Education With A Dose of Kindness

[KazzyK810]

Originally Posted by Teresa Ford

I think the written word is much harder to 'read' than a face, or voice tone.

I think this ^, along with different personalities contributes to misunderstandings or interpretations of harshness that aren't intended.

Now I find this kinda funny but, I read "teacher 1" and "teacher 2" examples....and personally, I find the tone of "teacher 2" to be condescending, and being talked to in such a way would piss me off.

[jencar98]

Originally Posted by chachi

Or that person whos says my rescue yorkies tied 4 times however I wasnt intentionally trying to reed them. Yea right

In my original response to this one, I made mention of what her intentions might truly be but then edited that part. As soon as I read the part about her not being too disappointed if the girl is pregnant.....I was suspicious

Originally Posted by nanahas3

ok I am being uneducated again lol. I thought all rescues were fixed before placing them.

Some use the term "rescue" in creative ways. I don't believe this person got these dogs from a rescue organization, but considers them "rescues" bc she believes she saved them.

A good rescue would never allow adoption without alteration. I'm aware of shelters that allow dogs to be adopted and fees will be refunded upon proof of spay/neuter.

[capt_noonie]

I get the most angry when someone comes on here saying they "did their research" and "knew what to look out for" yet still did the exact opposite. Then they get all defensive and say we are all mean and leave.

Believe me, even if they don't post anymore, they are still reading. YT is the largest yorkie forum out there, and any google search with "yorkie" and any ailment it may have, YT will pop up first. Of course they don't want to pay a vet to find out what's wrong with their dog, so they WILL and they DO read still. Perhaps if they read enough of the same advice over and over it may sink in one day.

It did for me.

[dawn27]

I agree kindness should sometimes over rule rudeness !!

This is a never ending discussion here on YT. You will never change the way some people communicate their opinions. Just agree to disagree!

What others see as harsh or rude others see as educating. We all see and intemperate things differently and can choose to comment and discuss them civically here on YT or we can choose to just sit back and take it all in. Ether way in some way good or bad we are all getting educated. Take it or leave it....

[pinkpatty]

Amen, I am going back to just reading the posts.

[nanahas3]

I guess maybe my age shows in this issue because I was taught to always be kind, to be angry and sin not. I like all get angry at the people who say they have read all about the aspects before hand but I guess I just don't see the point in being mean to anyone. I don't think it gets through to the type of people who are going to be puppy millers or byb's anyway I just fear it will turn the really sincere ones away from coming here and enjoying YT.

[abbie's mom]

Originally Posted by Yorkiemomma78

Good advice is always welcome-ALWAYS.
But alot of the time,whilst some people think that they are educating others and being helpful,what they´re doing is being judgemental and basiclly calling them idiots (beleive me,this is how it comes across)
Anyone who has seen a video or read about BYB,puppyills etc is NEVER going to support that kind of thing-NEVER,so coming down on a new owner like a ton of bricks because they have made a mistake that stems from inocent ignorance is not fair.Infact,most of the time,these people feel offended and insulted and they dont come back,so where do they go for help now? kwim?
Example..lets say a person joins and seems to have purchaised puppy from a breeder with a bad reputation.She joins,asks a few questions,mentions the background of her puppy and then BAM,suddenly she´s being attacked and acused of aiding puppymills and supporting BYB...
What exactly do we expect of this person? To give her puppy back? Leave? Take the judging and finger pointing with a pinch of salt? Shall we make her stand in a corner?
Lets face it,once she has her puppy,has fallen inlove with it,lets give her the advice she needs shall we? She made a mistake? Yes! Should we explain why? Yes.But that doesnt mean she has to face post after post of people telling her that she should of done her homework,that she did a terrible thing etc..Im sorry but I dont think thats OK.
There are many ways to get a message across without making someone feel so unwelcome
You (in general) care and want to advocate for the puppies,but remember,people who buy a yorkie do it because they love the breed too

We all love and advocate for the puppies..everyone who is already here and those who join-All of us.No one buys a puppy and doesnt care.Some people dont start reading about their pup until they buy it,that´s all,and we cant exactly shoot them down for that.I have three kids and I´ve never picked up a book..yet here they are (15,12 and 3 years old)..go figure

To the bolded part fo your post,I asure you that no one comes onto a forum like this expecting everyone else to applaud their desitions,but I dont think they expect to be so harshly judged either,and I hate to think they leave and havent gotten the advice or help they needed to make their puppys life more comfortable kwim?

