Wow!!

[Lil Sis]

I think rude is rude --

discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: arude reply.

uncivil, unmannerly, curt, brusque, impertinent, impudent,saucy, pert, fresh.


the degree maybe a matter of opinion.
I think there are times being rude is the only way one can be... or maybe one is pushed to being rude. That is understandable, but it is still rude.

I teach middle school students to cook.. today was a bad day.. after the 50th kid asked the same question and did the same mistake AFTER I explain over and over again how to do it correctly (we were having a food production lab) I think I may have been rude. I understand why.. but I was still rude to a few students.
Am I right? no. Am I human? well... I think so....
So... when the 50th kid did something STUPID.. and I was rude do you think that kid was open to learning? Do you think the rest of the lesson went well for him? Or do you think all he could think about was how rude I was? yelp.. and I am sure when he told the story to him mom he didn't tell about how he broke a rule or spilled the sugar... just that I was rude.

I think that is how it happens here... the same ole heartbreak, the same questions etc. But by being rude or harsh the lesson is lost... what is remembered were the cruel words. I think I understand what some of you mean, but the person asking the same (I really hate --oopps too harsh-- don't like the word stupid) silly question looses any lesson that really could change a life.

I think some of the fighting between such great knowledgeable people over size, color and geezzeee Idk what else is just petty! You all are right in your world, please just respect and agree to not agree.. That is really what makes the world great, and fun is how different we are.

Now.. I like all of you, don't want to hurt any feelings and think it is time for

[Buster Brown]

Originally Posted by Lil Sis

I think rude is rude --

discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: arude reply.

uncivil, unmannerly, curt, brusque, impertinent, impudent,saucy, pert, fresh.


the degree maybe a matter of opinion.
I think there are times being rude is the only way one can be... or maybe one is pushed to being rude. That is understandable, but it is still rude.

I teach middle school students to cook.. today was a bad day.. after the 50th kid asked the same question and did the same mistake AFTER I explain over and over again how to do it correctly (we were having a food production lab) I think I may have been rude. I understand why.. but I was still rude to a few students.
Am I right? no. Am I human? well... I think so....
So... when the 50th kid did something STUPID.. and I was rude do you think that kid was open to learning? Do you think the rest of the lesson went well for him? Or do you think all he could think about was how rude I was? yelp.. and I am sure when he told the story to him mom he didn't tell about how he broke a rule or spilled the sugar... just that I was rude.

I think that is how it happens here... the same ole heartbreak, the same questions etc. But by being rude or harsh the lesson is lost... what is remembered were the cruel words. I think I understand what some of you mean, but the person asking the same (I really hate --oopps too harsh-- don't like the word stupid) silly question looses any lesson that really could change a life.

I think some of the fighting between such great knowledgeable people over size, color and geezzeee Idk what else is just petty! You all are right in your world, please just respect and agree to not agree.. That is really what makes the world great, and fun is how different we are.

Now.. I like all of you, don't want to hurt any feelings and think it is time for

Well said.

[yakkwak]

Just a question - Perhaps the question here is this: Would you rather your goal in posting a reply to such (most likely) people with ignorant posts be for 1) to make yourself feel better by catharting (relieving yourself of strong emotions such as frustration and anger) and condemning the poster; or 2) get the correct message across in a manner that the reader will want to read and understand??????????? What is the most helpful to the DOG???????????????? Just saying.................
Just a question from someone who teaches communication skills (and a new Yorkie owner, not new dog owner).

[chachi]

Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom

Devil's Advocate here . When you are being intentionally rude, maybe I don't view you as being rude...maybe I see it as blunt, helpful, proactive. I agree that only you (and each of us, of ourselves) can know your own intent.

But that goes both ways...RhettsMama posted some things earlier that you saw as rude. And there is nothing wrong with your interpretation. I happened to see it as not rude. And she said her intent wasn't rude.

I guess my point is...you said you know when your intent is to be rude, so wouldn't others know their own intent too...even if it was different than how you perceived it?

Hope that all made sense...hard to explain what my thoughts were .

[FlDebra]

I don't have the time to read through 5 pages of responses so not sure what you have and have not been told as yet. But here's my 2 cents.

