I'm at my Witz end - need teenager advice Ok, my daughter lauryn is a good kid, except she has this smart, talk back to ya mouth. I swear it goes right thru me. I think its very disrespectful. She only does it to me not her father. Of course, I'm the one who is with her most the time and my hubby and I dont see eye to eye on how to handle it. He babies her realllllllly bad. he sticks up for her (in front of her, which feed her even more) I don't know how much of this I can take. I feel its starting to effect my marriage cause he backs her up and not me. I've told him how I feel a million times and it never changes. Sometimes I feel like walking out and say ok, you 2 do what you want...(lol) (i'd never walk out on my family, just get ticked off sometimes..lol) I don't think 14 years old should be able to mouth back to there parents. I know we didn't do it when I was a kid or we'd be in big trouble and if my dad heard us do it to my mom, we were in bigger trouble. I feel as though my hubby doesn't have any respect for me either. please help....any advice |
Aww, Denise that would make me mad too! I'm sorry I don't have any advise other than to just keep working on your hubby. It seems like it wont get better until his behavior changes. Hmm, maybe a reward system- everytime he takes your side he gets an, ahem, treat.;) LOL, probably terrible advise but it would probably have an impact. If he wont take your side for the right reasons then maybe he will for another reason.:p Okay, someone jump in and save Denise from my awful and silly advise! |
Unfortunately, I have no advice. What I DO have is sympathy. I am going through the EXACT same thing with my 13 year old (who happens to be named Lauren as well). What gets me is there is NOTHING that seems to work. Once I threatened to not let her attend a school dance and that seemed to do the trick, but there aren't always school dances to threaten with, you know? |
Wow, I have a 13 yr. old Lauren too! |
OH Denise I am so sorry and hate to hear this. I am not a mommy as you know but as a daughter I remember being just horrible to my mom and man oh man I apologize to her daily for it still. I was such a rebel and so mean and nasty at times. Only thing I can say to you is my mom never gave up on me (not that I think you ever would) and now we are the BEST of friends. My mom used to just say to herself ..."This too shall pass” and it did. It does not make what you daughter or hubby is doing right nor does my story help you but honestly if I could help you understand how horrible I was as a teenager and now to look at my mom and I it may give you hope. Sending you BIG hugs girl - love ya and hang in there!! :) |
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I feel your pain, My daughter is 12 and she really is a good kid with the exception of her talking back at times and her attitude. I would tell her over and over to stop. My hubby gets just as angry as I do, so we both talk to her nothing worked. with my daughter it isnt so much that she talks back but her facial expressions. I tell her to wash dishes...she doesnt complain but she puts a face and stomps to do it....not cool! so i can tell u what i have done that worked for us...I gave her what she gives me. If I tell her to do something or ask her to help and she gives me attitude, for the whole day I treat her the same way. when she says mom...can I go online? I give her the same bad look and say NO. then i asked her how did she like it when I was nasty with her and she would tell me she felt bad, and now it has gotten soooooooo much better! she will notice that it doesnt feel good when someone gives you attitude for no reason. 12-15 is a really hard age for all of us...parents and kids. they are going through so many changes and we have to realize that. I dont think its right for them to act this way but I try to remember when I was a teenager and how I was. except my mom was alot harder than me. |
I can really sympathize with you and whoever finds the answer will be rich and famous. My 10 year old granddaughter lives with us (with her mother and little sister) and she already has a smart mouth, attitude, look....all of it. And there is not father to side with her, but a very doting grandfather:mad: |
lol must be something in the name. I do everything for her. I mean she is 14 has a pink lap top, a orange NV phone, wear mostly only Abercrombie/ Hollister the child has the best of the best for a teenager. I do and take her and her friends everywhere. Maybe I do too much. Maybe that's the problem. I just didnt have all that fancy stuff as a kid and alot of kids did, so I think we try to make up for it and give our kids toooo much. I've taken the phone away, the computer away, weekends w/ friends away, spanked her butt (lol yes even that) everything. Its hard when she just runs to daddy. and i would reward my hubby when he is on my side, but I could care less to look at him right now, let alone anything else...hahahahaha Maybe I should take a week and just stop doing my normal stuff for them and let them see all I do? Heck I don't know. lol |
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oh yes!!! the good old facial expressions then when you get on to them, they says, I didnt do anything. grrrr her only duties is to keep her room clean and empty the dish washer after i load it....THAT IS IT. and guess what... I have to remind her to clean her room and to empty the dish washer... grrrrrr sorry i'm just venting!!!! i knew you guys would listen. ahahahah |
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I don't have much advice on how to deal with you DH. What about family councling? Where you could sit down with someone else and make a parenting plan. My Dh and I don't always see eye to eye on things with the kids...I am the strick one and he is the easy going one. A parent should never take a childs side in front of the child!! This is for behind closed doors. Even if you have to drag your DH into a bedroom or bathroom to talk privately. You have to be a united front, even if you don't agree at the moment. As far as dealing with your DD's talking back. It is a normal stage, but that doesn't make it right. If my DD talks with disrespect, the first time she gets a warning. The second time, she looses priviledges for the rest of the day. If it happens a third time in one day, she has to go to her room until the next morning. There have been times where she has gone weeks without TV, computer, cell phone, ipod, etc. ** Remember this too will pass...just like all the other stages!! |
What gets me is when I see her around her friends mothers and hear her talk to them. She turns into the sweetest, most polite child in the world. Everything out of her mouth is, "Yes ma'am" "No ma'am" "Thank you" etc. and I'm left standing there looking at her like "Who ARE you?" :rolleyes: |
My one and only daughter will be 20 in Jan. Boy do I remember those days!!! However my hubby was on my side so it was a little better. Yours needs to get with the program asap. You have to remember their hormones are going crazy, and they are not used to it either. Are you finding a pattern with her time of month?? Britney did get in trouble i.e. no phone, comp, friends, etc. Stay firm and consistant. I promise it will pass. Just don't let her get away with too much, and she'll return to your good girl again. And then there will be the issues with boys...................................... ugh!! I have 2 sons 16 and 10 they are different but we still have our problems. Keep tough and pray!! |
I don't have kids but I studied child psychology and read a lot of books. The best way to handle this type of behavior is taking priviledges away. Take cell phone, tv time, no hanging out with friends, no computer priviledges for a long time if not for good. Maybe make her do chores instead of going out. Stop taking her shopping, no more spending. That makes a bigger difference than yelling, or fighting with her about it. Everytime she gives you attitude or talks back, take something from her. You literally take it, so your husband can't give it back.:rolleyes: |
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