..........

Originally Posted by pinkpatty

Amen, I am going back to just reading the posts.

This makes me sad, and an unfortunate injustice to the forum ; because with 45 years' experience, I'm sure you have a lot to contribute.

[Ringo1]

Originally Posted by chachi

the prolem is what one person sees as rude another sees as direct. I am a direct person and it comes accross in my postings and it could e misconsude as rude when I dont mean it in a rude way. You cant read tone in written posts. I see people called rude just cause they arent aggreeing with the op or they are direct. You can e in disagrieance with someone and not e rude. We are not all going to aggree on here nor should we. This is a forum with alot of different personalities and opinons

I agree with this.

The problem I see is that it's hard to regulate what one person sees as being 'mean' or rude and what another person sees as a statement of fact.

Fact is, we are not always going to agree on things OR how best to communicate.

I think we should all be mindful of our own posts and not spend too much time worrying about everyone elses.

I do not see YT as a hostile place. Internet forums are usually great places to debate - but you have to enjoy the back and forth. I enjoy a particular parenting forum - but I did have to develop a pretty thick skin to stay with it! I think how boring my favorite forums would be if everyone just agreed with everything.

[gracielove]

You will find lots of sympathy here for people who have gotten puppies from back yard breeders and puppy mills. Most people just don't know any better at first. It is the people who come here that want to start breeding their pet quality dogs that you will not find much sympathy for. There are many people who do not care to know the facts about the dangers of back yard breeding. They think it will be "fun" and they will make some money. A pet quality dog should not be bred to begin with. It has faults that will only get worse in the next generation. These faults can be both external and also health faults and weaknesses that no uninformed person could be aware of.

There are millions of dogs being killed in this country every year. Why produce more pets or dogs that have illnesses that will cause heartbreak for some unsuspecting buyer looking for a pet? It is irresponsible.

There are many people on YT that know a lot about dogs and Yorkies in particular but there are those who would rather not take advantage of their years of experience and want to continue blindly repeating the same mistakes of those who have done the same things in the past. I can understand why people get upset with that type of thinking.

[Teresa Ford]

Laughing my butt off KazzyK810. You have read enough of my posts that you know I teach puppy classes and give talks to childrens about the SPAC and pet care. I would not talk to most adults by asking a thinking question to see if they understood the lesson.
With Teacher # 1. I was just making an example of someone talking rudely, in a judgmental way. Teacher # 2 was supposed to be some one teaching by telling the facts, then listening to questions and ideas.
I would be ticked off if someone talked to me like I was a child too ! See how easy we can be misunderstood ! (I was thinking about teaching children when I wrote that. Of couse I wouldn't talk to you that way.) Hugs from that Crazy Yorkie Lady

[KazzyK810]

Originally Posted by Teresa Ford

Laughing my butt off KazzyK810. You have read enough of my posts that you know I teach puppy classes and give talks to childrens about the SPAC and pet care.

Yes, I love your posts! I've had yorkies in my life for over 30 years and still learn so much from you, especially your posts on training.

[gracielove]

Originally Posted by DBlain

I flip flop on this issue, as some of my posts would certainly attest to. Sometimes I am kind poster and sometimes I am angry one. I find I am less than kind after I have been reading a lot about the sick dogs or other dumb things. I can't help but feel angered by some of these threads by new members especially those that have said in their posts I did a lot of research or I have been reading here for a while. What I should do is just not post on those threads because I refuse to spend a lot of time posting nice welcoming advice things when I feel like screaming you dumb a#@ you don't deserve a dog, let alone a yorkie.