If you think the poster should be shown more compassion, told more information, given more links -- then by all means do that. Everyone just has to answer the way their heart guides them. We also have to take into account that when advice or information is given, it is really not to just one person, but ALL the people who wind up reading the post. So, giving tacit approval by NOT saying anything about a person's lack of preparation or regard for their pet, can wind up setting a tone for years to come as that post just hangs out there. I often feel better to lay it on the line to one person, than to give hundreds/thousands the wrong idea and perpetuate a problem.

If you feel any poster has not responded the way you like, why not just address it, then and there? Why start a thread where no one is really sure what you mean or who you are pointing at? Just take them as you read them. if you feel differently, say so. I like different perspectives. I have often reassessed my own post when someone disagrees and occasionally changed my own mind, reposting an acknowledgement of that. I appreciate when someone takes the added time to do that, whether I wind up agreeing with them or not. Now the way you approach the disagreement has a lot to do with how it is taken just as you are suggesting with an original poster. I do think getting so many different perspectives is the greatest thing about a forum. We won't ever agree with all, but if everyone just stayed on the same page and never questioned or called anyone out when they were wrong, what good would we do here?

[RachelandSadie]

i think we could all be more kind in everyday life in general...kinda a do unto others thing. having said that, if I were about to make a very foolish decision in either breeding with no previous experience or mentor, or buying a dog from a bad breeder and getting ripped off or worse getting an unhealthy dog, i sure wish someone would put it to me straight, show me a better way, and thump me on the head.

because here's the thing people, i got a huge THUMP on the head before getting Sadie and i still didn't listen. I don't think someone taking me aside and trying to nicely tell me it was a mistake was going to be near enough to make my fool heart listen. it took lots and lots and lots of THUMPS to make me fully understand. and even now to this day I still need some of the veteran members to THUMP me in a better and more wise direction with my choices.

sometimes you just need to hear it the hard way and being nice and sweet doesn't get the message across quite the same.

be honest above all things!! Tell someone they are wrong out of love, but don't sugar coat it and make it sound like it's all ok when it's not.

[Reese1]

Originally Posted by Donnainohio63

I am not sure why I was told that , Sadie is young, maybe that is why. I just do not think that the first advice given to anyone should be abortion.

Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly

I would like to see the thread for context; could you post a link?

I'm not saying that I agree or disagree with the advice you were given, but I think someone could have suggested it based on the circumstances with your babies. If I recall correctly, both your dogs are under a year old. One was a rescue and was sick when you received him, and the other was from a bad breeder who abused or neglected her.
To me given those circumstances, it's heart breaking that your female is now pregnant. I hope and pray everything goes ok with her, and I really hope that both will now be spayed and neutered.

[dinkyweil]

EXELLENT response!
I have taken breaks from YT because of pettiness. Because I tend to consider others' feelings, I hestitate to criticize. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
But some others who have no such inhibitions criticize others freely and then, in turn, are unable to accept criticism.
And I'm tired of walking on eggshells. Here's something not sugarcoated that a few people need to learn: No one asking for advice thinks you know anything when you are being rude, they think you are crabby and snotty. You negate your authority and credibility when you are snotty.
Now, if you don't mean to be rude, but someone feels offended, there is something called an apology. Or if you just had a bad day and typed and sent too fast...Apologies are awesome. They heal and they build trust. And you can just be sorry you made someone feel accused and foolish, even if you didn't mean to do that.

Originally Posted by Lil Sis

I think rude is rude --

discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way: arude reply.

uncivil, unmannerly, curt, brusque, impertinent, impudent,saucy, pert, fresh.


the degree maybe a matter of opinion.
I think there are times being rude is the only way one can be... or maybe one is pushed to being rude. That is understandable, but it is still rude.

I teach middle school students to cook.. today was a bad day.. after the 50th kid asked the same question and did the same mistake AFTER I explain over and over again how to do it correctly (we were having a food production lab) I think I may have been rude. I understand why.. but I was still rude to a few students.
Am I right? no. Am I human? well... I think so....
So... when the 50th kid did something STUPID.. and I was rude do you think that kid was open to learning? Do you think the rest of the lesson went well for him? Or do you think all he could think about was how rude I was? yelp.. and I am sure when he told the story to him mom he didn't tell about how he broke a rule or spilled the sugar... just that I was rude.

