oh my I sure cannot relate as Myka was such a good kid I could have 10 more . . . but that's another story.
However I am the disciplinarian and whateve I say hubby just has to abide by it . . if he disagrees he sure never says anything. You both need to be on the same side, at least when she is around as it is important that she has no one to turn to . . .with what is going on she knows Daddy will support her so it becomes so very hard on your part. If you and hubby are insinc, that solves most of the problem.
I say ground her every time she is disrespectful and emphasis what you think is disrespectful so she knows to think twice to do it again for fear of being grounded . . . and when you ground her, take out what is most precious for her
Trust me she will not hate you forever . . . especially since you say she is a good kid . . she probably just knows how to handle you more than you her
Wishing you all the best . . .