I know what you are saying. I really think most people feel bad for people who have been duped by a bad breeder. I also think that people who work at rescuing animals and see the suffering on a day to day basis have less of a tolerance for people who come here wanting advise about breeding their pet quality, back yard breeder dog. Walk out of a shelter after seeing the quantity of animals that are about to be put down and then come to YT and see that kind of posting and the steam will start flying out of your pores rather quickly. Then there are the ones that have no appreciation for the experience and expertise of those who have run a quality breeding program for years. No, they know much more than the truly educated and experienced breeder!

YT should be a place for people to be educated but some people don't want that. What one considers information someone else considers being rude. I do believe it is best to try to tread lightly when possible but when a person out right rejects proven methods and wants no part of established teaching on a particular subject it can get pretty testy.

[Anaic]

Bravo Bravo Lynzy420

[Nancy1999]

This is the most civilized I've ever seen one of these kindness threads; usually they turn into huge fights! Good job ladies, we can debate and have differences, while still respecting others opinions.

[shelimcallister]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

Most people on here are concerned about the pups, the pups come first on YT, thats what its all about, ADVOCATING FOR THE PUPS. Harsh advise and or admonishment is doled out in attempts to educate you and others who may come along and read the thread. There are many people here who are professionals, many people who are wonderful breeders and many people like myself who are simply experienced Yorkie owners, mods and admin, we are all here for the pups.

I can't count how many times someone comes on here and says I've been reading here a long time and just got my first Yorkie...then go on to complain that their dog is "too big", sickly, and describe all the red flags that were present... but purchased the pup anyway, all the things that had they read here, they should have known.

I wish I had known about Yorkie Talk before I purchased my Miss Mini from a Pet Store, as much as I love her, as much as I know I rescued her, as much as I have spent financially and emotionally, as much as I will miss her when shes gone, I WOULD NOT have purchased her.

Collectively, almost everyone on here is giving advice in order to better you as a Yorkie owner,so that your Yorkie is well cared for, and help aid anyone else who is reading to make good decisions. Some folks don't like to hear the truth because the truth is sometimes hard to hear.

People get heated up sometimes, because we are all passionate about the Yorkies, this is why we are here. Taking it personal? I remember I did a thread once when I was very very ill about canceling my pups appt at the vets. I got slammed, over and over again, I didn't get angry I thought "wow these people really care about these pups", I defended myself because I realized they didn't understand what I was trying to say, often the written word doesn't convey whats really going on. None the less, I did go to the vet!!!

Please don't expect true YT'ers to sit back and say "oh its ok you bought a teacup" "oh its ok you bought a puppy mill dog" "oh its ok you want to breed your great dane with your yorkie" etc., its not going to happen.

Most people see what the real intentions of the folks here are, we take our lumps cuz we know we deserve them, and because we respect those who have come before us!!! We stick around, like you because we know the true spirit of YT and although we sometimes have to take breaks, we come back because we all genuinely CARE AND WANT TO ADVOCATE FOR THE PUPS.

Very well said and I agree that most of the critisim I have seen is mostly because of one's passion for Yorkies. However, not everyone is capable of wording their advice so well (like you). It can be challenging to to write a post with an opposing opinion or view without sounding rude. Without the verbal intonation present, one's post could be perceived as harsh.

As a newbie, I have already noticed that there are many questions posted repeatedly (eg. "Is it a full breed?", "What food?"", "Breeder problems"). I assume that some of the frustration from the seasoned YTers could be due to the lack of effort of Yorkie owners to do their research. Many Yters have made mistakes and have dedicated their lives to stopping puppy mills and preserving the Yorkie breed. Over time, it is expected that one would become jaded. However, I do agree that we need to be respectful to one another and encourage others to educate the world on these issues.

Great thread and post!