I think that is how it happens here... the same ole heartbreak, the same questions etc. But by being rude or harsh the lesson is lost... what is remembered were the cruel words. I think I understand what some of you mean, but the person asking the same (I really hate --oopps too harsh-- don't like the word stupid) silly question looses any lesson that really could change a life.

I think some of the fighting between such great knowledgeable people over size, color and geezzeee Idk what else is just petty! You all are right in your world, please just respect and agree to not agree.. That is really what makes the world great, and fun is how different we are.

Now.. I like all of you, don't want to hurt any feelings and think it is time for

[Lou]

Originally Posted by yakkwak

Just a question - Perhaps the question here is this: Would you rather your goal in posting a reply to such (most likely) people with ignorant posts be for 1) to make yourself feel better by catharting (relieving yourself of strong emotions such as frustration and anger) and condemning the poster; or 2) get the correct message across in a manner that the reader will want to read and understand??????????? What is the most helpful to the DOG???????????????? Just saying.................
Just a question from someone who teaches communication skills (and a new Yorkie owner, not new dog owner).

LOL, are you trying to stir the pot by assuming we don't know the meaning of "catharting"? Otherwise I think your post is very significant.

[JeanieK]

I think if people posted on here like they would speak to a stranger, in person, the tone would be entirely different.

I also believe that some people are on here so much and have become so hardened from all of the negative posts, that it has made them very negative people. And if they cannot see that their posts are rude, then they really need to take a long break from YT.

There are some things that just plain should not be said. And as it was pointed out, is your intent to relieve your frustration or is it to communicate.

There is no communication in rudness. The only thing the person hears is the rude, and the message is lost entirely.

So spin it any way you want. But rude is rude and there is WAY too much of it on here.

If someone tells you that they see your post as rude then maybe you should try to put yourself in their postion. They might be right.

So instead of spinning it around, why not try reading your post before you hit reply.

A moderator once said that she views critisizm as an opportuity to improve herself. I can't remember the exact words but that was the message.

I think the rudness is done just for show. They really don't care whether or not the person gets the message. If they did they would word it differently.

If you have begun to feel like every newbie that comes on asking questions about breeding, is an irresponsible idiot, then perhaps you should not reply to them.

Each new person is an individufal, not the same people you have posted to before, and they deserve to be spoken to like adults, with respect. If they have made up their mind to breed, and you don't like it, then that is YOUR problem, not theirs.

You cannot chang other people, you can only change how you react to them.

BTW I did not know the meaning of "catharting" so I'm glad she posted the meaning so I didn't have to look it up.

So now I am done catharting.

[Lil Sis]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

I think if people posted on here like they would speak to a stranger, in person, the tone would be entirely different.

I also believe that some people are on here so much and have become so hardened from all of the negative posts, that it has made them very negative people. And if they cannot see that their posts are rude, then they really need to take a long break from YT.

There are some things that just plain should not be said. And as it was pointed out, is your intent to relieve your frustration or is it to communicate.

There is no communication in rudness. The only thing the person hears is the rude, and the message is lost entirely.

So spin it any way you want. But rude is rude and there is WAY too much of it on here.

If someone tells you that they see your post as rude then maybe you should try to put yourself in their postion. They might be right.

So instead of spinning it around, why not try reading your post before you hit reply.

A moderator once said that she views critisizm as an opportuity to improve herself. I can't remember the exact words but that was the message.

I think the rudness is done just for show. They really don't care whether or not the person gets the message. If they did they would word it differently.

If you have begun to feel like every newbie that comes on asking questions about breeding, is an irresponsible idiot, then perhaps you should not reply to them.

Each new person is an individufal, not the same people you have posted to before, and they deserve to be spoken to like adults, with respect. If they have made up their mind to breed, and you don't like it, then that is YOUR problem, not theirs.

You cannot chang other people, you can only change how you react to them.

