - both girls - my son is 13 and I have another daughter who is 11 - I count my blessings constantly because so far - so good. My husband and I decided a long time ago - if we had a difference of opinion on something one of the kids were doing - we would discuss it away from them - In front of them we are a "UNITED" front. The kids need to learn respect - I would not tolerate them back talking nor would my husband - I can't remember the last time I had to smack one of them - I know it was on the butt and a long time ago. but I believe they fear me beating the blankety blank out of them if they ever disrespected me or my husband. They all go thru some sort of "stages" but my way is nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. Please don't take this as me saying I beat them into behaving because its far from it - You'll need to punish her and stick to it - And your husband needs to get on your side!!!!! Good luck -

11-13-2007, 12:57 PM	#36
Angela YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, LA Posts: 849	I feel your pain. I haev two 16 year olds and a 4 year old. Even the 4 year old will try to play you! You and your hubby have to be a united front. If Shane always sided with the kids I would feel VERY disrespected. I think you will see a huge difference and proably feel more connected to him if your hubby starts backing you. Good Luck, Angie

11-13-2007, 01:19 PM	#38
DENISE517 No Longer a Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: INDIANA Posts: 4,449	Thanks guys. I take my 3 year old Lexi to work with me and he just off of work and came in to get her cause i don't get off til 5:00 and was being sooooooo overly nice that i just wanted to puke. lol i wrote him a very long crappy email earlier letting him know how it hurts me when he does that stuff and he said, hey i was so busy today that i just didnt want to read your email and get into it cause i didnt have time, but if you want to talk to me about it tonight, then we will.... i said...no thats ok and buy the way, you might want to pick something up for supper or cook cause i don't have time either. lol you should of seen the look on his face...it was priceless!!!

11-13-2007, 01:54 PM	#43
Rae Rae YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Illinois Posts: 4,823	My mom had this issue with me! She says I have a mouth on me, I can be sarcastic, have smart-*** comments, etc. Now that I'm older I regret it though, and I have apologized to her for it. I still get urges to say things but I bite my tongue or just leave her house or hang up. For me I think it was more of a phase, and I notice it with a lot of other teenage girls that they go through it as well. Occassionally if my mom makes me really mad, I might talk back to her or say something I don't mean, but now that I'm older I usually bite my tongue or just leave. Now that I'm older though, I feel really bad about it, so maybe it's just something she's going through. I hope things get better, and take it from another daughter who talked back, I hardly doubt she means to hurt you by it. __________________ Owned by Rocky and Bella