BTW I did not know the meaning of "catharting" so I'm glad she posted the meaning so I didn't have to look it up.

So now I am done catharting.

well... I think you did an excellent job of catharting.... a lot of good points.

[ErinsWhitney]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

I think if people posted on here like they would speak to a stranger, in person, the tone would be entirely different.

I also believe that some people are on here so much and have become so hardened from all of the negative posts, that it has made them very negative people. And if they cannot see that their posts are rude, then they really need to take a long break from YT.

There are some things that just plain should not be said. And as it was pointed out, is your intent to relieve your frustration or is it to communicate.

There is no communication in rudness. The only thing the person hears is the rude, and the message is lost entirely.

So spin it any way you want. But rude is rude and there is WAY too much of it on here.

If someone tells you that they see your post as rude then maybe you should try to put yourself in their postion. They might be right.

So instead of spinning it around, why not try reading your post before you hit reply.

A moderator once said that she views critisizm as an opportuity to improve herself. I can't remember the exact words but that was the message.

I think the rudness is done just for show. They really don't care whether or not the person gets the message. If they did they would word it differently.

If you have begun to feel like every newbie that comes on asking questions about breeding, is an irresponsible idiot, then perhaps you should not reply to them.

Each new person is an individufal, not the same people you have posted to before, and they deserve to be spoken to like adults, with respect. If they have made up their mind to breed, and you don't like it, then that is YOUR problem, not theirs.

You cannot chang other people, you can only change how you react to them.

BTW I did not know the meaning of "catharting" so I'm glad she posted the meaning so I didn't have to look it up.

So now I am done catharting.

I'm new here, but definitely not new to online forums, and I've never been on one that doesn't have this problem. No matter what the reasoning behind it, when you come off as abrasive and harsh, your message goes in one ear and out the other and the OP inevitably leaves feeling attacked and defensive, and they don't usually care what your reasons are for coming off that way or what you meant by it. That may be "just how you are" with your words, but when trying to show someone the error of their ways, give advice or even contructive critisizm, you have to take into account the fact that odds are, they do not respond well to being talked to like that and if you are going to be effective, you have to present your thoughts effectively.

[mauirobin]

In case you are wondering about the OP, I have read every reply since I started the thread. I must say, I have found some new friends because of this thread, and a lot of great responses.

The controversial posts weren't just about the breeding ones. In the first month of being a member here, I saw name-calling, rudeness, snottiness, anything you would expect in a forum. But lately......

A very nice change of pace. I've seen questions answered, and opinions given in a much more caring manner. Still, just like this one did, they go in 20 different directions at about the middle of the thread. That's normal, but I've noticed a few members that usually pull it back to where it's supposed to be.

Yes, there will be conflicting opinions. If there weren't any, there would be no point to a forum, just print one encyclopedia style for questions/answers.

My point was just because we all can hide behind a screen & keyboard, doesn't mean we should act like non-civilized beings & say things we wouldn't do if we were face-to-face with that person.

A lot of great responses were posted all, thanks

[ladyjane]

I am not going to read every post here...way too much for my head. Just looks like same stuff different day in the world of people not understanding how the internet works.

These controversies happen all of the time when people decide they are going to tell the whole world (or the whole forum) how best to put their thoughts in writing.

I always find it a tad bit humorous when people say that we should behave the way we would in real life. Uhhhhh...anyone who knows me, knows that what I type online is exactly how I am in real life. And, if you ask me to respond to people the way I would want to be responded to...that is exactly what I do. I expect people to be direct, forthright and honest. I understand that better than the people who are all sugar sweetness and light when they really do not mean it. Nothing worse than having someone tell me something is nice when they really think it looks like sh**.

People with thin skins who really don't want to know the truth as others see it, should not be posting for advice on an online forum. It is just not real life to expect everyone to cater to your personal feelings. Get over yourselves.

Just my two cents. I realize that some will agree...and some will not. So...I will not be responding...just wanted to contribute.

[ladyjane]

OMG..hahah I just read a post about people hiding behind screens and acting uncivilized. That only happens on Facebook. hahahha
Not allowed here .. although some people think what is allowed here is uncivilized. All in your perception of things I guess.